upworthy
Wellness

Surfer writes names of people's lost loved ones on his surfboard so they can ride 'one last wave'

surfing, grief, newport, rhode island

Dan Fischer takes people's lost loved ones out surfing for "one last wave."

Dan Fischer understands grief. He also has some idea of how to cope with it—and how to help others through it as well.

Fischer has experienced tremendous loss in the past few years, losing both his father and his best friend. As a surfer, he's a believer in what he calls "the transformative power of the ocean." Originally from Montreal, Canada, Fischer has found healing riding the waves off Newport, Rhode Island, where he's lived for the past seven years.

Now he wants to share that healing power of the waves with others.


"After one of those faithful sessions, where I had written my dad's name on my board," he tells Upworthy, "I decided to throw out an open invitation on TikTok to others who were struggling with loss." On January 4, he shared a TikTok video inviting people to share the name of a loved one who has passed and said he would write their name on his board and take them out into the ocean.

"It felt right and I wanted to help," he says. "I knew how healing surfing had been for me, and I wanted the opportunity to share that with others in hopes of inserting some positivity into their lives."

@paradrenaline

Comment a loved one who you’d like me to include. #love #memories #dreams #surfing #oceanlover #saltlife

People started sharing the names and stories of lost loved ones in the comments, and Fischer started writing down names. A dozen soon turned to 100, which turned to 500, which turned to more than 1,000.

In just over a week, the one TikTok blossomed into a full-fledged movement Fischer has dubbed the One Last Wave Project.

"Something we always say out there is, 'one last wave,'" Fischer says. "There's always one last wave to catch and I wanted to give that to others. There have been so many stories shared about loved ones who always wanted to learn to surf, or how the ocean was their happy place and unfortunately, their families weren't able to get them there in time. I committed to ensuring that they got out there for that one last wave."

Fischer gets emotional sharing what the project means to him.

"I've spent many nights sitting out there alone at sunset, connecting with the beauty of nature to heal," he says. "Now, I have thousands of loved ones joining me…it's truly hard to explain just how truly moving that is for me. I just hope to help in some small way."

Right now, the project is just a one-man show, with Fischer spending hours a day connecting with people in the comments and writing down names. He knows he's going to need help collecting names and stories as the list grows, and he's already looking into getting more longboards to accommodate more names.

"It is important to me that every single person's story is told," he says. "I would love to see it expanded where surfers from around the world can join in the movement and take loved ones out into the ocean from wherever they are."

Fischer says people keep asking if it's too late to get their loved one's name on his board, and he wants people to know it's never too late. He's in this for the long haul.

One Last Wave Project isn't Fischer's first project impacting people's lives in creative ways. He works as an MBA admissions consultant, but he also founded Step Up for the Cure, a charity fundraiser for cancer research. He credits his mother's influence for his impulse to use whatever he has to give back to others in a meaningful way.

"When I founded Step Up for the Cure, I was trying to create a symbolic struggle—we ran marathon distances up stairs for 24 hours straight—to align those involved with those facing such harsh adversity," he says. "One Last Wave has a bit of a different vision. While surfing, trying to harness the sheer power of the ocean for a few fleeting moments in order to ride the open face of a wave is extremely challenging; however, this movement is more about the peace and healing that results when you do, letting go, immersing yourself in the sea.

"Surfing is one of my great passions," he continues. "It has changed my life, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be sharing that love with others in a way that provides hope and healing."

Fischer says he never imagined his project would resonate so deeply with so many people, but he's grateful that it has.

"I am deeply affected by every single story shared," he said. "Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it, but when I connect with these people, we are bonded, and the board feels very much like a beacon of hope that their loved ones are set free to enjoy and shine once again. It's a way for them to be forever memorialized in a place they loved.

"I can't tell you how many times I've cried reading the stories, writing the names, and feeling them etched on the board as I paddle through the waves," he says.

Many of the commenters are parents sharing the names of children they've lost. Some of them loved the ocean, and some of them loved it but never got to see it. One commenter recently asked for her own name to be put on the board, as she's in hospice and the ocean has always been her peaceful place.

The simple act of reaching out, connecting with others, making an offering of what you have and bringing some measure of comfort to people who are in mourning is such a beautiful thing.

