The uncomfortable truth about tipping, explained with stick figures

It’s about time we got to the bottom of this.

Dec 7, 2017

Tipping isn’t about gratitude for good service – Photo credit: Photo by Sam Dan Truong on Unsplash

This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

Tipping is not about generosity.

Tipping isn’t about gratitude for good service. And tipping certainly isn’t about doing what’s right and fair for your fellow man.

Tipping is about making sure you don’t mess up what you’re supposed to do.

In my case, the story goes like this: In college, I was a waiter at a weird restaurant called Fire and Ice. This is the front page of their website (FYI: those lame word labels are on the site, not added by me):

All photos are from the original WaitButWhy post and used with permission.

That sad guy in the back is one of the waiters. He’s sad because he gets no salary and relies on tips like every other waiter, but people undertip him because at this restaurant they get their own food so they think he’s not a real waiter even though he has to bring them all their drinks and side dishes and give them a full tour of the restaurant and tell them how it works like a clown and then bus the table because they have no busboys at the restaurant and just when the last thing he needs is for the managers to be mean and powerful middle-aged women who are mean to him, that’s what also happens.

Bad life experiences aside, the larger point here is that I came out of my time as a waiter as a really good tipper, like all people who have ever worked in a job that involves tipping. And friends of mine would sometimes notice this and say sentences like, “Tim is a really good tipper.”

My ego took a liking to these sentences, and now 10 years later, I’ve positioned myself right in the “good but not ridiculously good tipper” category.

So anytime a tipping situation arises, all I’m thinking is, “What would a good but not ridiculously good tipper do here?”

Sometimes I know exactly what the answer to that question is, and things run smoothly. But other times, I find myself in the dreaded Ambiguous Tipping Situation.

Ambiguous Tipping Situations can lead to a variety of disasters:

1. The Inadvertent Undertip

2. The Inadvertent Overtip

3. The “Shit Am I Supposed To Tip Or Not?” Horror Moment

I don’t want to live this way anymore. So , I decided to do something about it.

I put on my Weird But Earnest Guy Doing a Survey About Something hat and hit the streets, interviewing 123 people working in New York jobs that involve tipping. My interviews included waiters, bartenders, baristas, manicurists, barbers, busboys, bellhops, valets, attendants, cab drivers, restaurant delivery people, and even some people who don’t get tipped but I’m not sure why, like acupuncturists and dental hygienists.

I covered a bunch of different areas in New York, including SoHo, the Lower East Side, Harlem, the Upper East Side, and the Financial District, and I tried to capture a wide range, from the fanciest places to the dive-iest.

About 10% of the interviews ended after seven seconds when people were displeased by my presence and I’d slowly back out of the room, but for the most part, people were happy to talk to me about tipping — how much they received, how often, how it varied among customer demographics, how large a portion of their income tipping made up, etc. And it turns out that service industry workers have a lot to say on the topic.

I supplemented my findings with the help of a bunch of readers who wrote with detailed information about their own experiences and with a large amount of research, especially from the website of Wm. Michael Lynn, a leading tipping expert.

So I know stuff about this now. Here’s what you need to know before you tip someone.

1. The stats.

The most critical step in avoiding Ambiguous Tipping Situations is just knowing what you’re supposed to do. I took all the stats that seem to have a broad consensus on them and put them into this table:

This table nicely fills in key gaps in my previous knowledge. The basic idea with the low/average/high tipping levels used above is that if you’re in the average range, you’re fine and forgotten. If you’re in the low or high range, you’re noticed and remembered. And service workers have memories like elephants.

2. What tipping well (or not well) means for your budget.

Since tipping is such a large part of life, it seems like we should stop to actually understand what being a low, average, or high tipper means for our budget.

Looking at it simply, you can do some quick math and figure out one portion of your budget. For example, maybe you think you have 100 restaurant meals a year at about $25/meal — so according to the above chart, being a low, average, and high restaurant tipper all year will cost you $350 (14% tips), $450 (18% tips), and $550 (22% tips) a year. In this example, it costs a low tipper $100/year to become an average tipper and an average tipper $100/year to become a high tipper.

I got a little more comprehensive and came up with three rough profiles: Low Spender, Mid Spender, and High Spender. These vary both in the frequency of times they go to a restaurant or bar or hotel, etc., and the fanciness of the services they go to — i.e., High Spender goes to fancy restaurants and does so often and Low Spender goes out to eat less often and goes to cheaper places. I did this to cover the extremes and the middle; you’re probably somewhere in between.

3. Other factors that should influence specific tipping decisions.

One thing my interviews made clear is that there’s this whole group of situation-related factors that service industry workers think are super relevant to the amount you should tip — it’s just that customers never got the memo. Most customers have their standard tip amount in mind and don’t really think about it much beyond that.

Here’s what service workers want you to consider when you tip them:

Time matters. Sometimes a bartender cracks open eight bottles of beer, which takes 12 seconds, and sometimes she makes eight multi-ingredient cocktails with olives and a whole umbrella scene on each, which takes four minutes, and those two orders should not be tipped equally, even though they might cost the same amount.

