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Joy

Man honors his father's caregiver with emotional speech at his funeral

"Caregivers like him don't get the recognition they deserve."

Image via Canva

Man publicly honors his father's caregiver at his funeral.

Caregiving is often a thankless job. But when author Carlos Whittaker's (@loswhit) father Fermin passed away from dementia, he made sure to publicly honor his caregiver, Bradley, at his funeral.

In an emotional video shared on Instagram, while giving a speech at his father Fermin's funeral, Whittaker called out Bradley to sincerely thank him for the diligent care he provided throughout his father's life. And there was not a dry eye in the church.

"At my father’s funeral, I took a moment to honor someone special—Bradley, his full-time caregiver," he shared in the post's caption. "He stood by my mom and cared for my dad with unwavering dedication. Caregivers like him don’t get the recognition they deserve, and I’m so grateful. Thank you, Bradley, for everything. If you know someone who is a caregiver…Send them a message and thank them today."

The video beings with Whittaker standing behind a pulpit in a church where the funeral is being held. In part of his speech, he acknowledges Bradley for his selfless care of Fermin.

"I want to thank someone that cared for my dad the past year. Bradley, are you in the room? Can you actually stand up if you wouldn't mind?" he says as his voice cracks. "This man right here stood next to my mother and helped care for my father, and I want to say thank you. Caregivers do not get the respect and honor they deserve. And I want to say thank you so much for taking care of my father."

The camera pans to Bradley, who is standing up and wiping away tears as the crowd gives him a round of applause. After the speech, the camera pans back to Whittaker, who is also wiping away tears with a tissue.

In the comment section Bradley himself commented on the video. "It was my pleasure 🙏 I'm forever grateful and honored that I got to care for your father. You all will forever be apart of my journey ❤️," he wrote.

The impactful video resonated deeply with viewers. "As a nurse it means a lot to see caregivers recognized, what an angel on earth he was for your family and I’m sure so many others 🙌🏻🥹," one wrote. Another commented, "My grandma just passed away from dementia last week & her full time caregiver loved her so incredibly well. We are forever thankful." Another viewer added, "So wonderful that Bradley could be there and you could honor him. He clearly loves your parents 💜."

In another touching post, Whittaker honored his dad by sharing a poem he wrote on the day he was to be buried about dealing with his grief. "I hate this. I hate that I don’t get to smell your bald head again. I hate that I don’t get to feel your wink across the room. I hate that I don’t get to hold your hand. But I love—so much—that I got to be your son."

It was another impactful post for his followers. "I know these feelings. I weep as I read your words. They are a reminder that my dad is more alive than ever," one commented. And another shared, "I know these words are your heart, but they said so much of what is in mine, too. Thank you. Praying for you and your family."

Identity

One man turned nursing home design on its head when he created this stunning facility

"What if we design an environment that looks like outside?" he said. "What if I can have a sunrise and sunset inside the building?



92-year-old Norma had a strange and heartbreaking routine.

Every night around 5:30 p.m., she stood up and told the staff at her Ohio nursing home that she needed to leave. When they asked why, she said she needed to go home to take care of her mother. Her mom, of course, had long since passed away.

Behavior like Norma's is quite common for older folks suffering from Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. Walter, another man in the same assisted living facility, demanded breakfast from the staff every night around 7:30.


Jean Makesh, CEO of Lantern assisted living facilities, says he meets folks with stories like these every day. It's their stories that inspired him to make some changes at Lantern.

"I thought I knew a lot about elderly care. The more and more time I was spending with my clients, that's when I realized, 'Oh my god, I have no clue.'"

Confusion is common in Alzheimer's patients, but Makesh knew there had to be some way to minimize these conflicts.

A big believer in the idea that our environment has an enormous effect on us, he started thinking big — and way outside the box.

"What if we design an environment that looks like outside?" he said. "What if I can have a sunrise and sunset inside the building? What if I'm able to have the moon and stars come out? What if I build a unit that takes residents back to the '30s and '40s?"

