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Immigrants explain why they personally celebrate the Fourth of July each year.

This is what patriotism is all about.

4th of July, immigrants, celebration, assimilation, American pride
Photo collage created from Pixabay

Some different perspectives on the American experience.

Some 300 million people live in the United States. And over 40 million of them are immigrants.

Now, some people might have you believe that too many immigrants might cause us to lose our identity as Americans or that we ought to be fighting and clinging to "the way things were."

But if you look around, you'll see that more than 1 in 10 Americans were born somewhere else — meaning they have their own unique set of amazing experiences to share and their own amazing stories about why they're here.


They each have their own ideas about what being an American means to them, too. And they each have their own reasons for celebrating American independence on the Fourth of July.

So if you want to feel proud, excited, and maybe even a teensy bit emotional about being an American, this one's for you.

Meet five immigrants from all over the country (and all over the world!) who are showing their American pride in many, many shades of red, white, and blue this year.

Mexican American experience, traditional, celebration

Traditional food the celebrate the Fourth of July.

Photo by Chad Montano on Unsplash

1. Nayeli Ruvalcaba's Fourth of July is full of traditional Mexican food and mariachi music.

Ruvalcaba, who was born in Mexico but moved to Chicago when she was 4, spent her early childhood in a mostly caucasian neighborhood called Lakeview. There, she says the Fourth of July was pretty much what you'd expect.

"Everyone would be making ribs and burgers and mac and cheese. And my dad would be drinking Budweisers and Coors Light," she said with a laugh.

Nayeli with her parents.

But when she was 16, she moved to a more diverse area of the city filled with families from Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Poland.

There, she says, their holidays are much more vibrant. Neighbors gather in the alleys and share their customs and cultures with one another. They sing along with music (her boyfriend, who is in a mariachi band, often gets the party going). They play games. And then there's the food: Nayeli says she loves to chow down on delicious Fourth of July dishes like arrachera (a Mexican skirt steak), polish sausage, guacamole, and, of course, burgers.

"I know it's an American holiday," she says. "Buteveryone has their own culture. You just mix it in with what everyoneelse does."

Nayeli and her boyfriend in full mariachi get-up!

watermelon, English tea, mishmash of culture

Celebrating with a U.K. twist on the Fourth of July.

Photo by Caju Gomes on Unsplash

2. Johanna Dodd and her family celebrate their Fourth of July the "old fashioned way" but with a small U.K.-based twist.

A one-year work contract for her husband brought the Dodds to Connecticut from the U.K. years ago. 12 years later, they're still here.

The Dodds!

On their Fourth of July, she says, "We tend to do what everyone else in town does. We'll head to the fireworks display with our cooler packed full of food, and, occasionally, we'll sneak in some alcohol."

Sounds pretty American to me!

Johanna's young daughter watches the fireworks.

"The kids run around, there's lots of glow sticks, lots of football (both kinds) being played, lots of fun stuff happening. As it gets darker, there's the national anthem, and then out come the fireworks."

But there is one slightly British twist to the Dodds' holiday: "We don't really do the tailgating thing. We bring what we would call 'an English tea.' There's watermelon, yogurts, cheese sandwiches. Kind of a mishmash of both cultures."

grilling, fish, Liberia, American experience

Bringing home country traditions to the American experience.

Photo by Clint Bustrillos on Unsplash

3. Martin Matthews says he never misses a Fourth of July parade and for a powerful reason.

Matthews was 8 years old when he first came to America to escape a civil war in his home country of Liberia. One of his first memories? A huge Fourth of July parade in New Jersey.

"I had never seen anything like that. The flags, the drums, everything. I remember watching in awe."

Martin with his wife.

He returned to Africa later on but came back to live in America again when fighting broke out in his home country. And when he returned, that big parade stuck in his memory.

"I always loved that about America. It was a place I could be safe. A place I could enjoy freedom," he said. "To celebrate the independence of the United States holds a deep place in my heart."

These days, Martin is big on having barbecues with friends to celebrate Independence Day. There are a lot of burgers and hot dogs, but he'll sometimes mix in traditional African dishes, too, like African-style kabobs, to introduce his friends to his heritage.

"It's a big thing in Africa for people to put fish on the grill, like the whole fish," he added. "You put the whole thing on there. It was the first time some of my American friends had ever tried fish on the grill that wasn't salmon."

But his favorite thing about the holiday is still the parades. "We get there early and wave our American flags. Every year I always wear some kind of American shirt. We sit there and watch everything. It's my way of saying thanks to my adopted country."

cricket, India, celebrating holiday, University of Michigan

Changing the rules to make it work.

