Powerful Clean

When they saw students acting out, these educators brought ties to school. Here’s why.

When they saw students acting out, these educators brought ties to school. Here’s why.
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When teacher Kenneth Joyner and student support specialist Raymond Nelson III started working together they noticed something that worried them.

All photos courtesy of Boys With a Purpose.

What they were seeing in the classroom at Memminger Elementary in South Carolina were kids "cutting the cord" between themselves and their teachers. They weren't paying attention. They weren't listening. Overall, there was simply a lack of respect and discipline amongst their young male students.

In many cases, these kinds of discipline problems would be handled with detentions and suspensions. But Joyner and Nelson didn't think that yelling or exclusion would solve any of these problems long-term.

"When you go to my classroom, it says, 'Connect, Inspire, Teach.' That's my philosophy. That's what I live by," says Joyner.

These educators, who have had positive experiences with mentoring in the past, knew they could give the boys in their school a chance to become active participants in their education. So before the 2015 holidays, they decided they'd team up and get to work.

On January 6th, 2016, Nelson and Joyner brought ties to school and offered them to any boy who might want one. It seems like a small gesture, but it made an impact.

The ties Nelson and Joyner brought in actually belonged to them. They were, the men recall, too big and too long for third, fourth and fifth graders. But that didn't matter. The two men were helping kids put them on and teaching them the beginnings of a perfect knot.

And the boys didn't care that the ties didn't fit or that colors clashed. They didn't care that putting a tie over their regular clothes might look silly. All they cared about was that the ties helped them feel confident, more professional and more grown-up. The ties gave them an opportunity to see themselves differently than they had been before.

"A lot of the boys in the school were maybe labeled as trouble makers, maybe labeled as not good kids, maybe labeled as not academically on par," says Joyner.

"People have to see themselves differently if they're going to change. When they begin to see themselves differently, that's when they begin to act differently."

Nelson and Joyner note that many kids get in trouble because of the perceptions and conditions of worth that have been placed upon them. If a kid gets a reputation for being a fighter, then that kid may have a harder time proving he's more than that. Or say a kid works hard academically, but doesn't feel intelligent because only kids who got 100% on their math tests are called "smart." As a result, he may not make an effort to improve.

With the ties, Nelson and Joyner wanted to send the kids an important message: You don't have to fit into the narrow confines of the roles you may have been pushed into. You can clean up your act, soften your defenses, be both tough and vulnerable. If just putting on a tie made a decided difference, what happens if you adjust your whole image?

Proud of this new confidence the boys were emanating, Nelson and Joyner posted pictures to Facebook. The response made it possible for their small act to become "Boys With a Purpose," a full-fledged leadership program.

Within days of the photos going up on social media, Nelson, Joyner and the boys went viral. Soon, big names started calling. Eventually, Steve Harvey flew five of the boys out to be on his show.

Many of them had never been on a plane, and they certainly hadn't been on a TV show. It was another opportunity to see themselves differently; an opportunity to see the future they could have.

When Nelson, Joyner and the boys returned to school, they were bombarded with donations. People sent ties, then shirts and pants to go with the ties. Nelson and Joyner even received full suits for the boys. This outpouring of generosity allowed the teachers to give clothing to any boy who needed or wanted it.

Eventually they started an after-school program. Nelson and Joyner meet with the boys three afternoons a week, and on Thursdays, everyone dresses up.

While there was initially a misconception about the program — that it was only for kids who didn't have fathers or positive male role models in their life — Joyner notes that's not the case.

"Any young man who doesn't have a positive male role model in his life, this program is for him," says Joyner. "Any young man who does have a positive male role model in his life, this program is for him, because he needs to continue to grow, to learn, to instill those values in himself."

Today, Boys With a Purpose is giving more and more kids a chance at a limitless future.

The College of Charleston offered the group a place to meet on their campus, giving the boys yet another opportunity to see themselves differently: as future college students.

Nelson and Joyner also regularly bring in lawyers, doctors and community leaders to inspire the boys. They've even started working with robotics and they're learning how to code.

"What I wanted to make sure that they understood is that everybody is not going to the NBA, NFL, and major league baseball," says Joyner. "I'm happy if you do, but it may not happen, so in the meantime, I need you to work your academics. I need you to use every bit of your brain power that you can to focus. Not just to play video games, but to learn how to make video games."

Of course, the program still focuses on the basics — the boys learn about confidence, self-respect and respect for others. They learn social skills. They learn the importance of living life with integrity. As a result, many of the boys have improved their grades, improved the quality of their social connections and become leaders. Many of them are now role models for their siblings and other students.

These are the things, Nelson and Joyner say, that may take the boys even further than a degree — although, of course, they're hoping that they get one of those, too.

First, though, they hope that Boys With a Purpose's mission catches on across the country, becoming a powerful, positive inspiration for many more sparkling bright futures.

"We're just hoping that we can get people to see the importance," says Joyner. "Because [if] you start off with the boys at an early age, you can plant the seed early."

