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Woman who lost her 'pretty privilege' says it changed how she saw everyone

"The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me."

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A smiling blonde woman.

There is something extremely unfair about people born with great genetics who are extremely attractive. Sure, folks can improve their looks after putting in some work at the gym or learning how to present themselves. But many people we consider conventionally good-looking hit the jackpot by simply being born that way.

With little effort, these people have an incredible social advantage in life. They are seen as morally virtuous, receive random favors, are always the center of attention, and are more likely to get raises and promotions at work. The funny thing is that those with pretty privilege don’t realize the incredible advantage they have until it's gone.

What happens when people lose their pretty privilege?

In a since-deleted post, a woman on Reddit shared how she realized the power that comes with pretty privilege when she gained a lot of weight, and the world immediately began treating her differently.

“Whether we want to admit it or not, pretty privilege is a thing. And it’s something that I now realize I had for the majority of my life,” the woman wrote in a viral post. “People were usually very nice to me. I got offered perks like drinks at bars and extra attention when I went out. And I was stared at a lot.”

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Things changed for the woman after she had a health condition that required her to take a medication that slowed her metabolism, which resulted in rapid weight gain.

“The fatter I got, the less attention was paid to me," the woman continued. "I didn’t notice it at first, but I began to have to ask for customer service at places instead of being offered, and I started to feel invisible, because no one looked at me. No one. People would walk right by and not even acknowledge my existence. It was strange at first, then incredibly humbling. I thought, well, this is the new normal.”

The power of thin privilege

It’s important to note that being a certain weight doesn’t automatically make you good looking. People can look good at any weight. However, it would be naive to believe that thin people don’t have an advantage in this world.

woman, pretty, privilege, looks, attraction, beauty, thin A thin woman poses in front of bushes. Photo Credit: Mwabonje Ringa/Pexels

The drastic fluctuation in the woman’s weight made her conscious of what other people who don’t have the privilege of being pretty or thin go through in life. It allowed her to have greater compassion for people, regardless of how they look.

“My personality started to change a little," she wrote. "I began being thankful for any small interaction someone had with me, and responded to any small act of kindness with gratefulness. I noticed other not conventionally pretty people, and other overweight people, and made an effort to talk to them and treat them like they mattered. I became a better person. Not that I wasn’t a good person before, but I was now more aware and empathetic to those around me.”

The woman soon went off the medication and, just like that, she lost weight, and people began to treat her as they had before.

“The first time I noticed it was when I was in a store looking for something, and a handsome male worker came up to me and asked if I needed help. He looked me in the eyes. I felt like I mattered again,” she continued. “Then I instantly felt sad and horrified, because of the cosmic unfairness of life, that how we look really does determine how people treat us, even though it shouldn’t.”

woman, pretty privilege, attractiveness, beauty, standards, sun, sunset, empowerment A woman stands in front of a sunset. Photo Credit: Jill Wellington/Pexels

After the woman lost her privilege, she better understood what other people go through. On one hand, she probably enjoys the privilege, but on the other, she feels that the world is much less fair than she once imagined. At least, in the end, it’s taught her to be more empathetic to everyone she meets.

“And also, when someone looks at me and smiles, no matter who they are, I give them a huge smile back,” she finished her post.

This article originally appeared in May.

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Dietitians are calling out WW’s Kurbo app for promoting unhealthy eating habits in kids, but is it as problematic as they think?

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There's a difference between dieting and being healthy, and often times, overattention to what you consume can lead to disordered eating. Eating disorders are dangerous and can affect anyone, but they're especially concerning in adolescents. Which is why WW (formerly Weight Watchers) is facing intense criticism for its new app, Kurbo, targeted toward kids ages eight to 17.

The app uses a traffic light system to tell kids which foods are a "green light" and can be eaten as much as they want, which foods are a "yellow light" and should be consumed with caution, and which "red light" foods they should probably avoid.

It seems like a simple system to teach kids what's good for them and what's not, but it regulates kids' diets in an unhealthy way. Gaining weight is a normal, healthy part of child development. Putting on a few pounds means your body is doing what it's supposed to do. While the app classifies foods with too much fat or calories as "red," children need to consume some of these foods to develop their brain.

WW is calling the app "common sense." As Gary Foster, the chief science officer of WW, puts it, items in the red foods category "aren't foods that should be encouraged in kids' diets, but they also shouldn't be vilified or demonized, and there has to be a system that's simple and science-based that highlights that so everyone in the family can understand."

RELATED: Why you should stop complimenting people for being 'tiny'

But nutritionists are concerned Kurbo will promote an unhealthy relationship with food. "This doesn't teach 'healthy eating.' It teaches restricted eating. It teaches kids that some foods are good, but most are bad, as kids are very literal in their thinking. It sets kids up for a battle between their brain and growing bodies. It perpetuates disordered eating, thinking and behavior that may have lifelong implications in vulnerable populations," Megan McNamee of Feeding Littles wrote on Facebook. McNamee grew up in a Weight Watchers house and feels it gave her an unhealthy relationship with food.

