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Patton Oswalt shares a moving tribute on the day his late wife's new book is published.

Nearly two years after her tragic death, author Michelle McNamara's final book was published today.

To much of the world, McNamara is best-known as the late wife of Patton Oswalt. But she had her own outstanding career as a nonfiction writer long before they met.

At the time of her death, McNamara was working on an investigative book about the Golden State killer. That book, "I'll Be Gone In The Dark," was finally published on Tuesday. Oswalt, who wrote the book's afterword, was instrumental in helping guide it to completion. Though McNamara had finished much of it before passing away in her sleep, Oswalt leaned on friends and colleagues to bring it home. "It was her book and it’s an amazing book," he said. "I wanted to do right by her."


Oswalt posted a picture to his Twitter account of him laying the book at McNamara's grave, with the note: "You did it, baby. The book is excellent, the writing brilliant. You tried to bring kindness to chaos, which was your way."

The book quickly shot to the top spot in Amazon's memoir section.

Oswalt has gone through a very public grieving process over the death of his late wife. But today, he's celebrating her work

Ever since losing McNamara, Oswalt has been very public about the toll her shocking death has had on him and his young daughter. Rather than putting a happy face on the tragedy, he was open about his perfectly natural, drawn-out grieving process. Being a comedian, Oswalt worked several jokes about his imperfect recovery process into his latest Netflix special that blended comedy with the agonizing pain of loss.

Slowly but surely, Oswalt has found his way to happiness, marrying actress Meredith Salenger last year. He obviously hasn't forgotten Michelle though, using his public platform to celebrate her life and her work. Fans shared an outpouring of support across Twitter, just as they have through each stage of Oswalt's grieving process.

After bravely sharing his grief and slow recovery, Oswalt is now showing us how to remember.

By letting the world into his painful grieving process, Oswalt revealed a level of vulnerability and real human strength that we are rarely see from public figures.

As he carries on in the next stages of his life, Oswalt is now showing the world how to continue living while still honoring the memory and legacy of those we've loved and lost.

McNamara brought him years of great happiness and he's using his celebrity to share her talents with the public. "It was a total commitment. … He's just been a real champion," said HarperCollins editor Jennifer Barth.

Everyone faces death and loss — but it's up to us to choose how we respond. Great mentors like Oswalt help show the way.

We all face death in the loss of others and ultimately in ourselves. Yet even as arguably life's only true certainty, we still often struggle to process the inevitable. Being open about the painful cost of losing a loved one can be an invaluable resource to those who are going through a similar experience and to those who may face it down the road.  

Patton Oswalt and those who were close to McNamara are also showing us that there can be positive ways to celebrate those we have lost and to keep their memories alive for years to come.

Ileah Parker (left) and Alexis Vandecoevering (right)

True

At 16, Alexis Vandecoevering already knew she wanted to work in the fire department. Having started out as a Junior Firefighter and spending her time on calls as a volunteer with the rest of her family, she’s set herself up for a successful career as either a firefighter or EMT from a young age.

Ileah Parker also leaned into her career interests at an early age. By 16, she had completed an internship with Nationwide Children’s Hospital, learning about Information Technology, Physical Therapy, Engineering, and Human Resources in healthcare, which allowed her to explore potential future pathways. She’s also a member of Eryn PiNK, an empowerment and mentoring program for black girls and young women.

While these commitments might sound like a lot for a teenager, it all comes down to school/life balance. This wouldn’t be possible for Alexis or Ileah without attending Pearson’s Connections Academy, a tuition-free online public school available in 31 states across the U.S., that not only helps students get ready for college but dive straight into college coursework and get a head start on career training as well.

“Connections Academy allowed me extensive flexibility, encouraged growth in all aspects of my life, whether academic, interpersonal, or financial, and let me explore options for my future career, schooling, and extracurricular endeavors,” said Ileah.

A recent survey by Connections Academy of over 1,000 students in grades 8-12 and over 1,000 parents or guardians across the U.S., highlights the importance of school/life balance when it comes to leading a fulfilling and successful life. The results show that students’ perception of their school/life balance has a significant impact on their time to consider career paths, with 76% of those with excellent or good school/life balance indicating they know what career path they are most interested in pursuing versus only 62% of those who have a fair to very poor school/life balance.

