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Viral thread nails why questioning a victim's actions after harassment does so much harm.

Why are we still asking "why didn't she say anything?"

Courageous, sexual assault, harassment, double standard
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Certain questions don't need to be asked.

"Why didn't she say anything sooner?"

It's the question that frustrates sexual assault prevention advocates and discredits the victims who bravely come forward after they've been targeted.

Stars Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow — who both disclosed to The New York Times they'd been sexually harassed by movie mogul Harvey Weinstein — were among the many women forced to trudge through a predictable wave of victim-blaming following their disclosures.

Paltrow and Jolie's descriptions of abuse followed an explosive report in the Times on Oct. 5, 2017, that chronicled decades of alleged sexual harassment at the hands of Weinstein — a man with seemingly boundless sway and power in the filmmaking world.

Sadly, Paltrow and Jolie were met with various forms of the question. "Why didn't the women of Hollywood stop him?" sprouted up immediately in corners of the internet.

One viral comment on the Times article, however, nailed why questioning a victim's actions after surviving sexual harassment or assault does so much harm.

"It is disheartening to see so many comments already blaming women for not 'speaking up,'" the reader, identified as "K" from Brooklyn, began.

"Please count yourself lucky that you've never had your career on the line based on whether or not you sleep with your boss," they continued. "It has nothing to do with fame and riches; this happens to women making minimum wage in retail as well as women who fought through it to become CEOs."

"K" continued, giving context as to why it's often very difficult and complicated for survivors to speak up after being abused (emphasis added):

"The psychology behind this kind of thing is not that complex, so please spare a moment to consider: Not only are these women made to feel humiliated and embarrassed, but in some cases if they had come forward, they not only would never work again, they also would be seen as whiners and 'too sensitive.' Both Jolie and Paltrow fended him off. Imagine if they made a big stink about it. They would have been ripped apart in the media! 'Oh for goodness' sake, a dirty old man came on to you. You rejected him and moved on, why the fuss?' But, of course, now we must insist on blaming them for 'perpetuating' Weinstein's behavior. Please."

As "K" described, victims often stay silent because they're vulnerable to the power abusers have over the situation; victims could lose their job or see their credibility attacked, for instance. These kinds of power dynamics — whether it be in Hollywood or not — play a big role in why victims stay silent.

For victims of sexual harassment, the threat to their livelihood does not end after a single encounter with an abuser. If a young, less accomplished Paltrow had spoken out against a figure like Weinstein, would he have irreversibly tarnished her reputation? Would he have planted unforgiving stories about her in the media? Would she have ever worked again? These are the sorts of threats victims weigh before speaking out. A predator's hold on a victim's career or reputation creates a culture of silence.

The commenter also used Brad Pitt's involvement in the story to note a sexist double standard in how we see victims of sexual assault.

If we're blaming Paltrow and Jolie for not speaking up sooner, why aren't we blaming Brad Pitt as well?

Pitt, who'd been romantically involved with both Paltrow and Jolie at different points in his career, reportedly knew about Weinstein's predatory behavior, according to The Daily Beast, yet he worked with Weinstein on two films following the disturbing encounters. The fact that he's largely been left out of the discussion says a lot about how we view victims of sexual assault, particularly when they're women.

"K" went on to say that the attitudes of blaming women for their own persecution are astounding: "Note that the comments have not centered around Brad Pitt's not saying anything, though he knew about it with not one but TWO romantic partners...It is not the women's job to monitor men's behavior."

The assertions made by "K," whose comment drew over 3,000 likes and a long thread of supportive replies, aren't just steeped in opinion; advocates argue sexual harassment is rarely just about sex — asserting power plays an instrumental role.

"Most frequently, survivors of sexual harassment, exploitation and violence delay making an official report of what has happened out of fear of how others will respond," Kristen Houser, chief public affairs officer at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, explained to HuffPost in March 2017. "From retaliation by the perpetrator to gossip, dismissive responses and outright victim blaming by colleagues, friends and family."

We need to stop asking "Why didn't she say anything?" and instead wonder "Why aren't we doing more to support survivors?"

This article originally appeared on 10.12.17

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The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

via Canva/Photos

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

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Experts explain why gracefully breaking up with a friend can sometimes be a healthy move

"The friends I have now are edited friends. And I picked them."

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Two friends hug. A friendship necklace breaks.

We so often talk about breakups in terms of romantic relationships and often forget the painful aspect of friendship splits. They happen and they can hurt. But what if we could reframe our thinking about them as, albeit hurtful, an actually positive opportunity to open up a little space for something that's a better fit?

