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Why '80s and '90s babies see money a lot differently than their parents do.

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TD Ameritrade

OK, here's the thing: Millennials get a lot of flack. A lot of it.

As a millennial myself, I see where the stereotypes start and where they end, but I know one thing for certain: We're shaking things up. And in a world where the status quo isn't always right, that's not a bad thing.

A re-imagination of a Time magazine cover. Image by Max Gaines/Flickr.

Millennials have changed how some workplaces operate — shoutout to flexible work options and companies committed to social change. Millennials are the generation that helped elect the first black U.S. president and helped make social sharing an integral part of daily life, creating entire new industries to support it. The status quo is shifting.

But as much as the millennial generation is defined by advancement and a desire for change, it's also been shaped by hard economic times.

With fluctuating economies, a lack of financial literacy, mounting student debt, and the growing assumption that retirement is a luxury many just won't be able to afford, money is definitely on our minds.

Image via Damian Gadal/Flickr.

Is it in our conversations, though? There are so many benefits to talking about money. One of the biggest benefits is simply realizing that you're not the only one facing certain challenges. But even for millennials who seem pretty comfortable talking about everything else, not talking about money — aka the money taboo — is still somewhat the norm.

Why is that?

Talking about money makes people feel vulnerable — and that can be pretty uncomfortable.

When someone understands your finances, they understand so much of your life because money is, in many ways, the foundation on which we build our lives. And society itself has a complicated relationship with money. In an essay on the money taboo, Richard Trachtman cites psychologist Carol Lloyd:

"In a society that claims to be a classless meritocracy on the one hand and a capitalist paradise on the other, there is no acceptable level of wealth. We have to pretend to be equal even as we know ourselves to have vastly different opportunities depending on our income."

Money talk invites judgment. It also used to be seen (and often still is) as kinda rude.

Emily Post, the queen of manners, made it very clear in her 1922 book of etiquette that money shouldn't be a topic of social conversation:

"Only a vulgarian talks ceaselessly about how much this or that cost him... A very well-bred man intensely dislikes the mention of money and never speaks of it (out of business hours) if he can avoid it."

Change may be in the air, though. Millennials are speaking up and talking about money in ways no other generation has.

According to Facebook IQ, 40% of the financial conversations taking place there are driven by millennials, on everything from credit cards to investments.

Image via Elizabeth Hahn/Flickr.

So while in-person conversations about money may still be a little tricky to navigate, social media has done millennials a solid, offering a way to discuss money and poke fun at both the successes and struggles of financial management without feeling like a social leper.

Elite Daily — which calls itself "The Voice of Generation Y" on Instagram and has 1.4 million followers backing that claim — regularly pokes fun at the financial struggles millennials are facing.

Image via Elite Daily Instagram.

Needless to say, they're not shy about discussing the struggle, and they do it in a away that's so quintessentially millennial: memes. With thousands of likes and thousands of people tagging their friends on each post, it's an avenue for discussion and a good reminder that we're all in this struggle together.

Image via Elite Daily Instagram.

But, memes aside, millennials are actually pretty financially conservative.

And it's confusing the heck out of major industries, which are struggling to connect with the millennial audience to no avail. According to a Consumer Expenditure Survey, millennials aren't buying cars like previous generations did. And when they buy cars, they aren't driving as much. And houses? Well, millennials are passing on that too, for now.

Here's the thing: Millennials have seen how fragile wealth is.

With the stock market collapse, wealthy families lost the luxury of not discussing money. Middle-class and working-class families had to work even harder and stress the importance of money even further. Some never recovered after jobs were lost, parents aged, and income dwindled.

Image via Michael Coghlan/Flickr.

Millennials saw their parents struggling with the economy and arguing and talking about money.

Can you really blame millennials for being wary? We're more than aware of how big of a role money plays in our lives, and saddled with debt — student debt and national debt — there's a large hill to climb to feel some sense of financial stability.

So, are millennials really talking more about money? If not more, then definitely differently.

It's pretty clear that millennials are thinking about and engaging with money differently — our grandparents weren't commiserating on social media about living from paycheck to paycheck.

But are millennials talking about money more? The answer appears to be a cautious yes. The taboo still exists, but things are changing.

Image via Matus Laslofi/Flickr.

Reinventing the wheel is part of the millennial identity, and as people are trying to figure out how to manage their money on their terms and protect their children's futures, conversations are taking place.

One thing is certain: Times are changing and our relationship with money is a big part of that evolution.

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Parenting

When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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Joy

15 things most women don't realize that men find attractive

Men aren't just staring at your body.

via Neva Szpigel/Pexels, Hannah Barata/Pexels, arvin latifi/Pexels

Three women that men find very attractive.