Additionally, students who report having a good or excellent school/life balance are more likely than their peers to report having a grade point average in the A-range (57% vs 35% of students with fair to very poor balance).

At Connections Academy, teens get guidance navigating post-secondary pathways, putting them in the best possible position for college and their careers. Connections Academy’s College and Career Readiness offering for middle and high school students connects them with employers, internships and clubs in Healthcare, IT, and Business.


“At Connections Academy, we are big proponents of encouraging students to think outside of the curriculum” added Dr. Lorna Bryant, Senior Director of Career Solutions in Pearson’s Virtual Learning division. “While academics are still very important, bringing in more career and college exposure opportunities to students during middle and high school can absolutely contribute to a more well-rounded school/life balance and help jumpstart that career search process.”

High school students can lean into career readiness curriculum by taking courses that meet their required high school credits, while also working toward micro-credentials through Coursera, and getting college credit applicable toward 150 bachelor’s degree programs in the U.S.

Alexis Vandecoevering in her firefighter uniform

Alexis, a Class of 2024 graduate, and Ileah, set to start her senior year with Connections Academy, are on track to land careers they’re passionate about, which is a key driver behind career decisions amongst students today.

Of the students surveyed who know what career field they want to pursue, passion and genuine interest is the most commonly given reasoning for both male and female students (54% and 66%, respectively).

Parents can support their kids with proper school/life balance by sharing helpful resources relating to their career interests. According to the survey, 48% of students want their parents to help them find jobs and 43% want their parents to share resources like reading materials relating to their chosen field.

While teens today have more challenges than ever to navigate, including an ever-changing job market, maintaining school/life balance and being given opportunities to explore career paths at an early age are sure to help them succeed.

Learn more about Connections Academy’s expanded College and Career Readiness offering here.

@thehalfdeaddad/TikTok

Dad on TikTok shared how he addressed his son's bullying.

What do you do when you find out your kid bullied someone? For many parents, the first step is forcing an apology. While this response is of course warranted, is it really effective? Some might argue that there are more constructive ways of handling the situation that teach a kid not only what they did wrong, but how to make things right again.

Single dad Patrick Forseth recently shared how he made a truly teachable moment out of his son, Lincoln, getting into trouble for bullying. Rather than forcing an apology, Forseth made sure his son was actively part of a solution.


The thought process behind his decision, which he explained in a now-viral TikTok video, is both simple and somewhat racial compared to how many parents have been encouraged to handle similar situations.

“I got an email a few days ago from my 9-year-old son's teacher that he had done a ‘prank’ to a fellow classmate and it ended up embarrassing the classmate and hurt his feelings,” the video begins.

At this point, Forseth doesn’t split hairs. “I don't care who you are, that's bullying,” he said. “If you do something to somebody that you know has the potential end result of them being embarrassed in front of a class or hurt—you’re bullying.”

So, Forseth and Lincoln sat down for a long talk (a talk, not a lecture) about appropriate punishment and how it would have felt to be on the receiving end of such a prank.

From there, Forseth told his son that he would decide how to make things right, making it a masterclass in taking true accountability.

“I demanded nothing out of him. I demanded no apology, I demanded no apology to the teacher,” he continued, adding, “I told him that we have the opportunity to go back and make things right. We can't take things back, but we can try to correct things and look for forgiveness.”

@thehalfdeaddad Replying to @sunshinyday1227 And then it’s my kid 🤦‍♂️😡 #endbullyingnow #talktoyourkidsmore #dadlifebestlife #singledadsover40 #teachyourchildren #ReadySetLift ♬ Get You The Moon - Kina

So what did Lincoln do? He went back to his school and actually talked to the other boy he pranked. After learning that they shared a love of Pokémon, he then went home to retrieve two of his favorite Pokémon cards as a peace offering, complete with a freshly cleaned case.

Lincoln would end up sharing with his dad that the other boy was so moved by the gesture that he would end up hugging him.

“I just want to encourage all parents to talk to your kids,” Forseth concluded. “Let's try to avoid just the swat on the butt [and] send them to their room. Doesn't teach them anything.”

In Forseth’s opinion, kids get far more insight by figuring out how to resolve a problem themselves. “That's what they're actually going to face in the real world once they move out of our nests.”

