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Dad's 7-week paternity leave after birth of second child changes his entire parenting outlook

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

Dad's paternity leave was eye-opening.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties (Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Now that's equity!).

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear, his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

dad, baby, parenting, paternity leave, fatherhood, parenthoodBaby sleeping in Dad's arms.Image via Canva

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons

I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the house cleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing his fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

cleaning, housework, parenting, parents, chores, kidsFor some households, one's fair share can be the bare minimum.

“It has taken multiple conversations—and many ongoing ones—to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home,” Remington shares, noting that communication really is key.

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says. These are definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives. What's more, research has shown that paternity leave can actually aid Dad's brains in adapting to parenthood, according to Harvard Business Review.

Today, things have slowed down and revved up as both Remington kids are a little older. What hasn't changed, though, is what everyone learned from those seven weeks of paternity leave: having time to be with one's family, especially during crucial moments of growth and hardship, can make a world of difference. And, one thing's for sure: the Remingtons are committed to figuring it all out with love and grace (and it looks like they're doing great).

@ustheremingtons

Send us all the Bend, OR fooddddiee spots please! Little roadtrip to the mountains so our babies can enjoy the snow 🫰#roadtrip #bend #bendoregon #familytime #familyfun #snow #snowday #toddlerhood #toddlerlife #momanddad #roadtrips #snowfall #fyp #relatable


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Parenting

People share nine seemingly 'overrated' baby items that new parents should absolutely get

No, you don't need the most expensive stuff but parents are swearing by things on this list.

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People share nine seemingly 'overrated' baby items you need

As a participant in the Amazon Associates affiliate program, Upworthy may earn proceeds from items purchased that are linked to this article, at no additional cost to you.


From the moment you find out you're expecting a baby it seems like every store you've ever shopped at also received the positive pregnancy results. Suddenly you're getting emails and ads for every baby item imaginable. Your head is spinning with choices and no real idea on what you actually need, especially if this is your first baby.

It doesn't take long to figure out that baby items are expensive and there are a lot of them, but which items can be left on the shelf and which ones should make its way to the registry? A group of parents answered the question, which overrated baby item they'd absolutely recommend spending the money on and some things may be a surprise.

Parents in the Upworthy community were quick to jump in and help new parents not spend an exorbitant amount of money on unnecessary baby items. The list included things as simple as Boogie Wipes to actual furniture like a gliding rocking chair, and the reasoning is just practicality no matter the cost. Here are the top items mentioned:

My Brest Friend Pillow

Amazon

1. My Brest Friend Original Nursing Pillow

"My Brest Friend. Works so much better than a Boppy pillow for nursing," Amy Terwilliger says. The pillow is ergonomically designed to comfortably sit around your waist while you nurse or hold your baby. It also has a pocket to keep a bottle or pacifier and conveinently clips around you to stay in place while you adjust your position for comfort.

2. Rocker Recliner Chair

"We bought a lazyboy rocker recliner. I didn't know how much I'd use it but my baby is 3 months old now and I can't tell you how many nights I've spent in that chair. Best money we spent," Amanda Legassie writes.

Baby Brezza Amazon

3. The famous Baby Brezza

Pretty sure you don't even have to be a parent to have heard of the Baby Brezza. It's just that fancy and that famous and at first glance seems like a colossal waste of money, but parents that buy it swear by it. Laurence Gareau shares, "For the moms who plan/have to go with formula, at 4 months old and more, a baby brezza. We call it the baby nespresso machine. Its quick, accurate and always the right temperature."

4. A Baby Bjorn or any high quality baby carrier

"A baby carrier! Or two. I liked having a soft structured carrier for most times, and a stretchy wrap for summer weather and hanging around the house. Having a good, quality carrier can help caregivers avoid back pain, hold their fussy newborns comfortably, and still have the freedom to walk around and do things if they would like to! I even took my wrap to the hospital with me when I birthed #2 (and used it!)," Catherine Weber reveals. Many others shared the same sentiment on baby carriers.

Pack n' Play Amazon

5. A Pack n' Play with bassinet and changing table

Quite a few people explained how needed a Pack n' Play was when adding a new baby. It's an all in one portable sleeping space for your baby that comes in handy when baby still sleeps in the room with you and when going on trips. "A good pack and play... one with the little upper spot for changing.. a really good one is a life saver!," Jilliaine Hopper shares.

