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It's more than sex ed. For these young women, it's a movement for equality.

When writer Meera Subramanian traveled to India, she wasn't sure exactly what she'd find.

In an excerpt from her book, "A River Runs Again," she tells us what she discovered:

It was the girls who talked most passionately. Several spoke of becoming more comfortable with their bodies after having been taught what was happening to them, after resolving at least some of the mysteries of adolescence. They had lost their shyness by learning about the details of biology…


Scene from rural Bihar. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

In rural Bihar — one of India's most impoverished states — Subramanian sat in a small brick one-room schoolhouse, listening to a group of local teenagers talk about their lives. One young woman in particular caught her attention...

Sobha was the most self-possessed. Her forehead was marked with a sparkly bindi that matched an S-shaped pendant hanging from her neck. She sat attentively as the others spoke, only once interjecting, “We should say the truth." But once she had the floor, she commanded the room. All distracted chatter stopped.

“'What sort of place is this?' you'll say if you come to my village. From Bodh Gaya, there's a river and a hill, and behind them is the village, like a cave. People were afraid to go inside. Even my father didn't want to stay in the village. It was claustrophobic." There had been changes, she said. Some villagers now had phones, and one road was being paved. She learned about the Pathfinder training course from village elders, who said all girls between fifteen and eighteen should attend.

Subramanian writes that Sobha and the other teenagers had just finished a three-day training on the basics of sexual health through an organization called Pathfinder International, led by two bold advocates, Pinki and Binod.

But “my situation was common in the village," [Sobha] said, “where each household might have six sisters, five sisters. So we made a group with at least one girl from each house. We took the training and then we went back home to teach others." She had to periodically gulp to catch her breath, as though she had been waiting a very long time to speak and felt the importance of each word.


Pathfinder mural in Bihar. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

Sobha said she was able to get a Pathfinder poster of the life cycle of a human being passing from birth through adolescence, followed by marriage and a young couple weighing birth-control options, and later holding a child as it is being immunized. She used the poster to begin talking with others in the village. Pinki and Binod exchanged looks; they had no idea that one of their students had gone rogue and appointed herself as trainer.

When Sobha finished, Pinki asked if she would continue to work with Pathfinder to organize more training courses. Sobha eagerly agreed.

Subramanian was deeply moved by what she saw. These teenagers weren't just learning about reproductive health; they were learning to find their true voices:

We emerged from the small schoolhouse into an afternoon damp with mist. Though their hair was neatly pulled back and their clothes were modest, I saw the girls as powerful goddesses, devis eager for justice, who stepped in where the male gods were failing, determined to quietly, or not so quietly, dismantle a world that treats them as second-rate citizens.

Pinki and Binod. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

As she continued her travels, Subramanian found even more reason to hope for a future of real equality and sustainability throughout India.

India is undergoing a radical test. Girls from all over South Asia are leaning in, tipping the balance, and hairline fractures are appearing in the ancient system of chauvinism. Whether sexual violence is on the rise or decline is difficult to know. Whether the aggression is men's bitter reaction to the power they perceive they are losing to women is likewise uncertain.

But what is known is that it is now news. The rise of both women and men who are unwilling to accept the status quo has been startling and encouraging. There are women who bring their daughters into the streets to protest, boys like Sanoj who fight for the rights of their sisters, men like Pinki's father who struggle to educate their daughters.

In her new book, "A River Runs Again," Subramanian writes about the real change happening — not just in Bihar, but all across the country. From villagers reviving a dead river to an engineer-turned-farmer bringing organic food to the plates of everyday Indians. And, perhaps most heartening of all, women and girls are taking the lead.

Everyone is thirsty. Girls and women, after centuries of serving tea to the men in their lives, are reaching for their own cups. I don't want to believe that power is finite. Let the teapot be topped off, let the servings be stretched. Because everyone is striving. In today's India, men and women, boys and girls, share each other's desires for what Pinki calls “self-independence."

Pathfinder training for local men in Bihar. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

Maybe this is why Pathfinder has found that its trainings are substantially more effective when they teach young men and women simultaneously. It's not just about giving knowledge to the girls or teaching the boys to be respectful. It's about what arises in the ākāșa, that ethereal space between the two sexes. It's about what happens when their lives come together.

The stricter laws against rape that passed at record pace in 2013 might translate into less violence against women. And increasing government support for safety nets and social security could make aging parents less dependent on sons, helping to balance the economic scales that favor a boy child over a girl...

In a country that has historically discriminated harshly against women, both men and women are now coming together to fight for equality. Of course, there's still work to be done...