He certainly has a point. A slap on the wrist followed by being marched down somewhere to say, “I’m sorry,” only further humiliates kids most of the time. With this gentler approach, kids are taught the intrinsic value of making amends after wrongdoing, not to mention the power of their own autonomy. Imagine that—blips in judgment can end up being major character-building moments.

Kudos to this dad and his very smart parenting strategy.


This article originally appeared on 3.24.23

Sponsored

3 organic recipes that feed a family of 4 for under $7 a serving

O Organics is the rare brand that provides high-quality food at affordable prices.

A woman cooking up a nice pot of pasta.

Over the past few years, rising supermarket prices have forced many families to make compromises on ingredient quality when shopping for meals. A recent study published by Supermarket News found that 41% of families with children were more likely to switch to lower-quality groceries to deal with inflation.

By comparison, 29% of people without children have switched to lower-quality groceries to cope with rising prices.

Despite the current rising costs of groceries, O Organics has enabled families to consistently enjoy high-quality, organic meals at affordable prices for nearly two decades. With a focus on great taste and health, O Organics offers an extensive range of options for budget-conscious consumers.

O Organics launched in 2005 with 150 USDA Certified Organic products but now offers over 1,500 items, from organic fresh fruits and vegetables to organic dairy and meats, organic cage-free certified eggs, organic snacks, organic baby food and more. This gives families the ability to make a broader range of recipes featuring organic ingredients than ever before.


“We believe every customer should have access to affordable, organic options that support healthy lifestyles and diverse shopping preferences,” shared Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal.”

With some help from our friends at O Organics, Upworthy looked at the vast array of products available at our local store and created some tasty, affordable and healthy meals.

Here are 3 meals for a family of 4 that cost $7 and under, per serving. (Note: prices may vary by location and are calculated before sales tax.)

O Organic’s Tacos and Refried Beans ($6.41 Per Serving)

Few dishes can make a family rush to the dinner table quite like tacos. Here’s a healthy and affordable way to spice up your family’s Taco Tuesdays.

Prep time: 2 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Total time: 22 minutes

Ingredients:

1 lb of O Organics Grass Fed Ground Beef ($7.99)

1 packet O Organics Taco Seasoning ($2.29)

O Organics Mexican-Style Cheese Blend Cheese ($4.79)

O Organics Chunky Salsa ($3.99)

O Organics Taco Shells ($4.29)

1 can of O Organics Refried Beans ($2.29)

Instructions:

1. Cook the ground beef in a skillet over medium heat until thoroughly browned; remove any excess grease.

2. Add 1 packet of taco seasoning to beef along with water [and cook as directed].

3. Add taco meat to the shell, top with cheese and salsa as desired.

4. Heat refried beans in a saucepan until cooked through, serve alongside tacos, top with cheese.

tacos, o organics, family recipesO Organics Mexican-style blend cheese.via O Organics

O Organics Hamburger Stew ($4.53 Per Serving)

Busy parents will love this recipe that allows them to prep in the morning and then serve a delicious, slow-cooked stew after work.

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cook time: 7 hours

Total time: 7 hours 15 minutes

Servings: 4

Ingredients:

1 lb of O Organics Grass Fed Ground Beef ($7.99)

1 ½ lbs O Organics Gold Potatoes ($4.49)

3 O Organics Carrots ($2.89)

1 tsp onion powder

I can O Organics Tomato Paste ($1.25)

2 cups water

1 yellow onion diced ($1.00)

1 clove garlic ($.50)

1 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

2 tsp Italian seasoning or oregano

Instructions:

1. Cook the ground beef in a skillet over medium heat until thoroughly browned; remove any excess grease.

2. Transfer the cooked beef to a slow cooker with the potatoes, onions, carrots and garlic.

3. Mix the tomato paste, water, salt, pepper, onion powder and Italian seasoning in a separate bowl.

4. Drizzle the mixed sauce over the ingredients in the slow cooker and mix thoroughly.

5. Cover the slow cooker with its lid and set it on low for 7 to 8 hours, or until the potatoes are soft. Dish out into bowls and enjoy!

potatoes, o organics, hamburger stewO Organics baby gold potatoes.via O Organics


O Organics Ground Beef and Pasta Skillet ($4.32 Per Serving)

This one-pan dish is for all Italian lovers who are looking for a saucy, cheesy, and full-flavored comfort dish that takes less than 30 minutes to prepare.