The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) also expressed concerns over Kurbo: "While we acknowledge the good intentions of researchers working to develop programs to keep children healthy, we must point out the serious risks associated with an app that requires kids to track everything they eat and self-report their weight and behaviors. We encourage parents who may be considering this app for their children – and adolescents thinking of using it themselves – to seriously consider the potential risks," the organization said in a statement.

The app also encourages family participation, however it can put children in a position where they're dieting to please their parents. On top of that, studies have shown parents of overweight children already know which foods are good or bad for their kids.

While the Kurbo app in its current state is problematic, some experts argue that it's a step in the right direction toward helping curb childhood obesity. According to Dr. Fatima Cody Stanford, who specializes in obesity medicine, "Fourteen million children in the United States actually have the disease of obesity, and this tool might be one that we should consider with some modifications for this patient population."

RELATED: Forever 21 facing backlash from plus-size customers who received diet bars with their online orders

However, she argues that if children are indeed using the app as a means to maintain or achieve a healthy weight, parents and possibly even medical professionals need to be involved.

"I do think using a medical professional would be helpful, but I really think that the parents really have some shared ownership here, right? So they're going to be the ones that really need to be on the ground monitoring what's going on with their children and this application if they're - if this is indeed a strategy that they take," she told NPR.

"We need to be thoughtful when you're considering using an application of this sort - and the likelihood that persons that might not struggle with obesity might utilize this to further curb their intake. And that would lead to issues like anorexia nervosa," she added.

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Why you should stop complimenting people for being 'tiny'

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Returning to school after summer break meant the return of classes and new lockers, but for me it also meant heading back to basketball practice. I can't say I remember most games or practices, but certain memories still stick in my mind — and some don't even have to do with basketball at all. Like the time I was sitting on the gym floor one day before practice, lacing up my shoes, when an assistant coach on the boy's team came over to me. "Did you lose weight this summer?" he asked. "Were you trying to?" I was 15.

My teenage years, like many people's, were a time when my appearance occupied my thoughts more than almost anything else. The idea of being thinner or smaller was always appealing to me then, no matter what size I was. Given this, the idea of someone — anyone — thinking I looked smaller should have been appealing to me, but when this coach asked me that question, I remember feeling hot with an immediate wave of embarrassment. "How big had I been last year? Did I not look OK then? Maybe I should have worked out more."

The real answer to his question was that I had spent most of the summer playing competitive basketball, working out for three or four hours a day, four days a week. I hadn't really had time to focus on weight loss at all, but I guess it had happened. Suddenly, though, I was feeling like maybe I should have been more focused on it. If this person, a grown adult, had recognized that I was smaller, then obviously he recognized I was bigger before. I had room to improve, clearly, and I still had room to improve. It would be another decade before I finally learned to be content as is.

But if you ever find yourself in a group of women, one of the things you might notice immediately is how quickly the conversation can turn from, well, just about anything to a full discussion on everyone's bodies. Comments like, "Oh my gosh, you look so tiny!" are peppered into conversation frequently, and the expected response is almost always, "Thank you." If you're like me, and being tiny is a physical impossibility, it's hard to interpret these kind of compliments as anything but a failure on your part. It's equally hard not to overanalyze body-focused comments — especially if you have a history of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, or a combination of all of the above.

RELATED: This guide to weight and body image from the Girl Scouts is freaking amazing

Dr. Kevin Gilliland is a licensed clinical psychologist and Executive Director of Innovation 360, an outpatient counseling service. Dr. Gilliland tells me that commenting on someone else's body is "more personal and private than most people imagine."

"Why take the risk of commenting on something that's incredibly personal and has a high likelihood of being taken the wrong way?" Dr. Gilliland says. "Whether it's height, weight, or some physical aspect, we humans often have strong thoughts (sometimes irrational) or insecurities that someone can't imagine."

In a society that praises thin bodies and often penalizes and demeans bigger bodies, the inherent assumption can sometimes be that if someone lost weight, it's because they wanted to. Even if they didn't aim to, the assumption is often that the weight loss is a pleasant surprise anyway. But the truth, as Dr. Gilliland tells me, is often much more complicated than that.

"What are some of the other reasons people lose weight? Cancer treatment, autoimmune disorder, Multiple Sclerosis, eating disorder, stressed due to working and caring for elderly parents, depression – to name a few," Dr. Gilliland says. "We don't know why people lose weight and assume it's for a good reason. It may be or it may not be. How can you tell? You can't."