Resistance remains. Some local government officials have responded to the rash of rapes by suggesting India lower the legal age of marriage to help curb such crimes. “Boys and girls should be married by the time they turn sixteen," they argue, “so that they do not stray." In the face of such logic, the problems can seem intractable. But traditions can be lost in just a single generation. So can the beliefs that it is necessary to marry off your daughter at the onset of puberty and that it is her fault if she does not deliver a son, and do so immediately.

Pathfinder materials. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

...but Subramanian has seen firsthand what happens when people defy expectations and find their own voices:

I have seen the shift in my own family. My Indian grandmother was married at the age of ten. Her four daughters were married in their late teens and twenties. My father, one of her middle sons, completely broke rank, marrying an American when he was thirty. I wasn't married until the tender age of forty-four and have chosen not to have children. Among my cousins' grown children who remain in India, arranged marriage remains the norm, but some are holding out against matches they're not willing to accept. Each generation has had fewer children than the one before it, and the levels of education for both males and females tick upward. Our population growth is stable.

But we are a family with relative means. For the vast majority of Indians still struggling to survive, larger structural changes are needed. They are within reach. Kerala once had the highest population growth in India, but since 1971 it has invested heavily in women's education, accessible family planning, and comprehensive health care. With neither threat nor coercion, the fertility rate more than halved in a single generation, from over four to under two…

Those teenagers in Bihar are part of a whole new generation. It starts with education...

To stabilize population growth is to rally for literacy, because reading and understanding words on a page develops the same skills needed to read and understand our own bodies. Through this knowledge comes power and autonomy. And speech. The girls I met in Bihar ... spoke in feisty voices, their excitement coupled with impatience as they told the stories of their lives. What they found was that learning how to speak — to a husband, a mother-in-law, a doctor, a police officer — is a powerful tool. With this transformation of a private voice into a public voice a public identity is born, one prepared to dissent and stand up for oneself.

“People ask us, 'Why do you go to these meetings? Do they give you something?'" Reena Kumari, an eighteen-year-old Bihari girl told me. “I say, 'When you go to pray, do you get something?' They say, 'Well, that one girl who did the training met a boy and ran away.'" She laughed, and continued speaking quickly, in a strong voice. “We argue back — you had her for fifteen years and they had her for three days and you're saying we influenced her?" she said.

“There is a flaw in your nurturing, not in our friendship."

“You fight back with their parents?" I asked.

...and it ends with a new generation that can speak their minds and own their futures.

“Hum bolti hain!" she said. “We speak up! Before training, we didn't know anything, but after, we do. We learned how to find the right words to negotiate. There are so many changes."

Scene from rural Bihar. Photo courtesy of Allison Joyce/Redux.

To negotiate such changes is to ask for everything you want, knowing you might only get a fraction. It is to remain unflinching as you look forward into the future of India's women and girls and the generations they will bear. The path ahead is difficult, littered with obstacles, still under construction. But I can imagine the youth I met in Bodh Gaya [in Bihar] growing up in this new India, their India, moving forward down this road… They shape the way as they go. They link their fingers, they quicken their pace, and their voices, rising up into that space between spaces, are unafraid.

Pets

Pets support us, let's support them.

In honor of Pet Wellness Month, here are three small ways to fuel your furry friends.

Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them
Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them.
Pets support our mental health every single day—now, it’s our turn to care for them.
True

There are few things that boost our mental health more than owning a pet. Whether it’s a dog or a cat, pets offer unconditional love, the ability to lower stress, and the opportunity to build a community with other pet lovers. Pets support our mental health in dozens of ways, every single day. But how do we care for them in return?

In partnership with Nulo, we’re celebrating Pet Wellness Month this October by highlighting the small, meaningful ways pet parents fuel their fur babies’ happiness and health. We asked readers: “What’s one small thing you do that makes a big difference for your pet?” The best answers win a custom pet portrait, a wellness care package courtesy of Nulo, and a donation to their local pet shelter.


Of all the hilarious and heartfelt answers we got, three of them stood out. Here are the winning responses and three examples of how you, too, can make a huge difference for your pet in small, simple ways.

Keeping their bodies strong

Meet Tee: He’s a loyal, playful ball of energy that helps his owner, Jailon, by bringing joy and calm to his life every day. To show Tee love, Jailon prioritizes physical health and emotional wellness. For exercise, Jailon makes sure Tee has daily walks, playtime, and making sure his diet is balanced with high-quality, nutritious food (Nulo being one of his favorites).

But emotional wellness is equally important. “One small thing I do that makes a big difference for my pet is setting aside dedicated connection time every day,” Jailon says. “No phones, no distractions, just us. The time helps us bond and keeps Tee’s mind active and healthy.”

