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"Thank you for being patient": Baby on first flight 'writes' adorable note to passengers

The note was so sweet. It was also completely unnecessary.

@callmebelly/TikTok
An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Airplanes are a particularly tricky public space in which to take your children. First, unlike, say, fine dining or the opera, flying with a baby isn't always optional. Sometimes, a certain level of travel is required of your life and small children have to come along. Second, and probably worst of all, there is no escape from the airplane once you've boarded. No matter what happens; crying, puking, blowouts, or spills — you're stuck dealing with it, and the dirty looks, until the plane has landed.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight.

It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Elliot appeared to be choked up at the thoughtfulness on display as he examined the contents of the bags.

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

"the fact she took up valuable carry on space for these treat bags"

"Always wondered if we don’t bring kids out in public how can they learn to act in public? thank you for being so sweet to this mom"

Then again, who wouldn't appreciate some free candy and a friendly note?!


Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Many commenters pointed out that a crying baby is far more stressful on the parent than other passengers. It's so easy to pop in your headphones and crank up your music or movie if someone else's baby is bothering you. Not so easy when you're the one responsible for soothing them!

The care package trend, sometimes called a "pre-apology", has become all the rage in recent years.

Passengers seem to universally find them adorable and fun. And some parents even enjoy the time and care it takes to make them. In a way, it can help ease the anxiety that naturally comes along with flying with a baby. It also creates a fun memory of that first flight.

But it's definitely not something any parent should feel like they have to do.

Etiquette expert Jo Hayes told What To Expect "Airplane goodie bags are all well and good for the craft-inclined or if you’re just excited to commemorate your little one’s first flight, but it's not the expectation that all parents must do this. Heaven knows, parents have enough pressure on them as is."

@xopolkadots34xo

the cutest lil flight package.. my jaw was on the floor so sweet 🥹 #babytok #travel #fyp

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load off a frazzled parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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A pilot comforted his fearful passengers with this pitch-perfect pre-flight announcement

They should say this on every flight.

Unsplash

A pilot addressed everyone's very real fears in such a validating way.

Flying is a little scary even during the best of times. While statistically extremely safe compared to driving and other forms of transportation, lots of us feel extra anxious and vulnerable so high off the ground and with so little control over what happens. Add in stories over the past few years about planes malfunctioning and rising questions about the reputation of Boeing, a leading name in aircraft manufacturing, and anxiety is at a high. Some estimates say about 25 million adults suffer from a legitimate phobia of flying, and even if you're not one of them, I'd be willing to bet you grip the armrest extra tight when your plane hits some unexpected turbulence!

Matters weren't helped with two tragic, high-profile plane crashes on U.S. soil in the past couple of days. With nerves running high on regularly scheduled flights over the world, one pilot is going viral for his thoughtful response to shaken passengers.

Captain Jeffrey Collins on American Airlines Flight 1044 got on the PA for his usual pre-flight spiel, and quickly took a detour.

A TikTok user and passenger on the plane, Leighton Mixon, was able to capture most of the announcement on camera. Whereas pilots usually give you a quick update on the weather and let you know if things are on schedule, Collins decided to briefly speak from the heart just three days after a fatal midair collision in Washington, D.C. captured headlines — also involving an American Airlines flight.

"[Some of you] may be fearful about flying and that's certainly understandable," the pilot began. "But just please know that my first officer and our flight attendants and myself place your safety and responsibility of carrying you to Miami, to your to families or vacations or your meetings, on the highest level. I have no higher calling than carefully, professionally transporting you today."

"So with that, relax and enjoy."

@leighterhaters

Life is short, hug your people ❤️ whoever is the pilot on AA1044 to MIA, i love you #unitedbywings #americanairlines #blackhawk #crash75 #planecrash #aviation #flightcrew #flightattendant

Mixon, who filmed the event, told Today that everywhere he went in the airport that day, people were talking about the recent crash, and there was a dark fog hanging over everyone he met. "The airport just felt a little quieter. It felt a little somber." The pilot's announcement, while seemingly simple, meant the world to many of the nervous passengers aboard the flight.

“It was like every fear and anxiety I had, it felt like he was speaking to me, like, it literally felt like he was speaking directly to me. I looked around, and it was like every single person on this flight needed to hear that. I think every single person needs to hear this. It was just kind of magic," said Mixon. “I looked up, and I don’t think I saw a dry eye on the plane.”

The video touched the hearts of plenty of people not onboard Flight 1044, as well, racking up a staggering 11 million views. Responses poured in as people were so grateful for the pilot's reassuring words.

pilot and copilot inside airplane cockpitThousands of planes fly successfully worldwide every day, but that doesn't always assuage fears. Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

"'I have no higher calling' is POETRY," wrote one user

"This is the PERFECT response to this tragedy. So professional, empathetic and calm. So thankful for pilots like this," said another.

"His voice sounds like it broke when he said he had no higher calling 🥺 his heart is so so heavy," someone chimed in.

"Pilots are really some amazing people. To take on that responsibility, of having so many souls in their hands, has got to be a tremendous amount of pressure," another user added.