Photo by Alfred Kenneally on Unsplash

4. Jay Pockyarath mixes cricket with an American-style barbecue on Independence Day.

"Ever since I was in eighth grade, all I wanted to do was come to the United States," he told Upworthy. After finishing college in India, he finally got the chance when studying nuclear medicine at the University of Michigan. From there, he married an American woman and started a family.

"The thing that works [in America] is that it's a meritocracy," Pockyarath said. "July Fourth is a celebration of that, in my mind. Of independence. Of the freedom to succeed."

Jay, who was born in India, proudly flies an American flag outside his home for July Fourth.

Pockyarath has lived in the United States for over 40 years, so it's no surprise that his holiday celebration looks pretty familiar: steak, hamburgers, and hot dogs on the grill. To him, what's really important is spending time with family.

"Usually we make up games," he laughed. "We play cricket — not the way it's supposed to be played, but with a tennis ball. We make up our own rules."

American flag, Fourth of July, friends and family, decorating

Embracing the traditions and bringing your own flare to it.

Photo by Gene Gallin on Unsplash

5. Natalia Paruz is originally from Israel, and she decorates everything in red, white, and blue.

Natalia is now a musician in New York City.

"First I came here with my parents [about 20 years ago] for a year. At the end of the year, they went back to Israel, and I wanted to stay here," she told Upworthy.

Now she works as a musician in New York City. And she absolutely, positively loves the Fourth of July.

"It's a really fun day. It's a day where you can put politics aside. It's a day for celebrating the joy of this country."

Natalia and her husband host friends every year for a big meal. "I love decorating the house for the holiday with the flags. There's always a big flag hanging from the flagpole. In the back, that's where I really go all out. Every tree gets some kind of decoration!"

"We make hot dogs, hamburgers — how can you not?" she said. "We also make tahini, which is a traditional Israeli food. It's made of sesame seeds and it becomes a paste and you spread it on pita bread. Our friends here love it."

Natalia says an overabundance of food "as if you're going to entertain a bunch of soldiers" is a nod to her Israeli roots.

This year, she's going out with friends to watch fireworks. "I wear a T-shirt that has an American flag on it and a bracelet with the colors of the flag. If you're celebrating, you might as well go to the maximum."

It turns out, celebrating America means different things to different people. And that's kind of the point.

In my mind, the only thing better than a Fourth of July party filled with burgers, steaks, beer, and fireworks is a Fourth of July party filled with all of those things plus Mexican food and African music and "English tea" and tahini and mariachi bands and more.

So whether we choose to embrace the "American way" of celebrating Independence Day (red meat and fireworks) or to use it as a chance to celebrate the unique melting pot of culture that is our country today or something in between, I think we can all agree that the America we have now is already pretty great.

This article originally appeared on 07.01.16

Partner Boost

5 ways people are going "all in" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five ways people on the internet have been giving it their all.

5 ways people are going "all in" this week
5 ways people are going "all in" this week
True

Going “all in” is its own kind of magic. Whether it’s a wildly energetic karaoke performance, a full-blown birthday bash for an elderly Chihuahua, or an over-the-top homecoming proposal (more on that in a moment), there’s something undeniably joyful about witnessing pure, unfiltered enthusiasm. Seeing that kind of passion and creativity, you can’t help but smile.

To celebrate that all-or-nothing spirit, we’ve rounded up some of the internet’s finest examples (at least for this week) of people fully committing to the bit. Prepare to be impressed, amazed, and maybe even a little inspired to go “all in” yourself.


1. This high school biology project

@jimcheo jordin sparks said it best #funny #funnyvideos ♬ No Air (feat. Chris Brown) - Jordin Sparks

Oh, to be in high school again. The days where you could be as silly as you wanted and still somehow get an A (for effort). This student-made video—a project for biology class, explaining the respiratory system—is the perfect example of a high school assignment, as well as a great example of someone truly going “all in.” Does this explain the respiratory system? Kind of! But is it full of creativity, passion, and genuine hilarity? Absolutely. The dedication it took to make this video alone—and the enthusiasm of the kids that made it—certainly deserves an A.

2. The Grandma Stand

One thing that’s great to go “all in” on is spreading cheer and joy—and that’s what our friends are doing this week with The Grandma Stand.

The premise is simple: You’ve got a grandma at a booth who gets people talking about the good stuff in their lives. Today’s question? What’s one small thing that brings you joy? The answers are sweet and thoughtful, and the result is a whole lot of goodwill (and hugs!) between total strangers. That’s always lovely to see.