There are times when an attempt to salvage a friendship is advised. Charley Burlock warns in an article "Should You Really Break Up with That Friend?" for Oprah Daily against the viral trend of cutting people off too quickly. "Opting not to work on—or even formally end—friendships has, in recent years, been widely rebranded as a wellness imperative: a means of 'protecting your peace,' 'respecting your self-worth,' or 'cutting out toxic people.'"

Burlock instead suggests kindness first. Citing author, podcaster, and 'friendship coach' Danielle Bayard Jackson, Burlock writes, "Rather than ghosting a friend when the going gets tough, make an effort to communicate with respect and kindness. The first line of friendship defense should always be a candid conversation, Jackson says—one free from therapy-speak and corporate buzzwords. 'If I've been holding your hair back in the bathroom, I know all your business. I cannot suddenly talk to you like HR—it’s cold, impersonal. And it feels really, really hurtful.'"

  Mel Robbins, Danielle Bayard Jackson  www.youtube.com  

And sometimes you just need to shift your expectations of the friendship. Burlock shares, "If after a conversation (or, ideally, a few), your friend is still not meeting your needs, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. Rather than questioning whether a friend belongs in your life, it may be worth wondering if they belong in the role you have assigned them. If you have a friend who disappears when you’re struggling but who is a blast on a night out, you might want to find someone else to call when you need an emotional rock and reach out to her when booking a trip to Cancun."

That said, sometimes it's just time to move on. Maryjane Fahey, who operates the @gloriousbroads Instagram account, spoke for @flowspace about friendships, giving a wonderful spin on getting broken up with late in life. She shares, "Someone dumped me, a friend of 35 years. And she dumped me over Instagram with a message that was unclear. And it was so hard. I mean, that's hard—losing a girlfriend, is it not?" She turns to the audience, "Anybody lose a girlfriend? It's a $%^ch. So I didn't understand why this happened."

"And I was addicted to the podcast called Everything is Fine. And they happened to have a counselor talking about getting over women friendships. And she gave such a wonderful analysis: If you walk into a room and you see this woman, whom you had been friends with for 35 years, would you be attracted to her as you are now? And I realized, 'No, I wouldn't have been.'"

What she says next is key and involves the idea that we don't always get to choose our friends as children. But as adults, we do. "The friends I have now are edited friends and I picked them from all over. Their ages range. And yes, you absolutely can have friends, new friends—post 50, 60, 70 and 80!"

 friendship, school friends, playground, old friends Two school friends hug.   commons.wikimedia.org  

It's quite a popular topic on Reddit these days too. In the subreddit r/AskWomenOver30, someone asks, "Friendship breakups. Is it normal?" In part, this Redditor writes, "I decided I didn’t want the friendship anymore. I’ve realised as I’ve gotten older I’m less willing to tolerate this kind of BS and piss-taking. But I feel guilt and like I’m abnormal for cutting ties. Have others found they’ve broken up with / become more distant from friends as you head into your 30s?"

 friendship, broken, breaking up with friends, trust Kristen Wiig in a scene from Bridesmaids.   Giphy Apatow Productions 

There are over 100 comments. One writes emphatically, "First of all, I'm not sure this person was a friend in the first place, respectfully. Someone that talks down to you all the time and doesn't support you isn't someone to keep in your life, so kudos for doing the hard thing and cutting this person out!

Second, I've experienced friend breakups and also growing distant from friends as I've gotten older more as time went on. It isn't always a bad thing to have happen; most of the time it's because interests change, we move away from where we met, or something mundane like that. I want nothing but the best for those people and cherish the fond memories."

Another points out the popular notion of curating our friendships to keep only those who "spark joy" (in the words of Marie Kondo). "Yes this is normal. I'm starting to think my 30s is my Marie Kondo era for friendships and relationships. Less is more. Quality over quantity. Your tolerance level is not the same as it was a few years ago, let alone 10 years ago."

And this comment eloquently cuts to the chase: "My dad always told me, 'Don’t spend time with people who make you crazy.'"

 

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JPMorgan offered return-to-office perks that are remarkably similar to the show 'Severance'

The only thing missing was a "music dance experience."

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Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance.  media0.giphy.com  

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

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My Greatest Generation grandad had one rule to never run out of things to say in conversation

It's incredibly basic, but too many people forget it.

Unsplash & Marjory Collins/Flickr

Manners and social etiquette have changed over the years, but the classics still work.

My grandad was, simply put, the man. Fought in World War II, lived into his 90s with the strength and vigor of a much younger man, and made an unforgettable impression on everyone who knew him. He was truly a force of nature that I was lucky to have in my life.

He was also a highly quotable man, full of incredible one-liners. When I was a kid and my family would visit, and he was ready to wrap things up, he'd cheekily say "Well, we certainly have seen you," and, "Come again when you can't stay so long."

