As you surely know by now, Caitlyn Jenner introduced herself on the cover of Vanity Fair.
And wow, does she look ah-ma-zing!
Just in case your Internet was down, here's a quick recap: The former Olympian, who then went by Bruce Jenner, came out as a transgender woman at the end of April in an ABC special with Diane Sawyer. At the time, Jenner said the preferred pronoun was still "he" and was still using the name Bruce.
Fast forward to June 1, 2015, when Vanity Fair released the cover of its July issue with a stunning photo of Jenner. The caption reads, "Call me Caitlyn."
So, it's pretty clear here that Jenner's name is Caitlyn.
There's even a hashtag that's trending on social media.
If you read the Vanity Fair post or pretty much anything anyone has written about the story, you'll know Caitlyn is her name. In addition, you'll know that Jenner's preferred gender pronoun is now "she."
And if you didn't know, now you do! Boom! Easy.
So simple! So straightforward!
Yet, there are those people who insist on being unkind.
"Sorry... still calling you Bruce," a former child star tweeted in response to the news. It's not just semi-used-to-be-famous people who are making immature and unkind remarks, though. Go to any Facebook comment thread about Caitlyn's Vanity Fair cover and you'll see it happening several times.
Why?
It's not funny — it's mean. It's not about political correctness — it's about respecting someone's identity.
What's the point of being ugly and hurtful?
In a new video, vlogger Nicola Foti (aka soundlyawake) says the things that need saying about intentionally misgendering someone.
Caitlyn's transition might not make a lot of sense to people who don't fully understand gender identity yet. That's OK. It can take time to fully understand something new.
Here's a good rule of thumb:
And listen, nobody's perfect. This is a learning process for so many people. That's what makes Caitlyn Jenner's openness pretty cool. We all have an opportunity to gain new knowledge here.
So if you make a mistake, keep Foti's advice in mind:
"Also, if you mess up — but your intentions are there — if you accidentally call Caitlyn 'Bruce' and someone calls you out on it, don't be defensive or dismissive. But if your intentions are true, great. That's perfect.
But impact is still more important than intent, so if someone is upset that you made a mistake, just apologize for your mistake. Just say, 'I'm sorry. I messed up. I'm still learning. Thank you for letting me know.'
WHOA! SO EASY!"
I highly recommend this awesome commentary on why the "I'm still calling you Bruce" line is pretty much the worst. It's funny and it's true.
Watch the video here:
At the end of the day, there is so much good that will come from this.
While no one person represents an entire group of people, my hope is that the transgender community will have more visibility because of Caitlyn's openness and that we can continue to move toward a place of understanding and acceptance.
I'd say that with a response like this, it's happening.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.