Communication is key

Mary Ann’s dog Aiden was rescued from her local Humane Society, and as a former stray, the beginning of their relationship wasn’t always easy.

“Aiden was so scared that he would sleep in a corner or under a bed. My husband and I had to sleep with him on the floor until we gained his trust,” Mary Ann said. To soothe his separation anxiety, Mary Ann started talking to him regularly.

“I started telling him, ‘mommy is going to work,’ or ‘mommy will be back’ and he started to understand,” she said.

Amazingly, Aiden responded. Now, his anxiety has improved and their bond is stronger than ever. Aiden still relishes the gentle words of affirmation that Mary Ann continues to give him.

“His face is so expressive and his smile melts our hearts,” she said. “We get him to fall asleep by repeatedly telling him, ‘I love you, Aiden.’”

Building them a place to call home

Our feline friends need love, too. That’s why Amber created a cozy habitat for her longhair tuxedo cat, Precious, on the nights where she likes to roam. Adopted from a local shelter eight years ago, Precious is now 16—and not fond of staying indoors.

“In her old age, Precious has become very anxious being inside,” Amber said. Even in the cold winter months, Precious prefers staying outside on their back deck or exploring their 10-acre property. “She usually refuses to come inside, even on cold nights,” Amber said.

After many failed attempts to get her inside for the evening, Amber and her family realized it would be unfair to keep her confined when she wasn’t comfortable. As a compromise, Amber’s handy husband built a safe haven for her outside.

“She couldn't just have a tiny little box. Our girl was too good for that,” Amber said. “Now we can rest easy at night knowing she is safe, warm, and secure in her own private bungalow.”

Showing love for your pets—especially in the form of regular exercise, safe surroundings and good nutrition—is the best way to keep them happy and healthy for as long as possible. And when we help our pets live longer, we’re nurturing the connection that makes our lives richer, too.


Good nutrition is the cornerstone of a happy pet. Fuel your pet and help them reach their individual incredible with help from Nulo.

Family

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

"Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?"

baby boomers, grandparents, travel, airport, senior woman traveling, luggage

An older woman holding a suitcase.

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.


@grandmacampplanner

Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

“Okay, so, here's the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don't you come visit us?’ But let's be honest, Grandma's house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it's time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner

Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle."

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it's about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture
Harold Dean Carsey, Wikipedia

Clara Bow

Film lovers and historians have long marveled at the hypnotic faces of the silent era: ghost-white skin, black lips, those hypnotically hollow eyes. But as one viral explainer from Hollywood history buff Swofford revealed, this wasn’t so much an aesthetic choice as it was about chemistry, physics, and creativity blending together in a really cool way.

In the earliest days of cinema, filmmaking was as much a science experiment as an art form. Directors, actors, and makeup artists were learning, frame by frame, how to make human faces readable on camera. And what they discovered would lay the groundwork for movie makeup as we know it.


As Swofford explained, early silent films were shot on orthochromatic film, from the Greek ortho (“correct”) and chroma (“color”). Ironically, the “correct color” film was terrible with warm tones and “did not give AF” about them, Swofford quipped.

This meant that red lipstick looked black, rosy cheeks turned ashen, and natural skin tones vanished into murky gray. Meanwhile, blue tones, which the film stock was sensitive to, appeared shockingly bright or ghostly white.

Pioneering filmmakers took their cues from theater—where thespians had already learned to combat harsh gaslight with greasepaint—and then reengineered those tricks for the even harsher glare of studio lamps and film stock.

Foundations came in pale yellows, whites, or faint pinks, applied in streaks and topped heavily with powder to reduce shine from the scorching studio lights (dear god, I’m breaking out just thinking about this). Contours were rouged in red for dimension, and blue, counterintuitively, was used as a highlighter. Eyes and brows were lined in dark brown or black to emphasize expression.

silent films, film history, makeup, makeup history, history, cool history, films, pop culture Theda Bara upload.wikimedia.org

The idea was to make “the whites of the eyes shine as brilliantly as possible," said Swofford.

Lips, meanwhile, were painted in cool pinks or muted browns—reds would turn black on film. And while rumor has it that 1920s actresses wore green lipstick, Swofford clarified that was a later invention for early color television testing, not the silent screen.