Fischer is working on getting the One Last Wave website up so that he can direct people to one central place if they want to add a loved one or find out how to help, but in the meantime, you can find him on these social media pages:

Tiktok: @OneLastWave

Twitter: @OneLastWave

Instagram: @OneLastWaveProject

Planet

Enter this giveaway for a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

True

Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're teaming up with Ocean Wise to give you the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner, catching waves with surf lessons, or grooving to a concert by the beach, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:

  • Go to ocean.org/date and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.s. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Staycation + Surf Lesson

Hang ten on the ultimate ocean date! Whether you're beginners or seasoned surfers, a cozy stay by the ocean and surf lessons will have you riding the waves and making unforgettable memories together.


2. A Year of Netflix

Get cozy and explore the wonders of the ocean right from your couch! Whether you're diving into breathtaking documentaries or finally watching My Octopus Teacher, enjoy a full year of streaming on us.

3. BeachLife Festival Tickets

Soak up the sun and enjoy Lenny Kravitz, Sublime, Alanis Morissette, and more at BeachLife Festival May 2-4, 2025. Celebrate your love for music and sea at the LA’s Premier Beach Music Festival!

4. Private Cooking Lesson with Michelin-starred Chef

Learn how to make a delicious meal with Matthew Kammerer who has earned a Michelin green star due to his commitment to sustainability in addition to two Michelin stars for his restaurant - Harbor House Inn.

5. Dinner for Two at Wrench and Rodent

Sustainable seafood isn’t just delicious, it’s an excellent way to combat overfishing. Enjoy dinner for two at the incredible Wrench and Rodent, courtesy of Chef Davin Waite in San Diego, California. Wow your date with both a delicious meal and the knowledge you’re supporting a healthy, thriving ocean!


Giveaway ends 2/11/25 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at ocean.org/date

Joy

Single woman shares the hilarious 'deal breaker' she uses when she doesn't want a second date

Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How Jo Brundza gets out of a date.

It's uncomfortable for people to tell someone they met for a first date that they aren’t interested in a second one because nobody enjoys hurting another person’s feelings. TikToker Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How does she do it? Once she realizes she doesn’t want to see them again, she rants about the moon.

“From that realization and on, I spend the rest of the date trying to convince the other person that I don’t think the moon is real,” she says. Now, many folks out there incorrectly believe that the moon landing was faked, but she goes a step further by saying the massive celestial object doesn’t exist at all.

“They’re typically too stunned to argue back,” she says.

@jbrundz

They’re typically too stunned to argue back #fyp #dating #funny #bits

In a follow-up video, Brundza outlines the three arguments she uses to prove that the moon isn’t real:

1. If you know, you know

"I just think it's ridiculous that all these billionaires are going up into space. I mean, when they get up there, what do they expect to be there, or not be up there?"

2. False evidence

"Look, I'm just saying that if you look at the science of how light refraction works when it enters the atmosphere, it would bend it in a way that to the naked eye would look like solid mass, but it's not. Also, at the end of the day, do you know anyone who has actually been to the moon?"

3. Blame Greenland

"Eighty percent of the island is covered in ice and uninhabitable. You're really gonna tell me that's not where the projectors are? Actually, now that I think about it, do you personally know anyone who's ever been to Greenland?"

@jbrundz

Replying to @TySpice Bonus points if you can somehow work in that the sun is fake too #fyp #funny #bits

Works like a charm.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

Health

From the guy who brought us FOMO, here's how to combat its 'insidious twin,' FOBO

FOBO might actually be causing more damage in your everyday life. Here's how to fix it.

Patrick J. McGinnis called FOBO "FOMO's insidious twin"

Thanks to “pop entrepreneur” and author Patrick J. McGinnis back in 2004, we had a term to quantify that inexplicable dread of possibly missing out on something fun, grand, or important, otherwise known as “FOMO.

But McGinnis also coined a term that, arguably, is even more applicable in our everyday lives—“FOBO.” FOBO, as McGinnis writes on his blog, is the “insidious twin of FOMO,” standing for Fear Of a Better Option.

While both FOMO and FOBO are similar in that both derive from a fear of making the “wrong” decision, FOBO distinguishes itself in “intentionality,” McGinnis explains, describing FOMO as "involuntary" and FOBO as a more deliberate “coping mechanism” to the abundance of choices to be made in the modern day.