My Greatest Generation grandad also loved to entertain. Though not a man of many words, he was a legendary host. His advice to us grandkids about being a great conversationalist was always the same:


 manners, etiquette, small talk, psychology, conversation, greatest generation, boomers, millennials, social anxiety Can you believe there was a time that being polite and of high-character was more important than being charismatic?Britt Ful/Flickr

"Always ask the last question."

That was it. That was his key to never running out of things to say in a conversation. It sounds extremely obvious, but you'd be surprised how counter it runs to a lot of the advice young people are getting now. In certain sectors, the name of the game is all about how to be more charming and more charismatic. "Self-help" forgets that the real key to being interesting is being interested in what the other party has to say.

What made my grandad's execution of this simple concept great was his confidence in the fact that they didn't have to be great questions. He would just keep asking them, like a steamroller. He knew that, if he kept it up, he'd eventually hit on something that would launch a deeper and more interesting discussion.

Conversations were often logistical at first: How was the drive? What time did you leave? Was there any traffic? Where'd you stop to eat? What did you order? Before you knew it, you were off and running. That was the beauty of the technique.

Asking questions, of course, is not new advice! It's been around forever, and it's still preached heavily today by psychologists and master small-talkers.

But anybody who's been in conversation with another human being lately knows that a lot of people are really bad at this and only want to hear themselves talk. The Guardian calls them "non-askers." And they're everywhere.

Harvard Business Review writes that about 70-80% of what children say is made up of questions, but that number plummets dramatically in adults. It's like we lose our inherent curiosity somewhere along the way, and we pay for it in the way we relate to, or don't, with others. You don't have to do much research to see how big of a problem this is becoming, from people lamenting horrid first dates where they can't get a word in edgewise, to an excruciating lack of self-awareness from people in the working world who just.... won't. stop. talking!

 manners, etiquette, small talk, psychology, conversation, greatest generation, boomers, millennials, social anxiety Asking good questions: The original party trick.Stephen Coles/Flickr

Why is this mind-numbingly simple advice so hard to follow?

In Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, author Susan Cain writes that the idea of "having a good personality" is a pretty modern invention. She says that the Western world transformed at some point from a culture of character to a culture of personality, timed around the rise of salesmen and the corporate world. In that burgeoning culture, being charming, charismatic, and a great storyteller was crucial to your success.

We think it makes us impressive to know all the answers, have the best stories, have an anecdote or fun fact to share about every topic. In fact, appearing that way can often be the key to getting ahead at work and making more money. We want to be the one holding court at a party, making guests laugh with our raucous jokes and monologues, because we equate that image with popularity, success, and belonging.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

But it wasn't always this way. My grandad came from a time, in the old South, where good etiquette and manners were more important than being incredibly charming.

In the late 1800s, Professor Thomas E. Hill wrote in The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette: "Do not aspire to be a great storyteller. An inveterate teller of long stories becomes very tiresome. To tell one or two witty, short, new stories, appropriate to the occasion, is about all that one person should inflict upon the company."

Etiquette of the era also dictated not bragging about your connections or accomplishments, and not using highfalutin words to sound smarter than you really are. Some funny ones include parents not telling too many stories about their kids (preach!) and avoiding using too many puns.

Now, my grandad didn't exactly grow up in Victorian England — more like Great Depression-era America — but you can get a sense of how our priorities have changed since 1900 to today. There were a lot of things about that time period in the United States that weren't so great, but that emphasis on making other people feel comfortable and heard in social settings, instead of advancing your own status and standing, would be a welcome return. Luckily, it's easy to do it even today. Just ask a question, literally any question, and you'll already be doing way better than most people.

They don't call them the Greatest Generation for nothing!

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No booze at all? As more people go alcohol-free, debates over dry weddings heat up.

Some folks have strong feelings about this, but some dry wedding tips can help.

Photo credit: Canva

Some couples choose to have no alcohol served at their wedding. It's an issue for some people.

People's relationships with alcohol run the gamut from "never touched it, never will" to full-blown alcoholism, with a wide range of preferences, experiences, and expectations along that spectrum. Most of the time, it's easy to take a live-and-let-live approach to other people's choices, but if there's one place where people seem to clash when it comes to alcohol offerings, it's weddings.

Objectively, a couple has the right to offer or not offer anything they wish at their wedding, but depending on your social circles, there may be certain "norms" that are expected. For some people, alcohol at weddings is an unquestioned norm that they simply can't imagine not having, which makes the movement toward dry weddings—ones that offer no alcohol whatsoever—a sticking point.