Under normal light, this makeup looked downright alien. But under orthochromatic film, it was pure magic: dreamy, sculpted, expressive. To prove it, Swofford even applied authentic 1920s makeup to his own face on camera. Lo and behold, it looked downright bizarre in color, but when he adjusted the light settings, it was uncanny. He suddenly transformed into a vintage film idol, like we’ve stepped into a Buster Keaton reel.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Once panchromatic film arrived—film that could capture the full color spectrum—this strange alchemy was no longer necessary, Swofford noted. And with the dawn of Technicolor, the entire aesthetic changed again.

This video is an amazing reminder that cinema has always been an evolving collaboration between art and experimentation. The faces of the silent era may look ghostly now, but in their time, they were pure innovation. It also goes to show that the earliest stars weren’t just performers, but the founders of a new visual language.

Be sure to give Swofford a follow on Instagram and YouTube for even more educational and entertaining videos just like this one.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks
via Liza Summer/Pexels
A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.


The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

Research shows we have a tendency to compare ourselves to highly visible and highly skilled people, which makes us feel worse. We wonder why we can't cook as well as our foodie friend or why we're not as organized and put-together as our Type A neighbor. No wonder comparisons make us feel like crap!

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Comparison is the thief of joy. Giphy

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

Worrying too much about making everyone like you is a quick path to becoming a people pleaser, an impossible task that takes a serious toll on your mental health.

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Things don't care if you throw them away. Giphy

4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

It's natural and OK to outgrow friendships. If you've put in a solid effort and it's not working the way it used to, being comfortable with letting the relationship go will do wonders for your guilt and stress levels.

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

The truth is we're all just people doing our best, even the people who have wronged you.


harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks You might be the villain in someone's story. Giphy

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

Expecting others to change is bound to lead to disappointment. There's a saying that goes, "When people show you who they are, believe them." Hoping and wishing and working to make them somewhere else, more often than not, gets you nowhere.

7. How we judge ourselves and others

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks We judge others differently than how we judge ourselves. Giphy

8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

Perhaps one of the harshest truths of all, but once you accept it, the path forward becomes extremely clear. It's up to you to make everything happen, and there's really no one else to blame if you don't.

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

Niceness can even be toxic when it's not coming from a place of genuine authenticity. Sometimes hard conversations and conflict are necessary, and avoiding them is not healthy.

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."

Worried about something small like how the sleeves on your shirt fit you? It's OK if you care, but no one else will. People are far too consumed with their own lives and problems to remember the minutiae of some stranger they saw in passing. Accepting this is incredibly freeing!

harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks Nobody is paying attention to you (and that's a good thing). Giphy

12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

This realization could help cure your Imposter Syndrome. Most people are just making it up as they go along and so you shouldn't feel ashamed of doing the same.

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."


harsh truths, hard truths, life lessons, reality, adult life, adulting, psychology, imposter syndrome, askreddit, life hacks We accept the love we think we deserve. Giphy

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."

These are called harsh or hard truths for a reason. It's human nature to feel self-conscious, feel like an imposter, try to change people, or worry if other people like us. But the more of these you can free yourself from, the better you'll feel.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

coffee shop, barista, giving, generosity, breakfast

Sometimes a coffee shop is more than a coffee shop.

What happens when a volunteer-run, non-profit coffee shop offers free breakfast to people whose food assistance is about to be halted due to a government shutdown and political stalemate? The world shows up to help in a big way.

Heretic Coffee is a unique coffee shop and roasting company in southeast Portland, Oregon. The community-oriented shop aims to be a counter to the often-exploitative coffee industry, which means it pays its suppliers the best possible wage and provides top-notch brewing training to the volunteer baristas who help the shop run. And now that generosity of spirit has spread far beyond Portland after owner Josh White put out an offer to provide breakfast to anyone who is losing their SNAP benefits when the U.S. government halts benefits on November 1.


On October 26th, 2025, the coffee shop wrote on Instagram, "Starting November 1st: If you are losing your SNAP benefits and are unsure how to feed your family, then breakfast is on us. No proof needed. No questions asked. Just ask us for the 'Snap breakfast' and our baristas will know what to do, and will take care of you. Come in each day until your SNAP is back."

People who saw the post began asking if there was a place they could donate to help out with the generous offer. Heretic set up a donation link and put it in shop's Instagram bio, and soon the donations started pouring in. Within two days, over 2,000 people had donated, raising more than $72,000. In another two days, the total had climbed to over $184,000. As of October 30, that total had risen to over $280,000.

To say White was surprised is an understatement. "I legitimately thought we would get a couple hundred dollars,” he told The Oregonian.

What's perhaps most remarkable is the global nature of the donations. People from Australia to West Africa have sent breakfast funds, and as of October 30, more than 10,000 people had donated from around the world. One donation was just $1.17—all the person had to donate.

