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People are sharing the marriage advice that 'sounded absurd' but is actually really helpful

Here are 19 of the best responses.

via Pexels

Work at it every single day folks.

The best advice isn’t always obvious, or else we would have thought of it ourselves. It often comes out of left field and can be counterintuitive. When it comes to marriage, the best advice tends to be centered around keeping a focus on the long game.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was, “Buy her a bottle of shampoo from time to time without her asking.” Now, that doesn’t mean to get shampoo specifically, but just pick up something here and there to show you care and are thinking about her.


Marriage, if done right, is forever, so that often means taking a loss in the short-term to enjoy the long-term benefits of a happy life with someone. This is great as a concept but in practice can be pretty darn hard, day in and day out.

Hence why about 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

Reddit user thecountnotthesaint put out a call to the AskMen forum for some of the best marriage advice that “sounded absurd” but was actually helpful.

The question was inspired by some advice the Reddit user had received from their father, who claimed that a king-sized bed is the key to a happy marriage. "I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married and having kids," they wrote.

A lot of the advice was about being careful not to escalate small disagreements into larger arguments that could turn personal and ugly. A lot of people think that to have a successful marriage means being able to compromise and to let things go quickly.

Here are some of the best responses to the question, “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?”

1.

"Dad said 'Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe especially if you’re not feeling it.'” — semantician

2. 

"At my wedding, my wife's Grandmother offered so funny, weird, solid advice. She said, 'If you get angry with each other, go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.' So far, so good. Anniversary on Monday!" — drizzyjdracco

3. 

"The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing. Source: married 15 years." — LemonFizzy0000

4. 

"My grandfather told me 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking." — t480

5. 

"When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.' So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor. The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide." — wordserious

6. 

"Focus on tackling the problem, not each other." — bobbobbobbobbob123

7. 


"Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that, but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married, and an amazing experience, but still life goes on."— nopants_ranchdance

8. 

"Marry him for who he is. Not his potential." — There-is-No-beyond

9. 


"My stepmom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude: 'The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss.' So, like, yea for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit. If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too. Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes)." — drewkungfu

10. 

"Say thank you for day to day things, even taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated." — BVolatte

11. 

"Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It's the little things that show you care." — Purple12Inchruler

12. 


"You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family." — crazypersn

13. 

"One of my colonels told me: 'Just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.'"— MgoBlue702

14. 

"Be honest. Don't lie to your partner." — Mikeydeeluxe

15. 

"Don’t marry a woman whose dad calls her 'princess,' because she probably believes it. Much to his regret, my brother ignored this advice from our dad." — Toadie9622

16. 

"My fiance always says that 'just because' flowers are the best kind of flowers." — agaribay1010

17. 

"My Gramps who was married for over 50 yrs said: 'tell her you love her every single day.' Kind of obvious, but I definitely took it to heart." — sorellk

18. 

"Love isn’t about having 'nice feelings for each other.' It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to." — sirplaind

19. 


"Bill Maher said "The three most important words in a relationship aren't 'I love you', they're 'let it go.' Oddly, this has proven to be some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard." — KrssCom


This article originally appeared on 05.30.22

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What are Alison and Tod talking about this week? People are sharing marriage advice that "sounded absurd" but is really helpful and a retired military pilot uses his plane to save rescue dogs.

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The pope shared his advice for a happy marriage and he only needed three words

via Wikimedia Commons

Pope Francis greeting his followers.

Living through 20 months of a worldwide pandemic has definitely taken a toll on everyone’s mental health. It’s also had a significant effect on marriages and families.

A recent group of studies cited by PBS found that the pandemic has created a range of parental stressors, such as school closures, job losses and interruptions in care for children with chronic diseases.

Parents are also dealing with higher levels of stress, clinical anxiety and depression.

A study out of Canada found that 44.3% of parents with children reported worse mental health as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic compared to 35.6% of respondents without children.

On Sunday, Pope Francis released a letter aimed at families called, “Christmas present to married couples," with some advice for those trying to keep their families healthy in troubled times.

“For some couples, the enforced living conditions during the quarantine were particularly difficult. Pre-existing problems were aggravated, creating conflicts that in some cases became almost unbearable,” the pope wrote. “Many even experienced the breakup of a relationship that had to deal with a crisis that they found hard or impossible to manage. I would like them, too, to sense my closeness and my affection.”

The pope provided some hope in the letter by reminding his followers of three simple words that can work miracles in marriages.

“May every family be a place of acceptance and understanding,” he wrote. “Think about the advice I gave you on the importance of those three little words: ‘please, thanks, sorry.’”

The pope’s advice may seem just like common sense, but it works. According to Positive Psychology, research has found that forgiveness among married couples improves their commitment, conflict resolution skills and overall relationship quality.

