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Childless people over 50 are honestly reflecting on whether they made the right decision

Spoiler alert: They’re totally fine with it.

childless couples, kid-free life, regrets of seniors
via Pexels

Childless people over 50 discuss their decision.

People who decide not to have children are often unfairly judged by those who chose a different life path. People with children can be especially judgmental to women who’ve decided to opt out of motherhood.

“You will regret it!” is one of the most common phrases lobbed at those who choose to remain childless. Why do people think they’ll have such awful regrets? Because they often say they’ll wind up “lonely and sad” when they’re older.

They also say that life without children is without purpose and that when the childless get older they’ll have no one to take care of them. One of the most patronizing critiques thrown at childless women is that they will never “feel complete” unless they have a child.

However, a lot of these critiques say more about the person doling them out than the person who decides to remain childless.

Maybe, just maybe, their life is fulfilling enough without having to reproduce. Maybe, just maybe, they can have a life full of purpose without caring for any offspring.

Maybe the question should be: What’s lacking in your life that you need a child to feel complete?

Studies show that some people regret being childless when they get older, but they’re in the minority.

An Australian researcher found that a quarter of child-free women came to regret the decision once they were past child-bearing age and began contemplating old age alone.

People revealed the reasons they’ve decided to be childless in an article by The Upshot. The top answers were the desire for more leisure time, the need to find a partner and the inability to afford child care. A big reason that many women decide not to have children is that motherhood feels like more of a choice these days, instead of a foregone conclusion as it was in previous decades.

Reddit user u/ADreamyNightOwl asked a “serious” question about being childless to the AskReddit subforum and received a lot of honest answers. They asked “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?”

The people who responded are overwhelmingly happy with their decision not to have children.

A surprising number said they felt positive about their decision because they thought they’d be a lousy parent. Others said they were happy to have been able to enjoy more free time than their friends and family members who had kids.

Here are some of the best responses to the Askreddit question.

1. Never had any desire.

"I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.

"Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own." — IBeTrippin

2. No desire. No regrets.

"Nope. It was never something I wanted. No regrets." — BornaCrone

3. Mixed feelings.

"I have mixed feelings. I don't care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn't have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.

"But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I'm very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I'm exposed to other people's kids." — ProfessorOzone

4. They never visit.

"My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learned that the whole 'well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older' line is complete bullshit. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets." — joevilla1369

5. It wasn't an option.

"I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least. So yeah... I have regrets." — MaerakiStudioMe

6. Grandkids are cooler.

"No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's 10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!" — Zublor

7. I'd be a bad parent.


"Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting." — Videoman7189

8. I'd rather be the cool aunt and uncle.

"No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle." — laudinum

9. Loneliness is underrated.


"54 yrs.old. I've lived the past 30 years alone. Presently my dog and I are chillin' in a nice hotel on a spur of the moment vacation. I'd maybe be a grandfather by now?! I can't imagine what it would be like to have family. I picture a life lived more "normally" sometimes. All sunshine and roses, white picket fence, etc. but I realize real life isn't like that. No I don't regret being childfree or wifefree for that matter. My life can be boring at times but then I look back at all the drama that comes with relationships and think I've dodged a bullet. I spent 20 years trying to find a wife to start a family. Then I realized the clock had run out, so fuck it, all the money I'd saved for my future family would be spent on myself. Hmmmmm...what do I want to buy myself for Christmas?" — Hermits_Truth

10. No diaper changes and no regrets.

"Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other people's kids are great. Mostly because they are other people's. When people ask 'Who will take care of you when you're old' I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old." — fwubglubbel

11. Zero desire.

"I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.

"And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way." — GrowlKitty

12. D.I.N.K.

"Dual income no kids = great lifestyle!" — EggOntheRun

13. Some regrets

"Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though." — Johnny-Virgil


This article originally appeared on 02.08.22

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Joy

A stray dog saves her dying puppy’s life by bringing her to the veterinarian in Istanbul

A dog's motherly instinct and trust in humans saved a puppy's life

@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

A stray dog brought her lifeless puppy to the doorstep of a local veterinarian clinic, saving its life.

In the Beylikdüzü district in Istanbul, security camera footage showed a stray dog holding a puppy in its mouth and bringing it to the doorstep of a local veterinary clinic. The veterinarian that answered the door found the puppy lifeless and took it in while the pup’s mother followed.

The puppy received emergency treatment, as it was dying from a slow heartbeat due to the cold outside. Throughout the treatment, the mother dog stayed at her puppy’s side. Thanks to quick action and care, the puppy survived and is being cared for at the clinic alongside its mother. This puppy turned out to be related to another puppy that was brought in by other animal lovers beforehand, with the belief that it was the sole survivor of its litter.