There is so much more to a woman being considered attractive by a man than having a specific waist-to-hip ratio or a perfectly symmetrical face. Sure, it’s a lot easier to be considered beautiful when you’ve won the genetic lottery, but men are paying attention to a lot more than a woman’s measurements.

Guys can get a bad rap for being shallow, but the average dude isn’t only attractive to women who look like they've been Photoshopped. According to a viral AskReddit post, he’s looking for a woman with a natural look and a down-to-earth personality.

A Redditor asked men on the Reddit AskMen forum to share the following: “Minor things are very attractive to women, but they never seem to realize it?” Most of the men who commented noted that they like a confident but casual woman who likes to dress comfortably and has a natural look.

The opinions the guys shared were affirming to many of the women who responded. They were happy to learn that many men find women comfortable in their bodies to be the most attractive. In a world where beauty standards shoved down our throats by the media are unrealistic, it’s great to hear men be honest about what they like in a real woman.



It’s also important to note that the Redditor asked men to share what they found attractive, so unfortunately, we don’t have the female take on the question, which would be fascinating as well.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question, “What minor things are very attractive on women, but they never seem to realize it?”

1. Passionate about hobbies

"Being extremely passionate about her hobbies."

"Seeing someone speak about their passion in life is probably my favorite thing in anyone. It’s when they’re at their happiest, most excited self? That enthusiasm and charm they give off during those times, nothing else can really replace that."

2. Messy hair

"It's casual and intimate. It's not that being done up is unattractive or anything. Messy hair tends to be associated with bed head. This is an intimate thing given how women tend to be very put together. Seeing the woman for herself is a deeply beautiful thing. While I have thought the women I've been with were beautiful when they were all done up for special events and even in casual clothes, I was always most attracted to them when we first woke up next to each other. Our breaths smelled like shit and we had sleep in our eyes, but it never mattered to me even for a second."

"There's enough order in the world, and it can be a bit... stifling at times. It's nice to see such a minor thing (in the grand scheme of things) go a bit chaotic. It shows that she can be herself, and that she can be free."

3. Glasses

"I love a blind a** girl that needs glasses."

"Eyes are everything and glasses blow up the eyes."



4. Mental maturity

"Consistency in exhibiting a pleasant demeanor and emotional maturity/intelligence is very much attractive!"

"And not just mental maturity, but emotional maturity as well."

5. Good hygiene

"Hygiene. My wife uses this body spray after she gets out the shower and every time I smell it it’s like the first time. Nails manicured not overly long but she’s leaning into a more pointed tip because you know…I like it."

6. Freckles

"Seeing a lady without makeup for the first time and finding out she has freckles is divine."



7. A belly

"I like it when girl has a belly. It seems to be one of the biggest insecurities out there. It saddens me. I go crazy when people are confident in their bodies."

8. Focus

"Personally, I like a focused woman, I don't mean the serious woman, but I mean when she is trying to get a job done, like solving a math, trying a open a tin with a really tight lid, she is focused on 'how do I get 5his done?' that's what I mean."

9. Natural look

"Not having cosmetic surgery. Serious girl, your lips are perfectly kissable without any lip filler."



10. Being a mother

"Having my child. My wife skyrocketed in attractiveness as soon as I first saw her holding our baby. And she was already pretty damn attractive. Losing the baby weight paled in comparison to this."

"At a certain point, the shared experiences and the stock you put into each other should outweigh the importance of whatever drew you together in the first place. The women stressing out about looking older never seem to realize this."

11. Kindness

"Gratuitous kindness. It’s one of those inner beauty sort of things. Actually, come to think of it, not being rude is an even smaller thing that does the same thing but in a more subtle fashion."

12. At ease around men

"Being at ease in the company of men. It is so obvious when a woman was raised with brothers and their brothers' friends."



13. Not being obsessed with online attention

"Finding a woman who doesn't post a lot on social media is like finding a new BBQ joint that is amazing and nobody knows about it."

14. Baseball hat

"Baseball cap with the ponytail pulled out the back. Men’s dress shirt and pajama bottoms in the morning. A tiny wisp of hair comes out near the ear that seems a little bit messy but just fits perfectly on your face. And lastly, the small gap between the end of your skirt and the top of your boots. That’s small amount of skin that doesn’t really, have a traditional sexy value just look so damn good on you."

15. Braided hair

"When my wife does her hair up in French braids, I melt."

"I don't know how to academically explain it but you look like fancy princesses and I want to marry into wealth and royalty."

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History (Education)

Artist's gallery shows us what historical figures would look like if they were alive today

Her new artwork has already has over 120,000 followers on Instagram.

via Royalty Now / Instagram

One of the major reasons we feel disassociated from history is that it can be hard to relate to people who lived hundreds, let alone thousands, of years ago.

Artist Becca Saladin, 29, is bridging that gap by creating modern-looking pictures of historical figures that show us what they'd look like today.

