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'It Ends With Us' film has people discussing the nuanced elements of domestic violence

The movie gives us a glimpse of how complex and confusing abusive relationships are from the inside.

scene from "it ends with us"
Sony Pictures Entertainment/YouTube

Justin Baldoni directed and stars in "It Ends With Us."

The film adaptation of Colleen Hoover's bestselling novel "It Ends With Us" has been a smashing success at the box office, with its $242 million haul in its first three weeks exceeding industry expectations and blowing far past its $25 million budget.

The movie has also led to much-needed conversations about intimate partner violence. Despite the bizarrely mixed promotion of the film (with star and co-producer Blake Lively being criticized for downplaying the domestic violence aspect while co-star and director Justin Baldoni has focused his interviews on addressing it), viewers are leaving theaters digesting a story of an abusive relationship that may feel painfully familiar or like nothing they'd ever seen before. And both of those moviegoing experiences are prompting discussions about the aspects of of domestic violence that we often don't hear or talk about.

(This article contains movie spoilers and some depictions of abuse, so please be warned.)

Why Justin Baldoni decided to adapt "It Ends With Us" as a film

Baldoni has said that he wanted to make "It Ends With Us" to bring hope to women who see themselves in Lily Bloom, the main character who ends up in an abusive relationship, and help empower them to make a different choice for themselves. To help tackle such a sensitive and complex subject. Baldoni and his production company, Wayfarer Studios, partnered with the domestic violence organization No More in the creation and promotion of the film.

"The only way I could direct this movie is if I had a group of women, specifically, behind me who are specialists in this space, Baldoni told TODAY. "And from the very beginning, we worked very hard to create a very truthful and honest story that could reflect the reality of what millions and millions of people go through every day."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

As Baldoni told TODAY, there is no typical abuser or typical victim. But since the release of "It Ends With Us," many women who have experienced intimate partner violence have praised the way the film depicts the complexity and nuance of abusive relationships, and many women have shared that they appreciated the care that went into telling the story. Some have even come forward to say that the film inspired them to leave their own abusive relationships.

How are domestic violence survivors reacting to "It Ends With Us"?

"Not sure if you will ever see this, but I'm leaving 10 years of absolute hell after seeing it ends with us, thank you. It ends with me, too," shared one person.

"I left an 8 year relationship after watching this movie-twice...Thank you Justin for promoting the right way and creating an awareness on the seriousness of DV," wrote another commenter.

"I was Lily Bloom 17 years ago," shared another. "It's crazy how you were able to show the audience the victim's perspective. It's not always obvious for many reasons. We see the person's good or have hope they can change because they've shown us some love. For me it was always an accident or something that happened because of heightened emotions. I didn't want to be that girl either so I would always feel it was us both of us doing this. But the day I left with my babies, my two girls... I asked him the same question. He didn't give me the right answer though. He said, 'I would tell them to go back to their husband because that's what they signed up for and where they belong' Leaving was hard but staying would've been hell!! I'm so happy to say I'm with a real man that had showed me real love and loves my girls we have been married 12+ years."

"You know I went into this movie to hate watch it honestly, I thought it was going to be some fifty shades fanfic esque flick, but I actually want to thank you for making this from the bottom of my heart," wrote another. "When you are in that situation it feels like no one understands why you can't just walk away, but you are so enraptured and the love of an abuser can feel larger than life. I’ve never felt more connected to a story and as someone currently on the fence of going back to a situation like this or letting that love go, this was what I needed. This felt real and it was activating but freeing. Thank you."

How does "It Ends With Us" portray an abusive relationship?

I saw the movie as someone who hasn't experiences domestic violence and was curious to see if others had similar takeaways as I did. A handful of people have expressed concern that domestic violence is "glamorized" in the story, but I didn't get that from the film at all. I didn't read the book, so can't compare the two, but what I took away from the movie was the uncomfortable truth that abusive relationships are not as black-and-white as many people think.

