My children have never been punished for their behavior and they're still good kids
No, the kids aren't running amuck and in charge of my home.

My children have never been punished and here's why.
Childrearing is always a touchy topic, and with the rise of newer parenting techniques like gentle parenting and free-range parenting, people get passionate about their techniques. To be fair, parenting is a very personal journey and every parent out there will parent differently than the next. In fact, even within the same household, each child is parented differently when they have the same exact parents.
This is because as parents we are constantly learning what works and what doesn't. We're also learning that each child has a different personality and needs a different approach. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, but there are some evidence-based practices that have been proven to work well as a guide for your personal style.
When I first started having children a little over 20 years ago, my family had a lot of opinions about my parenting style because there was no "punishment" for unwanted behaviors. It seemed like a foreign concept back then, and it still feels foreign now to some people. But the truth is, my children have never experienced punishment at my hand.
When my children were younger, I had grown accustomed to defending the way I parented them, and while it was a source of frustration, it didn't change the way I approached the task. I had an advantage that not every parent has when raising children–I was in college for my bachelor's degree in child development and family relations when I was raising my first child, and I graduated when my second was six months old. I essentially had an inside scoop on how kids' brains worked and the best approach to interact with them.
This is the reason I steered away from punishment and focused instead on natural and logical consequences. I view punishment as something unrelated to the behavior. Sometimes the punishment can be a child being grounded because they failed a test, or time-out for swearing. Obviously, there are more severe punishments as well, like corporal punishment or the newer trend of public humiliation via social media. (For instance, recently a mom posted a video to TikTok showing her running over her young child's television because he was misbehaving in school.)
My children have never been punished and here's why
Photo by Brooke Lark on UnsplashNatural consequences always happen on their own without much parental intervention, while logical consequences are typically enforced by the parent. Natural consequences are usually predictable, and as long as your kid is in no immediate danger, then it's usually safe to let them play out.
Here's an example: When my daughter was 4 or 5 years old, she was playing outside with some friends and had taken her shoes off in front of our backyard swing set and left them there. This was a Saturday and she had P.E. on Tuesday. I gave her multiple reminders to pick up her shoes along with the warning that her shoes would be gross if she left them outside.
She continued to live her best life going to dance, school and having playdates all while she ignored my advice to pick up her shoes. When P.E. day rolled around, she happily ran outside to grab her tennis shoes and promptly screamed and ran back into the house. Her shoes were filled with slugs and spider webs, so she was unable to wear them to school and had to go in jelly shoes. This was a natural consequence for the action and not a punishment.
But what is a logical consequence? I've got an example of that too, and yes, these are all real things that have taken place, though this one isn't nearly as dramatic. My youngest is supposed to be in bed by 8 PM and lights out by 8:30 every evening, but he likes to get really silly before bedtime and wants to find ways to play more before going to bed. We inform him that all of the extra play is taking away from his television time in his room because no matter what, the television goes off at 8:30. If he wastes his "TV time," it's upsetting, but it's not a punishment.
I have found that allowing for natural and logical consequences has given my children the ability to think critically for themselves in difficult situations. One of my four kids is now an adult and two of them are teens, and they information seek through me or Google when making certain decisions for themselves. I've never shielded them from safe natural and logical consequences even when they were painful to watch, like failing a grade or gossiping behind a good friend's back.
Have I made mistakes as a parent? Absolutely. I'm not perfect and neither are my children, but from an early age, they saw me as someone to help guide them as they made their own choices. This aided them in achieving confidence in their decision-making abilities.
Every parenting style isn't for every parent or every child. This is what has worked for me, but people should do what works best for their families to raise well-rounded and kind future adults.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.