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What these 5 interracial couples want you to know about America and race.

On a plane ride back from Ketchikan, Alaska, a flight attendant stopped to compliment a passenger on his startling blue eyes.

Days later, the flight attendant, Mardra, received a three-page handwritten love letter from Chris, the blue-eyed passenger, with his phone number inscribed at the bottom. They met in person on a layover two weeks later, the entire flight crew in tow to catch a glimpse of the fated mystery man.

"You know, I was married, and I have a child," Mardra told Chris. "If you're not fine with that, thank you for coming out."

"I would love to take you out to dinner," he replied. A year later, they were married.

Chris and Mardra marrying in 1981. Photo courtesy of Chris Jay.

Though their earnest romance might seem like it was lifted directly from the pages of a Nicholas Sparks novel, Chris and  Mardra Jay will tell you there's more to their story.

It was the 1980s. She was black, and he was white. It had been a long time since 1967, the seminal year that Mildred and Richard Loving famously used their own love to overturn the ban on interracial marriage. Still, there was a long way to go.

Mardra recalls that often her husband's acquaintances wouldn't treat her with respect.

"They would say, 'You know your wife is colored, right?' Right in front of me," she says, adding that she felt like the two of them were a classroom for people who had never been exposed to an interracial couple.

Chris, 67, and Mardra, 72. Image courtesy of Chris Jay.

Now in their 60s and 70s, Chris and Mardra know there's been a lot of progress since they were young. Once a rarity, multiracial children are the second-fastest growing segment of the U.S. population according to official census data, and interracial marriage has lost much of its former taboo.

We spoke to four other interracial couples about their relationships in America today, and how far they think the nation has come.

1. Jill and Juan Cortés.

Juan, 60, and Jill Cortés, 55.  Image courtesy of Jill Cortés.

Though no one would say it, Jill Cortés often suspected the neighbors were only polite to her and her Latino husband, Juan, because of his social status.

"Sometimes I feel that they wouldn't have talked to us, but they did because Juan was a doctor. If he was a blue-collar worker, maybe people wouldn't have associated with us," she recalls.

Juan said that friends and family were always supportive, though he didn't remember a lot of interracial couples — or racial tolerance — growing up when his family would visit Texas.

"I remember being a teenager and being afraid to walk into a restaurant," he says. "I worry it's headed that way again."

2. John Krause and Maria Chua.

John Krause, 48, and Maria Chua, 45. Image courtesy of John Krause.

When John Krause and Maria Chua got married, they had to contend with racism from his mother.

One night after dinner, she took Maria aside to tell her that "it would be very difficult for the children."

"It literally got to the point where I had to tell my parents, if I have to pick between my parents and Maria, I'm picking Maria," Krause says, adding that, "sometimes people don't realize when they're being racist."

John's parents eventually came around, and the couple now has two daughters.

3. Neelam Pathikonda and Lisa DeWolf.

Lisa DeWolf, 43, and Neelam Pathikonda, 39. Image courtesy of Neelam Pathikonda.

After meeting on Facebook through mutual friends, Neelam Pathikonda asked Lisa DeWolf on a date.

"I saw Lisa and pretty much lightweight stalked her online," Neelam says with a laugh. After they met, Lisa sold her house, quit her job, and moved to L.A. to be with Neelam. They married in 2013, in a traditional Hindu ceremony.

Neelam Pathikonda and Lisa Dewolf during their wedding. Photo courtesy of Neelam Pathikonda.

The wedding made some family members — especially those who hadn't originally supported their union— change their mind.

"With the legalization of gay marriage and our big Hindu wedding, my mom definitely came around. She realized that this wasn't a phase," Neelam says, adding that it had been 12 years since she had come out.

When the couple finally had a child, Neelam's father came around too.

Lisa and Neelam are nervous about what a Trump presidency will mean for them and their daughter. Still, they don't plan on giving up their rights anytime soon.

"I think that certainly there has been progress made. Queer clubs used to be raided by the police, and as a community, we've come so far and we're still demanding more," Neelam explains.

4. Ben and Constance Hawkes.

Ben, 30, and Constance Hawkes, 29. Photo courtesy of Ben Hawkes

Growing up as millennials, Ben and Constance Hawkes noticed a change in how mixed-race couples were treated.