And that was just the beginning. He also researched sound therapy. And aromatherapy. And carpet that looked like grass. No idea was off-limits.

What he came up with was a truly unique memory-care facility. And after testing the concept in Lantern's Madison, Ohio, facility, Makesh is opening two new locations this year.

Instead of rooms or units, each resident gets a "home" on a quiet little indoor street reminiscent of the neighborhoods many of them grew up in.

All photos courtesy of Lantern

Instead of a boring panel ceiling, residents look up and see a digital sky, which grows dimmer late in the day to help keep their biological clocks in tune.

Throughout the day, nature sounds and fresh aromas like peppermint or citrus are piped in.

Some studies have shown that this kind of aromatherapy may indeed have some merits for improving cognitive functioning in Alzheimer's patients.

There's even a little "main street" where residents can gather.

For Makesh, this isn't just about making patients comfortable, though. He wants to change how we think about the endgame of severe dementia.

The insides of the rooms aren't too shabby, either.

Makesh said one of the frustrating shortcomings of most nursing facilities is that they create conflicts with unnatural environments and schedules, and they try to solve them by throwing antipsychotic and anti-anxiety medications at patients. In other words, when someone has severe dementia, we often give up on them. From there, they stop getting the engagement their brain needs to thrive.

Of course, we're a long way from a cure for Alzheimer's.

But Makesh's project shows that when we think strategically about altering the environment and focus on helping people relearn essential self-care and hygiene skills, the near-impossible becomes possible.

"In five years, we're going to [be able to] rehabilitate our clients where they can live independently in our environment," he said. "In 10 years, we're going to be able to send them back home."

He knows it's a lofty goal. And whether he'll meet it remains to be seen. But in the meantime, he's proud to own one of the few places that offers something pretty rare in cases of severe dementia: hope.


This article originally appeared on 09.08.16

Joy

U.K. man builds elaborate mouse village in his garden to make his dad with dementia smile

"I know lots of people consider them as pests but they bring me so much joy."

Images courtesy of Gez Robinson/Instagram

The mouse village houses two mice families in Gez Robinson's garden.

Most people think of mice as pests, but for one family in the United Kingdom, they are tiny little neighbors with their own tiny village.

Photographer Gez Robinson noticed a mouse in his garden one day in 2020. "I thought, 'that's interesting,'" he told The Dodo. "I showed my dad who's got dementia and I would see how much it would make him smile. It was absolutely heartwarming, so I was inspired to do something special for the mice."


Robinson started to build the critters small homes, which soon blossomed into an entire village complete with cottages, houses and even the "Frog & Mouse Pub." Two mice families live in the village—the Brambles family near the blackberry bushes and the Honeysuckle family in the log pile by the honeysuckle tree. "Never the two shall meet," Robinson said, "because when they do, it's world war."

Watch:

"I know lots of people consider them as pests but they bring me so much joy," he said.

Robinson's father, now 87, loves the mouse village and spent as much time enjoying the furry friends' adventures as possible until his Alzeimer's and vascular dementia progressed too far for him to visit the garden. He now lives in a full-time care facility, but Robinson shows him videos of the village when he visits. He says they make his father smile.

Robinson shares photos of the mice in various "day in the life" situations that make them almost appear human. The photos also highlight how tiny these little guys are. Look at this mouse compared to the blackberries in his little shopping cart.

Robinson shares videos of the mice families going about their day and enjoying the treats he leaves for them, and his narration is delightful. He explains who's doing what and gives them their own little stories. "That's absolutely magical," he says. Magical indeed.

He's even used the mice to predict the outcome of football matches, adding yet another layer of fun to his magical little garden. His laugh is so endearing.

People can't get enough of the mouse village, as evidenced by the comments.

"When I die I want to come back and live in your garden as a wee mouse xxxx"

"Protect this lovely man at all costs!!!"

"THIS…..made me smile. If it brought his father joy, I can see how he’s connected to them."