Flight attendants and other flight professionals also commented on the video and explained that crews all over the country and world were taking similar measures to reassure passengers, even as their own hearts were heavy and scared. Skye Bolton, a flight attendant with American Airlines, said: "All of our pilots did that yesterday.. my pilot took the extra time to brief us yesterday to make sure we were all okay to work and made a beautiful announcement to the passengers once they were on. ... They care for not only us but for you. Y’all [are] why we fly and we know everyone was scared and worried."

One of the most comforting things when you're flying is remembering that the pilots are human beings.

Of course they take landing the plane safely seriously—they're on it, too, and they want to get home and see their own families at the end of the day. But we don't really see or hear from them very often and so it's easy to forget.

Beyond that, pilots take the responsibility they have extraordinarily seriously. The Air Line Pilots Associated features a code of ethics their pilots abide by, including, "If disaster should strike, they will take whatever action they deem necessary to protect the lives of their passengers and crew."

Airports and airplanes are stressful, anxious places that can sometimes bring out the worst behavior in people, but count me as someone who hopes commercial airplanes never go full autopilot. Knowing there's a highly-trained flight crew onboard that cares deeply about keeping everyone safe makes a world of difference. Kudos to this pilot for taking a minute to remind all of us.


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The 'middle seat rule' and other unspoken airplane etiquette passengers should know

How are people who don't travel frequently supposed to know these things?

Photo credit: Canva

Avoid common faux pas on airplanes with these unwritten rules.

When you fly on an airplane, you agree to abide the passenger rules set by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), even if you don't know what all of them are. If a crew member catches you breaking an FAA rule, they will definitely let you know. But there are other "rules" of airline travel, largely unspoken and unwritten, that people who fly frequently abide by as well. If you don't travel a lot, you may not be aware of these rules, and it's not likely that someone will tell you if you break them, but knowing them makes air travel much more pleasant for everyone.

The middle seat rule

Most people have a preference for which seat they prefer—window, middle or aisle—with almost no one preferring to sit in the middle. (According to a survey from Going, 53% of people prefer the window seat, 46% prefer the aisle and a whopping 1% want the middle seat.) The window seat gets the views and control of the window shade and the aisle seat gets extra elbow room and controls when the row exits, but the middle seat only seems to come with down sides. Since the middle seat is basically the booby prize of air travel, the person who occupies it deserves to have at least one perk—control over the middle armrests.

empty row of airplane seatsThose two middle armrests go to the middle seat occupant.Photo credit: Canva

The middle seat rule means that the aisle and window seat occupants let person in the middle seat use the two middle armrests. What else do those poor souls have, really?

The rules of reclining

Few airline etiquette topics are more contentious than the "right to recline." The vast majority of economy airline seats have a button that allows the seat back to recline a few inches, but whether or not you should use it is a question without a clear answer. It's become even more of a question mark in the era of ever-shrinking legroom, with passengers fighting for every inch of space they can get.

Though people have strong opinions one way or the other, the general consensus for reclining "rules" seems to be that the courteous thing to do is 1) alert the person behind you that you want to recline, 2) don't recline during a meal, 3) avoid reclining on short-haul flights, 4) don't recline on someone who is using a laptop, and 5) when you do recline, ease the seat back slowly.

The headphones rule

There are actually two rules when it comes to headphones: 1) Wear them if you're watching or listening to something. No one wants to hear whatever you're watching or listening to. And 2) If someone's wearing headphones, don't try to chat them up.

woman wearing earbudsDon't talk to people wearing headphones or earbuds unless you really have to.Photo credit: Canva

Some people are airplane talkers and some aren't, but headphones a surefire way to signal that you're not up for chatting with strangers. If someone is wearing headphones or earbuds, that's a clear "please don't talk to me" sign, so unless there's something you really have to ask or tell someone wearing them, leave them to themselves.

The headrest rule

We all know getting in and out of the middle or window seats to go to the restroom can be a challenge, but if at all possible, try to avoid grabbing onto the headrests of the seats in front of you for leverage. It's better to move more slowly to climb your way across the seats than to seize someone's headrest like it's a grab bar. If you've ever tried to nap on a plane and had your headrest yanked suddenly with someone's full body weight, you understand this rule first hand.

The rules of deplaning

Getting onto a flight is a pretty orderly process since there are assigned seats and boarding groups and whatnot. But getting off the plane is another story. As soon as the plane parks at the gate and the seatbelt sign is turned off, it feels like the whole plane collectively thinks they'll just be able to stand up and walk off, but that's not how it works.

people sitting on an airplaneSit tight until the plane doors open and the front rows start emptying.Photo credit: Canva

First of all, it takes several minutes to get the plane doors ready to open, so standing up and filing into the aisle is a fairly useless practice (which also tends to make people feel a bit impatient). Sitting tight until the first people start actually deplaning keeps things a bit more relaxed.

But more importantly, some people seem to think deplaning is a free-for-all, with whoever can make it into the aisle with their luggage first taking priority, but that's not how it works. Emptying the plane row by row from the front to the back is The Way, so waiting patiently until the rows in front of you empty before filing out makes deplaning more efficient and less hectic.

