An ongoing list of 'good kids' and 'thugs,' according to Fox News and Trump.
My exhaustive, tireless attempt to investigate the difference.
I'm trying to get to the bottom of the mystery.
You see, when a trove of previously unreleased court documents revealed that former Trump foreign policy adviser George Papadopoulos had given false testimony to investigators about his contacts with Russian operatives during the campaign, Fox News' Sean Hannity attempted to exculpate the ex-aide by emphasizing his tender age: 29.
"He admitted, OK, he lied to the FBI. I think he is 29 years old" https://t.co/MRxUhUHc1q— Judd Legum (@Judd Legum) 1509412172
I get it. We all make mistakes in our youth. Some of us drink a little too much. Others of us wreck our dad's motorcycle. Still others of us mislead FBI agents about our illegal interactions with foreign governments. It happens.
Yet, according to Fox News, some adults who do wrong things — like Papadopoulos — are "good kids," while some actual kids (and adults) who have had wrong things done to them are irredeemable, no-good "thugs."
It's a fascinating dichotomy. There just has to be some kind of pattern to it all. But I just can't figure out what.
Here's a partial catalog so far. It's a puzzle! An enigma! A labyrinth inside of a Rubik's Cube inside of a snake eating its own tail!
George Papadopoulos, 29, pleaded guilty to lying to federal officers: good kid!
[rebelmouse-image 19532691 dam="1" original_size="700x316" caption="Photo via George Papadopoulos/LinkedIn." expand=1]Photo via George Papadopoulos/LinkedIn.
"George Papadopoulos. He admitted, OK, that he lied to the FBI. I think he is 29 years old." — Sean Hannity, "Hannity," Oct. 30, 2017.
Trayvon Martin, 17, shot dead by rogue neighborhood watch volunteer: thug.
Photo by Allison Joyce/Getty Images
"You dress like a thug, people are going to treat you like a thug." — Geraldo Rivera, "Fox & Friends," July 15, 2013.
Jared Kushner, 36, attended meeting with representatives of the Russian government, ostensibly to acquire dirt on Hillary Clinton: good kid!
Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images.
"Kushner looks like a high school senior. Hard to believe he's fixing elections with Putin. In fact, impossible to believe. Sorry, CNN." — Bill O'Reilly, Twitter, July 24, 2017.
Michael Brown, 18, shot dead by Ferguson, Missouri, police officer: thug.
Photo by Elcardo Anthony.
"[Democrats] want to stir up this racial division within the inner-city communities, and that's why they're going to feature Michael Brown's mother [at the Democratic National Convention]. Michael Brown was a thug." — Allen West, "On the Record" with Greta Van Susteren, July 26, 2016.
Donald Trump Jr., 39, helped organize aforementioned meeting with representatives of the Russian government reportedly to acquire dirt on Hillary Clinton: good kid!
Photo by Saul Loeb/Getty Images.
"Don is — as many of you know Don — he's a good boy. He's a good kid. And he had a meeting; nothing happened with the meeting." — Donald Trump, July 13, 2017.
The rapper Common, 45, rapped: thug.
Photo by Jeff Schear/Getty Images.
"President Obama last week said he wanted to recapture that special moment we had after 9/11. And here [a] week later, we have an example of how this White House can recapture that moment by inviting a thug to the White House." — Karl Rove, "Hannity," May 10, 2011.
Donald Trump, 71, bragged about committing sexual assault on tape: good kid!
Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images.
"This ['Access Hollywood' tape] was locker-room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago." — Donald Trump, Oct. 8, 2016.
Dajerria Becton, 14, body-slammed and arrested by local police after swimming in a pool: thug.
[rebelmouse-image 19532699 dam="1" original_size="700x364" caption="Image via Fox-4 Dallas-Fort Worth/YouTube." expand=1]Image via Fox-4 Dallas-Fort Worth/YouTube.
"The girl was no saint either. He had told her to leave, and she continued to linger. And when the cop tells you to leave, get out." — Megyn Kelly, "The Kelly File," June 9, 2015.
I haven't given up. I'm going to keep updating this list of "good kids" until we figure this out.
Maybe one day it'll come to me in a flash of brilliant light.
White light, most likely.
Keep checking back for updates as I continue to try and parse this impossible puzzle!
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.