Prep time: 2 minutes

Cook time: 25 minutes

Total time: 27 minutes

Servings: 4

Ingredients:

1 lb of O Organics Grass Fed Ground Beef ($7.99)

1 tbsp. olive oil

2 tsp dried basil

1 tsp garlic powder

1 can O Organics Diced Tomatoes ($2.00)

1 can O Organics Tomato Sauce ($2.29)

1 tbsp O Organics Tomato Paste ($1.25)

2 1/4 cups water

2 cups O Organics Rotini Pasta ($3.29)

1 cup O Organics Mozzarella cheese ($4.79)

Instructions:

1. Brown ground beef in a skillet, breaking it up as it cooks.

2. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and garlic powder

3. Add tomato paste, sauce and diced tomatoes to the skillet. Stir in water and bring to a light boil.

4. Add pasta to the skillet, ensuring it is well coated. Cover and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

5. Remove the lid, sprinkle with cheese and allow it to cool.

o organics, tomato basil pasta sauce, olive oilO Organics tomato basil pasta sauce and extra virgin olive oil.via O Organics

A double merle Australian shepherd smiling. (Representative image)

TikToker EchoBadlistener has his hands full with four dogs: Morty (deaf and blind), Echo (deaf and visually impaired), Winston (overweight), and Frank, who, in his owner’s estimation, is “not too smart.”

But even though Morty can’t see or hear, he enthusiastically greets his owners whenever they come home. A recent TikTok video that has been seen over 9,000 times shows how Morty has given his high-energy hellos to his owners over the past four years.


Although Morty sometimes takes a little while to find their exact location, once he zeroes in, he leaps up and grabs them with his paws or makes excited doggie donuts in the middle of the kitchen.

@echobadlistener

Little kangaroo #deafdogsoftiktok #blinddogsoftiktok #fyp #threedeafdogs #morty #babymorty

So, how does Morty know when his family is home if he can’t hear or see? Dogs have an incredible sense of smell up to 10,000 times greater than a human’s. So he picks up on their scent when they enter the house. He is also probably very sensitive to familiar vibrations, such as a door opening and closing, and can feel footsteps when people walk across the floor.

Morty and his sister Echo are deaf and have vision problems due to birth defects that come from breeding merle dogs. Merle is a genetic pattern in a dog's coat that causes irregular patches of color on a lighter background. It's also known as dapple in some breeds. When two merle dogs breed, each puppy in the litter has a 25% chance of becoming a double merle. Double merles have a very high chance of having congenital eye defects and hearing impairment due to a lack of hair pigment in the inner ear.

But being deaf and blind doesn't stop Morty from recognizing his owners and showing them what a good doggo he is.

Family

Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this.

This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.


In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”



“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.

Pop Culture

Millennials predict what other things they will witness in their lifetime

From AI therapists to widespread 4-day workweeks, the future holds so many possibilities.

Buckle up.

Millennials have witnessed a lot in their time. Some of these events have been positive, like a decrease in the gender pay gap, more LGBTQ rights and sweeping technological advancements that, despite their flaws, do provide unprecedented access to information and resources.

On the other hand, the slew of economic crises, pandemics, natural disasters and tragedies incited by gun violence make it easy to see why this group is labeled “the unluckiest generation.”

And since change continues at an ever increasing rate, who’s to say what life will look like in 50 or even 10 years time?


Recently, someone on Ask Reddit posed the question:

“Millennials, what do you think we're gonna possibly see in our lifetime?”

The general consensus was certainly a mixed bag. Below are some of the answers that stood out.

Many predicted massive, not-so-great shifts as a direct result of global warming and climate change.

global warming, climate changePhoto of a forest firePhoto credit: Canva

Or as physicistdeluxe put it, “lots of heat and weird weather.”

“I live north of Seattle and have for all my life…Snow would stick around for a few days and we'd have multiple snow days. Now snow dumps once or twice, if that, and is gone by mid-day. Used to go camping before school started and we'd be able to have a campfire. Can't do that anymore as burn bans start in early July. Snow in the mountains all year round. Not anymore.” —Hungrypotato19

A911owner seconded:

“I live in the northeast; I'm convinced we're less than 10 years away from having our first winter where —-we don't get any snow. The last few years have seen very little and it melts quickly. “

Only a slightly brighter note, quite a few expected to see impactful medical advancements, especially thanks to gene therapy.

crispr, medical techFinger pointing at futuristic medical hologramPhoto credit: Canva

Fulcrum87 anticipated a “cure for cystic fibrosis” in a couple of decades, while miss_kimba and others counted on “cancers and systemic diseases” being eliminated.