6. Bottle sterilizer and dryer

Sterilizing bottles can be a pain but it has to be done and now there's no need to stand over a boiling pot of water with a timer. Brittney Salaiz says, "The bottle sanitizer/dryer. We used ours so much and having dry bottles ready quickly helped a lot."

Ingenuity baby swing|Amazon

7. A baby swing that goes in multiple directions

"Baby swing....save me on so many nights when a baby was congested and needed to sleep upright. Also guaranteed nap and one of the few things that helped with one of my colicky babies. Get one that goes side to side or front to back," Kimberly Lungerman Allende says.

8. High quality car seat

This was repeated several times by parents expressing the importance of spending the money on a high quality car seat that will keep your child safe in an accident. "Decent car seats. Splash on that 25kg Swedish plus tested seat and see how it pays you back," Emma Mattingley writes.

Owlet Smart Sock|Amazon

9. Owlet Smart Sock

The Owlet Smart Sock was mentioned repeatedly but one parent gave a real life example of how it helped her. "The Owlet sock was irreplaceable for us- especially since my daughter had Covid, RSV, and croup before she was even 8 months old. It helped us monitor her oxygen and gave us so much peace of mind," Rachel Roundy discloses.

Of course, every baby is different but these were some of the top suggested items listed. Hopefully these experienced parents suggestions help new parents feel a bit more successful in their early parenting journey.

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Modern Families

Wife shares brilliant reason why her dad should witness her husband's colonoscopy

That's one way to deal with pushy in-laws.

MART Productions|Canva

Wife shares brilliant reason her dad should see husband's colonoscopy

Becoming a couple means you're taking on another family, especially if you're married or in a long-term relationship. An additional family means you're learning people's personalities and quirks as they learn yours. There are plenty of people that luck out and get in-laws that are the epitome of kindness, love and boundaries

Then there are those that get the in-laws that live up to every stereotype there is about in-laws. Trying to set a boundary with those in-laws feels a lot like trying to teach a goldfish to walk on a leash. But when your partner starts to wain on holding boundaries alongside you, it can make for some uncomfortable conversations.

One woman took to Reddit about her own overbearing mother-in-law and the proposition she gave her husband in an effort to reinforce his support for the boundary she set. The woman is pregnant with presumably her first child and her mother-in-law is insisting that she attend the the actual birth.

We're not talking about her being at the hospital in the waiting room with a bubble gum cigar and a cute stuffed animal. Her husband's mom wants to be in the delivery room when her new grandchild makes their way into the world. In other circumstances this may not be a big deal. There are plenty of women close with their mother-in-laws who would welcome the extra love in the room to welcome the new baby. But this mom-to-be describes her husband's mom as pushy, judgmental and overbearing, pointing out that she wasn't allowed in the delivery room when her own daughters gave birth for the same reasons.

According to the post, her husband was very supportive and has a history of standing up for her with his parents but has started to cave on this particular issue.

The frustrated wife reveals, "She has started crying to him that all she wants is to see a grandchild being born. All her friends have experienced it and she wants it. He is starting to crumble under her emotional blackmail."

"So I made it clear that the only way I would agree was if, before the birth, my husband made arrangements for my father to witness him getting a colonoscopy," she continues.

mother-in-law in delivery room; Reddit AITA; delivery room boundaries; new parents; motherhoodwoman in gray and white floral shirt sitting on bedPhoto by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

Of course her husband was not interested in having an audience during his colonoscopy. But after explaining that her dad never got to see her brothers get pictures of the inside of their colons and felt left out, he admits that he understands her point.

"His mother is upset that I used such a stupid comparison. She says that it isn't the same thing at all. I offered to change it to me watching her get a Brazilian wax and she hasn't called in a week," the wife writes.

Commenters were especially supportive of this new mom's boundaries being upheld. One person shares, "Boundaries during childbirth are especially important. I watched my niece give birth to her first born, it was awesome. This second go round she only wanted her mama in there." They continue, "moms in labor have to be as comfortable and stress-free as possible while delivering, and that includes who is in the room and who isn't."

mother-in-law in delivery room; Reddit AITA; delivery room boundaries; new parents; motherhood

person wearing blue shirt putting baby on scale

Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

"Giving birth is not a spectator sport. No means no," another person writes.