"We thought all of them had died. It turns out there was one sibling that survived,” said veterinarian and clinic owner, Baturalp Oğhan in an interview. “When our technician noticed the situation, he brought it inside. We realized the puppy's heart was beating. We placed it in intensive care. It is currently continuing treatment with its sibling."


A veterinarian treating a puppy on a table in a clinic as a mother dog watches nearbyThe puppy's mother stayed with her child as the veterinarian administered treatment.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is unfortunate that the rest of the litter had passed, this mother dog’s actions not only saved one of her pups but had reunited her with another one.

According to World Population Review, there is a pet dog in 30% of all households globally. There are 90 million pet dogs housed in the United States alone. Bear in mind, that is counting the dogs that are housed and cared for by humans. Just imagine how many dogs are still out there like that mother dog, along with the number of dogs that sadly didn’t make it like that lucky puppy.

Two puppies eating out of a bowlThe puppy is recovering nicely alongside its sibling.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner


While it is remarkable that this mother dog, out of memory, instinct, desperation, or a combination of those traits took her puppy to the clinic, the onus cannot be on dogs themselves to receive the help and care they need. Fortunately, there are several animal shelters and clinics that can help care for these animals, but they still need to find ways to get there. Not all of them have smart dog mothers that can get them to a helpful human vet.

Puppy sleeping against a mother dogThe puppy lives thanks to its mother's quick action and trust in local veterinarians.@beylikduzu_alfa_veteriner

If you wish to help out a stray animal, such as a dog or cat, there are some steps you can take to be prepared if the situation presents itself. The Humane Society has a bunch of quality tips, such as keeping your car with supplies like fresh water, bowls, pet food, heavy blankets,and such to keep the animal comfortable while waiting for animal control to arrive at the scene or if you choose to transport them yourself to a nearby shelter. Before you stock up, you should research to see if there are any state or local laws regarding housing lost or stray animals to make sure you’re following the legal methods.

We share a lot of space with “man’s best friend” and the least we can do is be a best friend back to them, especially when they’re in need.

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Health

Difference in how 'managers' and 'makers' view time explains why some hate meetings so much

Paul Graham's explanation is spot on.

Reese Jones/Facebook

The way makers use time makes meetings far more disruptive than they are for managers.

Most people don't look at their work calendar on any given day and say, "Yay! I have a meeting!" Most of us just understand and accept that meetings are a part of work life in most industries.

Some people, however, are far more negatively impacted by scheduled meetings than others. For people involved in creating or producing, meetings are actively disruptive to work in a way that isn't often the case for managers.

A viral post with an explanation from Paul Graham breaks down why.

Graham is a computer scientist, entrepreneur, venture capitalist, and author. In 2009, he described on his website the differences between the way managers and makers utilize work time and how meetings affect their workflow. It's a brilliant observation that rings true for people in various fields, and understanding this difference can help bridge the gap that often exists between those who work in creation or production and those who manage them.

Graham's explanation was shared by Reese Jones on Facebook with a graphic that shows the difference in how time is seen between managers (people who manage others—the bosses) and makers (writers, artists, programmers—the creators). The manager's time during the day is split into small blocks, whereas the maker's is split into two large chunks.

"One reason programmers dislike meetings so much is that they're on a different type of schedule from other people," Graham wrote. "Meetings cost them more."


Graham explained that managers and makers work on two different types of schedules. The manager's schedule looks more like an appointment book, with the day broken into one-hour intervals.

"You can block off several hours for a single task if you need to, but by default, you change what you're doing every hour," he explained. "When you use time that way, it's merely a practical problem to meet with someone. Find an open slot in your schedule, book them, and you're done."

Generally, the folks in power are on this kind of schedule. But those who make things don't think in hours. Writers, artists, programmers, and others who create for a living work in half-day units at least.

"You can't write or program well in units of an hour," wrote Graham. "That's barely enough time to get started."

Then he got to the heart of the problem with managers making meetings for makers:

"When you're operating on the maker's schedule, meetings are a disaster. A single meeting can blow a whole afternoon, by breaking it into two pieces each too small to do anything hard in. Plus you have to remember to go to the meeting. That's no problem for someone on the manager's schedule. There's always something coming on the next hour; the only question is what. But when someone on the maker's schedule has a meeting, they have to think about it.

"For someone on the maker's schedule, having a meeting is like throwing an exception. It doesn't merely cause you to switch from one task to another; it changes the mode in which you work."

Bingo. As a "maker" myself, I can attest to this description being spot on for me personally. If I have to attend a meeting, it's best for it to be right at the beginning or end of those two blocks of time. Tossing one into the middle of the morning or middle of the afternoon is far more disruptive than someone who isn't a maker might understand.

Many people in the comments complained about meetings being a waste of time, but I don't think that's the case all or even most of the time. I see the value in many kinds of meetings and as someone who largely works alone, I actually do sometimes look at the calendar and say "Yay! A meeting!" The issue isn't so much meetings themselves as their timing.