“When facing these decisions, you pass them through several lenses: your life experience, past disappointments, and yours and other people's expectations, among others. The more choices you have, the more you have to think about when you’re trying to make a decision. What if you choose the wrong thing…You think to yourself: “I have an idea - I’ll just not decide!” You delay making decisions for as long as possible just in case something actually does come along.”

media3.giphy.com

According to McGinnis, FOBO can look like refusing to “settle” for the options available to us in the moment, piling up as many options as possible, constantly responding with “maybes” or “I’ll get back to you on that,” abandoning ship when it’s time to actually finalize plans, or canceling any plans made a the last minute for “another, shinier option.” I think any of us can remember a time when we were guilty of something like this.

And while McGinnis originally intended for FOBO to be used in the setting of an office environment, it’s easy to see how it manifests in our everyday lives, causing us to never truly commit to anything—including potential passion projects, friends, family functions, you name it—and thus never truly feeling a sense of fulfillment, growth, or trust in our decision making.

“FOBO is a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO,” McGinnis told Huffpost. “Unlike FOMO, which is largely an internal struggle that mostly hurts you, the costs of FOBO aren’t just borne by you, they are also imposed on those around you.”

So how does one combat FOBO? What strategies help us no longer live in the “in-between” land of "maybe" and trust our instinct once and for all? There are several expert suggestions for this. And while they may be oriented towards work and career, you can easily apply the principles to your everyday life.

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For instance, career coach Helen Thomas suggests getting clear on your main values, doing actual research on something you are pondering (rather than letting it sit in your head), adopting a progress over perfection mindset (as in, accepting that whatever choice you may need not be perfect, so long as you actually make it and act on it), making a contingency plan for if your original decision doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, and of course, committing to a path while accepting that maybe there is no one “right” choice. It all boils down to embracing imperfection while being devoted to your growth, really.

And finally, some words of encouragement form McGinnis himself:

“FOBO is a learned behavior, but it can be unlearned as well. And while you might think that cutting down your options will mean you’ll suffer, you’ll find it is actually entirely liberating.”

Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

Canva

Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared last year.

Mental Health

Things people 'used to believe in strongly' but no longer do

From adults being "smart" to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

People used to believe "strongly" in these things but no longer do.

It’s normal to adapt your worldview with time and wisdom, especially after realizing that a lot of your past beliefs were built on shaky foundations. When I was a kid, for example, I used to think every doctor on the planet was a virtuous genius—and then I had the pleasure of searching for a long-term gastroenterologist. (I did find a virtuous genius, mind you. But it took a lot of searching.)

On that note, it’s a fascinating exercise to think about our shifting perceptions. In a recent viral post, a group of strangers sounded off on the following prompt: "What’s something you used to believe in strongly but no longer do?"

As of this writing, the top response in the r/AskReddit thread is, "I used to really believe in 'everything happens for a reason,' but now I think sometimes things just happen and we make meaning from it." The exchanges are both enlightening and hilarious as people politely debate the very definition of "reason."

- YouTubeTurning 40 got me thinking about all the lessons I've learned over the years—things I wish someone had told me in my 20s and ...

"It’s up to us to find meaning in what happens," another user wrote, pointing to the random nature of life. "[N]ot everything has some bigger purpose."

Someone replied that "things happen for reasons," just not by some grandiose design. "[H]istory is less God’s plan and more eldritch Lovecraftian chaos. The events of your life were largely decided long ago by patterns of history and culture that none of us can really understand other than to break them down to hyper specific pieces. Even then it largely just seems to drive us insane."

Of course, the question of faith and God was popular and reflected recent research on Americans and religion. In September 2022, the Pew Research Center published a report focused on the decline of Americans’ religious beliefs in recent decades. "Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or 'nothing in particular' in the Center’s surveys has grown from 16% to 29%," they wrote. "During this time, the share of U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%."

Perhaps the most succinct reply in this exchange: "There is a reason. That reason is just usually a combination of entropy and human stupidity."

Someone else wrote that they no longer believe "that adults [are] smart," earning a lot of upvotes. As I illustrated in my comment about doctors, I couldn’t agree more with this one. Growing up, I thought all people over 30 (even those with a low IQ), were rich in other forms of intelligence like life experience and street smarts. Now I’m older than my parents were when I was born, and I realize how wrong I was.

gif of Joey Tribbiana tapping his head and saying, "Not just a hat rack, my friend."Season 6 Knowledge GIF by FriendsGiphy

One user no longer believes that "everything that goes around comes around," and they weren’t alone. In an amazing response, someone wrote, "Karma is highly misunderstood. Good and bad don’t exist; it’s all a matter of perspective. Karma is closer to physics—actions and decisions create consequences that affect our lives in sometimes unseen or unpredictable ways." Deep.