Effort matters. Food delivery guys are undertipped. They’re like a waiter, except your table is on the other side of the city. $2 really isn’t a sufficient tip (and one delivery guy I talked to said 20% of people tip nothing). $3 or $4 is much better. And when it’s storming outside? The delivery guys I talked to all said the tips don’t change in bad weather — that’s not logical. Likewise, while tipping on takeout orders is nice but not necessary, one restaurant manager complained to me about Citibank ordering 35 lunches to go every week, which takes a long time for some waiter to package (with the soup wrapped carefully, coffees rubber-banded, dressings and condiments put in side containers) and never tipping. Effort matters and that deserves a tip.

Their salary matters. It might not make sense that in the U.S. we’ve somewhat arbitrarily deemed certain professions as “tipped professions” whereby the customers are in charge of paying the professional’s salary instead of their employer, but that’s the way it is. And as such, you have some real responsibility when being served by a tipped professional that you don’t have when being served by someone else.

It’s nice to give a coffee barista a tip, but you’re not a horrible person if you don’t because at least they’re getting paid without you. Waiters and bartenders, on the other hand, receive somewhere between $2 and $5/hour (usually closer to $2), and this part of their check usually goes entirely to taxes. Your tips are literally their only income. They also have to “tip out” the other staff, so when you tip a waiter, you’re also tipping the busboy, bartender, and others. For these reasons, it’s never acceptable to tip under 15%, even if you hate the service. The way to handle terrible service is to complain to the manager like you would in a non-tipping situation. You’re not allowed to stiff on the tip and make them work for free.

Service matters. It seems silly to put this in because it seems obvious, and yet, Michael Lynn’s research shows the amount that people tip barely correlates at all to the quality of service they receive. So while stiffing isn’t OK, it’s good to have a range in mind, not a set percentage, since good service should be tipped better than bad service.

I also discovered some other interesting (and weird) findings and facts about tipping.

1. Different demographics absolutely do tip differently

“Do any demographics of people — age, gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, religion, profession — tend to tip differently than others?” ran away with the “Most Uncomfortable Question to Ask or Answer” award during my interviews, but it yielded some pretty interesting info. I only took seriously a viewpoint I heard at least three times, and in this post, I’m only including those viewpoints that were backed up by my online research and Lynn’s statistical studies.

Here’s the overview, which is a visualization of the results of Lynn’s polling of over 1,000 waiters. Below, each category of customer is placed at their average rating over the 1,000+ waiter surveys in the study:

Fascinating and awkward. Throughout my interviews, I heard a lot of opinions reinforcing what’s on that chart and almost none that contradicted it. The easiest one for people to focus on was foreigners being bad tippers because, first, it’s not really a demographic so it’s less awkward, and second, people could blame it on them “not knowing,” if they didn’t want to be mean. Others, though, scoffed at that, saying, “Oh they know…” As far as foreigners go, the French have the worst reputation.

People also consistently said those who act “entitled” or “fussy” or “like the world’s out to get them” are usually terrible tippers.

On the good-tipping side, people who are vacationing or drunk (or both) tip well, as do “regulars” who get to know the staff, and of course, the group of people everyone agrees are the best tippers are those who also work in the service industry (which, frankly, creeped me out by the end — they’re pretty cultish and weird about how they feel about tipping each other well).

2. Here are six proven ways for waiters to increase their tips:

Be the opposite gender of your customer
Introduce yourself by name
Sit at the table or squat next to it when taking the order
Touch the customer, in a non-creepy way
Give the customer candy when you bring the check

Of course those things work. Humans are simple.

3. A few different people said that when a tip is low, they assume the customer is cheap or hurting for money.

But when it’s high, they assume it’s because they did a great job serving the customer or because they’re likable (not that the customer is generous).

4. When a guy tips an attractive female an exorbitant amount, it doesn’t make her think he’s rich or generous or a big shot — it makes her think he’s trying to impress her.

Very transparent and ineffective, but she’s pleased to have the extra money.

5. Don’t put a zero in the tip box if it’s a situation when you’re not tipping — it apparently comes off as mean and unnecessary.

Just leave it blank and write in the total.

6. According to valets and bellhops, when people hand them a tip, they almost always do the “double fold” where they fold the bills in half twice and hand it to them with the numbers facing down so the amount of the tip is hidden.

However, when someone’s giving a really great tip, they usually hand them the bills unfolded and with the amount showing.

7. Some notes about other tipping professions I didn’t mention above:

Apparently no one tips flight attendants, and if you do, you’ll probably receive free drinks thereafter.
Golf caddies say that golfers tip better when they play better, but they always tip the best when it’s happening in front of clients.
Tattoo artists expect $10-20 on a $100 job and $40-60 on a $400 job, but they get nothing from 30% of people.
A massage therapist expects a $15-20 tip and receives one 95% of the time — about half of a massage therapist’s income is tips.
A whitewater rafting guide said he always got the best tips after a raft flipped over or something happened where people felt in danger.
Strippers not only usually receive no salary, they often receive a negative salary, i.e. they need to pay the club a fee in order to work there.

8. According to Lynn, tips in the U.S. add up to over $40 billion each year.

This is more than double NASA’s budget.

9. The U.S. is the most tip-crazed country in the world, but there’s a wide variety of tipping customs in other countries.