Another thing we like to go “all in” on? Saving money. And right now our friends at All In are giving us a fantastic deal on some seriously tasty snacks. To get a free (!!!) box of their organic snack bars, sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt, and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and then all you have left to do is enjoy your new favorite treat. Easy peasy.

3. This extremely specific HOCO proposal 

@dawson002256 best hoco proposal ever #fyp #hoco #viral #proposal ♬ original sound - .

Speaking of high school: Gone are the days where you can simply walk up to someone in the hallway and ask them to be your date to homecoming or prom. Kids these days are starting their own tradition—elaborate staged “proposals” in order to officially pop the question: Will you go to the dance with me?

Homecoming proposals are a perfect example of going “all in,” just by themselves—but this particular one is truly special. The creator shares that she loves sharks and is afraid of butterflies, so for a truly unique and heartfelt “proposal,” her potential date actually dresses up like a shark and stages a massive fight with his friends—all dressed in butterfly costumes—on her front lawn. The commitment, the creativity—it’s all here, on full display. (And she said yes, by the way!)

4. The Anthropologie rock prank 

@phoebeadams112

His full on crash out at the end HAHA

♬ original sound - Phoebe Adams

The internet has been obsessed with this viral prank, and it’s not hard to see why: Not only is it hilarious, the women who are doing the pranking are truly committing to the bit.

The prank started with one content creator, Phoebe Adams, who posted a TikTok of her unboxing a package in front of her boyfriend, Dan. Adams, bursting with excitement, pries open the box to reveal…a rock. But this isn’t any ordinary rock, she explains, gushing over how “perfect” it is. This particular rock is one-of-a-kind, from the bougie retail chain Anthropologie—and it only cost $150. It was on sale!

Dan, rightfully, is horrified and confused. But Adams keeps on torturing him: “This isn’t a regular rock! It’s a one-of-a-kind rock they found on the ground.” (“That’s where rocks COME FROM!” --Dan)

The best part is that this prank quickly went viral, and other creators are following in Adams’ footsteps. Husbands and dads everywhere are confused. It's mayhem. And probably the funniest thing that's happened on the internet this year.

(Even Anthropologie (the brand) has gotten in on the fun. That’s true commitment.)

5. The most elaborate (and fun) wedding entrance we've ever seen 

@benaholtzman Nothing says ‘forever’ like forcing your friends to learn the dance from Miss Congeniality 💍✨ #oneinamillion #weddingtok #weddingentrance #misscongeniality ♬ original sound - Ben Holtzman

We’ve all seen the movie Miss Congeniality, right? For those of you who weren’t teenage girls growing up in the early aughts, allow us to break it down: Sandra Bullock plays Grace Hart, a frazzled special agent working for the FBI. After an extensive makeover (because every movie from the late nineties and early aughts loved a good makeover montage), Gracie enters the Miss America Pageant undercover as Gracie Lou Freebush to prevent an act of terrorism that’s been threatened to go down during the competition. Long story short, it’s a feel-good classic with some of the most memorable movie lines in cinema. (“What is your idea of a perfect date?” “I’d have to say April 25th, because it’s not too hot, not too cold—all you need is a light jacket!”)

In the movie, the contestants all enter the stage to introduce themselves to the audience in a choreographed number to the song “One in a Million”—and so that’s exactly what these two grooms (presumably huge fans of the movie) have done for their wedding entrance. The choreographed sequence involves the grooms and their wedding party (and maybe even some of the guests), and they all truly give an unforgettable performance. Whether you’re a fan of this movie or you’ve never seen it, this wedding entrance really is one in a million.

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.


conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


via Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels and Dinielle De Veyra/Pexels

How long can you hang out? The answer may say a lot about your potential lifespan.

Here's a morbid question: Would you really want to know how long you have to live? On one hand, it’d probably inspire you to go out and complete your bucket list. On the other, it may be depressing to know just how many days you have left. Well, science has yet to discover a way to determine the average person's life expectancy, but some indicators can show whether someone is in danger of having their life cut short by deteriorating health.

You could, if you were so inspired, shell out a bunch of money for fancy genetic and biological testing. Chasing immortality is all the rage with billionaires, so if you've got the money, you can find out an awful lot about how long you're likely to live.


Or you could just hit the gym or local playground and find out for free.

A study published by Clinical Interventions in Aging in 2019 determined that handgrip strength can be a reliable proxy for how long one has to live, or longevity.

One of the best ways to judge handgrip strength is to time how long you can hang from a bar. To test your grip strength, find yourself a pull-up bar, whether at a gym or local park, take a deep breath, and start hanging. Don't worry, you don't need to be able to do a pull up!