"That's what we're working on. Trying to plant the seed early, so when they get older, they can already have the tools necessary to be successful."

Clorox is committed to providing a gentle yet powerful clean, which is why they've partnered with Upworthy to promote those same traits in people, actions and ideas. Cleaning up and strength are important aspects of many of our social good stories. Check out the rest in the campaign to read more.

Communities

After seeing a man struggle to pay for pet food, this couple created a pet food pantry for the community

Photo courtesy of Kenneth and Jill Gonsalves
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It can be expensive to have a pet. It's possible to spend between $250 to $700 a year on food for a dog and around $120-$500 on food for a cat. But of course, most of us don't think twice about the expense: having a pet is worth it because of the company animals provide.

But for some, this expense is hard to keep up, no matter how much you adore your fur baby. And that's why Kenneth and Jill Gonsalves decided to help.

Kenneth had seen a man scraping together change in a store to buy pet food, so he offered to buy the man some extra pet food. Still, later that night he couldn't stop thinking about the experience — he worried the man wasn't just struggling to pay for pet food, but food for himself, too.

So he went home and told his wife — and immediately, they both knew they needed to do something. So, in December 2020, they converted a farm stand into a take-what-you-need, leave-what-you-can Pet Food pantry.

"A lot of people would have watched that man count out change to buy pet food. Some may have helped him out like my husband did," Jill says. "A few may have thought about it afterward. But, only someone like Kenny would turn that experience into what we have today."

"If it weren't for his generous spirit and his penchant for a plan, the pantry would never have been born," she adds.

A man with sunglasses hands a box of cat food to a woman smiling Photo courtesy of Kenneth and Jill Gonsalves

At first, the couple started the pet food pantry with a couple hundred dollars of pet food they bought themselves. And to make sure people knew about the pantry, they set up a Facebook page for the pantry, then went to other Facebook groups, such as a "Buy Nothing group," and shared what they were doing.

"When we started, we weren't even sure people would use us," Jill says. "At best, we were hoping to be able to provide enough to help people get through the holidays."

But, thanks to their page and word of mouth, news spread about what they were doing, and the donations of more pet food started flooding in, too. Before long, they were coming home to stacks of food — and within a couple of months, the pantry was full.

Yellow post-it note with handwritten note that reads: "Hi, I read your story on Facebook. Here is a small donation to help. I have a 3-year-old yellow lab who I adore. I hope this helps someone in need. Merry Christmas. Meredith" Photo courtesy of Kenneth and Jill Gonsalves

"The pounds of food we have gone through is well, well, well into the thousands," Jill says. "The orders from our Amazon Wish List alone include several hundred pounds of dry food, a couple of hundred cases of canned food, and thousands of treats and toys. But, that does not even take into account the hundreds of drop-offs, online orders, and monetary donations we have received."

They also got many 'Thank you notes' from the people they helped.

"I would like to thank you for helping us feed our fur babies," one note read. "My husband and I recently lost our jobs, and my husband [will] hopefully [find] a new one. We are just waiting for a call."

Another read: "I just need to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I haven't worked in over a month with a two-year-old at home. Dad brings in about $300/week. From the pandemic to Christmas, it has been tough. But with the help of beautiful people like you, my fur baby can now eat a little bit longer, and my heart is happy."

Jill says that she thinks the fact that the pet pantry is a farm stand helps people feel better.

A woman holding a small black dog and looking at the camera is greeted by Jill Gonsalves Photo courtesy of Kenneth and Jill Gonsalves

"When we first started this, someone who visited us mentioned how it made them feel good to be able to browse without feeling like they were being watched," she says. "So, it's been important to us to maintain that integrity."

Jill and Kenneth aren't sure how many people they've helped so far, but they know that their pet food pantry is doing what they hoped it would. "The pet owners who visit us, much like donations, come in ebbs and flows," Jill says. "We have some regulars who have been with us since the beginning. We also have some people that come a few times, and we never see again."

"Our hope is that they used us while they were in a tough spot, but they don't need us anymore. In a funny way, the greatest thing would be if no one needed us anymore."


Today, the Acushnet Pet Pantry is still going strong, but its stock is running low. If you want to help out, visit their Facebook page for updates and to find ways to donate.
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Culture

Four big takeaways from National Geographic's new 'Fauci' documentary

National Geographic/YouTube

National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases director Dr. Anthony Fauci

When I first saw the preview of National Geographic's documentary about Anthony Fauci, I was confused. My assumption was that the documentary was made to profile his role in the COVID-19 pandemic response as that's how he became a household name. How did the filmmakers know they would need to get footage of Fauci at the very beginning of the pandemic, when no one knew yet what it would become?

The answer is: They didn't. This film was never intended to be about this pandemic at all. The profile of Anthony Fauci was planned by award-winning filmmakers John Hoffman and Janet Tobias in 2018 and they began filming in the fall of 2019, several months before anyone had even heard of SARS-CoV-2. The filmmakers originally planned to highlight Fauci as a lesser-known public servant, focusing primarily on his work throughout the AIDS pandemic.