"Your comparison was perfect and and your feelings are reasonable. And frankly your husband doesn’t really get a say. This is your medical procedure and you can simply tell your medical team she is not welcome," someone says.

Another person followed up adding, "The husband has so little say in this matter that the hospital won't even let him in if Op doesn't want him to be there."

The overwhelming consensus is that boundaries being upheld during birth are extremely important and the woman just might be a genius with her requests. That's certainly one way to let people know you're serious about who is and isn't allowed in the delivery room. It's such a delicate and sometimes traumatic time, the focus should be on the needs of the person giving birth, not the in-laws. Here's hoping for a healthy baby and smooth delivery.

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Community

People share the most practical ways to support new parents after giving birth

Sometimes the best gift is practicality.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

People share the most practical ways to support new parents

There's a lot of preparation that goes into having a child well before they're even born. First there are the physical changes your body makes to clear up some space for a tiny human roughly the size of a watermelon. Then there's preparing the nursery, buying lots of extremely small clothes, diapers and an expected understanding that while sleep may be your friend, you won't be getting any of it for about a year.

Lots of people give plenty of advice to help you cope in the early days but after the baby arrives, the focus shifts to solely the baby. It's obviously not a deliberate shift. Babies are just more shiny and new that the parents. But not everyone forgets about the parents once baby makes their grand entrance–some go out of their way to make sure the parents feel supported.

Upworthy asked its audience, "what was the best non-baby related gift you received as a new parent," and the answers were a masterclass on how to care for new parents.

Usually when people think of new babies, they often stop short of thinking of the person that just gave birth. All of the gifts that come in are typically for the new infant, which is helpful but in the early days it can feel like you're invisible. This means that the small gestures to focus on the parent or parents can really make a big impact and it looks like the Upworthy audience is acutely aware of this fact. Here are some of the most meaningful and practical gifts:

1. Everyone has to eat, especially when you've just birthed a human

"My best friend came by a day or two after I’d given birth with fresh washed and precut fruits and veggies and this is the only thing I remember being given. I was so thirsty and depleted and that gesture was everything," Emmanuelle Hertel writes.

"My grandma brought me groceries. Right to my third floor apartment. She was way old and it was probably a big hassle for her but incredibly helpful and thoughtful. She knew it was hard to leave the house and that I was a single mom of a baby," Kristina Scott remembers.

"A basket of easy to grab finger foods, cheeses, sparkling cider. It was a godsend," Peggy Auerbacher says.

2. Cleaning is a gift of love

"A house keeping crew for a month from my sister-in-laws," Evelyn Strimel Durkin says.

"My mother had someone come in and deep clean my house right before I delivered. It stayed clean with little effort right through the first couple of weeks. And those last couple of weeks of pregnancy, I was definitely not able to clean the way that I would have liked to. It was a blessing. And a fabulous gift," Patrice Powers King writes.

"My mom came and cleaned my house top to bottom, let me shower, kept our crockpot full of healthy food, and helped me learn how to breastfeed. Best gift I’ve ever received," Casi Dixon Hitchens admits.

3. Giving parents a much needed break from their littles to do wild things like nap.

"When my sister in law came & took our two little ones & said “do what you want but I’m taking your kids for a few hours “ These kids are now in their 50 ‘s and I still think about that. Best gift ever," Esther Keber says.

"A friend picked up my kids and took them to her house for dinner and play when she delivered dinner for husband and me," Mara Capuano writes.

"After a C-section w my first, my Mom came to help. I needed groceries AND I just needed to get out. She said “ take your time, no rush, I’m here”. She knew, I just needed a minute to myself, even if it was just getting groceries. She’s long gone, but she saw ME," Sandy Corr reminisces.

Of course people were happily taking notes of the thoughtful gifts other's received so they could pass along the practical joy. Is there a gift you received that simply made your life a little easier with a newborn? Tell us about it but most importantly, remember these ideas when you find yourself curious what to gift your expecting friend or relative.

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