It's important to remember that forgiveness works both ways. It's great for those who have been forgiven but it also improves the mental well-being of those who are able to accept an apology. According to Psychology Today, "An apology actually affects the bodily functions of the person receiving it—blood pressure decreases, heart rate slows and breathing becomes steadier."

He also repeated an oft-cited piece of marriage advice, don’t go to bed angry. “After every argument, ‘don’t let the day end without making peace,’” the pope urged.

The pope says that the failure to make peace before bedtime can cause resentments to ferment. “How many times, unfortunately, conflicts originate within the domestic walls due to prolonged periods of silence and from unchecked selfishness!” he wrote. “Sometimes it even ends up in physical and moral violence. This lacerates harmony and kills the family.”

He also urged people to put down their phones and talk to one another. “It’s sad to see a family at lunch, each one with his or her own cell phone not speaking to one another, everyone talking to the mobile phone,” he wrote.

The pope’s advice may not have been world-shattering but at a time when many people are at their wit’s end, it’s important to be reminded that one of the most important gifts that we can give to one another is grace.

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'Your kids do not come first': Texas dad's controversial parenting opinions stir up debate

via Unsplash

Matt Martin, 28, of Dallas, Texas has created a bit of a stir on the internet for writing a piece on marriage published by Love What Matters. Martin is a performer who wrote, directed, and starred in a 2016 version of "Little Mermaid" and wrote 2018's "Inhumane" starring Michelle Money.

In his piece, the father of young twin boys, stresses that a marriage is between two people (possibly three) and that children should not come first. Martin starts the article by claiming that a marriage is between two people and God and that their relationship should take precedence over all others.

"My Aunt Steph, one of the smartest, most blunt people I know, told me before I got married, 'People say you marry the family too. That's not true. Your marriage is between you two.' I'm not saying your family isn't important. I value my family a lot (not as much as my wife does, but still…). You need them to lean on when life gets hard and to lift you guys up, but I didn't marry her mom and she didn't marry my dad. We had to learn to go to each other first when life threw us curveballs, instead of instinctually going to our parents. We're a family now, and that family comes first."

Martin believes that being married and having children shouldn't prevent you from achieving your personal goals. In fact, our partners are here to support us in achieving them.

Personally, I think this is a very important point in a relationship. If your spouse is a hindrance to you achieving your personal goals instead of a source of support, there may be serious troubles in your relationship.

Our pastor told us in a pre-marital counseling session, that as a couple we'd have goals, and as individuals we would have goals. To succeed as a couple, we would both tackle those goals. Sometimes I would be the captain (like when tackling mine) and sometimes Sara would be. But we'd both be working towards that goal. That's the beauty of marriage. You've got this life partner to raise you up. Like Kim and Kanye.



This is the part that has people talking:

A big humongous monstrosity of a lesson I've learned that I PRAY that all of you will strongly take into consideration, is that your kids do not come first. Our kids are sooo important and are the future and all that fun jazz, but what's best for them is a beautiful example of two people who love each other (and God). Another great thing for them to know is that they are not the center of the universe. Sorry if you're reading this in the future, Jack and Cam and any other children we may have had, but you're not the center of my universe. Sometimes I've wanted you to be really badly, but that's not going to do you any favors, and it won't do me any favors when you leave home (please leave home). You can't put your spouse on the back burner for eighteen years and then say 'Oh, hey, you can be my number one again.'

Here, Martin makes an important point about parenting. He believes that raising children who believe they are the center of the universe is bad for them in the long run. It's true. Children who are raised thinking they should be catered to are going to learn some very hard lessons when they become an adult.

When parents cater to a child's every whim it leads to a sense of entitlement that, as an adult, can result in depression and poor relationships.

The piece stirred up a passionate discussion on the Batdad Facebook page where some agreed that marriage should be the primary relationship in a family, while others think that a child's needs come first.

Some believe that putting your marriage first creates a better environment where children can thrive.

"A marriage needs to come first. An unstable home is detrimental to children's psychological and emotional wellbeing. My spouse and I will make our children wait for our attention of we are having a discussion that is important … I prioritize my marriage and my children flourish and thrive because of it," — Natalie

"I feel like you should put yourself first before your kids. If you aren't in a good place, it will reflect onto everything else," — Christine

While others believe that adults should put their needs second to those of their kids.

"Sanctimonious at best.... my wife and I have always put our children first.... we have love and mutual respect for each other and that will never change! But raising our children will always be a priority because it's a job that transcends anything else.... if you're married to someone who insists that they are a priority over the children you both brought into this world.... is basically selfish ... self absorbed and self centered!" — Jeff

"My kids will always be first. My husband is an adult who can take care of himself and who understands when my kids need me. We still make time to watch movies together and be with each other," — Olivia

You can read Martin's entire piece at Love What Matters.

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