What they ended up with is parallel stories of Fauci's AIDS work and Fauci's COVID response, and their "lesser-known" subject becoming a superstar during the making of the film. In fact, the press release for the film included the following, which is an unusual disclaimer but one the filmmakers felt necessary in the current climate: "Dr. Fauci had no creative control over the film. He was not paid for his participation, nor does he have any financial interest in the film's release."

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Tory Burch
Tory Burch Empowered Women
Empowered Women

Military spouses often choose their spouse's career over their own. This organization is changing that.

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When Sue Hoppin was in college, she met the man she was going to marry. "I was attending the University of Denver, and he was at the Air Force Academy," she says. "My dad had also attended the University of Denver and warned me not to date those flyboys from the Springs."

"He didn't say anything about marrying one of them," she says. And so began her life as a military spouse.

The life brings some real advantages, like opportunities to live abroad — her family got to live all around the US, Japan, and Germany — but it also comes with some downsides, like having to put your spouse's career over your own goals.

"Though we choose to marry someone in the military, we had career goals before we got married, and those didn't just disappear."

Career aspirations become more difficult to achieve, and progress comes with lots of starts and stops. After experiencing these unique challenges firsthand, Sue founded an organization to help other military spouses in similar situations.

Sue had gotten a degree in international relations because she wanted to pursue a career in diplomacy, but for fourteen years she wasn't able to make any headway — not until they moved back to the DC area. "Eighteen months later, many rejections later, it became apparent that this was going to be more challenging than I could ever imagine," she says.

Eighteen months is halfway through a typical assignment, and by then, most spouses are looking for their next assignment. "If I couldn't find a job in my own 'hometown' with multiple degrees and a great network, this didn't bode well for other military spouses," she says.

She's not wrong. Military spouses spend most of their lives moving with their partners, which means they're often far from family and other support networks. When they do find a job, they often make less than their civilian counterparts — and they're more likely to experience underemployment or unemployment. In fact, on some deployments, spouses are not even allowed to work.

Before the pandemic, military spouse unemployment was 22%. Since the pandemic, it's expected to rise to 35%.

Sue eventually found a job working at a military-focused nonprofit, and it helped her get the experience she needed to create her own dedicated military spouse program. She wrote a book and started saving up enough money to start the National Military Spouse Network (NMSN), which she founded in 2010 as the first organization of its kind.

"I founded the NMSN to help professional military spouses develop flexible careers they could perform from any location."

"Over the years, the program has expanded to include a free digital magazine, professional development events, drafting annual White Papers and organizing national and local advocacy to address the issues of most concern to the professional military spouse community," she says.

Not only was NMSN's mission important to Sue on a personal level she also saw it as part of something bigger than herself.

"Gone are the days when families can thrive on one salary. Like everyone else, most military families rely on two salaries to make ends meet. If a military spouse wants or needs to work, they should be able to," she says.

"When less than one percent of our population serves in the military," she continues, "we need to be able to not only recruit the best and the brightest but also retain them."

"We lose out as a nation when service members leave the force because their spouse is unable to find employment. We see it as a national security issue."

"The NMSN team has worked tirelessly to jumpstart the discussion and keep the challenges affecting military spouses top of mind. We have elevated the conversation to Congress and the White House," she continues. "I'm so proud of the fact that corporations, the government, and the general public are increasingly interested in the issues affecting military spouses and recognizing the employment roadblocks they unfairly have faced."

"We have collectively made other people care, and in doing so, we elevated the issues of military spouse unemployment to a national and global level," she adds. "In the process, we've also empowered military spouses to advocate for themselves and our community so that military spouse employment issues can continue to remain at the forefront."

Not only has NMSN become a sought-after leader in the military spouse employment space, but Sue has also seen the career she dreamed of materializing for herself. She was recently invited to participate in the public re-launch of Joining Forces, a White House initiative supporting military and veteran families, with First Lady Dr. Jill Biden.

She has also had two of her recommendations for practical solutions introduced into legislation just this year. She was the first in the Air Force community to show leadership the power of social media to reach both their airmen and their military families.

That is why Sue is one of Tory Burch's "Empowered Women" this year. The $5,000 donation will be going to The Madeira School, a school that Sue herself attended when she was in high school because, she says, "the lessons I learned there as a student pretty much set the tone for my personal and professional life. It's so meaningful to know that the donation will go towards making a Madeira education more accessible to those who may not otherwise be able to afford it and providing them with a life-changing opportunity."

Most military children will move one to three times during high school so having a continuous four-year experience at one high school can be an important gift. After traveling for much of her formative years, Sue attended Madeira and found herself "in an environment that fostered confidence and empowerment. As young women, we were expected to have a voice and advocate not just for ourselves, but for those around us."

To learn more about Tory Burch and Upworthy's Empowered Women program visit https://www.toryburch.com/empoweredwomen/. Nominate an inspiring woman in your community today!

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