Most unspoken rules, on airplanes or elsewhere, are based on common sense and/or courtesy. But since air travel comes with its own unique peculiarities, what's sensible or courteous may not be obvious, so it helps to have those rules explained. When everyone on the plane is on the same page, it makes for a much more pleasant travel experience for all.

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'Entitled parent' discovers airline moved their toddler's seat just before flight takes off

Another passenger behaving badly story takes a huge twist.

Photo by Steven Thompson on Unsplash

I took a long Amtrak train trip from Atlanta to Baltimore with my 9-year-old daughter this summer. As far as I could tell, there was no way to reserve specific seats in coach on our particular train ahead of time. But we arrived as early as we could and, to our delight, were treated to a near empty train. We sat together in a two-person row and had a really nice trip up to Baltimore.

On the way back? We boarded at Union Station and the train, having arrived from New York, was already packed. The conductor told me he would try his best to seat us together but couldn't guarantee it. You should have seen the terror in my daughter's eyes. It would be a 14-hour overnight train ride. Sitting her next to some stranger that whole time? Absolutely not. No way.

They eventually found us seats across an aisle from each other, which kind of worked, but wasn't ideal. Luckily, the guy I was supposed to sit next on the other side flew into a rage that he wouldn't have a row to himself and stormed off to sit elsewhere, freeing up the row for us.

But for a few horrible minutes, I had become "that dad" desperately asking anyone in the area if they'd be willing to move so we could sit together.

I had become the dreaded entitled parent from all the viral travel stories.

Stories of "entitled parents" desperately trying to get other passengers to switch seats go viral all the time. But a recent thread on Reddit shows why we don't always get the full story.

Description from Reddit of airplane seating snafuReddit

User u/takeme2themtns recently shared a nightmare travel story in the r/Delta subreddit:

"In typical Delta fashion, they just switched up our seats and placed my toddler in a row away from us," they wrote. "Booked three seats ... in comfort plus months ago. Now, several hours before the flight we get notifications that our seats have changed. They put wife and me in exit row seats and the toddler in a window seat a row away."

With no way to fix the seating snafu digitally, the OP would have to rely on the Gate Attendant or even Flight Attendant to make a last-minute change — which would force someone else on the plane to move.

"I’m confident the GA (gate attendant) will take care of it," they wrote, "but it’s still so frustrating that we have to worry about it. I know we see posts like this all the time, but that’s because it happens all the time to people. Delta needs to fix this trashy system."

Another user in the comments wrote to share a similar story:

"I had this happen to me. The check-in person said to talk to the gate.

The gate said to talk to the flight attendant.

The flight attendant told me to ask people to trade seats.

I asked people. People said no. Other passengers started berating me for not planning ahead and saying my lack of planning isn’t their responsibility.

I defended myself by saying I reserved seats months ago and Delta moved me at the last minute. Then passengers started yelling at each other about my situation.

The FA had someone move and I got to sit with my daughter."

The user noted that the situation was chaotic and traumatizing.

These stories are far from rare.


woman carrying baby while sitting on gray seat Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

I found another story just like this from a few months ago on the r/United subreddit. The user's family booked seats together only for the system to separate them right before the flight, leaving an 8-year-old to fly seated alone. The flight crew's only solution was to ask other passengers to switch, causing the OP's family to get lots of dirty looks for the duration of the flight.

Having a young child or toddler seated away from you while traveling is just a complete No-Go, for many reasons. But as a dad, leaving a kid of nearly any age to sit alone — even if they're 8 or 10 or 14 — is not acceptable.

It's not just about convenience, it's a huge safety issue. There are plenty of horrifying news stories that support why a parent would do absolutely anything to avoid it.

When we hear these stories, they're almost always framed as the parents being unprepared, lazy, and entitled. But maybe we're missing the point.

boy sitting on plane seat while viewing window Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

A story from January of this year praises a passenger who refused to switch seats with an "entitled dad" as a "hero."

People are fed up with parents asking them to switch out of airline or train seats that they paid good money for. And I don't blame them!

But we need to stop beating each other up and start holding the airlines and other travel companies accountability for putting parents and non-parents into this mess in the first place.

There needs to be a better system for families booking plane and train tickets. When you buy tickets, you have to enter in the ages of the children you're traveling with — so it stands to reason that these mix-ups flat out shouldn't happen!

Families shouldn't have to panic at the gate or on board about this! Other paying passengers shouldn't have to give up their seats!

The good news is that the Department of Transportation has recently gotten involved with a dashboard of which airlines guarantee family seating at no additional cost.

The DOT is looking to even make it illegal to for airlines to charge parents and children fees to sit together. Parents and children under 13 would be required to be seated side by side or immediately adjacent, and if not, they'd get a full refund or free rebooking — it's known as the Families Fly Together Act.

Traveling in 2024 is stressful enough, from seat changes to unruly passengers to high numbers of cancelled flights.

Seating kids and parents together seems like one small problem we should be able to solve.


This article originally appeared in September.

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