"I've been pleasantly surprised with how supportive my friends and family have been," Ben says, acknowledging that being white, he can't speak for his wife's experience.

For Constance, she's had to contend with annoying comments about how "well-spoken" she is or people's ideas that racism no longer exists.

Despite the deep hostility felt through the election cycle, Ben and Constance are hopeful.

"We've just seen so much more representation of mixed-race couples in TV shows, in the media," Constance explains.  

The last law banning interracial marriage in the United States was officially repealed in Alabama in 2000. Yet today, race relations in the U.S. are at a boiling point.

We've come a long way since 1967, but these couples and their experiences shed light on ways we can create a more tolerant world.

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Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Photo credit: Canva

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!


This article originally appeared last year.

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Productive people share 2-minute daily habits that help them focus and de-clutter their brains

Small change, big gains.

Image via Canva/blackCAT

Productive people share their 2-minute daily habits for more better productivity.

Being productive requires your focus, determination, and discipline to get things done and achieve your personal and professional goals. Productive people excel at finding ways to minimize distraction and effectively use the 24 hours in each day. Luckily, becoming more productive can happen in two minutes or less.

A group of productive people in the subreddit r/Productivity put their brains together to respond to member erddre23, who asked: "What’s one '2-minute' habit that genuinely changed your week?"

They openly shared their tips and tricks for becoming more productive (and in return, happier) in a short amount of time. These are 15 two-minute habits from productive people to consider adding to your daily routine.

productive, productivity, become more productive, to do list, to-do list gif Happy Game Over GIF by QuickBooks Giphy

"Create a not-to-do list. Stick all the things that are in your head but you're not going to do on there. Great way to focus and declutter my brain. I use it as a brain dump, when looking at my tasks. So it’s things that I consider need doing but on closer inspection can just be dropped. Basic premise is, there’s way too much to do, I over estimate how important things are, only a select few things really matter." - Serious-Put6732

"Even quicker .. try BJ Foggs 'Maui Habit'. Soon as your feet hit the ground after you wake, tell yourself 'today is going to be a great day' and 'feel' it." - Different-Ad8308

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Starting with just 2 minutes on a big task makes it way less scary, and once I start, i usually keep going for hours. my procrastination usually kicks in when things feel too big to even begin." - Alternative_Owl5866

"Anything you want to start, but feel like is too big of a task, break it down in the simplest, easiest form. If you haven’t built up the motivation to read that book, then just read 5 words of the book (I’m serious). focus on consistency - just do." - babatundaeeeee

"Honestly, just taking 2 minutes every morning to jot down the top three things I really want to get done that day has totally changed my week." - sarthakdesigngrow

productive, productivity, being productive, knocking stuff out, getting stuff done Shit To Do Big Brother GIF by Big Brother After Dark Giphy

"Don’t look at your phone within the first 2 mins of waking up." - Deep-Explanation1024

"For me it’s washing dishes right after I eat takes way less time than I think, and my kitchen never feels like a war zone anymore." - felipemsimon0

"Mine - breathing morning practice. Breathe in, breathe out. Before starting my daily routine. Technically, it's for calming down... but it's also the foundation for something bigger, like mindfulness. The practice helps me relax, set a positive tone for the day, and visualize the big picture, among other things" - EpicTale_Production

breathe in, breathe out, breathing, breathing exercise, breath worth Relaxing Inner Peace GIF by Naomi Sharon Giphy

"Literally two minutes. I stretch my neck in three directions on each side for 20s." - SgtRevDrEsq

"Journaling, nothing too complicated: just starting my morning with some pep talk (I get too lost in my head sometimes) and reminding myself of things I need to get done (e.g. drink more water, stretching every time I take a bathroom break, work on a report). To-do lists stopped working with me for years now, but these mental reminders somehow keep me on track for the day. It feels like executing a code in my brain that helps me be more conscious of my actions and makes me less inclined to live on autopilot." - Dry-Key-9510

"Making my bed every morning. I know it’s cliche but it’s legit changed my life." - Jealous-Function-105

make the bed, making the bed, making bed gif, organized room, bed made Hannah Simone Fox GIF by New Girl Giphy

"I get gas on the way home instead of on the way out. NOTHING pisses me off more than urgently needing gas when I’m on a time crunch, which I often am 🤣." - Acrobatic-Beach-5581

