upworthy

humility

A woman making a point in a corporate meeting.

There are times when we find ourselves in conversations with people about topics that we know nothing about. Whether it’s the time you have to speak to the engineers at work who are communicating at a level above your head, or when you are talking to the mechanic about a problem in your car and you don’t know your carburetor from your dipstick.

It's understandable, of course. No one can be well-versed in every topic. However, you don’t want to sound like a sixth grader reporting on a book they never read when you’re stuck in these situations either. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of three tricks you can use to sound smart, even in conversations above your head. It’s called the YAS method to make it easier to remember:

Be Yourself

Ask Questions

Say nothing

How to sound smart in conversations that are above your head

laborer, blue collr guy, metal shop, signing, two men talkingA man in a factory giving an invoice.via Canva/Photos

1. Be yourself

At first, this may seem paradoxical, especially when being “yourself” means being someone struggling to make it through a conversation. But it’s important to avoid using a bunch of big words to overcompensate for your lack of knowledge on a topic. That makes you sound like the Wizard of Oz, a man trying to use big words to appear more than he is.

A study on graduate school essays revealed that people judge someone’s intelligence not by their vocabulary but by their ability to convey a point. “Complexity neither disguised the shortcomings of poor essays nor enhanced the appeal of high-quality essays,” the study said. 

It’s also good to avoid using jargon to sound more intelligent. “When time is money, extra words aren’t kind or pleasing — they’re distracting. Nothing shows respect like clarity,” John Bowe, a public speaking expert, told CNBC's Make It. “Don’t beat around the bush. People will appreciate you more when you say what you have to say.”

2. Ask a lot of questions

doctor patient, bedside manner, female patient, diagnosis, healthcareA doctor talking to his patient.via Canva/Photos

If you are stuck in a conversation that’s over your head, you may feel that asking a lot of questions is a dead giveaway that you don’t know what you’re talking about. However, it’s a big signal to the other person that you’re intelligent and confident.

“Asking questions is a crucial component of critical thinking and learning. It shows that you are curious, engaged, and eager to learn more. By asking questions, you are actively seeking out new information and challenging assumptions,” Jackie Keys, business development strategist, writes on LinkedIn. “The smartest person in the room is also someone who is willing to admit when they don't know something. They are comfortable with their own limitations and are not afraid to seek out the expertise of others. This humility and willingness to learn from others is a hallmark of true intelligence.”

3. Say nothing

handshake, math professor, professor and student, classroom, math studentA math student shaking hands with his professor.via Canva/Photos

As the great Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Those who know don’t speak and those who speak, don’t know.” If you use the occasional “smart silence” where you pause in the middle of a sentence and people hang on every word, people don’t think that you’re dumb; they believe that you are a deep thinker who is carefully choosing your words, and they will hang on whatever you say.

Experts back up the fact that silent people are more intelligent. “Individuals with high intelligence often exhibit thoughtful and deliberate communication styles. They may speak less frequently but contribute more meaningful and well-considered ideas,” Dr. Abbie Maroño, PhD in Psychology & Human Behaviour Analysis, Lancaster University, said, according to Apple News. “Intelligent individuals may prefer to listen and gather information before speaking, leading to a quieter demeanor.”

Ultimately, appearing smart means knowing there’s no need to overcompensate by trying to wow people with big words or fancy jargon. It means speaking directly, using as few words as possible, asking questions, and keeping your mouth shut whenever possible. If you try these three things, you may not be the most knowledgeable person in the room, but you’re smart enough to know that you don’t know it all, and that’s its kind of genius.

Mr. T and reporter Bobbie Wygant.

When Mr. T burst onto the pop culture landscape in the early ‘80s, he was a curious character, to say the least. People had a lot of questions about his name, copious amounts of gold jewelry and West African warrior hairstyle.

His personality was also intriguing. He was a tough guy but also a very thoughtful man of faith.

In 1983, when TV news reporter Bobbie Wygant asked him a rather rude question, Mr. T gave a very thoughtful response that showed that behind his larger-than-life persona, he understood the importance of humility.


"I'm looking at you with $10 million worth of diamonds and gold and everything and then I'm looking at your shoes that are just a disaster,” Wygant said with a smirk. “Now, will you explain to me what's with these shoes? All taped up, looking tacky."

"Some people might see this as tacky, but there's a message in these shoes. You see, these shoes keep me humble, and if you recall, the last time that we met, I had these shoes and they were in better shape,” Mr. T said.