"History isn't just a series of stories, it was real people with real feelings. I think the work brings people a step closer to that," she said according to Buzzfeed.

Saladin has always loved archaeology and always wished to see see what historical events actually looked like.

She started her Instagram page after wanting to see her favorite historical figure, Anne Boleyn, in real life instead of artist's depiction.

"I wanted to know if she could come to life from the few pale, flat portraits we have of her," she wrote for Bored Panda. "I started the account to satisfy my own curiosity about what members of the past would look like if they were standing right in front of me."

Her artwork has earned her over 120,000 followers on Instagram. "I always struggled with finding a true hobby, so this has been such a fun creative outlet for me," she said. "It's really cool to have found a hobby that combines my passions for both art and history."

Saladin does brilliant job at giving historical figures modern clothing, hairstyles and makeup. She also shows them in places you'd find modern celebrities or politicians. Her modern version of Marie Antoinette appears to be posing for paparazzi her Mona Lisa is photographed on a busy city street.

Here's a sampling of some of Saladin's modern representations of historical figures.

Genghis Khan

  

King Henry VII

  

Agrippina the Younger

  

Queen Nefertiti

  

Ben Franklin

  

This article originally appeared on 2.27.20

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Family

Being a parent may be 'hard,' but these moms have a better way to define the experience

The words we use can have a big effect on our attitudes as parents.

via Helena Lopes/Pexels

A mother holding her baby.

If there's one thing you learn raising multiple children all the way to adulthood, it's that parenthood is humbling. It's many other things, too—wonderful, joyful, delightful, frustrating, confusing and tiring—but humbling might top the list.

When you're in the early years of your parenting journey, humility hasn't always set in yet, which is how a debate between moms about whether or not parenting is hard got sparked on social media.

It began when a mom of four kids under 7 wrote on X, "So many parenting books talk about how incredibly hard parenting is. However that had just not been my experience at all. My kids are 1.5-7, I have four, and there are certainly difficult moments, but I would not describe parenting itself as being hard. Am I alone in this?"

Is parenting as hard as people say it is?

People began sharing their experiences, explaining that they thought parenting was easy too until they had a more difficult kid. Some parents said that if moms think parenting is easy it just means they have easy kids or a lot of help. Some said that if parenting is hard for you, it's a skills or attitude issue, which prompted some heated debate about how much of your parenting experience is within your control.

Many of the people who claimed that parenting was easier than they expected have small children only. That explains part of their thinking, especially if they have relatively easy young ones. But it's also a reflection of how the parenting discourse has shifted to become more raw and unfiltered in recent years, largely thanks to the mommy blogging era. Two decades ago, when I was raising my own small children, blunt honesty about the challenges of parenting came as a breath of fresh air to those of us who had only ever heard about how wonderful motherhood was. Now "real talk" has been the norm for a whole generation, probably swinging the pendulum to the other side, bombarding young parents with messages about how hard parenting is.

There's something to be said for expectation. If you go into motherhood expecting it to be hard, it may not be as difficult as you imagined. If you go into motherhood expecting it to be all giggles and cuddles, you'll be in for a rude awakening. Messaging makes a big difference on that front.

What do people mean when they say parenting is hard?

Of course, there's also the fact that "hard" is completely subjective. How do you measure that? Some moms who said parenting is not that hard said things along the lines of, "There are hard moments and sometimes it's frustrating and it's definitely tiring, but it's not hard." But some of us would absolutely equate "frustrating" and "tiring" with hard. So some of this is just semantics.

All "hard" really means is "requiring much effort or skill," which I imagine most people would agree parenting requires. However one of the above moms implied that if parenting is hard, it means you're not good at it, which understandably rubbed some people the wrong way. Same with the idea that attitude is most of what makes parenting hard.

But whether parenting is hard or not isn't even the right question. The question is whether hard = bad. I would argue it absolutely does not. In fact, I think "parenting is hard" is totally compatible with "parenting is delightful" and "parenting is enjoyable." Parenting being hard doesn't negate the joy and the wonder of it all.

Running a marathon is hard, but people still choose to do it because they love to run and because they enjoy the challenge. It's exciting and exhilarating and exhausting, all at the same time. The effort—the hard—is a big part of the experience.

Tending a farm is hard work, and it's celebrated as such. It seem strange to imply that saying "parenting is hard" must mean there's some sort of moral failure happening. Isn't hard just the nature of it?

Is parenting really supposed to be easy?

Parenting isn't meant to be impossible or torturous, but I don't think it's supposed to be a breeze, either—at least not if you're trying to do a good job. Being a bad parent is easy, at least for a while, but good parenting takes continuous, conscientious effort. There are a million circumstances, from age and stage of development, to individual temperament and family support, to your own upbringing and expectations of parenting, that can make it easier or harder. But until you've done the full arc of raising multiple children through to adulthood, you simply don't know what unexpected surprises might be in store. Humility can be chosen early on or forced upon you later, but I've yet to meet a veteran parent who hasn't been humbled by parenting somewhere along the way.

