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Being a 'good man' is not a defense when someone is accused of sexual assault.

Whenever a well-respected man is accused of sexual assault, people who know him as a "good man" step up to defend him.

It's understandable. We all want to think we really know the people we know, and when someone has shown us that they are upstanding citizens, it's hard to imagine that they could do something horrible.

But time and time again, we've seen "good men" get caught with their pants down—figuratively and literally. And until we get past the idea that a community helper who serves others selflessly cannot also be an abuser or sexual predator, we are going to keep believing the wrong people more often than not.


Cases in point: Priests who abused children, impregnated minors, procured abortions—and the bishops who allowed them to keep working.

The Pennsylvania grand jury report on sex abuse in the Catholic church has revealed some stories that should make us question what we think we know about good men.

For example, the priest who raped a girl repeatedly and then assisted her in getting an abortion when he impregnated her was probably a good man in many people's eyes. He was a priest, after all. No doubt he aided the poor, visited the sick, comforted the grieving, and offered sage counsel. I'm sure many people admired and respected him and the work he did.

But that doesn't mean he didn't have sex with a child.

And the bishop who, upon hearing about this priest's predicament, sent a letter to him saying, "This is a very difficult time in your life, and I realize how upset you are. I too share your grief," and then recommended him to minister in a different area of the country—he was undoubtedly a wonderful man in many people's eyes too.

All of the priests who molested choir boys and the higher clergy who covered it up were probably awesome, highly respected citizens in their communities.

The terrifying truth is that "good men" make the best predators.

Bill Cosby was everyone's favorite dad. He gave to charities and worked to help young black men lead better lives. He was also a serial rapist.

Boy Scout leaders have molested children—and most of them were literally Boy Scouts. Clergymen, teachers, civic leaders, politicians—these are all people who are serving the community, but that doesn't not mean that they couldn't possible be abusing their power and preying on the unsuspecting behind closed doors.

Being a "good man" is not a defense when someone is accused of sexual assault. It's just not. In fact, those are the men who most often get away with it because who would believe that a man who ministers to the needy, who exemplifies righteousness, who gives time and money to charity could do something heinous? But it happens all the time.

Most "good men" aren't predators and not all accusations are provable. But the statistics tell us who we should lean toward believing first.

I know some really wonderful men, and it would throw my world into a spin if any of them were accused of abuse or assault. But I wouldn't automatically dismiss an allegation simply because I know someone to be a good man.

Statistically, it's much more likely that an incident of reported assault actually happened than not. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center's review of the research, between 2.1 and 7.1% of sexual violence reports turn out to be false. Even at that, the center asserts that those numbers tend to be overinflated because of inconsistencies in reporting protocol and unclear definitions of sexual assault.

The truth is that most sexual assaults go unreported, most allegations turn out to be true, and alleged victims have a lot to lose by coming forward with an accusation. So when someone does come forward, the societal default should not be based on the legal imperative of "Innocent until proven guilty." It should be based on the statistical reality that tell us "Chances are the accuser is telling the truth."

Too many "good men" have done bad things for us to use character perceptions as a meaningful defense.

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

True

A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
Health

Artists got fed up with these 'anti-homeless spikes.' So they made them a bit more ... comfy.

"Our moral compass is skewed if we think things like this are acceptable."

Photo courtesy of CC BY-ND, Immo Klink and Marco Godoy

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Recently, Smalley challenged Talissa with navigating a standard U-Haul storage truck. She had to 1) unlock the door 2) roll down a window and 3) start the engine.

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Most people aren't expecting a life changing experience while in the drive-thru but for one mom, it was. Liliana Leahy pulled into the Chick-fil-A drive-thru to grab lunch when her daughter started to choke. Leahy explained that she panicked when her daughter struggled to breathe and was unable to communicate what was wrong. The mom began began screaming.

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Editor's Note: Upworthy earns a percentage of revenue from items purchased on this list.


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  4. Badlands Ranch Superfood Complete Premium Air Dried Dog Food
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  6. Red Barn Whole Grain Land Recipe Dog Food
  7. NOW Foods, Colostrum Powder
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  10. EasyRaw Grass Fed Dehydrated Dog Food
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According to NPR—and the ABBA blaring from my young adult daughter's headphones—we're in the midst of an 80s music revival. As a Gen Xer who came of age in the 80s, I think most of that decade should stay locked in a time capsule, but there are a few songs that have managed to remain timeless despite the synthesizers and bad hair.

A-ha's "Take On Me" is one of them. Despite its consummately-80s sound, the song with the famous sketch animated video is still enjoyable (if not a little earwormy—good luck once it gets stuck in your head).

But a lesser-known 2017 arrangement of the song is actually, miraculusly, even better. A-ha performed "Take On Me" for an MTV Unplugged Summer Solstice album, and it's significantly different than the original. The Norwegian band filmed the performance live on the island of Giske, dropping the electric piano as well as the tempo for a stripped-down version that has become a fan favorite. As of this writing, the video has 97 million views on YouTube.

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