"Getting tomorrow ready before going to bed. I pick out which clothes to wear. I set out a place setting for breakfast. I'll put the chips and fresh fruit in my cooler, for tomorrow's lunch. Doing this makes the morning easier to breeze through." - LordBofKerry

"I started doing pushups just as a means to get exercise in my downtime. I started with 10 pushups a day. Now I’m doing 75 a day. I’ve been doing this for such a long time that not doing pushups feels weird now." - ChickyBoys

"Define your vision, hang it on a wall, and read it every morning for two minutes. It's way easier to prioritize and say no if you know exactly where you're going and keep reminding yourself of it." - CarpenterFlat3590

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Passenger on 274-day cruise is surprised to learn the one word you can't say on the ship

"It's like saying 'Macbeth' in a theater."

via Mattew Barra/Pexels
There's one word you can't say on a cruise ship.

There are some things you just don't say. You don't yell out "bomb!" on an airplane, make jokes about carrying weapons while going through security, or, as Michael Scott from The Office knows, loudly proclaim that a boat you're currently on is sinking.

Those are all pretty obvious examples, but sometimes etiquette and decorum are a little more subtle. If you're not experienced in the ways of the venue you're in, you might not know all the unspoken rules. And you might find out the hard way. Cruise ships, for example, have their own very specific set of rules and regulations that guests should abide by.

On December 10, 2023, Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas set sail on the Ultimate World Cruise—a 274-day global trek that visits 11 world wonders and over 60 countries.


cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean 9 months is a very long time to be aboard a boat, even a giant cruise ship. Photo by Peter Hansen on Unsplash

This incredible trip covered the Americas, Asia Pacific, Middle East, Mediterranean and Europe with a ticket price that ranges from $53,999 to $117,599 per passenger.

With such a unique and incredible offering, it's understandable that Royal Caribbean wanted to invite plenty of influencers to help them get the word out.

Aboard the Serenade to the Seas was popular TikToker Marc Sebastian, who documented his experience throughout the journey. In one video with over 4.3 million views, he revealed what he’s learned over his first few weeks aboard the ship; the biggest was the one word you’re not allowed to say.

"So here's [what] I've learned about cruising since I've spent 18 nights on this floating retirement home with a Cheesecake Factory attached. First, number one, you're not supposed to talk about the Titanic," he says in the clip.

Titanic! It's the ultimate taboo when you're on a giant ship traversing the ocean. Even after all these years, it's still too soon to make even lighthearted comparisons or jokes.

@marcsebastianf

someone get whoopi on the line girl i have some goss for her #ultimateworldcruise #worldcruise #serenadeoftheseas #cruisetok #cruise #9monthcruise #titanic

“Who knew that? I didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I brought it up to an entire room of people having lunch that our ship is only 100 feet longer than the Titanic — when I tell you that utensils dropped. Waiters gasped. It’s dead silent.”

Sebastian was flabbergasted. "It wasn't in the... handbook," he joked. "Not that I read the handbook, clearly."

After the unexpected reaction, his cruise friend told him, “You’re not allowed to talk about the Titanic.” It makes sense.

Who wants to be reminded of the tragedy that killed around 1,500 people while sinking one of the most impressive engineering feats of the era? More experienced cruisers chimed in that they were familiar with the unique piece of etiquette.

cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean Pro tip: Don't ask the band on board to play "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion Giphy

"When I went on a cruise, my mom told me saying Titanic was equivalent to screaming ‘bomb’ at an airport," Mikayla wrote in the comments.

"It’s like saying Macbeth in a theatre, it’s an unspoken rule" another commenter added.

"I’m sorry you’re telling me you had a Harry Potter like experience saying Voldemort at Hogwarts but it was the titanic on a modern day cruise I’m cryingggg" joked another.

Later in the video covering little known cruise facts, Sebastian admits he was surprised to learn that cruise ships have godmothers and that the pools are filled with seawater.

In an update from June of 2024, Sebastian explains that he only stayed on the cruise for 18 nights. He was not booked to stay throughout the entire voyage, and for him, that was a relief.

He initially jokes that he was kicked off the boat for saving a penguin that had jumped aboard. But in the end, he admits he was more than happy to deboard early.