Tipping expert Magnus Thor Torfason’s research shows that 31 service professions involve tipping in the U.S. That number is 27 in Canada, 27 in India, 15 in the Netherlands, 5-10 throughout Scandinavia, 4 in Japan, and 0 in Iceland.

10. The amount of tipping in a country tends to correlate with the amount of corruption in the country.

This is true even after controlling for factors like national GDP and crime levels. The theory is that the same norms that encourage tipping end up leaking over into other forms of exchange. The U.S. doesn’t contribute to this general correlation, with relatively low corruption levels.

11. Celebrities should tip well because the person they tip will tell everyone they know about it forever, and everyone they tell will tell everyone they know about it forever.

For example: A friend of mine served Arnold Schwarzenegger and his family at a fancy lunch place in Santa Monica called Cafe Montana. Since he was the governor, they comped him the meal. And he left a $5 bill as the tip. I’ve told that story to a lot of people.

Celebrities known to tip well (these are the names that come up again and again in articles about this): Johnny Depp, Charles Barkley, David Letterman, Bill Murray, Charlie Sheen, Drew Barrymore
Celebrities known to tip badly: Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey, LeBron James, Heidi Klum, Bill Cosby, Madonna, Barbara Streisand, Rachael Ray, Sean Penn, Usher

I’ll finish off by saying that digging into this has made it pretty clear that it’s bad to be a bad tipper.

Don’t be a bad tipper.

As far as average versus high, that’s a personal choice and just a matter of where you want to dedicate whatever charity dollars you have to give to the world.

There’s no shame in being an average tipper and saving the generosity for other places, but I’d argue that the $200 or $500 or $1,500 per year it takes (depending on your level of spending) to become a high tipper is a pretty good use of money. Every dollar means a ton in the world of tips.

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Moms Allie and Sam Conway answer the questions the commonly get a lesbian parents – Photo credit: @allieandsam/Instagram, used with permission

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Lesbian couple answers the most common questions they get from strangers about having a baby

“Who’s the real mom?”

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Despite society having made a lot of progress when it comes to same-sex relationships and alternative families, it’s not so commonplace that many queer parents are still presented with questions about their lifestyle from straight people.

And while queer parents probably (rightfully) grow tired of answering certain questions day in and day out, having open conversation helps break through the lack of understanding which causes stigma and misconceptions in the first place. In a now-viral video shared to their Instagram, lesbian moms Allie and Sam Conway answer commonly asked questions they get as a queer married couple with twins.

What’s it like to be lesbian parents?

Of course, they started with the age-old question:

“Who’s the real mom?”

Though people by and large are able to differentiate biological connection from emotional connection (like with adoptive parents or step-parents to take on an active role in their step children’s lives), this is still a question that same-sex parents face regularly. And it’s a fairly harmful one at that, as it implicitly undermines the non-biological parent’s role in the family.

So, to Sam’s point: “We’re both the mom.”

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Allie also told Upworthy that the usual response to this answer is “oh my gosh! That’s amazing!” Which makes her—and us—”smile so much.”

Next up:

“Who’s the dad?”

To which they replied: “there isn’t a dad.”

This is also a question fused with negative connotation, as it suggests a father figure is necessary for raising well-adjusted kids. But research shows that kids born to same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of straight couples, indicating that what’s really necessary for a child’s development is two healthy, loving parents. That’s it.

Okay, this next one actually had an answer that surprised some folks:

“Who carried them?”

Though Sam wanted to be the one to get pregnant, Allie agreed to try after Sam’s “long fertility journey” of three IUI’s, three embryo transfers and multiple chemical pregnancies with one miscarriage.

However, the couple used Sam’s eggs, and Sam did the breastfeeding.

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What is induced lactation?

Induced lactation replicates the natural hormone process that happens when a woman gives birth. In this process, women are often given hormone supplements, such as estrogen or progesterone, to mimic the effects of pregnancy. This process may go on for months. About two months before the expected birth, the woman is then given a breast pump to stimulate lactation.

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Lastly, a fun one:

“What do the kids call you?”

“Mummy and other mummy,” Sam quipped. “We’re rotating all day,” Allie added.

Without proper understanding, stigma persists. That’s how myths like “queer parents turn their children gay” or “children of two-mother families are more likely to be bullied” continue. And while it’s certainly not the responsibility of parents like Allie and Sam to educate folks on the realities of queer parenting, it’s great that they do offer genuine insight.

And thankfully, they are usually met with positive reactions from people, Allie tells Upworthy. Which only further encourages them to answer more question and offer glimpses into “different types of families.”

At the end of the day, families are made up of people who love and support one another. Everything else is just window dressing.

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This article originally two years ago. It has been updated.

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Gay dad has a forceful response to a 7-year-old who called gay people ‘the devil’

But some say the dad’s words went way too far.

Tod Perry

Upworthy Staff

4/3/2026

Robbie Pierce, his husband, Neal Broverman are no strangers to bigotry. The men and their two young children were traveling on an Amtrak train in California in 2022 when they were harassed by a fellow passenger at a stop in San Jose; an incident that made headlines.