To be clear, abuse in a relationship is always a deal breaker. That's not in question. But what we see in this movie is that abusive relationships can be really confusing from the inside. There are some abusers out there who are just plain monsters, but they're often more like Baldoni's character, Ryle. He is loving, tender, supportive—and even gentle—most of the time. There are some red flags in the way he pursues Lily in the beginning, but they're the kinds of things many consider charming and flattering. We see him kick a chair in an outburst of anger in his first scene, but we're able to understand his anger in that moment, even if his expression of it is a bad sign.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What I took away from the film is how a woman can genuinely fall in love with an abuser and how she can justify or explain away abusive incidents because she doesn't want to admit, even to herself, that she is in an abusive relationship. Throughout the film, we see Ryle through Lily's eyes, as an "unreliable narrator" (her own words). We see the times he hurts her as accidents and his explanations of what happened played out as reality. It's not until Ryle does something that can't be explained away that we see Lily's recovered memories of what actually happened in those other incidents.

Ryle didn't accidentally swing his hand because he burned it; he hit Lily in a rage. She didn't fall down the stairs during a fight; he pushed her. As a viewer, even knowing the movie was about an abusive relationship, I found myself somewhat confused about whether Ryle was really abusive until he tried to rape her and we got to see Lily's more accurate memories revealed. As a person who hasn't been in those shoes, I appreciated seeing a perspective from the inside, how what Lily feels and what she experiences are conflicting and confusing.

How can someone get out of an abusive relationship?

I've seen some people complain that Ryle was portrayed as a sympathetic character because his own childhood trauma is revealed to explain his rage issues, but two things can be true at once. A person can have experienced a severe trauma that results in violent outbursts and their behavior can be unacceptable and inexcusable in a relationship. A partner can be sweet and supportive and also abusive, making them an unequivocal abuser. If your partner is wonderful 98% of the time and abusive 2% of the time, you are in an abusive relationship. Full stop. That 98% can be seductive enough to convince you to put up with the 2%, but that's not how it works. There's no amount of abuse that's worth staying for.

One element of the story that experts have raised concerns about is the fact that Ryle doesn't put up a fight when Lily tells him she wants a divorce. That's not often how it goes, and unfortunately the 18 months after leaving an abusive partner are statistically the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship. Again, every abusive relationship has its own dynamic, but women who decide to leave should be aware of the patterns and have a safety plan in place beforehand.

"It Ends With Us" may have hit some marketing snags with the behind-the-scenes drama and problematic promotion dominating the headlines, but beyond all the media noise is a film that has people talking about domestic violence in a deep and meaningful way. And that's definitely a good thing.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Visit nomore.org.

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Too young to be a Boomer, too old to be Gen X: Meet the microgeneration 'Generation Jones'

Generation Jones is made up of people born from 1954 to 1965.

generation jones, gen jones, gen jonesers, girls in 1970s, 1970s, teens 1970s
Image via Wikimedia Commons

Generation Jones is the microgeneration of people born from 1954 to 1965.

Generational labels have become cultural identifiers. These include Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha. And each of these generations is defined by its unique characteristics, personalities and experiences that set them apart from other generations.

But in-between these generational categories are "microgenerations", who straddle the generation before and after them. For example, "Xennial" is the microgeneration name for those who fall on the cusp of Gen X and Millennials.

And there is also a microgeneration between Baby Boomers and Gen X called Generation Jones, which is made up of people born from 1954 to 1965. But what exactly differentiates Gen Jones from the Boomers and Gen Xers that flank it?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

What is Generation Jones?

"Generation Jones" was coined by writer, television producer and social commentator Jonathan Pontell to describe the decade of Americans who grew up in the '60s and '70s. As Pontell wrote of Gen Jonesers in Politico:

"We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged. Jonesers have a unique identity separate from Boomers and GenXers. An avalanche of attitudinal and behavioural data corroborates this distinction."

Pontell describes Jonesers as "practical idealists" who were "forged in the fires of social upheaval while too young to play a part." They are the younger siblings of the boomer civil rights and anti-war activists who grew up witnessing and being moved by the passion of those movements but were met with a fatigued culture by the time they themselves came of age. Sometimes, they're described as the cool older siblings of Gen X. Unlike their older boomer counterparts, most Jonesers were not raised by WWII veteran fathers and were too young to be drafted into Vietnam, leaving them in between on military experience.

