After Kate Spade's death, let's rethink how we talk about suicide.
You're never alone.
At around 10:20 a.m. on June 5, 2018, fashion icon Kate Spade was found dead in her New York apartment.
She was 55 years old.
The Associated Press was early to report news of the legendary handbag designer's death. From the outside, she seemed to have it all: a husband/business partner, a 13-year-old daughter, and millions of dollars.
As is so often the case with suicide, however, this view from the outside didn't tell nearly the whole story.
Kate Spade attends the Tribeca Film Festival in 2006. Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images for TFF.
As people paid tribute on social media, some started an important conversation about how we talk about suicide.
Let's face it: Talking about mental health and suicide is never easy. Between the stigma that surrounds it and the struggles some have to get the health care they need, it's easy to just let a lot of commonsense things go unsaid — which only increases the stigma.
On Twitter, a number of people stepped forward to break the silence around the topic.
Empathy was a common theme in many of these posts.
Others offered up a simple tip: Check in on family and friends who might feel vulnerable in the wake of this high profile news. A simple, "I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing" can go a long way.
Another common theme was a reminder that depression isn't always easy to spot in others.
Even worse, some people feel too embarrassed to reach out when they need help, especially those who look outwardly successful. "Kate Spade was an entrepreneurial and artistic force, and all of us know that already," Anne T. Donahue wrote. "But what we don't tend to is what's going on behind the scenes."
Lots of people spoke up to remind those struggling that overcoming embarrassment in order to ask for help is really tough — and that's OK.
Journalist Ana Marie Cox shared the secrets to overcoming that: reminding yourself that you are loved and understanding when to ask for help. You're probably underestimating how many people in your life care deeply for you.
LGBTQ advocate Charlotte Clymer urged people to keep in mind how their words can affect others during times of tragedy. For example, this isn't the time or place to say things like, "Well, I didn't like her bags anyway." Resources like Reporting on Suicide are great for journalists as well as the rest of us.
Another crucial issue many are bringing up is the fact that suicide is a public health issue.
"Depression is a life threatening illness just like heart disease, cancer, or sepsis," tweeted Dr. Eugene Gu. "There should be no stigma about mental health — only treatment, awareness, and compassion."
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by these discussions, there's no shame in signing off the internet for the day. Take care of yourself. The world will still be here in the morning.
And if you find yourself in a crisis, there are many important resources worth keeping on hand, among them the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255), the Crisis Text Line (text "HOME" to 741741), and the Trevor Project (866-488-7386).
If you're in a bad place, these organizations are there to help without judgment. There's no shame in calling them up.
Finally, if you know of a friend who is considering suicide, there are some simple things you can do to help them out.
Twitter user @erinscafe shared a great list that tackles the issue. "Be the lifeline they can grab onto if they need it."
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."