“This is a now a global movement of humanity making sure Americans are fed, White wrote on the shop's Instagram page. “Literally, thank you to the world for feeding people. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: when the system fails us, it’s on us to take care of each other.”

White has partnered with Equitable Giving Circle to ensure that every dollar of the flood of donations is put to the best use to help individuals and families in the Portland area get the aid they need.

People from Portland and elsewhere shared praise for the initiative and people's response to it:

"That’s an average donation of $26 each - let’s please remember this next time we are tempted to think 'but I’m just one person, what can I do?."

"When you eat primarily rice, beans, tuna, pasta, and are able to go into a regular coffee shop for a fresh meal — so much dignity is restored in that little act 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹."

"This is incredible!!! I love how people are showing up and giving what they can!! What a beautiful way to bring some healing to our divided nation."

"The way this rolling tide of generosity and love has made every day this week infinitely more tolerable ❤️🩹 None of us should have been driven to the point that this needed to be the answer but I am so damn grateful that humanity has shown up in this incredible way at this moment when my faith in all that’s good was beaten and dragged and shrinking every day."

""Restoring faith in humanity when we need it. Thank you!"

Heretic says that their first step with the flood of funds is to feed people with their SNAP breakfast initiative. "This is in effect right now and will be until SNAP is reinstated or until we go broke," the shop shared on Instagram. The next step is to use the attention "to bring awareness to the mutual aid orgs & communities here in Portland who have been doing this for years, and using your financial support to feed as many people as possible."

"Again, from the bottom of my heart: thank you," White wrote. "Thank you to everyone who has waited for their latte, to the grandmother in Ireland who emailed me and said she’d cook me dinner if I were ever in her city, and to the thousands of you who have given your money for this cause.

"Portland, please come eat. The world has you."

Indeed it does. Find more information about the SNAP breakfast initiative on Heretic Coffee's Instagram page.

Health

Man makes a perfect case for why you'll find so many narcissists at church

"I don't think Christianity creates narcissists, but I do think it attracts them."

church, pew, christians, worship, service, prayer

A family at church.

There’s a bizarre paradox in American life where some of the most shameless people claim that they are devout followers of God. You see it all the time with shady politicians and even in the pulpit, where it seems like every few months, some famous preacher is getting caught up in a scandal motivated by greed or sex.

There are also those people you meet in church who claim to be the most Godly on Sunday, but seem to forget His teachings during the week. What gives? Why is it that people who claim to be the most religious are often self-centered, arrogant narcissists? A popular TikToker who goes by Johnny and posts about politics and American culture says it’s because narcissists have a special love for religion. After all, it perfectly complements their toxic personality.


“Have you guys ever noticed that it seems like narcissists seem to love Christianity? And it's not because they're genuinely spiritual, but because it gives them everything that they want: Admiration, forgiveness, and zero accountability,” Johnny opens his video.

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#religion #psychology #christianity #narcissism #accountability

“They wanna do whatever they want and still be seen as good. Then there's the image side of it, of course. You know, churches reward the appearance of virtue —being godly, family-oriented, moral. It's a stage narcissists thrive on,” Johnny continued. "They get to stand up, talk about values, saving the kids, while living the opposite in private.”

What is a narcissist?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition where people have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are known to excessively brag about their achievements and fantasize about success, power, beauty, intelligence, and love. They have an intense need for admiration due to their fragile self-esteem and are preoccupied with how others feel about them. People should be wary around them because they are known to take advantage of others deliberately and can fake humility to protect their sense of self-importance.


Richard Ramos, founder of Parents on a Mission, a faith-based organization to help at-risk youth and families, says that churches are often positioned to be exploited by narcissists. “Many religious spaces value obedience, emotional vulnerability, and moral certainty, and of course, narcissists can exploit this to elevate themselves while hiding behind righteousness,” Ramos told Upworthy.

How to identify a narcissist in a religious setting

When do you know that someone in your house of worship is a narcissist? “You need to be aware of leaders or members who constantly put themselves front and center, discourage questioning, and confuse charisma with character,” Ramos told Upworthy. The Parents on a Mission founder believes that when combating narcissists in a religious setting, it’s best to enlist the entire community.


“If you’ve begun to sense narcissistic patterns in your faith community’s leadership, trust that instinct, and don’t carry the weight alone,” Ramos said. “Reach out to trusted voices, whether inside or outside your faith circle. You are not being ‘divisive’ by protecting your peace. You are discerning. Set clear boundaries and remember, spiritual leadership should never shrink your soul. True faith brings freedom, not fear. Confidence, not confusion. Worth, not shame.”