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Pop Culture

'Reformed' narcissist describes how she would manipulate people in a viral TikTok

"Everything I said or did was planned and thought out…to get people to do certain things."

narctok, narcissists tiktok
@toxiccwaste0/TikTok

“I'm prefacing this with: This is wrong and you shouldn't do this to people."

Most of us know that while we colloquially throw around the word “narcissist” to label someone as arrogant or selfish, those who are actually diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are quite rare.

We also know that self-aware narcissists are even rarer. And yet, TikTok has become a booming platform for self-described narcissists to offer insights into how their minds work and even encourage others to seek therapy. This makes sense—you get the ego-boosting attention of likes and views while also developing more altruistic intentions. Win, win.

At the very least, it seems to be further proof that while NPD is a serious disorder that can leave a trail of hurt and abuse in its wake, no two people are alike, and we find more understanding in not lumping all narcissists together.

TikTok creator Lillith (aka @toxiccwaste0) claims she was formerly diagnosed with NPD in 2021. Bearing in mind we only have anecdotal evidence to go on, Lillith describes behaviors that do align with certain NPD-specific criteria—including a lack of empathy, intense pleasure-seeking, and a habit of “love-bombing”—as she shares her experience of being what she calls a “reformed narcissist

One video, which currently has over 76,000 views, shows Lilith responding to someone's question about the worst thing she had done physically or mentally to someone. Liltih obliged, adding the warning that anyone who could relate to what she was saying should seek help.

“I'm prefacing this with: This is wrong and you shouldn't do this to people,” Lilith began, adding that she always viewed potential relationships as a “game of chess” rather than anything romantic.


"Everything that I said or did was planned and thought out to get reactions and to get people to do certain things," she said. "So I pushed people to really bad places." One example she gave was an account of manipulating a person into sending $150,000 over the pandemic using triggers she had picked up on.

"I was telling him to kill himself and was being really mean and making him cry all the time, and I would lie to him and then I would give him doses of what he wanted," Lilith said. "But I was mostly just really abusive...I just wanted to keep him so I could keep using him."

Watch:

@toxiccwaste0 Replying to @jakiviachantae I always said I’d answer anything honestly, I honestly am so ashamed of this stuff and it’s mad weird of me to put it on the internet but here I am lol #npdtiktok#clusterbpersonalitydisorder#narcawareness#narcissist♬ original sound - lilith

Though she used to consider her ability to "implant thoughts" into people’s brains as cool, Lilith shared that now she feels “disgusted.” She also wrote in the comments section that she has no desire to be considered a “role model,” but instead sees her confessional-style videos as a form of possible redemption for her “terrible choices.”

Many people saw Lilith taking accountability as a good thing and even validating for some who had been previously abused by narcissists.

One person wrote, “If you’re a narcissist, coming here and admitting this sort of stuff is 100% healing.”

Another added, "All I've ever wanted from the people who treated me this way was to admit it and attempt to live in their truth. I appreciate you.”

Again, though it is not common for a narcissist to view their behavior as hurtful (hence one reason it is so painful to be in a relationship with one), certain studies indicate that those with NPD can still learn aspects of emotional intelligence through therapy. And going off of Lilith’s plethora of videos detailing how she is trying to change, there seems to be a sliver of hope.

If you’d like to follow more of Lilith’s videos, you can find her on TikTok.


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via TheMamaBrianna/TikTok

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New study shows spanking hurts kids' mental health and is less effective at teaching lessons

Why is it wrong to hit an adult or an animal but OK to spank a child?

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Yet another study shows that spanking isn't good for kids.

Whether to spank your child or not is one of the oldest debates among parents. Many live by the age-old wisdom that to “spare the rod” is to “spoil the child,” while others believe it’s wrong to resort to violence to punish a child when so many alternatives exist.

It also begs the question: If it's wrong to hit your spouse or pet, why is it acceptable to hit a defenseless child?

The 2021 American Family Study found that support for spanking has declined in the U.S. over the past few years. In 2015, 54% either somewhat or strongly agreed with the practice, but that number dropped to 47% in 2021. Thirty-five percent of respondents disagree with the practice and 18% neither agree nor disagree.

A new research study from the Parent and Family Research Alliance in Australia led by Professor Sophie Havighurst and Professor Daryl Higgins from Australian Catholic University makes a strong case that people should stop using corporal punishment to discipline their kids. The study “Corporal punishment of children in Australia: The evidence-based case for legislative reform” analyzed countless studies on the topic and found spanking ineffective and harmful.

The study was published to urge lawmakers to make corporal punishment in Australia illegal. Sixty-five states across the world have made corporal punishment illegal, protecting 14% of the world’s children.

The study defined corporal punishment of children as using physical force to cause pain, but not injury, to correct or control a child’s behavior.

The most startling meta-analysis published in the study found that "only 1 out of 111 statistically significant effect sizes was associated with a link between 'spanking' and a positive child outcome," while 110 were found to be associated with adverse outcomes.

The one positive outcome was in a 1972 study of children of the U.S. military living in West Germany that found those spanked showed less amphetamine and opiate use as adults.

However, the remaining 110 significant results found that spanking had adverse effects, including: “reducing trust and connection with those they are closest to, lower self-esteem, more internalizing and externalizing behavior problems including aggression, mental health difficulties, and increased risk for later substance abuse, antisocial behavior, and violence.”

A meta-analysis found that when children are spanked, they are less likely to internalize the moral implications of the behaviors that led them to be disciplined. It also found that non-physical discipline was more effective at teaching “alternative behaviors,” “developing a child’s conscience,” and advancing their “emotional development.”

Another meta-analysis cited in the story found that corporal punishment in childhood was associated with mental health problems, low self-esteem and antisocial behavior.

In the end, the studies show that corporal punishment is counter-productive when it comes to raising healthy, happy children. But it will take much more than a study to get people to reconsider their views of corporal punishment because they are deeply rooted in many cultural traditions.

Looking for some non-physical alternatives to discipline your child? Here’s a great place to start from WebMD.

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