“All of a sudden, there was a man standing there next to me,” Pierce told The Advocate. The man told their son, “Remember what I told you earlier. They stole you and they’re pedophiles,” Pierce recounts. The man also said that gay people are abominations. (Broverman is the editorial director for print media at Pride, The Advocate’s parent company.)

The police were called and the man was thrown off the train, but the incident was a frightening reminder that gay families could be the target of bigots any time and anywhere, even in liberal Northern California. “It’s a new level of homophobia out there,” Pierce added.

Seven months later, Pierce’s son was the victim of harassment, this time from a child at a park.

A tire swing at an empty park. Photo credit: Dakota Lim/Unsplash

“A random unattended 7-year-old at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil,” he recounted in a viral X thread. “My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so.”

Maybe it was the incident months prior. Maybe it was a lifetime of harassment and judgment. But whatever it was, in that moment, Pierce had had enough. He reacted to the boy’s hatred — which he probably learned at home — with his own lesson.

“I told him parents made up God to make their Kids do what they want. His eyes got so big,” he wrote on X.

A random unattended 7yo at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil and are going to hell. My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so. I told him parents made up God to make their kids do what they want. His eyes got so big.
— Robbie Pierce (@Robbiepierce) September 29, 2022

It’s worth wondering: Did God really ‘say so’? Biblical scholars are split on the Bible’s true message around homosexuality. It appears open to interpretation, and it’s clear that many people choose to interpret the words in a hateful and negative way, going so far as to show their children that it’s OK to approach and confront gay people over their identities.

Addressing complex issues like religion and sexuality with a young child, who’s a stranger, is a tricky needle to thread, so Pierce admits he had some reservations about his response. But he stands by his decision.

“I’m sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I’m going to teach them to disobey you,” he wrote on X.

I'm sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I'm going to teach them to disobey you.
— Robbie Pierce (@Robbiepierce) September 29, 2022

As someone who has been harassed by religious, homophobic people in the past, Pierce took the opportunity to help steer a young child away from hatred. At the age of 7, most children believe whatever their parents tell them. However, Pierce planted a seed in the child’s mind that may one day encourage him to challenge his indoctrination when he gets older. The kid will likely remember that interaction for many years to come, and may look back at it with shame one day. That shame could be the much-needed catalyst for change.

“I was shocked at first and then…well…you may have planted a seed to grow a fine human out of the little homophobic bigot he was being trained up as. I can’t argue with that,” one user wrote on X.

The vast majority of commenters on X agreed with Pierce’s response to the child’s comment.

But what Robbie said wasn't exactly wrong? And if you're going to hell anyway, why not say it lol.
— Sir David Lee ? (@davidleedesign) September 30, 2022

Good on you Robbie!
I can’t stop laughing when I think of the conversation that kid is going to have at bedtime tonight.
— Miggie (@Miggie07758273) September 30, 2022

pic.twitter.com/TmGwohZERg
— TCastillo✊?✊? (@lombcast) September 29, 2022

However, some people thought Pierce’s response to the child was inappropriate.

Bigoted words or not, it was still a child, and many people thought there may have been a more tactful way to teach the kid a lesson rather than invalidating his entire faith. Or perhaps Pierce could have tracked down the boy’s parents and given them an earful instead.

maybe because the conversation was with a 7yo child? Are we going to victimize ourselves to THAT degree?

This wasn't an admirable way to handle this situation.

My personal beliefs don't have anything to do with it. I believe God is Love and I love all the gays. I love children.
— PoplarTree (@PoplarTree20) September 30, 2022

That was quite wrong of you to do to a kid.
You had a chance to enlighten a child. You could have told him that gay people are just like everyone else and should be respected. Instead you threw his mind into darkness and chaos. You made a bad situation worse.
— The Ghost of CJ. (@CarlaJM) September 30, 2022

I’ll take: you are telling the truth and you took the time to own a seven year old kid to make yourself feel better. Very big of you. Or. You are making things up again. Either way, probably not something to hold as a moment of righteousness. Be better.
— Jett Breffery (@emolawncare) September 30, 2022

One thing is clear: Something in our culture is definitely broken when we’re more intent on policing people’s responses to bigotry and hate versus addressing the root cause of these divides. The boy’s parents should be the one on trial in the court of public opinion for teaching their son that this kind of behavior is acceptable.

No matter how one feels about Pierce’s reaction, what’s clear is that there is something very inappropriate about a 7-year-old child openly harassing LGBTQ families. The unfortunate problem is that this type of hyper-religious upbringing can cause lasting emotional and psychological trauma to a child. And it’s a common problem. A recent study in the growing field of religious trauma found that 1 in 3 Americans suffer from trauma related to religion at some point in their life.

While we might be quick to dismiss the child’s behavior as innocent or simply as a symptom of growing up in a religious household, the more we learn about religious trauma, the more these children appear to be the victims of abuse. Hopefully Pierce’s words will help the boy rethink his relationship with his faith, and his parents, down the road.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Leslie Harter-Berg’s late husband left behind a bucket list. – Photo credit: Leslie Harter-Berg/TikTok (used with permission)

Family, Modern Families

Widow trying to keep husband’s memory alive for their kids strikes gold by finding his bucket list

The children were 3 and 1 when he passed away.

