With the Trump administration reportedly set to leave the Paris climate agreement, it's time to focus on what's really important: tourism!
Since the rollout of Trump's Muslim ban, hotels, airlines, and destinations are already losing millions as international travelers avoid the United States. But by leaving the Paris agreement, under which signatories agree to limit global temperature rise to two degrees Celsius, the administration is ensuring that the tourism industry of 2100 will boom like never before!
President Trump may be scaring away visitors now, but America will look like a completely different country by then. A mere 76-80 years after Trump is gone, America will deliver a whole new climate change-affected experience for the adventurous tourist to enjoy!
We might be too lazy to change the slogans, but nature is probably going to change the views a whole lot.
Get pumped. Here's what the rebrand might look like:
1. Visit beautiful Miami!
Without the concerted effort to curb carbon emissions and reduce temperature rise mandated by the Paris Agreement, the ensuing six- to 10-foot sea level rise by 2100 would probably sink much of the Florida city.
On the plus side, more party yachts and deep sea fishing!
2. Experience nature's defrosted majesty at Montana's Glacier National Park!
The park's signature glaciers have already shrunk 40% over the past 50 years, and the more global temperature rises, the more that trend is expected to accelerate.
Why haul your family all the way to Montana for some boring millennia-old ice sheets when you could travel thousands of miles to see ... just some regular mountains!
3. Explore the magnificent, colorful coral reefs of Key West!
Ocean warming has already bleached 91% of the Great Barrier Reef. And if it can happen in Australia, there's no reason why it couldn't happen here too.
Turns out, it already is — down in the Florida Keys! And more to come as the temperature rises!
We're #1! We're #1!
4. See the majestic swimming ponies of Assateague Island!
The famous Maryland/Virginia horse sanctuary is one of many eastern barrier islands that could be doomed by rising sea levels. Every year, the wild herd swims from Assateague Island to Chincoteague Island, a tourist event that draws 50,000 people to the small island community.
If sea levels continue rising, the ponies might have to adjust to longer swims — but the island's kayaking industry will boom!
5. Roam the rolling wheat fields of Kansas!
A 2015 Kansas State University study found that wheat production will likely decline 6% for every degree Celsius of temperature rise.
With more of the state's fertile farmland decaying into hazy, spooky wastelands, Halloween travel to the state is sure to explode!
6. Get up close and personal with history at Mar-a-Lago!
Along with the rest of southern Florida, a double-digit sea level rise could reduce President Trump's favorite play place to damp, moldy rubble.
If ruined monuments to civilizational hubris rake in the bucks in Greece and Rome, imagine how well they'll do in a country that really knows how to cash in!
While the window to stop the president from withdrawing from the Paris Agreement appears to be closing (for now), it hasn't happened yet!
Which means if you like America as is, there's still time to try to preserve it for your kids and grandkids.
For those of us who aren't in office, one of the most effective ways to help save the planet is to let those who are know how we feel about the choices they make.
If you're represented by Sen. Lindsay Graham, Rep. Vern Buchanan, or any of the other Republican elected officials who support staying in the agreement, call them and tell them to keep doing what they're doing.
Even if the agreement goes down, all won't be lost right away. Here's some hopeful reading that describes the best-case scenario to a Paris Agreement-less U.S. — a massive grassroots backlash that leads to more renewable energy innovation and a greener future. And cities and states are stepping in to enact tougher emissions rules where the federal government is stepping back.
But in the meantime, get calling.
The stakes are too high to hope for the best.