Ironically, the move is called a "dead hang." So-called, because you literally just hang there for as long as possible.

The literature revealed that 30 seconds is a good target for women and 60 is an excellent goal for men.

Therefore, if you go longer than the goal, you’re looking at a long life. But if you can’t quite get there, your life may be shorter than you’d like.

longevity, aging, living long, getting older, seniors, dying, mortality, health, fitness, longevity test Cats are undefeated in grip strength. Giphy

Dr. Peter Attia, founder of Early Medical and author of Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity (2023), believes that grip strength is a great way to determine one’s overall health.

“It's just a great proxy for overall body strength and muscle mass, but I think it's also a very functional form of strength,” he said on The Drive podcast. “Basically, everything in your upper body is mediated through your hands. And if your grip is weak, everything downstream of that is weak. When you watch someone who's got a weak grip deadlifting it's very difficult for them to deadlift correctly because they don't create a proper wedge."

There are may ways to measure grip strength, but the dead hang is likely the simplest. When you think about it, it requires an incredible combination of shoulder mobility, spinal stability, core strength, and overall fitness. Not only are these all positive biological health markers, they're also all key to preventing falls as we get older.

Regularly practicing the dead hang, on the other hand, has incredible benefits including stretching your muscles and deloading your joints and spine, giving them a much needed rest.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Doctors Eve M. Glazier and Elizabeth Ko at UCLA Health say poor grip strength is connected to numerous diseases. “Research continues to link a decline in grip strength to a range of adverse health issues, including heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis, Type 2 diabetes and certain cancers. It has also been found to be a predictor of the likelihood of post-surgical complications, post-surgical recovery time and mortality,” they wrote on the UCLA Health blog.

Weight can also significantly affect how long a person can hang from a bar. So, do lighter people have an unfair advantage over those on the heavier side? Well, weight is also an important indicator of longevity. A study published in Aging Cell found a direct correlation between increased body mass and decreased longevity.

Other studies have elaborated on the findings: More important than your absolute grip strength and dead hang ability may be how it changes over time. Losing grip strength is a negative sign for your overall health, but maintaining or even building it is associated with better outcomes.

Another good reason to hit the gym regularly, at any age. No matter where you're starting, you want to do everything you can to maintain that level of strength as long as possible.

The good news for people who didn’t quite make their hang time goal is that you can improve it by practicing dead hangs.


longevity, aging, living long, getting older, seniors, dying, mortality, health, fitness, longevity test Practicing dead hangs will help you maintain grip strength no matter what your starting point. Photo by Charlotte Karlsen on Unsplash

How to perform a dead hang (according to Healthline):

  • Use a secure overhead bar. Use a step or bench to reach the bar with your arms easily. You don’t want to jump straight into a dead hang.
  • Grip the bar with an overhand grip (palms facing away from you). Aim to keep your arms shoulder-width apart.
  • Move your feet off the step or bench so you’re hanging on to the bar.
  • Keep your arms straight and stay relaxed.
  • If you’re new to the exercise, hang for 10 seconds. Then, work your way up to 45 seconds to 1 minute at a time.
  • Slowly step back onto the step or bench before releasing your arms. Repeat up to 3 times if you wish.
Grip strength is so strongly correlated with longevity that many medical professionals advocate for it being considered a true biomarker. A biomarkers is a regularly measured state of the body that's used as a key health indicator, like blood pressure or cholesterol. Grip strength, some say, should be regularly evaluated at medical check ups as an indicator of healthy aging.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

A group of friends having a chat.

You might be shocked to learn that many people don’t like making small talk. Surprise, right? They either believe it’s beneath them to talk about mundane subjects or don’t see the benefit of discussing the weather, sports, or television with people they hardly know.

However, these folks are missing a very valuable form of interaction that can help them with their love lives, friendships, and careers. They also remove themselves from situations where they can elevate small talk to something more valuable and meaningful.


Jefferson Fisher, a Texas personal injury attorney and communications expert, has become massively popular on Instagram—with nearly 6 million followers—for sharing tips “to help people argue less and talk more.” While promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher discussed the number one problem people have while making small talk.

What's the biggest mistake people make during small talk?

"They unknowingly turn the conversation back to themselves too quickly," Fisher tells Parade. "It’s a natural impulse—we want to relate, to show we understand. But what often happens is that we hijack the conversation."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"For example, someone says, 'I just got back from a trip to Italy,' and instead of asking about their experience, we jump in with, 'Oh, I’ve been to Italy several times, it’s great.' It’s well-meaning, but it can come across as dismissive,” Fisher said. “Instead, focus on them. Ask open-ended questions like, 'That’s wonderful, what was your favorite part?' Small talk isn’t about impressing people, it’s about making them feel seen and heard."