Graham explained that a meeting can sometimes blow half a day for a maker—not that the meeting itself takes half a day—purely due to the interruption of the workflow.

"Each type of schedule works fine by itself," he wrote. "Problems arise when they meet. Since most powerful people operate on the manager's schedule, they're in a position to make everyone resonate at their frequency if they want to. But the smarter ones restrain themselves, if they know that some of the people working for them need long chunks of time to work in."

Graham's post can be read in its entirety here. It's worth perusing whether you're a manager or a maker. The more we understand the different ways different people operate, the more we can learn to respect and honor one another's needs, which ultimately makes us all more successful.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Pets

Family brings home the wrong dog from daycare until their cats saved the day

A quick trip to the vet confirmed the cats' and family's suspicions.

Fox 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul|YouTube

Family accidentally brings wrong dog home but their cats knew

It's not a secret that nearly all golden retrievers are identical. Honestly, magic has to be involved for owners to know which one belongs to them when more than one golden retriever is around. Seriously, how do they all seem have the same face? It's like someone fell asleep on the copy machine when they were being created.

Outside of collars, harnesses and bandanas, immediately identifying the dog that belongs to you has to be a secret skill because at first glance, their personalities are also super similar. That's why it's not surprising when one family dropped off their sweet golden pooch at daycare and to be groomed, they didn't notice the daycare sent out the wrong dog.

See, not even their human parents can tell them apart because when the swapped dog got home, nothing seemed odd to the owners at first. She was freshly groomed so any small differences were quickly brushed off. But this accidental doppelgänger wasn't fooling her feline siblings.

Once the dog was in their house, they noticed that their cats started behaving strangely towards their canine sibling. The cats started attacking the dog, likely trying to get it to tell them what they did with their real dog sister. Cat slaps and a house full of strange people didn't dampen the imposter's spirit though, in fact, that's what helped reveal the switcharoo.

This dog kept handing out face kisses and had no interest in seeing her favorite neighbor. After putting all of those things together, the owners decided to hightail it to the vet's office to scan the dog's microchip. Alas, they indeed had the wrong dog.

"We just never even thought that that would happen, and of course we thought we would know right? Like we're her parents, we would know something was wrong, we would know right off the bat that it wasn't Emmy," Kebby Kelley told Fox 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Seems both golden retrievers got to go on a really strange adventure that deserves a lifetime of delicious dog treats for the confusion.

See both sweet pups below:

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Education & Information

Professor's hilariously exasperated message to students illustrates how teachers are so done

"I will then promptly print 100 copies of the assignment out, put them in a pile, light that pile on fire, and dance around the rubble as it burns. I will then put my hand on the smoldering embers so that I may feel again. Feel what, you might ask? Anything. Literally anything."

Photo by Vanessa Garcia from Pexels

A professor's message to students has gone viral.

If you know any teachers, you probably know how utterly exhausted they all are, from preschools all the way up through college. Pandemic schooling has been rough, to say the least, and teachers have borne the brunt of the impact it's had on students.

Most teachers I've known have bent over backwards to help students succeed during this time, taking kids' mental and emotional health into consideration and extending the flexibility and grace we all could use. But teachers have their own mental and emotional needs, too, and at some point, something's gotta give.

A college student posted screenshots of a professor's message on X (formerly Twitter) with the comment "someone PLEASE check on my professor." It's simply incredible.

The message reads:

"There is no class tomorrow. I've got some things to take care of regarding this and my other class, and my full time job. I have received countless emails about zeroes on assignments either through errors I've made, you've made, or simply people not realizing or knowing they were supposed to turn it in and then realizing in panic they received a zero on it for (surprise), not turning it in. It seems that giving you a free assignment so long as you turn SOMETHING in created far more chaos than good will. Apologies. That's on me. And you. But also me. But also you."

Then it went on…

The professor gave a bulleted list of instructions for what clearly sounds like a very simple, easy assignment designed to give students an opportunity to boost their grades:

  • Submit it. I've extended the deadline until tomorrow before Midnight.
  • If you do NOT turn it in before then. I'm sorry. It's a zero. No excuses at this point and frankly, I regret ever trying to make this assignment easier because it's created more problems at this point.
  • I will look at these, do not do something stupid like type 'b' or 'i did it'. I will become enraged and bitch about you for exactly 15 seconds to anyone within my proximity who will listen. I will not hold back.
  • After I receive these, I will give you full credit (pending the above prerequisites). I will then promptly print 100 copies of the assignment out, put them in a pile, light that pile on fire, and dance around the rubble as it burns. I will then put my hand on the smoldering embers so that I may feel again. Feel what, you might ask? Anything. Literally anything.
  • I will then sleep like a baby, having put this nightmare behind me.