"I walked off that ship not a happy man," he said, saying the ship was overstimulating and stressful. In another video, he films as the ship navigates the Drake Passage, one of the most notoriously dangerous and choppy stretches of water in the world. It looks stressful indeed, to say the least.

Cruising isn't for everyone, let alone for 274 days straight! But now Sebastian knows the golden rule for his next cruise.

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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5 pieces of financial advice from older generations that are officially obsolete

The economic landscape has changed. A lot.

Photo credit: Canva

What made financial sense decades ago doesn't necessarily make sense now.

Economics can be complicated, but there's one simple truth that's undeniable—today's financial landscape looks vastly different than it used to. Not only has the economy shifted in ways that make basic living more expensive, but the way money even works has changed a lot in just one generation.

Cash is out. Crypto is in (maybe, sometimes, depending on who you ask), and credit cards have become the standard form of payment for everyone. No one balances a checkbook anymore, and young people don't even know what that means. Sewing your own clothes used to be a way to save money, but now the cost of patterns and fabric have made sewing a somewhat expensive hobby, not a frugal hack.

A lot of the financial wisdom previous generations held dear simply doesn't apply anymore, as evidenced by people's responses to a question, "What financial advice from our parents' generation is officially dead?"

from Frugal

Here were some of the most common responses:

1. Get a college degree because it'll guarantee you a good job

"My parents didn’t say this but plenty in their generation did: “It doesn’t matter what your degree is in, just get a degree and there will be plenty of jobs available when you graduate.”

"The Millennial experience was being told we have to go to college; find something you enjoy doing and expect jobs in it; don’t worry about loans, there’s plenty of money out there. And then being yelled at and mocked when we come out with debt, dumb degrees and shitty jobs."

"My parents told me to just get a college degree and not worry about finding the perfect major. For them, just having a college degree opened doors. My advice to my son will be to be very intentional in the degree he chooses. Today you need to make sure your college degree will lead to employment."

college, graduation, diploma, jobs, college degree A college diploma isn't the golden ticket it used to be. Photo credit: Canva

Current reality: With the cost of college tuition skyrocketing over the past few decades and wages not keeping up with cost of living expenses, "college will guarantee financial comfort" simply isn't true anymore. A college degree might result in a well-paying job, but it might not. Indeed reports that Bureau of Labor Statistics data shows that "on average, those with four-year degrees still earn more than their trade school-educated counterparts," but with trade jobs being in high demand and some of them earning high salaries, college isn't necessarily the best path to financial success for everyone.

2. Keep a stash of cash under your mattress or in a shoebox

"The old classic 'shoebox under the bed' has been dead for a while, but people still do it. If you want to keep a couple hundred bucks in cash for an emergency, knock yourself out.

But my mother in law has like 20k stashed in my wife's childhood room and has had it there for years and years. Absolutely kills me but she won't even consider any other options."

"I had a friend who had $15k in cash stashed in her house, and then she got robbed. Of course, the thieves found the cash. Guess what homeowners' insurance doesn't reimburse you for when your house gets robbed? They paid her back $1000 of the $15k and that was it."

cash, money, stash of cash, money under mattress, savings People. used to keep money under their mattress "just in case." That's not really the best advice these days. Photo credit: Canva

"Back when I was doing finance at a car dealership I had a couple come into my office, finish all the paperwork, and then set $27,000 in a plastic shopping bag on my desk. I about crapped my pants. They had been carrying this bag of money throughout the sales process. I advised them to never do that again. They just hated banks."

"That 20k invested in an S&P index fund at a yearly average return of 10% would be $134,550.00 after 20 years. Left in a shoebox it’s…. 20k."

Current reality: A federally-insured bank is the safest place to keep your money. The need for actual cash has become less and less relevant as credit and debit cards are accepted almost everywhere, and keeping a large amount of cash around is risky. If cash is stolen, there's nothing you can do about it. If someone steals from your bank account, there are protections in place. Plus, keeping lots of liquid cash means missing out on investment returns.

cash, money, banks, investments, liquid cash, credit, debit im rich cash money GIF Giphy

3. Be loyal to your company—it'll pay off

"'Loyalty pays off in the end' and 'Don’t change workplaces; try to stay at one place for your entire career' also 'Only change positions if it’s a vertical move. Don’t change positions if it’s a lateral move.' None of this is true any longer."