Fisher’s advice echoes that of the great Dale Carnegie, author of the 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. In the book, Carnegie says, “To be interesting, be interested.” Carnegie’s advice is counterintuitive because we are taught to believe that being likable means dominating conversations and entertaining the other person. However, Carnegie thinks that people who are generous listeners tend to make a better first impression.

How to be more likable

Researchers at Harvard University found that when you ask someone a question, people will like you more if, after they answer, you ask them two more follow-up questions. So, if you ask, “Where did you go last summer?” And they reply, Italy, you can follow that up with two questions about their favorite city and the restaurant they’ll never forget. Then, you can tell them that you’ve been there, too.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

conversation, small talk, chatting, discussion, communication Two people have a conversation. Credit: Fauxels/Pexel

People will take a shine to you after you ask a few questions because it shows that you are listening and interested in what they say. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

While at first, it may take a little practice to ask follow-up questions instead of turning the conversation to your experiences and opinions, it should take some pressure off the need to be interesting. Now, instead of trying to wow people with your stories, all you have to do is listen to theirs, and they’ll like you all the more for it.

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.

This trick can fix any attitude.

Raising kids can be a frustrating experience, no matter how rewarding you also find it. Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager.


“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

parents, children, child, parenting, trick, communication A mom and son talk on the couch.Canva Photos

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

family, parents, kids, parenting, bonding A happy family.Canva Photos

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Internet

Woman who saw the 'fake news' era coming secretly recorded everything she could for 30 years

It took four shipping containers to transport Marion Stokes' tapes to be digitally archived.

Photo credit: Canva/Marion Stokes via Wikimedia

Woman secretly recorded everything for 30 years, predicting rise of 'fake news.'

Fake news is something that is said so often that it seems to have taken on an alternate meaning. If someone dislikes something, they often claim it's fake news. If a news station reports something that contradicts a deeply held belief, a person may dismiss it as fake news. However, in reality, fake news is propaganda that aims to persuade viewers to believe something that contradicts factual information that can be proven.

Marion Stokes, concerned about the possibility of people attempting to deny factual national or global events, decided she'd be the keeper of the truth. The determined woman began recording news broadcasts on her VCR in 1979 as a means to preserve the truth, showcasing how the story evolved over time with different news outlets and varying viewpoints.


Marion Stokes; secret recordings; VHS; VCR tapes; recording news; fake news Retro vibes: setting up for a classic VHS movie night!Photo credit: Canva

Stokes's recordings didn't stop when one news broadcast was over. The frequent Philadelphia Current Affairs guest would record the news 24 hours a day, every day of the week, in an effort to capture the 24-hour news cycle. Yes, even when she was asleep, the news was being recorded. In a 2023 interview with the BBC, her son, Michael Metelits, explains her reasoning and how she did it.

"There were probably between five to six, sometimes up to eight, video cassette recorders in different rooms. And she or her assistant would scurry between the rooms, changing the video cassettes. They would be set to different channels, each one would have a pile of video cassettes next to it," he tells the outlet. "She really felt that preserving the 24-hour news cycle would...if people had access to that information, would enable people to make better decisions about politics and understand how news media worked a bit better, by seeing how the story changed over time, by providing access to sometimes alternative perspectives, but sometimes a range of perspectives."

Metelits further explains that he could see the value of people being able to witness how a story evolved, but that his mother possessed a compulsion that couldn't be denied. Stokes recorded news broadcasts from 1979 until her death in 2012, accumulating a collection of over 70,000 videotapes that contained entire news broadcasts. It required multiple shipping containers to house the tapes and send them to the Internet Archive, where they were digitized and uploaded for public access.

She didn't just collect video recordings of news broadcasts; she also had a newspaper collection from multiple newspaper subscriptions, hundreds of magazines, and multiple Macintosh computers. In fact, her interest in Macintosh computers led to her in-laws becoming very wealthy after Stokes encouraged them to invest in the company in its early years. Whether intentionally or due to her supposed undiagnosed hoarding condition, Stokes was an archivist determined to document things that might otherwise become lost. Thanks to her decades of unpaid work, people have access to broadcasts that may have otherwise been lost to time.

A documentary was released in 2019 about Stokes, who was also a producer of public access television. The film Recorder: The Marion Stokes Project premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival before being theatrically released and subsequently released on streaming services, where it is still available to watch.