Absolutely classic.

The professor saw the tweet his students shared after it went viral and chimed in with a response.

And he added an update on how things were going on the assignment front.

Other teachers responded to his woes, commiserating over students being handed a chance to improve their scores and simply … not doing it.

It's been a challenge during the pandemic to figure out how much to expect of any of us, hasn't it? Some leeway is definitely warranted, but are we enabling bad habits when we give too much? There are no right answers to that question. We're all winging it, trying to navigate uncharted waters and having to constantly readjust as things change.

It's exhausting. We're all exhausted. But teachers are at a level of "done" that few of us can fathom. Healthcare workers can fathom it. Anyone working with the public during the pandemic might get close. But until you've actually taught, you don't know. Teaching is hard under normal circumstances. Pandemic teaching is a whole other ballgame.

We feel you, teachers. Hang in there, and enjoy this bit that will undoubtedly feel familiar:

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Pop Culture

George Harrison's elaborate prank on Phil Collins may be the funniest joke in rock history

George Harrison wasn't just a great musician, he was hilarious.

via Philippe Roos / Flickr and Wikimedia Commons

Phil Collins and George Harrison

Beatle George Harrison was pigeon-holed as the "Quiet Beatle," but the youngest member of the Fab Four had an acerbic, dry sense of humor that was as sharp as the rest of his bandmates.

He gave great performances in the musical comedy classics, "A Hard Days Night" and "Help!" while holding his own during The Beatles' notoriously anarchic press conferences. After he left the band in 1970, in addition to his musical career, he would produce the 1979 Monty Python classic, The Life of Brian.

Harrison clearly didn't lose his sense of humor for the rest of his life. Shortly before his death in 2001, he played an elaborate prank on Phil Collins that shows how the "Here Comes the Sun" singer would go the extra mile for a laugh.

gif of George Harrison making facesThe Beatles Love GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy

In 1970, Harrison was recording his first solo record (and arguably the best by a Beatle), All things Must Pass. The session for the song, "The Art of Dying," featured former Beatle Ringo Starr on drums, keyboard legend Billy Preston on keys, the famed Eric Clapton on guitar, and was produced by the notorious Phil Spector.

Harrison wanted a conga player for the session, so Ringo's chauffeur reached out to Phil Collins' manager. At the time, Collins was a relative unknown who was about to join Genesis, a band that would bring him worldwide stardom.

The 18-year-old Collins was starstruck playing on a session with two former Beatles, so he played extra hard in rehearsals, resulting in blood blisters on both hands.

gif of Phil CollinsPhil Collins 80S GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy

"Anyway, after about two hours of this, Phil Spector says, 'Okay congas, you play this time.' And I'd had my mic off, so everybody laughed, but my hands were shot," Collins told Express.

"And just after that they all disappeared—someone said they were watching TV or something—and I was told I could go." After that, Collins was relieved of his duties and told to go home. A few months later, Collins bought the massive triple album in the record shop and was devastated to learn he'd been edited out of the song.

"There must be some mistake! Collins thought. "But it's a different version of the song, and I'm not on it."

Some thirty years later, Collins bought the home of Formula One driver Jackie Stewart, a close friend of Harrison. Stewart mentioned to Collins that Harrison was remixing "All Things Must Pass" for a rerelease.

"And he said, 'You were on it, weren't you?' And I said, 'Well I was there,"' Collins recalled.

gif of George Harrison album coverGeorge Harrison Animated Album Cover GIF by uDiscoverMusic - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy

Two days later, a tape was delivered from Harrison to Collins with a note that read: "Could this be you?" Collins continued: "I rush off and listen to it, and straight away I recognize it." It was a recording of "The Art of Dying."

"Suddenly the congas come in— too loud and just awful," said Collins. Then at the end of the take, Harrison can be heard saying, "Hey, Phil, can we try another without the conga player?" Collins was devastated, to say the least.

A while later, Stewart calls Collins and puts Harrison on the line. "'Did you get the tape?' Harrison asked. "I now realize I was fired by a Beatle," Collins sighed. The two changed the subject, but a few minutes later, Harrison couldn't stop laughing.

"Don't worry, it was a piss-take. I got Ray Cooper to play really badly and we dubbed it on," Harrison admitted. "Thought you'd like it!" So, Harrison had an entire recording session with a conga player who he asked to play poorly, just to pull one over on Collins.

gif of George Harrison smilingThe Beatles Smile GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy

If you're in the mood for another of rock's greatest pranks. The story of "The Ring" told by Beastie Boys' Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz shared in Beastie Boys Story is another great example of someone going to incredible lengths just for a laugh.

The story revolves around the late Beasties' rapper Adam "MCA" Yach, his bandmate Horovitz, and a very creepy ring given to him by a fan backstage at a concert. Check it out below:

Ahh, rock stars.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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