+
upworthy
More

Here are a few common questions about Asians you should never, ever ask.

In an era of second- and even third-generation immigrant families in the U.S., it keeps surprising me how some people are still stuck in the Middle Ages.

If you're ethnically Asian but were born in Europe or North America and have never lived in Asia, you'll know what I'm talking about. From uneducated remarks to downright insensitive and racist questions, we've experienced it all. Let's see which of these you've come across before. And non-Asians, please take note and stop asking us these crazy questions. We're getting tired. Thanks!

(I know some of these might seem unbelievable, but they're all real-life examples of questions I've been asked — often multiple or even countless times).


[rebelmouse-image 19478251 dam="1" original_size="1200x624" caption="Photo by Henri Pham/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Henri Pham/Unsplash.

1. "Where are you from?" followed by "No, I mean, where are you really/actually/originally from?"

To make this more cringeworthy, insert assumptions like "China? Korea?" This is like meeting a black person and asking, "Where are you originally from? Nigeria? Kenya?" Yeah, that doesn't feel right, does it?

I get that you're curious about why I said Luxembourg when I clearly have Asian features. That was my answer because I was born in Luxembourg and grew up there. So that's where I consider myself to be from. Like, really actually from.

I don't know if it's just me, but I find the term "originally" in that context so annoying. How far back do you want me to go? In the end, we're all "originally" from Africa. If I want to have some fun with you, I'll keep repeating "I was born in Luxembourg" with a bewildered look on my face and watch you struggle to formulate the question you want to ask so badly.

There are so many better ways to ask about this. Like "Where are your parents from?" or "What is your Asian heritage?"

2. Were you adopted?

First of all, none of your business. If I had been adopted, do you think I'd tell you, a complete stranger, about it in the first few minutes after meeting you?

Second of all, why do Asians who grew up in a Western country get asked this sooften? Is it because I don't have an Asian accent when I speak your language so I couldn't possibly have Asian parents? Weird.

3. Is _____ your real name?

Wait there while I pull out my ID to show you that Helene is my "official" first name. Many Asians who live in Western countries use a westernized name so that their actual one isn't butchered on a regular basis. You're welcome for all the embarrassment we're saving you. My parents sacrificed a little bit of their culture and gave me a Western first name so that I would have it easier growing up in Europe and not face my name being misspelled and mispronounced all the time (it still happens with my last name, though).

So forgive me if I'm not thrilled about having to prove to you that that is indeed my legal name. I might start asking you whether your name is actually your real name.

4. Why don't your eyes look like slits?

See these four women in the photos below?

[rebelmouse-image 19478252 dam="1" original_size="750x219" caption="Photo by AO/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by AO/Unsplash.

[rebelmouse-image 19478253 dam="1" original_size="750x219" caption="Photo by Sean Kong/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Sean Kong/Unsplash.

[rebelmouse-image 19478254 dam="1" original_size="750x220" caption="Photo by Sean Kong/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Sean Kong/Unsplash.

[rebelmouse-image 19478255 dam="1" original_size="750x219" caption="Photo by Oliver Shou/Unsplash." expand=1]Photo by Oliver Shou/Unsplash.

They have differently shaped eyes, but they're all ethnically Asian. You might have a stereotypical mental image of what an Asian person's eyes look like, and it's probably like those of the first woman, right? I understand that it's difficult to differentiate between people of other ethnicities because you're not used to distinguishing those particular facial features. My mum finds it hard to tell some Caucasian people apart, but she doesn't go around asking them why they don't have blond hair and blue eyes. Because that would be absurd.

5. Have you ever eaten dogs/cats/etc.?

No. Some Asians might, though, and who are you to judge, you other-animals-eating person?

By the way, eating animals that are considered pets in Western culture is only a small fraction of weird and "disgusting" foods from all over the world. Do you go around asking every French person you meet whether they eat frog legs? Or Scottish people whether they like sheep intestines? If you do, stop that! Food culture is different all over the world, and making people feel weird about that is rude.

6. Are you good at maths?

Such. A. Cliché. We Asian people have the reputation of being smart cookies. This might be due to the fact that a strict work ethic is so deeply ingrained in our culture, and it does have its disadvantages. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean every single Asian person is super intelligent or great at maths. I'm not bad at it, but not amazing either. Maybe ask me that as part of a job interview, but not when I know it's just to confirm your assumptions about Asians. Generally people don't ask another person about their math prowess within a half-hour of meeting them. That's just weird.

7. Do your parents own a restaurant?

I wish. If they did, I could eat scrumptious Chinese food all the time. My dad is a now-retired architect and my mum a stay-at-home mum. Not what you expected? Too bad.

8. Do you play the piano?

OK, you got me. I do play the piano. Most of my Asian friends do. I guess I can let you have that one.