"It is a natural to want to care for animals. This man is demonstrating true kindness. I don’t understand why some animals are viewed as ‘vermin’, others as companions and others as food. It is all just a human construct and cognitive dissonance. We are all the same in all the ways that matter and animals deserve our compassion and be allowed to like their lives freely 💚"

"It’s better than a Disney movie. 🥰"

"You gotta be careful doing stuff like this cause because you're gonna make me do stuff like this."

"I love him and the little mice 🥹🩷 watching this brought me so much joy 🤩"

Some people expressed concern that the mice could be carrying or spreading disease. The U.K. government does warn that both pet and wild rodents can carry viruses and bacteria that humans will want to avoid, but Robinson doesn't appear to be doing anything that would go against the recommendations for how to avoid them. He simply set up props where the mice already lived and observes them as they interact with them. (Naturally, he should be careful and engage in proper hygiene, but simply having mice in your yard is a pretty common occurrence and not likely cause for alarm.)

Sometimes the humblest of creatures can bring out the greatest of joys. Thank you, Gez Robinson, for sharing these delights with us all.

You can follow Gez Robinson on Instagram for more.



Joy

Janitor and cook stayed to care for residents when nursing home shut down and staff left

Maurice Rowland and Miguel Alvarez refused to abandon the residents who got left behind in the "chaotic mass evacuation."

When a nursing home shut down, the janitor and cook stayed with the remaining residents.

True
#WhoWeAre

There are certain moments in life that determine your character. This was definitely one of those moments for Maurice Rowland and Miguel Alvarez.

Rowland was working as a cook and Alvarez as a janitor at an assisted living facility when suddenly they found out that the facility was going to close.

The Valley Springs Manor assisted-living facility was shut down by the California Department of Social Service in October of 2013, prompting a "chaotic mass evacuation" of staff and residents. Staff left because they weren't getting paid, but Rowland and Alvarez stuck around. There were around 16 residents left at the home with nowhere to go and nobody to take care of them. Some of them were sick and bedridden and some had dementia.


Rowland and Alvarez, who have been friends since middle school, had a conversation about what they were going to do. They decided they couldn't in good conscience abandon the residents who were left behind, so for the next several days they stayed and cared for them, making sure they were bathed and fed and got their medications—all without pay.

"I just couldn't see myself going home," Rowland said. "Next thing you know they're in the kitchen trying to cook their own food and burn the place down."

Alvarez said he would go home for one hour a day to take a shower and get dressed and then head back to the facility. His wife was upset at first because he missed a planned family trip during that time, so she drove to the center to see what was more important than time with her and their kids. What she found when she arrived left her "heartbroken," she told SF Gate.

Alvarez told StoryCorps that he'd been abandoned by his parents when he was young and knew how them leaving would make the residents feel. "I didn't want them to go through that," he said.

"If I would have left, I think that would've been on my conscience for a very long time," Rowland added.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The facility had a history of regulatory violations and inadequate care that led to the shut down, but the transition for the residents who needed to be transferred to other facilities was fumbled by the authorities.

"“The Department fell short of its mission to protect the health and safety of residents in Valley Springs Manor,” the Department of Social Services said in a statement after the fact. “The Division erred in not ensuring, through successful engagement with local partners, that relocation arrangements for all of the residents were complete.”

When one resident started to deteriorate, Rowland and Alvarez called 911, which alerted authorities to the situation the men and residents were in. A proper evacuation of residents then began, relieving the men of the duty they'd taken on to care for people who had no one else.

"Even though they wasn't our family, they were kind of like our family for this short period of time," said Rowland.

According to SF Gate, Rowland and Alvarez were honored for their sacrificial service with an award from the American Veterans Association, a certificate of special recognition from Rep. Eric Swalwell's office a commendation from the California Legislature, and a wave of donations from people who were inspired by their selflessness.

""We didn't expect any of this," Alvarez said. "We've never expected anything from anyone in life."

They may not have expected anything, but their big-heartedness paid off not only in recognition and financial support, but in the satisfaction of putting other people's humanity before themselves.


This story originally appeared on 9.29.16 It has since been updated.