Annoyed When People Talk About White Male Privilege Or Whatever? Think They're Trying To Guilt You?

The term "privilege" is loaded for some people. I get it — it can cause feelings of guilt over something that isn't a favor you asked for. But what I LOVE about this series of posters from the University of San Francisco is showing that what's necessary isn't guilt, but simply awareness. We didn't make the world this way, but we don't have to sit back and just be passive beneficiaries of inherent inequities, either. Just by being aware, you can start to make the world a tiny bit more just. Here are six types of privilege to be aware of and a little primer on what that means.

First, let's all agree that feelings of guilt aren't productive.


When we get to the root of the privilege concept, here's what it is.

There's the privilege of never having to think twice about doing something requiring unfettered physical mobility.

(Lone Mountain is a USF building atop a large hill with lots and lots of stairs.)

There are the built-in perks of being part of a religious cultural norm.

If you're pretty sure that you'll get a chance to explain yourself to an officer and clear up any misunderstanding, you probably have white male privilege (remember, no guilt — we're just discussing concepts here).

Feeling like you were born in the right body comes with some benefits that others don't get to enjoy.

If your honey smooches you before putting you in a cab and you get to ride home basking in good feelings instead of feeling frustrated at dirty looks people gave you:

If you worried about how high your SAT score would be — as opposed to whether you should even take it because college seemed like it's for other people:

Here is what Dr. Walker of the University of San Francisco wants you to know about talking about "privilege."

Some people view discussions around privilege as a bad thing. As if discussing privilege oppresses people or is an attempt to call people out as racist, homophobic, misogynistic, etc. However, that is not the case. Discussions around privilege provide us with a platform to discuss the ways in which society has structurally favored certain groups of people over others and the ways in which we can use the privileges we have to advocate for those who may not be supported by structural systems (i.e., education system, judicial system, health care system). What we often see is that discussions around privilege are met with resistance because people have not had opportunities to discuss their identities and the ways in which they can use their identities to engage in social justice activities or advocate for others.
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"Can I buy you a drink?" is a loaded question.

It could be an innocent request from someone who's interested in having a cordial conversation. Other times, saying "yes" means you may have to fend off someone who feels entitled to spend the rest of the night with you.

In the worst-case scenario, someone is trying to take advantage of you or has a roofie in their pocket.

Feminist blogger Jennifer Dziura found a fool-proof way to stay safe while understanding someone's intentions: ask for a non-alcoholic beverage or food. If they're sincerely interested in spending some time getting to know you, they won't mind buying something booze-free.

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But if it's their intention to lower your defenses, they'll throw a mild tantrum after you refuse the booze. Her thoughts on the "Can I buy you a drink?" conundrum made their way to Tumblr.

via AshleysCo / Tumblr


via AshleysCo / Tumblr

The posts caught the attention of a bartender who knows there are lot of men out there whose sole intention is to get somone drunk to take advantage.

"Most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality," the bartender wrote. "They're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down."

So they shared a few tips on how to be safe and social when someone asks to buy you a drink.

From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, "serve her a stronger drink, I'm trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?" usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I'm a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl's more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.
But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.

Tips for getting drinks-

1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you're none the wiser.

2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn't give two shits that you're not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don't want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you'd like something light, and that's a big clue to us that you're uncomfortable with whomever you're standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.

3. If you're in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here's a list of light liquors, and mixers that won't get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:

X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!

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If you do accept a drink from someone at a bar and you want to talk, there's no need to feel obligated to spend the rest of the night with them.

Jaqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, says to be polite you only have to "Engage in some friendly chit-chat, but you are not obligated to do more than that."

If someone asks to buy you a drink and you don't want it, Whitmore has a great tip. "Say thank you, but you are trying to cut back, have to drive or you don't accept drinks from strangers," Whitmore says.

What if they've already sent the drink over? "Give the drink to the bartender and tell him or her to enjoy it," Whitmore says.

Have fun. Stay safe, and make sure to bring a great wing-man or wing-woman with you.

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