I hadn't been trying to lose weight that summer when I was 15, but one comment spiraled me into thinking that even when I thought my body was OK, turns out it would still be better if I lost weight. That one comment also made me think long and hard before I commented on other people's bodies going forward, and made me hyperaware of body-focused compliments that people would make around me. When friends would compliment another friend in our group by saying something like, "Skinny mini!" I immediately thought about what it meant that I wasn't skinny. Because if being skinny is good, then logic follows that not being skinny is quite clearly bad. I don't blame people for these types of comments, though. It's ingrained in our culture that these types of compliments are, well, compliments. And it's a hard habit to break. Luckily, though, there are shifts happening.

RELATED: Team USA heptathlete Chari Hawkins on overcoming anxiety and making 'strong sexy' for women in sports

Nutrition exercise specialist, N.A.S.M. Certified Personal Trainer, and author Liz Josefsberg tells me there are so many other things that you can compliment your friends on these days than weight — and that it's probably a good idea to stick to those.

"I advise people [to] stick to complimenting [others] for the things they do well, work well done, or things they have accomplished," Josefsberg, who is a nutrition expert for The Vitamin Shoppe, tells me. "Body image and the journey that each person is on with their own body is highly personal."

The assumption that every person, and especially every woman, simply wants to be skinny more than anything else is slowly dying out. And the less we all compliment and comment on other people's bodies, the faster that's going to go away. And the faster that goes away, the better we'll all feel about ourselves.

"... women don't lose weight for others opinions as much anymore," Josefsberg tells me. "They feel good at all different sizes as long as they are healthy. And I think that is exactly how it should be."

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Finally, a plus-size character on TV whose story isn't about her weight.

'There has not been one line in this entire show for the entire season that addresses my weight.'

Plus-size representation on TV needs a lot of work.

It's rare to see characters who aren't thin in lead roles. But even when we do, those characters are often defined by their size, with stories revolving around weight loss struggles ("This Is Us") a continued barrage of fat jokes ("American Housewife"), or thin actors wearing fat suits in flashbacks ("Friends," "New Girl").

This is one reason why Paula Proctor is so damn awesome.

Photo by Scott Everett White/The CW.

If you missed the memo, Paula is the hilarious paralegal BFF to the series' star, Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom), on The CW's critically acclaimed musical romcom "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend." Every week, the character, portrayed by Broadway alum Donna Lynne Champlin, challenges a status quo that says plus-size characters aren't deserving of the same complex, nuanced storylines their slimmer counterparts receive.

In an interview with Bust magazine in 2016, Champlin opened up about why playing Paula has been so refreshing.

On the show, viewers have watched Paula struggle to balance family commitments with law school, iron out relationship woes with friends, and get swept off her feet by a man that's (gasp!) not her husband. She's also one of few characters on TV to have had an abortion and not be punished or shamed for it. A storyline we haven't seen unfold, however, is one involving Paula's weight.

As Champlin explained to Bust:

"There has not been one line in this entire show for the entire season that addresses my weight. And we're always eating real food — donuts, burritos. We're always drinking. That's a huge thing for us that we're really eating. We're not sipping [cups] of shit that have nothing in them."

Photo by Scott Everett White/The CW.

"My type is middle-aged woman, not thin," Champlin said. "I look like the average American middle-aged woman. The only TV roles I've ever had were for the secretary, the cop, the nurse. The acceptable nonsexual place for a middle-aged woman to be on TV. They would be 1-2 lines and that was it, and never be a series regular. That was unheard of."

Thanks to actors like Champlin and roles like Paula, we've seen progress on plus-size representation on TV. But we have a long way to go.

Actors like Champlin or Melissa McCarthy — now a true, money-making Hollywood star — have certainly helped open doors for other women who aren't a size 2 or 4 or 6 or even an 8. The average American woman is a size 16.

Even when those doors are open to plus-size actors, however, we still "treat them like crap," Jezebel pointed out. Comedian Rebel Wilson's career has taken off in recent years, for instance — but her weight is often the butt of her jokes. Chrissy Metz worked her way into the hearts of millions starring in NBC's "This Is Us," but her character's opening scene was her staring quietly at a sweet treat in the refrigerator, fighting the temptation to take a bite.

That's why Paula's presence on "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" is truly making a difference to viewers of all sizes.

Photo by Scott Everett White/The CW.

When Paula donned a fitted, red dress in one musical number, the power of representation spoke loud and clear.

"The internet exploded with plus-size women saying, 'Where the fuck did you get that dress? It’s amazing,'" Champlin told Bust.

GIF via "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend."

"What I loved about it, is it was tight. There was no apologizing me and hiding me. The boobs were up, and the dress was tight, and that thing sold out online in a matter of minutes."

If TV writers are smart, they'll not only include more plus-size characters in their shows, but they'll also swap those tired fat-shaming, weight-centric storylines for more powerful, fearless, red dress scenes like Paula's.

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