Tod Perry

4/2/2026
Leslie Harter-Berg from Vancouver, Washington, lost her husband, Ryan, in 2019 when he died suddenly after an aneurysm and stroke. The couple was in Palm Springs, California after visiting Disneyland with their two sons, Wit (then 3) and Rory (1), when he passed away. “So I flew back from Cali as a single mom, solo business owner and widow, a term I thought only applied to old ladies,” she told Newsweek.

In 2022, she found love again with a new man, Sol, and in 2023, they had a son, Rhys. “I feel very blessed and lucky that I was able to find love twice,” she told People. “I can only imagine Ryan telling me not to waste this one life I get.”

The perfect way to celebrate her husband’s life with her children

But she still wanted her two oldest sons to understand the amazing man their father was and to experience him in some way. So, every year on his birthday, they would do something Ryan loved, such as watching a classic film or playing with LEGO.

In 2021, while going through Ryan’s belongings, she found a bucket list he had written in a high school journal. It paints a vivid picture of a young man’s hopes and core beliefs about family, friendship, and adventure. Since the bucket list was discovered, they have done something on it every year on Ryan’s birthday. Here’s the list:

@leslieharterberg
#griefjourney #grieftok
♬ Remember Me (Lullaby) – Gael García Bernal & Gabriella Flores & Libertad García Fonzi
1. make a list of things to do before I die
2. Make an independent film
3. go on a road trip
4. get a 4.00 GPA
5. Go skydiving
6. have a band (good)
7. play in a concert
8. Get married
9. have kids
10. stage dive
11. make a website
12. bungie jump
13. take piano lessons
14. learn to ride a unicycle
15. live in a mansion
16. play chess in a park
17. Read the whole bible 5X + ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐
18. go surfing
19. learn to draw japanimation
20. go jetskiing
21. go snowmobiling
22. drag race in a car
23. invent something
24. run in a marathon
25. Be the best man at a wedding
26. go to a public facility dressed as a pirate
27. go to an art museum and appreciate
28. ride in a taxi
29. Build a 3 foot card tower
30. live a riteous life
31. learn to spell
32. own a nice computer
33. own a comfy couch
One year, the family accomplished #26 in his life by dressing up as pirates and going out in public, and #16 by playing chess in a park. April 2, 2026 will mark the fifth year that the family has been checking things off his list.

“My kids look forward to it every year!” she told Newsweek. “Especially as they get older and closer to the age Ryan was when he made it, I think it’s meaningful to get a glimpse into who their dad was.”

@leslieharterberg
When my husband died, my kids were 3 and 1. Raising kids while we’re navigating the grief of this wild world is no joke. #griefjourney #grief #parenting
♬ original sound – Leslie Harter-Berg

“He lives on in his quirky little list”

So far, the kids’ favorite activity on the list has been one of the most challenging.

“My kids’ favorite was probably building the three-foot-high card tower, which proved almost impossible,” she told Upworthy. “One of my friends was determined, and it took about three hours to finally get the cards to stay in place. We threw a big party and ate Ryan’s favorite snacks.”

After more than six million people saw her TikTok post about the bucket list, many contacted her to help her family complete it. One said they’d let them borrow their mansion to cross off #15.

“Someone on Lake Michigan said he’d be in Japan and my kids and I could experience mansion life to cross off Ryan’s ‘live in a mansion’ bucket list item,” she said. “Tempting, but we opted not to take him up on it. It has been so sweet to see how the Internet has rallied to want me to help complete it. A web design firm reached out, offering to build a website, another item on his list. Many people in the comments said they’d want to check off Ryan’s items too, which means so much. He lives on in his quirky little list.”

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To learn more about how she worked to overcome her grief, check out her new memoir, You’re So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment.
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A dad admirably handled a "work emergency" without interrupting his family’s Disney vacation. – Photo credit: themouselets/TikTok

Dads, Family

Woman catches her dad dealing with a ‘work emergency’ at Disney World, and people are showing respect

“Someone’s gotta pay for y’all’s vacation”

Evan Porter

4/2/2026

A vacation to Disney World is still considered the gold standard by many when it comes to family getaways. It has everything from good food to thrill rides, childhood nostalgia, and more.

But all that joy and magic sometimes come at a cost. Not just the financial price tag, but also the hard work it takes to afford those tickets and arrange the trip—work that doesn’t necessarily end when you step foot inside the parks. One family learned this lesson the hard way, firsthand.

The Mouselets are three siblings who’ve teamed up, using their shared love of all things Disney, to run social media accounts and podcasts where they share their favorite tips and secrets about the parks.

Recently, they arranged to take their parents to Disney World, and the excitement was palpable:

@themouselets
the Mouselet fam is going back to Disney in May with a stay at the Grand Floridian!! (we’re renting points with @David’s Vacation Club Rentals ) #disneyvacation #disneyworld #grandfloridian #disneyparks
♬ Blame It On the Boogie (John Luongo Disco Mix) – The Jacksons

Day at Disney World doesn’t go as planned

But the trip quickly went off the rails when their dad had to deal with a “work emergency.”