On the same front, UnluckyCustard8130 “guaranteed” that there would be an equal uptick in “designer” babies. While someone else theorized that “AI therapists” would become mainstream.

Meanwhile, someone else just hoped for “universal healthcare including dental 😭.”

Speaking of healthcare, PracticalCows (and others) stated that this generation would witness “our healthcare system collapsing when all the Baby Boomers need end of life care at the same time.”

“This will be what creates the final push for universal healthcare. The only generation who opposes it in large numbers will be the ones who need it most,” said BillionaireGhost.

Millennials agree that the future workplace will also likely continue to change at a rapid pace, and in a way that provides more work-life balance.

workplace, 4 day work weekPhoto of a group of coworkers with laptopsPhoto credit: Canva

“With luck, widespread adoption of the 4-day work week,” declared Certain-Mongoose6323.

As one commenter pointed out, “there's more benefits for both employee and employer than downsides, enough studies have proven it at this point. And just like with the five day work week, any company that doesn't follow suit will find their labor pool all going to their competitors.”

Especially as the 2024 election looms near, many millennials worry about the future of democracy as we know it.

democracy, 2024 electionGroup of protestorsPhoto credit: Canva

Jamanuh1776 went so far as to say we “might actually witness the fall of the American Empire.”

_idiot_kid_ added:

“As an American this thought is always in the back of my head. The USA is a really young nation. And it's doing many things completely wrong. When I'm old my birth country may no longer exist. That's a serious fear that I'm not sure older generations ever experienced.”

As far as the economy is concerned, folks are understandably wary.

economy, recession, housing crisisMan looking at graphPhoto credit: Canva

“I hope I see us all being able to relax, afford a decent house and get married if that’s what we want. I just want to wake up next to someone I like in my own home. I don’t know why this is suddenly some kind of fantasy akin to winning the lottery,” lamented enchiladasundae.

Meanwhile, Jahstin predicted Costco’s famous $1.50 hot dog combo might one day cost $2.

“This here is the scariest one,” one person joked. Honestly, with rising food prices, concern is warranted.

People also expected continued progress in society’s relationship to space travel.

space travel, space x Picture of a rocket in spacePhoto credit: Canva

Southern_Lead_1469 suggested that in 25-35 years space tourism would become “a real thing,” while BlinksTale quipped “The Mars landing will be neat.”

But again, it's not all gloom and doom. The conversation wasn’t without some signature millennial humor.

Match0311 hoped to see “Cereal bags that open and close like a Ziploc bag,” while another joked that “The 5th dentist will finally cave and they’ll all recommend Trident gum.”

I'm looking forward to those personal assistant robots like in 'Fallout' where they do your laundry and dishes and occasionally kill you,” said nzodd, while Blitz-IMP just wants there to be a “Spice Girls reunion.”

Lastly, one person is holding out for a future where his wife “actually breaks down a cardboard box before throwing it in the recycling bin.” It’s important to hold onto our dreams, no matter how lofty.

A wife can no longer take her husband's laziness.

A woman on Reddit is sharing a problem that far too many women experience: being married to a man who won’t do his fair share around the house. But this woman, who goes by the user name Fantastic_Guess1918, 28, appears to be in an extreme situation. Her husband, 33, does absolutely nothing and hasn’t worked in over a year.

She says the big problem is that he’s a “mama’s boy” who never had any responsibilities growing up and hasn’t taken on any as an adult. His mother owns a business and created a position he’s had since 16, but he never goes to work and still gets paid.

Even though he doesn’t bother going to work, the wife still takes on 100% of the domestic responsibilities in the home. She was so frustrated that she asked for help on the Relationship Advice forum.


“My husband and I have been married for 10+ years and I'm now learning what weaponized incompetence is,” she opens her story, referencing a passive-aggressive tactic people use to avoid responsibility. He also lives like a slob, making Mountain Dew pyramids on the side of the bed and throwing rotten food down the sink, even though they don’t have a garbage disposal.