"A lot of people believed this at my last job. So much so that many stayed on for 20+ years. Earlier this year, this group became known as ‘highly tenured’ and was offered a voluntary retirement package. In many individual instances (such as mine) it wasn’t exactly ‘voluntary’. Maybe loyalty meant something at one time but definitely not anymore!"

"'Stick it out and put in your time' at a job you hate. The implication being, of course, that if you work hard for an employer and stay the course, you’ll be better for it. Those days are over.

company man, loyalty, jobs, working, employment Company loyalty doesn't pay like it used to. Giphy

Current reality: Millennials and Gen Z have gained a reputation for "job hopping," whereas previous generations were rewarded by staying with the same company long-term. But even in 2014, Forbes reported that “staying employed at the same company for over two years on average is going to make you earn less over your lifetime by about 50% or more.” Current wisdom says that job hopping will help you earn more.

4. You shouldn't be living with your parents after college

"I feel like the conventional wisdom about moving out on your own has changed since I was a kid. When I was growing up it was understood if you were still living at home past your early 20s/college graduation that meant you were failing at life. These days I know people in their 40s still living at home because they can't afford to move out in today's environment."

"Yup. I know a few people who have adult kids living with them because they can’t afford to live on their own after college. Rentals in my state are absolutely insane, and when you combine that with college loan repayments? Forget it."

"As someone who is living at home in her thirties the stigma has dropped like a rock since COVID. I was given more shit for living at home at 22 than I was at 32. My parents had a car accident this year and the doctors were over the moon there was an adult kid at home to sort everything out."

"That's one practice I am grateful my immigrant parents never assimilated, and the fact I have a good relationship with them. Their was no expectation to move out until I was engaged / married. Multi-generation households make so much sense when it comes to saving money and pooled resources."

living at home, multigenerational household, living with parents, new economy, cost of living Lots of adults are living at thome after college. Giphy

Current reality: According to data from Sallie Mae, 64% of college grads are still living with their parents within the first two years of graduation, and 35% are still at home between three and five years post-grad. Living at home has become a financially wise and socially acceptable decision—it no longer means you're a lazy loser without the ability to support yourself.

5. Stay away from stocks (or even 401Ks)

"The advice from my depression-era parents. Stay away from stocks, they will always crash and you will lose your shirt. Guaranteed."

"My boomer mother: 'Putting your money in a 401k is gambling. You might as well take it to the casino or throw it away.'"

"My grandmother refused to try to understand why we had 401ks that were invested in stocks. 'All those Wall Street crooks do is steal your money!' She also couldn't understand why we didn't just keep all our money in a savings account in the bank, even when we explained that our bank savings account was only giving us .03% interest."

"That was also the advice I got from basically all my coworkers when I first started work after college in 2009 regarding a 401k. I had enough sense and luck to ignore them and still contribute, but I did put less in than I could have. I don't think I would have been able to retire yet, but would have been much closer than I am now."

401K, investing, investments, retirement, savings Investing for the future looks a bit different now than it did a couple of generations ago. Photo credit: Canva

Current reality: Some people who advise against investing in the market came from the Great Depression or felt the sting of some other major downswings in the stock market during their lives. For sure, all kinds of investments are risky to varying degrees, but in the absence of pensions, if you ever want to retire, investing is pretty much the only way to do it. The stock market isn't the only way, of course, but it does have an average 10% return overall over the past century. And 401Ks aren't necessarily tied to the stock market; there are lots of safer ways to invest your retirement funds these days.

One commenter wrote of our elders' financial advice that's aged like milk, "Almost all of it. Because the world their advice is based in no longer exists." That's really the crux of it. We can look to our parents and grandparents for all kinds of wisdom born of experience, but when it comes to financial advice, best to look to the experts who have a better understanding of our current economic landscape.

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I've lived with face blindness my entire life. These 5 tips from real people are game changers.

Fake it till you make it.

Photo link: Canva

A woman only sees half her face.

If you know, you know. Face blindness, or as medical professionals call it, prosopagnosia, can be frustrating even in its mildest form. For me, it's the constant disappointment I see on people's faces when I don't register who they are. One time, I didn't identify my own comedy agent at the Laugh Factory. Another more egregious time, I didn't recognize my boyfriend of three years at the mall. (I didn't expect to see him and he was wearing a hat. He never wears hats!)