One of the siblings captured a hilarious video of their dad taking an urgent, serious call…while aboard the Magic Carpet ride.

“My dad might be the only person in the world to take a work call WHILE RIDING THE MAGIC CARPETS,” they wrote in the caption.

@themouselets
literally on a business call ON A MAGIC CARPET #disneydad #disneyworld #disneyparks #disneyfamily #disneyplus
♬ original sound – DisneyWorldTom

Unfortunately, the work didn’t end there for their poor dad. In other clips shared by The Mouselets, he’s forced to whip out his laptop at lunch, tap away at his phone while waiting for a show to begin, and even take another urgent call while dressed in full Mike Wazowski garb, of Monsters, Inc. fame.

Their dad even brought an entire multi-monitor setup to their room at the Grand Floridian Resort to bang out a few spreadsheets (or something like that).

The siblings edited it all into a brilliant, horror movie–inspired supercut:

@themouselets
why does every single dad at disney have a work emergency like WHY #disneyworld #disneyfamily #disneyparks #disneyplus #disneycast
♬ オリジナル楽曲 – 🔵けちゃん🎠❤️‍🔥8/22生誕祭🎂🥂✨🔵 – けちゃん🎠❤️‍🔥

Video draws a huge response

Even though they have well over a million followers on social media, The Mouselets could never have predicted how popular the video of their dad would become. To date, it’s received nearly five million views on TikTok and Instagram.

Overwhelmingly, people are showing respect for their dad’s hustle:

“Someone’s gotta pay for y’all’s vacation”

“Taking the call is what pays for those trips.”

“Disney doesn’t pay for its self”

“I respect this man. The family appreciates his hard work.”

In another post, The Mouselets clarified that they were the ones who arranged and paid for the trip, not their dad. Still, the video serves as a bittersweet reminder of what it must have taken to bring three kids to Disney World and instill in them a lifelong love—one that would later inspire them to start a business like The Mouselets.

Put another way, their dad knew he had work to do but simply couldn’t pass up the chance to spend time with his kids. So, like many parents, he decided to “do it all.”

“Work-life balance” and vacation, or time off, have become messy concepts

Gen Zers are pushing back hard against hustle culture, but a lot of modern companies still expect employees to go the extra mile, work well beyond 40 hours per week, and stay digitally connected even during personal and vacation time.

There’s something sad about watching Papa Mouselet miss out on what should be quality time, but apparently he’s not the only one. Commenters chimed in with their own “life goes on, even at Disney” moments:

“me taking my college exam while in line for guardians”

“i was in a meeting on the skyliner”

“I have a park photo from the ride of my husband taking a work call on Haunted Mansion. Dad had to pay for the next Disney trip somehow”

“Have done a full on Zoom on people mover”

“I had a job interview on the dumbo flying elephants”

“He’s not [alone], my husband does this too”

Disney magic is powerful stuff, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere. The hard work and planning it takes often go unseen and unnoticed. Other times, unfortunately, the work refuses to wait until you get home. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a great trip.

It all worked out for the whole family

As for Mr. Mouselet, viewers were relieved to know he did, in fact, have a wonderful vacation—once he’d handled his business, that is.

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And not only that, but their dad now has a legion of fans who admire his work ethic and devotion to his family. Not a bad vacation, all in all.

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Josue Carrizosa tells his dad Junior a story. – Photo credit: Junior Carrizosa/TikTok

Family, Kids

A 13-year-old shares how he bravely protected a girl for being mocked for having her period

“We need more boys like this in the world.”

Cecily Knobler

4/1/2026

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear black Savage jackets. And some aren’t even 14 yet. Such is the case for Josue Carrizosa, who shared a piece of his day with his dad, Junior. His simple act of kindness brought Junior (and many others on social media) to tears.

In a now-viral clip posted on TikTok, Josue sits on a carpeted floor and casually tells his father about something that happened at school that day. “A girl had her period mid-class, and she was wearing khaki pants. So it was showing right here.” (He shows on his thigh where menstrual blood might have appeared.)

@juniorcarrizosa
I’m so proud of my 3 kids. They amaze me everyday ! They are a reflection of me #proudfather #myoldest he set a great example without being asked to !
♬ original sound – Junior Carrizosa

Empathy at a young age

He continues, “And when she got up to walk to the nurse, everyone was laughing at her. But me and my friends, we were the nice ones. And I gave her my jacket…the Savage one? I gave her that one because it’s black, so you can’t see it.”

Josue pantomimes wrapping a jacket around his waist to represent what his young female friend might have needed at the time.

Junior asks, “Did she ask you for it?” Josue confirms she didn’t. “No, I just said ‘Here. Use my jacket.’ And then me and my friend took her to the nurse. And we got signatures for it.”

“Do you know the girl?” “No,” Josue answers matter-of-factly, as he gets up and moves over to a desk area. Junior lets him know he’s proud: “That was nice of you!”

Josue Carrizosa. Photo credit: TikTok

“Aligned with kindness”

A young boy showing such profound, unprompted empathy is truly resonating with the online community. The clip has garnered more than 2.1 million likes and 61,000 comments from people sharing how impressed they are. (Many even want to put together a wish list of gifts to send Josue for his lovely good deed.) One commenter beautifully writes, in part, “He’s already aligned with kindness.”

