In Response To Robin Williams' Death, The Most Powerful Description Of Depression I’ve Ever Heard

I am so, so thankful this video was made. It's probably the most intimate, real description of depression I've ever heard.

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We all desperately want to be happy. And like Will Smith portrayed, happiness isn't guaranteed. We have to pursue it. And I'd like to live in a world where happiness is as easy as buying a soda in a vending machine, but it's harder than that. Unlike a math test, there's no right answer when it comes to depression. But I know what it feels like. And it's more than just not being happy. It's like you can't bring yourself to be happy. You look at the things that you once really loved and enjoyed, and you just can't find enjoyment in them anymore. Sometimes you can't eat, sometimes you can't sleep, and sometimes you can't even move. And then your friends get mad at you because you don't go out as often or you don't want to respond to text messages. You just can't hold a conversation and suddenly, you're the problem, you're the downer, and you really want to. You really want to. You really want to go out to the bar. And you really want to go out and have fun, but your body just doesn't allow you to as if something inside you is just forcing you to be down like that's the normal thing to do, and everybody else just doesn't get it. And it's not that you ignore people because you don't like them. It's just that you don't want to go through the same conversation over and over again.

'Want to go out?' No, I'm not feeling that well. 'Why? What's wrong? What can I do to help?' And that's the problem - you don't even know what you want. You don't even know what's going to make you feel better. You just feel trapped. And then what doesn't help is the people trying to tell you how to feel or what to feel or giving you solutions that you know aren't going to work. And they get frustrated because they want to help you but they can't. And the words that made you feel this way, the words that make you hate the person that you are just get louder. And all within a matter of moments, it feels like you're drowning. And outside there's just so much light and everything is so bright and you just wish that somebody could just dim the lights, please. You try to ask yourself what happened between now and then, but sometimes there is no explanation.

You can have everything you want in the world and still feel like you have nothing. Depression is indiscriminate. It doesn't matter how much or how little you have in your life. It can find you. And now, supposedly, we lost Robin Williams. I don't know if it's accurate that he took his own life or that's the cause was depression. But if it was, it just proves that one of the funniest in the entire world could not defeat the monster that is depression. It's not a joke. But the only reason I know how this feels is because I've been there. I've lost a best friend to it and back then I was angering to the feeling. I tried to ask him what he needed from me, but he didn't know. And yeah, I got frustrated because I couldn't help the person that I cared about. And then when I figured it out, it was too late. But if I can go back and have one more conversation with him before he did it, this is what I would say - I'm not a miracle worker and I can't promise you much. I can't make the words go away. I can't make you love yourself. I can't give you an appetite to eat, and I can't just magically make you sleep. I can't turn back time and magically explain what happened between now and then. I know there's a lot of light outside and I can't dim the lights, but I've got a room we can hide in. And anything you need outside I can bring it to you. I can't turn down the volume and I know the outside world gets really loud, but we can close the windows. What I can do is I could wait right here with you until you're ready. We can talk all day or I could just sit here and be silent. I could be across the room or I could be right next to you. We can play Mario Party or listen to music. You can use my face to practice your makeup or if you want to hit something, not my face, because you just did my makeup. We can do whatever you want just as long as you know that when we leave this room and we run into the world, we're going to do it together and I'm not going anywhere. Call up or, you know, our friends couldn't kick it,I brought some movies, my laptop, some video games. I've got entertainment or I could just sit here and talk to you. It doesn't matter what we're doing because throughout the duration of you feeling this way, I'm going to be right here until you feel better. And, when you're ready, you and I are will run to the world together. Okay. Just before you do anything, you let me know. I'll see you guys.

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Original by Sky Williams.

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