humility

Before having kids, we tend to form opinions about what we would and wouldn't do with our children. Phrases like "I will never" and "My kids will never" roll off the tongue so easily when there are no living, breathing human children involved, and we naturally imagine that our stellar parenting skills will prevent most or all of the issues that we see other parents dealing with.

Then we have kids and learn that the reality of parenting is quite different than our imaginations.

Parenting is humbling. Your kid may share your genes and have some of your features, but they are their own person with their own personality quirks, and you can't predict what your kid is actually going to be like beforehand. They also have free will, which makes most of our imagined parenting scenarios laughable post-kids.

In response to a prompt from X user @CartoonsHateHer, parents are sharing things they thought about parenting before they had kids that turned out to be completely wrong, and their responses are so relatable.

The nature vs. nurture question gets answered pretty quickly

"I way overestimated how much effect I or anybody else would have on them. Basically I thought it was 50/50 nature vs. nurture but now I'm convinced it's 90% nature & I'm just here to make sure I don't f up the the remaining 10%."

"I thought badly behaved kids were just a consequence of bad or lazy parenting. Some kids are really just more mischievous/loud/unsettled/antagonistic than others because of their personality and development. Like an aspect of it is just innate."

"Didn't have many parenting opinions before kids. But I think now that I have 3, my main parenting revelation is that each kid really does come out different and that a lot of what parents think is nurture is just nature."

"I thought that you had some input in how they turned out. From the start, they are their own person and they just show you who they are. You show them how the world works and try to help them figure out how they fit in it. But they are completely themselves when they arrive."

Overestimating what you'll be able to do

"Thought I could just work basically full time from home with a baby sleeping peacefully in a basket next to me. Lmao."

"I was like 'why are my friends with a baby scheduling outings around her naps? can't you just live your life and take the baby with you?' And the answer is NOT NECESSARILY! I mean it depends on the baby."

"I'll write a novel while the baby sleeps!"

"'I’m not gonna abandon my fitness centered lifestyle! I’m gonna be one of those pregnant women lifting heavy! I’m gonna take my baby on hikes during mat leave!' HAHAHAHAH good one, past self."

"I didn't anticipate the constant hell of keeping up with their laundry. Not something I was 'wrong' about, but something I was completely unprepared for."

"I would have so much downtime, I could sit in the room while she played and I could like read or crochet. JOKES ON ME."

Feeding them is more complicated than you'd think

"I’d be able to prevent my kids from becoming picky eaters. What a joke!"

"I used to believe if I cooked only 100% nutritious foods and didn’t allow them to eat processed foods I would create healthy, not-picky eaters. I ended up in tears frequently and my picky eater became an unleashed gremlin at birthday parties with delicious goldfish crackers."

"I used to think you could train kids not to be picky eaters. Then I had a kid with allergies, an autoimmune condition, and a lil neurodiversity. I was wrong. Still, she is trying to be food adventurous as a young adult, so maybe it worked in the loooong run."

"That breastfeeding was a natural, effortless process that would just work itself out, and that genuinely insufficient milk supply was rare/unlikely."

"Insufficient milk supply, poor latch, swallowing problems, tongue ties. It's a minefield of potential issues!"

So many judgments thrown out the window

"Thought parents who used harnesses on their kids were lazy. I don’t personally use them but kids can run off very quickly."

"I won't show them screens in restaurants to keep them quiet." Hah. Whatever."

"I thought I was going to be relaxed about a lot of stuff I'm not actually relaxed about."

"That I would indefinitely indulge their curiosity. It turns out that kids use questions to stall and procrastinate, and if you want to get anything else done, you eventually need to shut it down. 'No' is a complete sentence. 'Because I said so' is frequently valid!"

"I believed parents of the kids having tantrums didn't care about their child's behavior or how other people perceived what was happening. Now I silently cheer whenever I see parents refuse to give in, and just let the kid realize tantrums don't get you what you want in life."

"I thought that I was never going to give my kid an iPad, and that I'd have him toilet trained by 1 year old. Also remember telling my wife in an extremely smug voice that we shouldn't allow plastic toys in the house. What a prick."

"I looked at disgust at the house of young parents and believed mine would NEVER get that bad. And that I would never let my kids snack in the car."

"I’d see people barking at their kids in public and wonder, 'is it really so hard to be patient and speak kindly?' Reader, I have news."

On the positive side, some had wrong assumptions the other way

"This may be against the general tone of the answers, but I became a parent so young that I don't think I had time to develop a lot of self-righteous beliefs. I think my biggest wrong beliefs were that it was going to be harder and that I was going to be worse at it than I was."

"Honestly everyone told me you couldn't do anything or have any fun ever again if you had kids, which is not true (and not just because the baby is fun)"

"I thought I wouldn't have fun anymore. Turns out my life is more fun now."

"Maybe not what you're looking for but...I thought I would really miss the ability to go out and party any time I wanted. But I don't. In fact I feel like I spent too much time doing that and should have had a kid sooner."

Every parent's experience is different, of course, but one thing's for sure—having kids will surprise you in ways you never imagined.