My Asian face. :) Photo by Helene Choo, used with permission.

Maybe I'll print a little card that reads: "Hi, I'm Helene. Yes, that's my real name. My parents are from Malaysia, and I was born and grew up in Luxembourg. No, I've never eaten dog meat. I'm not great at maths, but I do play the piano. Yes, I speak Chinese, ni hao!"

Or you could just get to know me as someone who isn't defined by their Asian exterior or ancestry. When we become friends, I'll be happy to answer any and all the questions you have about being ethnically Asian. In the meantime, you can do the work yourself — read up on the questions you have instead of expecting me to answer them for you.

This article originally appeared on helenechoo.com and is reprinted here with permission.

A pitbull stares at the window, looking for the mailman.


Dogs are naturally driven by a sense of purpose and a need for belonging, which are all part of their instinctual pack behavior. When a dog has a job to do, it taps into its needs for structure, purpose, and the feeling of contributing to its pack, which in a domestic setting translates to its human family.

But let’s be honest: In a traditional domestic setting, dogs have fewer chores they can do as they would on a farm or as part of a rescue unit. A doggy mom in Vancouver Island, Canada had fun with her dog’s purposeful uselessness by sharing the 5 “chores” her pitbull-Lab mix does around the house.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Kudos to the heroes who had 90 seconds to save lives in the Key Bridge collapse

The loss of 6 lives is tragic, but the dispatch recording shows it could have been so much worse.

Representative image by Gustavo Fring/Pexels

The workers who responded to the Dali's mayday call saved lives with their quick response.

As more details of the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapse in Baltimore emerge, it's becoming more apparent how much worse this catastrophe could have been.

Just minutes before 1:30am on March 26, shortly after leaving port in Baltimore Harbor, a cargo ship named Dali lost power and control of its steering, sending it careening into a structural pillar on Key Bridge. The crew of the Dali issued a mayday call at 1:26am to alert authorities of the power failure, giving responders crucial moments to prepare for a potential collision. Just 90 seconds later, the ship hit a pylon, triggering a total collapse of the 1.6-mile bridge into the Patapsco River.

Dispatch audio of those moments shows the calm professionalism and quick actions that limited the loss of life in an unexpected situation where every second counted.

Keep ReadingShow less

A woman looking at her phone while sitting on the toilet.


One of the most popular health trends over the last few years has been staying as hydrated as possible, evidenced by the massive popularity of 40-oz Stanely Quencher cups. The theory among those who obsess over hydration is that, when you pee clear, you’ve removed all the waste in your body and are enjoying the incredible benefits of being 100% hydrated. Congratulations.

However, according to Dr. Sermed Mezher, an NHS doctor in the UK, peeing clear isn’t always a sign of being healthy.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Yale's pep band had to miss the NCAA tournament. University of Idaho said, 'We got you.'

In an act of true sportsmanship, the Vandal band learned Yale's fight song, wore their gear and cheered them on.

Courtesy of University of Idaho

The Idaho Vandals answered the call when Yale needed a pep band.

Yale University and the University of Idaho could not be more different. Ivy League vs. state school. East Coast vs. Pacific Northwest. City vs. farm town. But in the first two rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament, extenuating circumstances brought them together as one, with the Bulldogs and the Vandals becoming the "Vandogs" for a weekend.

When Yale made it to the March Madness tournament, members of the school's pep band had already committed to other travel plans during spring break. They couldn't gather enough members to make the trek across the country to Spokane, Washington, so the Yale Bulldogs were left without their fight song unless other arrangements could be made.

When University of Idaho athletic band director Spencer Martin got wind of the need less than a week before Yale's game against Auburn, he sent out a message to his band members asking if anyone would be interested in stepping in. The response was a wave of immediate yeses, so Martin got to work arranging instruments and the students dedicated themselves to learning Yale's fight song and other traditional Yale pep songs.

Keep ReadingShow less

An English doctor named Edward Jenner took incredible risks to try to rid his world of smallpox. Because of his efforts and the efforts of scientists like him, the only thing between deadly diseases like the ones below and extinction are people who refuse to vaccinate their kids. Don't be that parent.

Unfortunately, because of the misinformation from the anti-vaccination movement, some of these diseases have trended up in a really bad way over the past several years.

Keep ReadingShow less
Innovation

A student accidentally created a rechargeable battery that could last 400 years

"This thing has been cycling 10,000 cycles and it’s still going." ⚡️⚡️

There's an old saying that luck happens when preparation meets opportunity.

There's no better example of that than a 2016 discovery at the University of California, Irvine, by doctoral student Mya Le Thai. After playing around in the lab, she made a discovery that could lead to a rechargeable battery that could last up to 400 years. That means longer-lasting laptops and smartphones and fewer lithium ion batteries piling up in landfills.

Keep ReadingShow less