When my children were little, I had a completely different perspective on parenting than I do now that I have two young adults and a teen. Different parents find different parts of parenting difficult, and again, that's not bad. I love being a mom. Motherhood has been the greatest gift of my life and I adore my relationship with my incredible kids, but it was—and still is, in some ways—hard to be a parent. There's no way around that and I feel zero shame in saying it. The hard work of sowing good character, watering their hearts and minds, weeding out negative influences and nurturing them as individuals has allowed us to reap the fruits of our labor in a beautiful family life.

Perhaps those who find parenting "easy" just have their own interpretation of what "hard" or "difficult" means. Or perhaps they haven't hit a hard stage of parenting yet. Or maybe they really did hit the jackpot combo of easy kids and tons of support and that won't ever change. Who knows. All I know is that parenting well is hard, but that hard and great and joyful and wonderful can all totally go hand in hand.

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Health

Sorry, Marie Kondo. This ADHD influencer's 'poop method' for decluttering is brilliant and hilarious.

Instead of asking "Does it spark joy?" try this.

Photo by Jan Antonin Kolar on Unsplash
white toilet bowl with cistern

Marie Kondo, in her heyday, taught us that there was one simple question we should ask ourselves when deciding whether we wanted to get rid of something in our home.

"Does this spark joy?"

The KonMarie method, as it was called, became really popular a few years ago for its simplicity — but it didn't work for everyone. Some people found it too vague, too subjective, or that it only confused them more.

TikToker Becka (@adhdorganized) recently went viral for urging us to ask a, um, different question while decluttering.

In a short video shared on TikTok and Instagram, Becka explains the "ADHD poop rule," that changed her life.

"I know that this sounds super gross, and this has nothing to do with the bathroom," she begins, speaking to the camera from the front seat of her car.

"The poop rule is if you are getting rid of items from your house, and you're purging and trying to organize or spring clean... you pick up an item and you think:

'Is this important enough that I would wash poop off of it?'

@adhdorganized

ADHD purging/organizing hack!! 💞💩 #adhd #organize #hack #cleaning #grwm

Much more black and white than the 'spark joy' technique, the poop rule can apply to both useful and sentimental items.

If something's not important enough to you that you'd clean feces off of it, it's probably something you can safely throw away without regret.

That old bottle of lotion at the back of your sink cabinet you've been saving for six years in case you need it? Probably not worth washing poop off of!

It's amazing how a little visceral disgust can clarify things.

The gross but effective advice was a huge hit with the ADHD community.

Becka, who shares her own journey of trying to organize her life while living with ADHD, found the video quickly racked up hundreds of thousands of views.

Commenters mostly agreed that the rule was a game-changer.

"This will work better for me than sparking joy, too much sparks joy in my brain" one person wrote.

Others chimed in and said they had tried the poop rule with success themselves, or slight variations of it.

"I was doing this today and then my cat actually barfed on stuff I was probably keeping and suddenly I no longer cared about them lol," another user said.

Clutter and disorganization can be a big problem for people living with ADHD — not to mention everyone else.

People with ADHD can experience a lot of anxiety over the clutter in their homes and lives.

Getting overwhelmed by the growing mess is a big challenge for these folks, who may struggle with procrastination, avoidance, or difficulty focusing on completing a task like organizing or cleaning up.

Mindset tricks like the poop rule can help tremendously. In her video, Becka also briefly mentions that she has lots of techniques for motivating or tricking herself into staying organized — having a friend come over (or pretend to come over) to establish a hard deadline for cleaning up, for example.

But it's not only people with ADHD that struggle with clutter and organization.

The problem of too much stuff and the mental load that comes with it is something almost everyone can relate to.

It's nice to have another tool in our toolbox to help us with the agonizing decisions we sometimes face when trying to clean out our homes, cars, or workspaces.

More decluttering and organization hacks by and for people with ADHD

Avoid over-shopping - It's a lot easier to keep your life relatively tidy if you can reign in those impulse purchases you're bound to regret later.

Try a label maker - Itemize and clearly mark what's hidden away in your drawers and storage containers. Knowing what you have and being able to easily access it will help with unnecessary buying and also help clarify what you don't need!

Break down big, overwhelming tasks into smaller and more manageable pieces - Even Marie Kondo herself has changed her approach in recent years after becoming a mother. Anyone who's feeling overwhelmed by a gargantuan cleaning or organizing task should start small, even with just one drawer.

And whether you have ADHD or not, don't underestimate doing a little mental gymnastics to motivate yourself! Whether it's inviting company over, finding a one-minute quick win organization task, or even imagining a fleck of poop on all the stuff in your home — any small mental boost you can get can make a huge difference!

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