How did Generation Jones get its name?

generation jones, gen jones, gen jones teen, generation jones teenager, what is generation jones A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons

Gen Jones gets its name from the competitive "keeping up with the Joneses" spirit that spawned during their populous birth years, but also from the term "jonesin'," meaning an intense craving, that they coined—a drug reference but also a reflection of the yearning to make a difference that their "unrequited idealism" left them with. According to Pontell, their competitiveness and identity as a "generation aching to act" may make Jonesers particularly effective leaders:

"What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead."

@grownupdish

Are you Generation Jones? Definitive Guide to Generation Jones https://grownupdish.com/the-definitive-guide-to-generation-jones/ #greenscreen #generationjones #babyboomer #generationx #GenX #over50 #over60 #1970s #midlife #middleage #midlifewomen #grownupdish #over50tiktok #over60women #over60tiktok #over60club

However, generations aren't just calculated by birth year but by a person's cultural reality. Some on the cusp may find themselves identifying more with one generation than the other, such as being culturally more Gen X than boomer. And, of course, not everyone fits into whatever generality they happened to be born into, so stereotyping someone based on their birth year isn't a wise practice. Knowing about these microgenerational differences, however, can help us understand certain sociological realities better as well as help people feel like they have a "home" in the generational discourse.

As many Gen Jonesers have commented, it's nice to "find your people" when you haven't felt like you've fit into the generation you fall into by age. Perhaps in our fast-paced, ever-shifting, interconnected world where culture shifts so swiftly, we need to break generations into 10 year increments instead of 20 to 30 to give everyone a generation that better suits their sensibilities.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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3 types of ‘effortless’ psychology-based opening lines to start a conversation with anyone

Opening lines that are hard to refuse.

teenage boy, teenage girl, conversation, meeting people, talking
Photo credit:Canva/Photos

A teenage girl and boy having a nice chat.

You’re standing in line at the grocery store and you see someone cute. You’d like to strike up a conversation without it being awkward...but that feels kinda nerve-wracking, right? Or maybe you’re standing around at a party and see someone you’d like to get to know, and want to approach them in a way that doesn’t feel uncomfortable. That probably feels a little scary, too.

The good news is that with a few easy tricks, you can improve your communication skills and feel confident approaching anyone.

According to years of psychological research, several principles can help make striking up conversations with strangers easier. The great thing is that they all work best when approached in a casual, effortless way.

1. Comment on the environment

Let’s say you’re at a party in someone’s living room. You can comment on physical objects: “Gee, this guy sure has a lot of books.” Or maybe you’re at a party where everyone brought food: “The food smells great. What are you grabbing first?” You can also comment on people’s behavior: “Is it me, or is everyone really well dressed tonight?”

This works because of the Joint Attention Effect, which says that when two people pay attention to the same thing at the same time, they create a common point of reference. This shared focus can immediately make people feel closer, even in social situations.

man and woman, wine, social skills, conversation

2. Make a playful comment

People will usually respond when you make a playful or unexpected comment, as long as it isn’t threatening. For example, if the person you want to talk to is holding a cocktail, you might joke, “That drink looks serious.” If you’re stuck in a long line: “Do you know why we’re here? I almost forgot why we’re in line—it’s been so long.” Or if you’re at a child’s birthday party and spot another parent you’d like to talk to: “Be honest, how tired of Little Caesars’ pizza are you?”

This works because of the Benign Violations Theory, which suggests that when someone violates a social norm in a non-threatening way, it makes people laugh and activates bonding mechanisms. It signals to your new friend that you’re playful and friendly, and when they laugh at your joke, it shows that you share similar values.

man and woman, people laughing, sitting on couch, good company, jokes

3. Ask their opinion

Another effortless way to engage someone you don’t know is to ask their opinion. For example, if you’re in the produce section at the supermarket, you might ask, “Do these peaches look good to you?” Or if you’re at a party and bring up a pop culture moment most people watched: “So, was Bad Bunny great at the Super Bowl, or is he overrated?”

This works because of what’s known as Cognitive Ease: people are more likely to respond to questions that are easy to process. Asking someone for their subjective opinion is non-threatening, and it’s easy for them to come up with an answer that makes them feel comfortable. Plus, if social media has taught us anything, it’s that everyone loves to share their opinions.

drinks, bar, socializing, man and woman, party

Next step: Pivot and ask questions

Given that all of these strategies are psychologically designed to elicit a response, even from someone you’ve never met, you have a strong chance of sparking a conversation. The key is to widen the exchange once you get that response by asking two more questions. In fact, a Harvard University study found that one of the easiest ways to be likable is to start a conversation with a question and then follow up with two more.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors wrote. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

These three psychological rules show that it doesn’t take a Herculean effort to coax a stranger into having a conversation. All you have to do is make an effortless invitation by tapping into the environment you share with them, make a playful joke, or ask their opinion. Then ask a few questions, listen, and there’s a good chance you’ve made a new friend.