Other responses touch on the death penalty, the nature of empathy, marriage, spirituality, the nature of truth, welfare, marijuana, the idea that "you should never walk out of a job," Santa Claus, the justice system, the American Dream, and the concept of college being "always worth it."

On a lighter note, someone simply wrote, "[That] mayo on fries is gross. Spoiler, it's not."

Celebrity

1930s actress gave up Hollywood at the peak of her career because she refused to 'pass' as white

The character that made her famous was ashamed of her heritage, but Fredi Washington was not.

1930s actress refused to 'pass' as white, so she quit Hollywood instead.

A lot has changed since the early to mid 1900s. We no longer see "whites only" signs tauntingly hanging above water fountains or outside of pools or restaurants. The only place you'll find a sign that says "No Blacks. No Mexicans. No dogs" now is inside of a civil rights museum, but this wasn't always the case.

Living in the 21st century it can be easy to forget that in our not too distant past, segregation, racism and discrimination was the norm. Discrimination was written into laws and it took brave people to stand up against a system that held them as second class citizens. It wasn't just the civil rights leaders we learn about in school that made a stand, it took people from all industries and walks of life to speak up even if it meant they may lose the little privileges they had.

Fredrika "Fredi" Carolyn Washington was one of those people that used her voice during a time when it would've been easier to stay quiet. Washington was an actress and dancer in the 1930s who catapulted to fame with her portrayal of Peola Johnson, the daughter of a Black housekeeper who decided to pass for white to obtain access to better opportunities and social standing in a segregated America in the 1934 film Imitation of Life.

Just like her character, Washington was so fair-skinned that she looked white to those who didn't know her, though that's where the similarities to her character ended. Though she had blue-grey eyes and light brown hair with a loose curl, she had no personal interest in pretending to be white even if doing so would greatly benefit her career and her life.

Washington explained to the Chicago Defender in 1935 at the height of her fame, “I have never tried to pass for white and never had any desire, I am proud of my race.” In Imitation of Life, I was showing how a girl might feel under the circumstances but I am not showing how I felt.”

After her success playing Peola, Washington faced a dilemma. In order for her career to keep thriving after her breakout hit, she was advised to pass as white to get more roles. At the time, Black women were type cast in servant roles like maids, cooks, or caregivers, but Washington was too fair-skinned to believably play those parts. If she wanted lead roles, she would need to pass as white since only white women were allowed to play lead romantic interests.

"Early in my career it was suggested that I might get further by passing as French or something exotic. But there was no way I could do that, feeling the way I do. I felt you do not have to be white to be good. I've spent most of my life trying to prove that to people who thought otherwise," Washington said in 1945.

Washington later starred in the 1937 film One Mile from Heaven, which was her first role since her success as Peola three years earlier. The actress had to use makeup to darken her skin for the role and, afterwards, she decided to walk away from Hollywood for good. Instead, Washington focused on African-American Civil Rights, even co-founding the Negro Actors Guild of America (NAG).

Washington expressed no regrets about her refusal to pass, saying, "But to pass, for economic or other advantages, would have meant that I swallowed, whole hog, the idea of Black inferiority. I did not think up this system, and I was not responsible for how I looked. I'm a Black woman and proud of it and I will fight injustices and encourage others to fight them until the day I die or until there is nothing to fight against."

While quite a few Black people with fairer complexions and racially ambiguous features chose to pass as white during segregation (and beyond), Washington wasn't alone in her refusal. Passing as white often meant completely alienating yourself from your family and friends, participating in the very treatment you were trying to avoid having inflicted on yourself, and living in fear of being found out. In fact, many Black authors of the Harlem Renaissance penned novels and essays about passing and its consequences, the most prominent of which being Passing by Nella Larsen (1929).

Washington rejected any idea of passing to make her life easier. Instead, she focused her efforts on bettering the lives of Black Americans through her co-founding of the NAG, her work with the NAACP, and lobbying for federal protections for Black people. She lived to be 90 years old.