Another makes a checklist: “He knows about periods. He has empathy. He did something to help. He was comfortable telling his dad about it. Someone is raising a good man.”

A self-described “girl mom” was extra impressed, writing, “As a girl mom, you don’t even understand how comforting this is.”

This TikToker says what many are thinking: “We need more boys like this in the world.”

@juniorcarrizosa
♬ original sound – Junior Carrizosa

Junior shares their story

Upworthy had the honor of speaking with Junior, who shared that Josue has always exemplified this level of empathy. “When he was little, he came home one Christmas week and asked me for wrapping paper. He wanted to wrap his old toys for kids that didn’t have anything. His idea.”

And this has become a pattern. “He has shown empathy in the past from giving to the homeless. And when we collected old pillows and blankets to pass out to the less fortunate.”

Although Junior isn’t sure whether Josue and the girl stayed friends, he said his son has “a lot of friends because he’s the smallest in his class, but is one of the coolest, nicest souls.”

When asked where that empathy might have come from, at least in part, Junior spoke with pride, saying, “He learned empathy from me because I have taught them to donate to the homeless since they were little.”

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A dad plays with his young daughter – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Parenting

Parents are sick and tired of explaining why they ‘never want to bring the kids over’ for a visit

Our kids are probably going to hurt your house and themselves.

Evan Porter

Upworthy Staff

4/1/2026

It’s a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones. It’s why people assume if you have family nearby that you’re “so lucky,” and that you’re overrun with free babysitting offers. Ha! If only.

The bad news comes down to one phrase: “When are you bringing them over?” Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they’re sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to “bring the kids to them.”

“My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them,” she writes. They constantly ask, “Why don’t you bring our granddaughter to come see us?”

The post struck a nerve with parents, who chimed in with hundreds of passionate comments. The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents’ houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can’t get enough. In fact, they like to dedicate massive pieces of furniture only to housing their fine china, which they never use, but which is also extremely valuable and sentimental.

And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they’ve earned the right!) that doesn’t make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Blue and white porcelain vases on a shelf. Phot credit: Canva

“Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture,” the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let’s be honest. Sometimes these “visits” are hardly worth the effort. After all, it’s hard to get much catch up time when you’re dutifully chasing your kid around.

“They don’t understand that my 3 yo … is absolutely wild,” writes another user in the thread. “She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then … they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit.”

A visit at the grandparents’ house is often not a fun catch-up time for mom and dad. It’s rare to get to sit down and have an adult conversation when they’re busy trying to play Safety Police. It’s common to leave one of these visits frustrating and like it wasn’t really a visit at all.

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to “pop over” but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath. In the case of the OP mom and her parents that are “just” 30 minutes away, that’s an entire hour of just driving, not counting any visiting time. If anyone’s ever driven with young kids, you know that’s an eternity! For a drive like that, you need snacks, you need entertainment. You may have to clean up spills, deal with traffic tantrums, or pull over to break up a fight. It’s really a lot of work.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won’t nap in a strange environment and then you’re stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night. You can and will try, bringing your little pack-and-play and your best intentions, but the process will be draining and probably unsuccessful.

And then guess what? You’re totally screwed when you go home later, yay!

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors. This adds even more stress to parents and makes the visits even less fun and satisfying in the end.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

A man holds his granddaughter. Photo credit: Canva

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

“Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect,” says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that’s not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it’s easy to forget that it’s hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

“But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids’ moods and routines,” Slavens says.

“So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face.”

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

“First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young,” suggests Slavens.

“Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan.”

Ultimately, it’s a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids. We all have the same goal. Just look at how incredible it can be when everything goes right:

“It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are … willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren.”

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time is something everyone can get behind.

This article was originally posted two years ago. It has been updated.

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A daughter reading to her mom. – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Home Life

Mom says changing one communication rule in her home made it more peaceful

“Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage.”

Tod Perry

4/1/2026

Some believe responding “What?” when your name is called is rude. Parents are often fond of responding to a child saying “what” with a good old-fashioned “Don’t ‘what’ me.” Others aren’t too bothered by it and think a more polite response is a bit too formal.

Angelica Daniell, 38, currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina, says teaching her children to respond to their names with “Yes?” has brought more peace to her home. She was raised in a “What?” family, and changing the rule in her home has made a big difference.

Are you in a “what” family or a “yes” family?

“When you guys were growing up, and your parents would call you, and they’d say your name, would you say, ‘What?’ Because I grew up like, ‘what?’ You know?” she began her TikTok video.

@angelica_daniell
#sahmtok #fyp #raisingkids
♬ original sound – Angelica

“Ever since my kids could talk, my husband taught our kids to say ‘yes.’ So if we call Ray, he’d say, ‘Yes.’ And then he needs to come—like, yes, I hear you, but I’m coming. You don’t stay in that place and talk to you from downstairs, and you’re upstairs,” she said. “I don’t know, I just thought that’s such a special and precious thing. And I love when I call my kids, and they say, ‘Yes?’ and they come to me. I can’t tell you what that does for me.”