Pop Culture

A nail salon's ads are so funny people are taking road trips to Canada just for a manicure

He puts a new twist on videos we all love.

nail salon ad; funny nail salon ad; Henry Pro Nails videos; viral videos; canada manicure; canadian nail tech
Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there, and without word-of-mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, many businesses can advertise their services without spending much on traditional marketing like television, billboards, and radio. Using pictures and videos of their amazing work to market can help maintain a steady flow of customers, but one Canadian nail salon is taking a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails which started in Toronto, Canada, is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video uses the beginnings of several viral clips, but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in to complete the viral moment in hilarious, unexpected ways.

HenryProNails takes viral videos and turns them into funny marketing

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears, lying out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, red nail polish, manicure, hands A woman getting her nails painted.via Canva/Photos


In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative, and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet-famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this one is, without a doubt, his most popular—and effective.

People love Henry's videos

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours, and it's only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately, it made all other places disappointing, and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.


In another hilarious video, Henry urges a woman not to divorce her husband for not cooking her dinner, but instead to come get her nails done so she'll feel a lot better.


Henry also jumped onto the "very demure, very mindful" trend on TikTok with his own take on the phrase.



It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what keeps them coming back. If you're ever in Canada and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Jim Henson interviewing with Muppets is a delightful reminder of his magical genius

Even adults would forget that his characters weren't actually alive.

jim henson, muppets, puppets, puppeteering, the muppet show
Public domain

Jim Henson with some of his Muppets

Few individuals have had an impact on the childhoods of millions and the imaginations of people of all ages like Jim Henson. From Sesame Street to The Muppet Show to The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, Gen Xers grew up with Henson's magic being a familiar and comforting presence. And to this day, over three decades after his death, the characters he created are still household names.

For those of us who were raised on Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, Kermit, and Miss Piggy, Henson's creatures feel as real as any living, breathing performer from our childhoods. But it's not just because we were kids when we were introduced to them. Even adults who met the Muppets found themselves transported into Henson's imaginary world, and after seeing interviews of the puppeteer with his creatures, it's easy to see why.

Watch:

Henson didn't even pretend to not be controlling Kermit. He didn't bother with ventriloquism. And yet, Kermit feels truly alive and separate from the person animating him. It almost feels surreal. Or perhaps just...real.

Henson's characters even convinced film crew members

Both guests and crew members alike found themselves pulled into Henson's world, even while fully understanding that the puppets were being controlled by people. The crew would sometimes move the boom mic to a puppet instead of the puppeteer. Directors would sometimes give stage directions directly to the Muppet instead of the human animating it. Dick Cavett, who interviewed Henson with his Muppets, said, “No matter how much you know about this, it’s completely convincing.”

Even when a Muppet would explain the fact that the person was speaking to a puppet, it still seemed like a sentient being. Case in point:

(This may be the one time you see Henson swear, but in context, it's brilliantly wholesome.)

@guygilchrist

My old boss’s last public performance as Rowlf.🐶🙏🏻 . . #jimhenson #jimhensonscartoonist #themuppets #fyp #foryoupage



Frank Oz shared what it was like to work with Henson

Of course, Henson didn't work alone. Bringing his characters to life in all the ways he envisioned took the work of many people, but none were more aligned with Henson himself than his partner-in-puppetry, Frank Oz. Oz was the Miss Piggy to Henson's Kermit, the Bert to his Ernie, the Animal to his Dr. Teeth.

Oz started working with Henson when he was just 19 years old, and for 27 years the duo created unforgettable magic together. It wasn't just the puppets. It was the voices, the comedic timing, the way they could make you laugh in one moment and well up with tears in the next. Their creatures entertained us but also taught us about being human, which was a truly remarkable feat.