“But these shoes were handed down through my family,” Mr. T continued. “My father wore them, my brothers wore them and things like that. So they keep me humble. Let me remember that I have brothers and sisters back in Chicago. I got a mother and father that I must take care of. So I see, out in Hollywood, and especially all the money I'm making now, it’s so easy for me to be caught up in all this material stuff and forget where I come from.”

Pop Culture

Compilation of Mr. Rogers' lesser-known shining moments is a masterclass in human kindness

Take 10 minutes to let Fred Rogers' wholesome goodness wash over you (but maybe grab a tissue first).

Fred Rogers was an example for us all.

History has many heroes, but few human beings have left a direct mark on children's lives like Fred Rogers did. In a time when television had become a staple in American households, prompting fears over its potentially pernicious influence, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood shone like a beacon of wholesome delight.

Fred Rogers' conviction that educational television could make a positive difference in the lives of children has been proven true again and again. Countless people have shared how Mr. Rogers' messages of love and compassion and self-worth influenced them during their formative years, and for many, his presence provided a calm and stability that were missing in their own households.

The emotional and societal topics Mr. Rogers tackled are vast and varied, and it seems there are always more gems of goodness to uncover in the archives. Eric Stanley of "Stay Inspired" shared a compilation of clips from Fred Rogers' life that exemplify his warm, genuine kindness, some of which are unfamiliar even to ardent fans of the show.


The video includes so many examples of what made Fred Rogers so special, from his ability to talk to anyone to his selfless and humble Lifetime Achievement Award speech to how he responded when he felt he'd been too harsh with one of his grandsons. (That story is so beautiful—can you even imagine Mr. Rogers being harsh?) He also shared a conversation with children about a stuffed animal's ear coming off in the washer that exemplified how much better he understood children than most adults do.

"Mr. Rogers was one of those people who impacted multiple generations—young, old—so many people were inspired by Mr. Rogers," said Stanley in the video. "His messages transcend race, gender, how much money you make—it doesn't matter. Everyone was inspired by Mr. Rogers."

Watch and enjoy these prime examples of Fred Rogers' humility and humanity courtesy of Eric Stanley on Facebook:

Patton Oswalt/Twitter

Patton Oswalt being awesome to someone who attacked him on Twitter

Social media spats usually end in ugly words or blocking people—unless you're Patton Oswalt.

Actor and comedian Patton Oswalt has made a name for himself off-screen as a blunt yet caring, compassionate human. His raw openness after his wife's unexpected passing and his willingness to engage in conversations about depression and dadhood after her death has touched people's hearts and opened people's minds.

And once again on Twitter, Oswalt has proven that he is unquestionably one of the most kind-hearted dudes in Hollywood.


Oswalt shared that a man who attacked him on Twitter needed help, then encouraged people to help him.

Twitter user Michael Beatty had replied to Oswalt's response to one of Trump's tweet with "I just realized why I was so happy you died in Blade Trinity!" and "And you shoot basketball ike [sic] the sawed off little man you are."

Rather than let endless insults fly back and forth until someone finally gave up, as is Twitter tradition, Oswalt dug a bit deeper and came up with this gem:

"Aw, man," he wrote. "This dude just attacked me on Twitter and I joked back but then I looked at his timeline and he’s in a LOT of trouble health-wise. I’d be pissed off too. He’s been dealt some shitty cards — let’s deal him some good ones. Click and donate — just like I’m about to."

Beatty, a Vietnam veteran, had shared a GoFundMe describing a recent, harrowing two-week hospitalization battling sepsis, a potentially fatal blood infection, and struggles in managing his diabetes throughout. When Oswalt saw the link, he shared it with his followers and encouraged people to donate to this man who'd had nothing but nasty things to say to him.

Oswalt donated $2,000 himself toward the man's $5,000 goal. A mere few hours later, his followers pushed it over $12,000. As of the writing of this article, the GoFundMe has raised almost $13,000. Beatty responded with a humble, sincere message for Oswalt:

"Patton," he wrote. "You have humbled me to the point where I can barely compose my words. You have caused me to take pause and reflect on how harmful words from my mouth could result in such an outpouring. Thank you for this and I will pass this on to my cousin who needs help. A cascade."

Beatty followed that up with another tweet thanking everyone who donated:


Keep up the awesome humaning, Patton Oswalt. We need more of you in the world.

This article originally appeared on 01.24.19