The big problem people have with using “what” as a response to a family member calling their name is that it makes them sound annoyed. It’s like they mean to ask, “What are you bugging me about?” or “What do you want?” By contrast, saying “yes” signals that you’re welcoming the request or favor and are ready to help.

A mom and daughter doing the dishes. Photo credt: Canva

Not everyone agrees. “I definitely grew up as a ‘what’ type of family. I still don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not sure why people find it disrespectful,” one person said in the comments.

“My mom always said, ‘Don’t what me,’” another added.

“Even hearing ‘what’ even from other adults.. feels disrespectful,” said another.

The discussion also pointed to a bigger issue. “Genuine question for adults currently in/raised in a ‘what’ household… do y’all answer ‘what’ at work when someone calls you!?” a commenter asked.

Daniell believes that when children are polite in the home, it follows them throughout their lives. “Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage,” she told Newsweek. “If our kids say ‘yes’ to us, our hope is they will also say it to their teachers, friends [and] coaches.”

@angelica_daniell
#fyp #sahm #raisingkids
♬ original sound – Angelica

Napoleon Hill, author of the mega-bestseller Think and Grow Rich, believed that it’s important for parents to be polite to their children as well.

“Politeness to others is usually born out of respect for the individual, which you learn as a child,” Hill wrote. “When you are treated with respect by other members of the family, you learn to respect them as well. The self-esteem that results from being recognized as a unique person by the people who matter most to you helps you develop the confidence necessary to succeed later in life. Politeness and consideration for others are habits that—once developed—usually stay with you for a lifetime.”

When people debate whether it’s better to live in a “what” or a “yes” family, it’s important to recognize that manners start at home. Even though the “what” folks may think the “yes” folks are being too formal, the habits formed at home will help define a child’s life in the real world. Finding manners in school or the office is a lot harder when you never had them at home.

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Using car wash supplies to clean a bathroom is genius. – Photo credit: Canva

Family, Home Life

Dad gleefully cleans his family’s bathroom with a car wash sprayer and people are inspired

His use of car-detailing supplies for bathroom cleaning is next-level.

Annie Reneau

3/30/2026

It’s fair to say that most people don’t find great joy in cleaning the bathroom. But after seeing the way dad/”Renaissance man” Sebastian talks about deep-cleaning his family’s bathroom with car-detailing supplies, that could change.

In fact, he doesn’t just talk about it. Videos of him demonstrating how he uses an automatic foam sprayer, brushes, wash mitts, microfiber drying towels, and more have inspired thousands of people to follow in his footsteps. That says a lot. This is bathroom cleaning, after all.

View this post on Instagram

In Part 1, Sebastian explains that once a month, he deep-cleans the bathroom, starting with dusting and vacuuming. First, he removes everything from the space. Then he uses a Swiffer duster and an industrial air scrubber to suck up all the dust he displaces (not a standard bathroom-cleaning tool, for sure). After dusting, he vacuums. Thoroughly.

Then comes the fun part: the automatic foam sprayer.

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Sebastian mixes Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap, isopropyl alcohol (to disinfect), and water in the foam sprayer. Then he hoses down the entire shower, tub, toilet, sinks, and countertop with the foamy mixture, which is oh-so satisfying.

Then he starts scrubbing with car wash brushes. Also so satisfying.

Are you wondering how on Earth he’s possibly going to rinse all of that off? Fear not. He has a system.

View this post on Instagram

That system includes a spray bottle (with a design that puts all others to shame) and a squeegee. Spraying the foam with water keeps it from drying out and makes it easy to squeegee away. Then he goes in with a big, honking car wash mitt to remove the rest.

The mitt might be the best part, though Sebastian gets particularly excited about the microfiber towel that comes next.

“The best towel ever made,” he says. “It is a microfiber towel made by The Rag Company for the automotive detailing industry. And it is quite literally the most absorbent towel I’ve ever used in my entire life.”

View this post on Instagram

And he’s still not done. He cleans the remaining surfaces (window sills, tops of lights, top of the door frame, etc.) with castile soap. Then he goes in with sodium percarbonate (an eco-friendly oxygen bleach powder) to clean the sink bowls, toilet, tub, and grout.

Then he rinses it all off with his superabsorbent microfiber towel, and voilà! A sparkly clean bathroom.

People in the comments expressed how impressed and inspired they were by Sebastian’s cleaning regimen:

“Wow. People’s minds are going to be blown. I did not see the squeegee or the puffy glove coming. 👏👏❤️❤️”

“This inspired me to do a much-needed scrub of my own shower last night at 10:30pm, and for that I thank you.”

“It has never occurred to me to clean a bathroom like this but honestly it looks very thorough!!”

“This is SUCHHHHHHH a brilliant and effective way to clean a bathroom! My dad worked at a car wash for years and years and I feel like he would have loved this.”

“Ok, I know the products aren’t sponsored but they should be. I am ready to BUY. This is a masterclass in adulting.”

At viewers’ request, Sebastian and his wife, Lyndsey, created a list of his favorite cleaning products with affiliate links. However, Lyndsey also shared that they are donating all affiliate income to charity.

Who knew bathroom cleaning could be so riveting? You can follow Lyndsey’s Instagram account for more.

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