“I was young and naive when we got married and assumed that he would grow up. That he would share the housework and not leave me with literally everything,” she continued. “I honestly didn't even expect 50/50. I would have taken 90% if he'd just do 10%. He did nothing. I mean NOTHING. I didn't want to put up with it and I tried my hardest not to. We argued about it all the time.”


lazy men, weaponized incompetance, mama's boyA wife can no longer take her husband's laziness. via Timur Weber/Pexels

To make things worse, Fantastic_Guess1918 has severe depression which makes keeping up with household duties even more difficult. She hopes to one day have two children, but those dreams have been dashed because she is already raising a childish husband.

The situation got so bad she gave an “empty threat” of divorce, and he did the dishes. “I was in shock, the first thing he's done. Immediately afterward my rocky confidence in his ability to change was shattered more when he approached me and wanted PRAISE for cleaning the dishes,” Fantastic_Guess1918 wrote.

“I just feel like I'm in such a bad place now, and I feel completely trapped,” she told the Relationship Advice forum. ”I don't want to leave; I just want things to be better. I want him to hear me. I want him to care about how stressed I constantly am.”

The good news is that the forum posters gave her some very good advice, although it probably wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear.

1. Get a divorce

"I can't even begin to tell you how many women I've known in situations like this (it's literally in the triple digits). Absolutely NONE of those men EVER changed. If anything, they just got worse the longer their atrocious lack of effort was enabled/put up with."

"It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both are easier than trying to change a mama's boy."

2. You're choosing this

"You are choosing this life by staying. You are choosing to be stressed out by a partner who doesn’t care about you. He’s never had to care about or take care of anything or anyone. Why would he magically start now? Because you want him to? People don’t change just because we want them to; they change when THEY want to."

3. Get a job

“The ability to leave is to negotiate from strength with a partner. As long as you sit there saying 'I have nowhere to go!' you are giving him all the power. Open a private account, put your pay there.”

4. Reframe the narrative

“It helps to keep this perspective: you're not trapped, you're in planning mode. Once you start making a plan for your escape, you will feel FAR less trapped. It doesn't matter if that plan takes 1 year, 2 years or 3 years. You can come up with a plan that will allow you to leave your husband eventually.”

5. Stop working for him

“If he constantly leaves junk around the house, buy a big container and just drop all of errant junk into that container. If he doesn't cook or do laundry, only cook or do laundry for yourself. You can even buy yourself a locking mini fridge and keep your leftovers and groceries in that fridge so he doesn't benefit from your labor.”

“Find ways so his mess can remain his problem — even if that just means constantly putting his junk in the trash when he refuses to pick it up. Be petty with it (you've earned it) and have fun!”


lazy men, weaponized incompetance, mama's boyA wife can no longer take her husband's laziness.via Timur Weber/Pexels

6. Get a housekeeper

"Have him pay for a maid to do his half of the work and stop arguing about it. That’s the only way to continue the marriage. If he has 'don’t go to work for a year' money, he has housekeeper money."

7. Men don't grow up

"My dad told me something that made a huge impact on me. He said that men don’t 'grow up' and don’t 'mature.' They are who they are whether they’re 5, 15, or 55. That’s who they are and that's who they are always going to be."

8. Depression lies to you

"You are not trapped, that’s just the lie your depression tells you. You have the power to break free, you just don’t believe in yourself."

9. Get a support system

"Do you have a therapist, etc? You need someone to talk to about these issues! There are so many concerns you have implied may exist, but not delineated. Do you not have any kind of support system? Parents, siblings, old friends, other relatives? If not, it’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and get a life. You need to make a life for yourself! That includes a job, money management, housing, etc. This balloon you are living within is about to pop."

10. He was made that way

"The way your husband's mommy makes excuses for him and treats him like a baby is how so many momma's boys are raised. Mom Boys are raising defective men ON PURPOSE. Because they don’t want to be 'abandoned.' Do not be with a momma’s boy!! Look out for yourself."

Even though the woman said she didn’t want to leave her husband and only wanted him to understand her situation, she was given a lot of hard truths about her marriage. She is fighting an uphill battle trying to turn her husband into a responsible man when he was raised to let the women in his life do everything for him. So, the good news is that even though she may not want to leave him, she received a lot of practical advice on gaining independence from him so she can at least forge her own path instead of being dependent on a man who gives little in return.