 

In fact, in debates over the idea, some go so far as to say they flat out won't attend a wedding if they know there won't be alcohol. Some feel it's rude not to serve alcohol to guests, even if the couple themselves don't partake, because it's a social event and people expect it. Others say the wedding is for the couple—it's their day, and they can create any kind of wedding they wish. Some people assume a wedding won't be as much fun if there's no alcohol, while others say dry weddings are some of the best weddings they've been to.

Opinions are all over the place on the topic with strong feelings on all sides. Here's a sampling of what people say:

"I would not be phased by a dry wedding if it were a smaller event. I’d actually prefer it as I don’t drink much at all. However, a wedding with 100 guests is not a small wedding and I think it’s a social norm/expectation for there to be alcohol at these kinds of celebrations. Whether that’s arguably a good thing or not is up for debate, however I know plenty of people who would be thoroughly disappointed and think the night was less fun because of there being no alcohol."

 

"It very much depends on where you’re from and your social circle. If you’re from the Bible Belt and your entire wedding and reception takes place in a church function hall, then no- a dry wedding would very much be normal. If you’re Mormon or another religion that is anti-alcohol, it would be totally expected. Also, if one or both of you were in recovery I think it would also be totally fine.

If you’re not in one of the above groups or on a significantly reduced budget, it is generally seen as faux pas to not provide alcohol in some form at your wedding as you are the host of the party. Even the weddings with limited budgets that I’ve been to, still opt to host beer and wine for the satisfaction of the guests. The reception is a thank you to your guests for celebrating your marriage (and presumably for the gifts they will be giving)."

 

"Being a good host means taking care of your guests. Not causing pain from no where to sit, not making them stay hungry, not making them stay thirsty, etc.

Not providing alcohol at a wedding is absolutely not the same as being a bad host. There are so many ways to make your drinks fun and celebratory without including alcohol in them. Mocktails and coffee are great! Especially if you have some options that are less sweet- typically a lot of mocktails tend to be super sugary, but if you have some that are more herbal/dry, that would fill that need."

"I come from a family of alcoholics and would love a dry wedding. Unfortunately there will be alcohol at my wedding but alcohol is a major trigger for my ptsd. I know a lot of people who don’t drink, it’s not as uncommon as you think."


 


"I think a dry wedding is a wonderful idea, especially if you are going to offer mock tails or have a coffee bar. especially if coffee if kind of your guys thing. I would love to attend a reception with a coffee bar! just remember, it’s your day and you can have it how ever you want. and if you don’t want alcohol because neither of you really drink, that is okay!!"

"There's no etiquette rule that requires alcohol at a wedding. Food is required if the reception takes place during a meal time, but alcohol never is."

 wedding food, wedding dinner, dry wedding, wedding, alcohol, no alcohol Food is a reasonable expectation at a wedding. Alcohol? Not so fast.Photo credit: Canva

Appropriate etiquette for dry weddings

There has been a societal shift away from alcohol in recent years, which may make it easier for people who want an alcohol-free wedding for health, recovery, religious, or simply personal preference reasons. However, because alcohol has traditionally been an expectation at weddings and still is for many people, there are some things couples can do to keep their dry wedding from being viewed in a negative light.

- Inform your guests beforehand that alcohol won't be served. Many people say they don't mind a dry wedding as long as they know ahead of time what to expect.

- Offer fancy non-alcoholic drink alternatives. A mocktail bar, coffee bar, italian soda bar, etc. can help create a festive atmosphere and bridge the gap for people who are used to having a drink in their hand.

 wedding, wedding drinks, dry wedding, mocktails, alcohol free There are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives that can make a wedding feel festive.Photo credit: Canva

- Provide fun activities that get people moving and socializing. I've been to many dry weddings where people danced their socks off, so it's not like alcohol is necessary for a fun party. But for those who rely on alcohol to be a social lubricant, having ways to get guests mingling and engaging in fun activities together can help.

- Make your guests laugh. Many people associate alcohol with having a good time, and laughter is a great way to create that feeling. Maybe set up a photo booth with silly props, or have a light-hearted roast, or hire a DJ with a great sense of humor.

- Consider getting married at an earlier time in the day. If you want a dry wedding and know that a lot of your guests will expect to have alcohol, having a morning or mid-day wedding can help ease that expectation. Most people don't expect to drink in the morning.

- If you're a guest, don't complain. A couple's wedding is about them, so let it truly be about them. Even if you hate the idea of being sober for the evening, keep it to yourself and respect their right to have their wedding day be what they envisioned. If you must, go out before or after the wedding for drinks.

Ultimately, it's up to a couple getting married to decide what to serve and what not to serve their guests, but with some thoughtfulness and open-mindedness on everyone's part, the big day can be a fun and festive celebration of love and commitment no matter what people are drinking.

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