I used to have a joke that, to me, everyone looks like some version of actor Tobey Maguire no matter their gender, race, or height. I would be awful picking out a suspect in a police lineup, because I'd just keep saying, "Um, he was Spiderman, I think?"

The topic of face blindness isn't new. In neurologist Oliver Sacks's book The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, he writes, among many things, about a case study in which someone has a much more complex, severe condition processing stimuli called visual agnosia. Sacks discusses the neurological theories behind the condition, even adding in philosophical and Freudian explanations.

- Neurologist Oliver Sacks discusses what it's like to have prosopagnosia. www.youtube.com, CNN

The condition is actually somewhat common. According to Neuroscience News, 1 in 50 people have mild face blindness or "developmental prosopagnosia."

In her recent piece "Even mild face blindness can cause serious difficulties in daily life – new study," for The Conversation, psychologist Judith Lowes asks, "Have you ever been ignored by someone you knew when you bumped into them in the street or at an event? If so, you probably thought they were being rude. But they might have face blindness–a condition officially known as developmental prosopagnosia."

Her findings were fascinating. "In a new study my colleagues and I conducted, 29 adults with face blindness revealed the daily challenges they face. Ten of the participants said they could not reliably recognise immediate family members, and 12 couldn’t recognise closest friends in out-of-context or unexpected encounters. Yet many felt it was socially difficult to admit these struggles."

-People talk about their experience with face blindness. www.youtube.com, The New York Times

The study concludes prosopagnosia might be a form of neurodivergence, and somewhere on the autism/ADHD spectrum. She writes that recognizing face blindness as a "form of neurodivergence isn’t just about awareness, it’s about dignity, inclusion, and making everyday life easier for thousands of people."

But, for my fellow face-blind folks, there's hope and help. On the subreddit r/Prosopagnosia, an OP asks "Strategies for recognizing people?" Their more specific question is "How do y’all compensate for your face blindness?" The comments section bursts with ideas.

Come from the assumption that you know everyone

A few people suggest greeting people with "good to see you," instead of "nice to meet you," no matter what. I do this and while it seems strange at first, it's a way of faking it until you make it. Then if it's a short conversation, no harm, no foul.

Learn to rely on vocal cues

If, let's say using the last example, you need to buy more time. Listen closely to a person's voice. For me, my auditory memory is intact, so if I can just get a few seconds with vocal cues, my recognition sensors set in.

Be honest and open about the condition

Other Redditors recommend a more honest approach. One shares, "I’m open about it. I say something like 'I’m so sorry, I have face blindness, can you remind me how we know each other?' And people are usually really kind about it. The only time it’s been truly awkward for me was when the response was 'Ten years of friendship?!' (She’d changed her very distinctive hair.)"

Look for specific traits to memorize

This has truly helped me. When I'm meeting someone, especially someone I assume I'll see again, I try to find one thing on their face I can remember. A beauty mark on their cheek or a tattoo on their arm. Then, personally, I repeat it in my head: "Mike, tattoo, Mike, tattoo." Another Redditor advised to "look for scars." Same idea—find something on them that won't likely change and commit it to the space in your brain where the memory of their face would have gone.

Subtly ask for more context

This is a big one. Like many of us, it becomes kind of a game of fishing for information without awkwardly giving yourself away. I'll often ask, "When was the last time I saw you?" And if they say, "At our high school reunion of course," then boom—that's information! Once I have just a few pieces of the face blindness jigsaw puzzle, I can piece it together pretty quickly. (And then I often overcompensate once I realize who they are. "Oh yeah! You were wearing the cutest pink dress! How's Steve? Still living in Milwaukee?")

As one commenter put it, "Bluffing and hoping for some context from the conversation's clues."

face blindness clues, tattoo, body markings, memory Tattoo artist with a canine assistant creates colorful ink. Giphy

While many in this and other threads online discuss the anxiety and embarrassment that can come as a result of this condition, it is not all that uncommon. And if we approach it from the neurodivergence standpoint, as Lowes proposes, it might make it easier to discuss and give grace to ourselves and others.

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