Billions of pounds of cheese are about to go to waste. Clearly America needs your help.
Why we need to end the current cheese surplus for the sake of America's economic future.
Stop the presses. We need to eat cheese. Like, all of it. Now.
In case you haven't heard, America is in the middle of a pretty major cheese surplus.
American cheese inventories (not to be confused with "American Cheese") have reached a 30-year high, with more than 1 billion pounds of the stuff sitting uneaten on shelves across the country. Put another way: That's a lot of freaking cheese.
Clearly it is our shared duty as responsible U.S. citizens to step up our cheese consumption for the sake of this great nation we call home.
Make America grate again. GIF from Mike Bekos/Vimeo.
You're probably wondering how something as wonderful as cheese could have excess — especially since you're already eating around 34 pounds per year all by yourself. (Don't worry. So are the rest of us.)
Let's start here: cheese consumption in America has been on the rise for years. Meanwhile, global dairy production is also skyrocketing.
So if there's high demand and plentiful supplies, why did the price of cheddar just hit a five-year low?
GIF from Channel Cheese/YouTube. Yes, that's a real thing.
It turns out that since cheese takes a while to make — thanks to the aging process that makes it so delicious — the cheese industry has to try to predict demand for the future, years ahead of time, in hopes that the prices all balance out in the end.
But there was one thing they couldn't anticipate.
GIF from "Ratatouille."
You see, all that cheese we're munching on? More than half of it is locally sourced, while another major chunk is shipping in from overseas.
Thanks in part to the lousy value of the euro (and the aforementioned milk abundance), European cheeses are cheaper than ever — so we're buying a whole lot more. After all, why would someone buy a familiar domestic brand like Kraft when they can buy a fancy French thing?
And those who don't want to splurge on the surprisingly affordable foreign options? They're showing a surprisingly serious preference for sustainable local options.
This is all great for the cheese consumer and the local economy. But not so much for the large U.S. cheese-makers.
Which is why they're now saddled with warehouses full of curds they produced based on previously predicted market trends.
Sorry, Velveeta. GIF from Attmay/YouTube.
So for the sake of delicious string cheese, we all need to step up our game.
I know it might be challenging to do — if for no other reason than that I am definitely one of those self-centered jerks who prefers their cheese (and everything else) to be as locally-sourced as possible — much to the chagrin of those major manufacturers who bear that great burden of abundant cheesery.
But even if you don't feel bad for Big Cheese, just think of all the food that's going to waste. For that reason, I implore you to secede to the depravity of your selfless, cheese-eating impulses and eat it to your heart's content.
GIF from "Wallace and Gromit."
Feel free to buy up that cheese in every form you can find it! Add it to your toast, and your eggs, and your smoothies! Everything!
Douse your dinner in delightful dairy delicacies! Let that lovely Lünenberg linger lightly on your lips as you lap up your lunch! Boost your breakfast with blobs of blue cheese!
Make the mozzarella mingle with your sides of meat or taint your tofu with a tantalizing taleggio!
Paint your pasta with provolone and carelessly cover your cereal in cheddar!
Feed on feta as your fork fumbles with those flavorful figs!
Glob your gluten-free grains with gouda!
Have a happy heaping of havarti!
You get the idea.
GIF from "Cinderella."
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."