Oz shared what it was like to work with Henson with Gene Shalit after Henson's death in 1990:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Like Fred Rogers, Jim Henson is remembered for being a distinctly decent person in addition to his creative work. He brought the ancient art of puppetry into the modern world, touching every generation in his lifetime and after in a way that remains unmatched. As the tribute song "A Boy and His Frog" by Tom Smith says:

"They say, 'Oh that's foam and a wire, attached to a green velvet sleeve. Anyone can do that.' Well, that's true, I suppose, but who else can make them believe?" (Grab a tissue before listening to this song, Henson lovers. It's a doozy.)

- YouTube youtu.be

How his legacy lives on

Henson’s children, Lisa, Cheryl, Brian, John, and Heather, have carried on his work by running the Jim Henson Company and Jim Henson Foundation, performing themselves, and continuing to advocate for the art of puppetry. They've also kept Jim Henson's Creature Shop running, creating puppets, animatronics, and even digital puppetry. The shop designed and built the full-size animatronic puppets for the 2023 Five Nights at Freddy's movie and works on television, commercial, and themed projects as well.

In 2024, renowned director Ron Howard released a documentary about Henson's life and work, Jim Henson: Idea Man, which can be found on Disney +.

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Malala Yousafzai's brother reveals beautiful sentiment about living in his sister's shadow

"I'm not in my sister's shadow. I'm in my sister's light."

Malala Yousafzai, Khushal Yousafziai Pakistan, siblings, support, family
Photo credit: Used with permission from Khushal Yousafzai

Malala Yousafzai and her brother, Khushal, pose for a photo.

Malala Yousafzai most certainly has a lot of light. At the young age of 11, she began advocating for education for girls after the Taliban took over her district of Swat in Pakistan. About three years later, she—alongside two other girls—was shot in the head on a bus for her passionate, outspoken views.

She survived and went on to address the United Nations about the importance of education. According to her nonprofit's website:

"The U.N. recognized July 12 as Malala Day, in honour of her courageous advocacy and to highlight the global struggle for education. With her father, her ally and inspiration, she established Malala Fund, an organisation dedicated to giving every girl the opportunity to learn and choose her own future."

Just one year later, she became the youngest-ever recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. She has received numerous awards, been honored by Time Magazine, and continues to inspire people around the world.

Recently, one of her younger brothers, Khushal Yousafzai, was speaking at the Oxford Scholars Program when he was asked whether he ever felt "overshadowed" by his sister's accomplishments. His answer was vulnerable, heartfelt, and lovely:

"My sister nearly died. Forget her winning the Nobel Prize. Forget her getting the limelight. I would give up my life for you to have a life. Death puts things into perspective like nothing else does."

He pauses, then says, "Why would her success take anything away from me? I'm not in my sister's shadow. I'm in my sister's light. And Rumi has this beautiful quote: 'A candle doesn't lose its light when it lights up another candle.' Actually makes the world a brighter place. It lights up the whole room."

He continues with a message about supporting the people you love:

"So guys, uplift each other. If you see your friend, uplift them. Because guess what? We all are gonna die someday. And your friends, I'm sure they mean a lot to you. And at times, there is that feeling of jealousy. You don't want to be going to their funeral and telling their parents how amazing they were. Because guess what? It's too late. So tell them while they're still alive. You don't want to live with that, so uplift people while they're still here."

Khushal speaks frequently to students about his journey. He is also a fierce advocate for education and finding the fuel to live life to its fullest. According to a biography he shared with Upworthy: "Through his educational platform, Yousafzai Academy, he mentors students about personal and academic growth, learning from setbacks, and leadership."

Many commenters on Instagram expressed heartfelt support and said they were deeply touched by his words.

"So beautiful to see his immense love for his sister shared so honestly, vulnerably, and without any hint of shame or resentment," one commenter said. "And the Rumi quote is just so perfect. ❤"

Another notes that his wisdom isn't surprising, considering his whole family is involved in activism: "This family has got all the right things going on! What a gift to the world."

This person was moved by his words, especially by the idea of uplifting people while there's still time: "Wisdom. Beautiful. Fabulous. What a family! Uplift your friends. Uplift people while they are still here. Yes!"

And this commenter deduces that the trauma his family has been through has created a thoughtful empath: "You have a high level of empathy 🙏🏽💕. Only people who have come close to death know the depth of your words and the bond you share with your sister."

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