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Culture

People shared the small changes they made that improved their lives in big ways

Real advice from real people.

daily habits, atomic habits, james clear, self improvement

In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear notes that “your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits … you get what you repeat.” Basically, if you want to predict where your life is leading, take a look at your daily choices. And Clear is certainly not the first or last motivational speaker to promote this wisdom. Pick up any self-help book, and it will most likely tout the message of how small, incremental changes can have an enormous impact on our lives.

A recent thread on AskReddit posed the question: What improved your quality of life so much you wished you did it sooner? For those of us who still can’t seem to tick off things like “drink more water” from the to-do list (despite knowing full well all the benefits) it might help hearing success stories from real, everyday people.

Here are some of the highlights:


Swimming for back pain

back pain, back pain remediesGiphy

“Drugs, bed rest for weeks, chiro, deep massage, electroshock. Then I swam some laps and over a three day period months of decrepitude vanished. I couldn’t believe and am now obsessed with swimming." – DontShootTheFood

“Most people who have back pain (especially lower back pain) have it as a result of sedentary lifestyle (exacerbated by sitting in office chairs for a long period of time). Swimming is a fantastic total body and core workout which just builds and balances strength to reduce back pain. If you have pain due to an injury, it may not be as effective." – hanksredditname

Managing road rage

road rage, driving habitsGiphy

“Someone wants to pass me when I'm in the left lane? Move over and let them pass. Someone wants in my lane? That's ok, I don't consider the gap ahead of me to be my real estate. Semi puts on their blinkers when I'm intending to pass? Let off the speed and flick my high beams to let them know there's enough room to enter my lane. All of this helps traffic flow better, makes things safer, and actually feels good to do. And all it required was to stop feeling like all of those things were a personal attack on me and my desire to get to my destination." – Buddahrific

Setting boundaries … even with family

setting boundaries, healthy lifestyleGiphy

“I used to feel like I had to hang out with people when they asked, and as an introvert would resent losing my ‘me’ time. Now I'm just honest with people and say I'm tired, or that I had a long weekend of Great British Bakeoff and dog snuggles that I was really looking forward to. Might sound lame but I'm 150% happier.” – Acceptable-Place0872

“…I'm in my late twenties and talk to neither of my parents. I forgive them for what they did, but I don't want a relationship of any kind with them and have made that very clear. I just stopped picking up the phone, texting back, messaging back at all. My brother still talks to one, but he suffers for it. I know I made the right decision.” – thekindwillinherit

Exercising for more than just your body

exercise, exercise and mental health, mental healthGiphy

“I wish more people knew exactly how helpful exercise really is for both mental and physical health! Throughout high school I was seeing psychologists for anxiety and other issues and they repeatedly told me to eat healthy and exercise to improve my mental state. It's pretty easy when you are in a bad place to dismiss that and say 'a chemical imbalance in my brain isn't going to fix itself if I go for a run' so I never followed their advice. When I was around 20 I got a gym membership and actually started exercising for unrelated reasons and WOW does it help a lot! If you have mental health issues, a healthy lifestyle might not totally fix you but it will DEFINITELY help.” – vindaflyfox

Breaking free from phone addiction

social media, phone addictionGiphy

“Disable your push notifications in tandem with uninstalling all social media apps. It's quite fascinating how much better you feel when social media isn't installed. Bye bye FB/Meta, Insta, Twitter, all of it gone. Talk about liberating. Took me about a month of "training", but now I hardly ever look at my phone, and I no longer feel phantom vibrations while it's in my pocket. It's disgusting how we've become slaves to our devices.” – dj92wa

Improving sleep

sleep, sleep and health, improving sleepGiphy

“I’ve been using my CPAP for a few weeks now and I actually know what it’s like to have energy and motivation and not be a zombie by 2 pm. If anyone else feels like that, I heavily recommend talking to your doctor about having a sleep study done.” – whomikehidden

“Sunrise Alarm Clock. I wake up so much better during the dark winter months.” – herbstavore

Decluttering

cleaning, cleaning tips, declutteringGiphy

“...A consistently clean home is amazing and doesn’t take a ton of time. 10-15 minutes a day I can keep things fairly tidy.” – unwinagainstable

“Nothing feels so relaxing when everything is in its place, organized and uncluttered. This obviously goes for at home, but also a clean car, clean desk, clean and organized computer and filing. Taking notes and reminders and deleting them when the task is done really relieves the mind. You can relax and focus better when your brain isn't cluttered and overwhelmed.” – KanataCitizen

Walking for an hour

walking, walking benefitsGiphy

“This literally saved my life. A lot of people think just going out for a walk has minimal benefits, but it has both great physical and mental ones. Highly underrated (and free).” – grittypitty

Journaling affirmations

journaling, affirmations, affirmation journalGiphy

“…it helps remind me of my values, which helps me make better decisions each day, and having done it for three years now, I can see the progress I’ve made in learning not to sweat the small stuff. It’s encouraging. I’m figuring myself out.” – babblewocky

Dropping sarcasm

better attitudes, self improvement, mindsetGiphy

"I thought this gave me sharp, dry wit but really it was one step up from a teenager's whiney voice making fun of people. It really was a low form of humor and, indeed, the perfect analog to the pseudo-intellectualism of the cynical act. It's so easy to be sarcastic and nasty and it gets old REALLY fast.” – zazzlekdazzle

Opting for positive content

positivity, postive contentGiphy

“I stopped consuming true crime content this past summer. It overall made me a more fearful, less empathetic, and more judgemental person by nature. The content encouraged my negative thought spirals and called it awareness. Never going back.” – notwest94

Practicing gratitude

gratitudeGiphy

“It is small but it genuinely makes a big impact. I had an assignment for a university course last year where we had to spend one week noting down something positive/good each day and then the next week negative things and I hadn’t realized just how much my life has improved until the week where I focused on negative things, it really solidified how much of a difference it made on my mood, how I felt about myself, and even how much I accomplished.” – supersaurus65

millennial-grind.com

There were some other great contenders: daily dancing, seeing a therapist, stretching before bed and at waking … just to name a few. But no matter the habit, they planted seeds for not only a new life, but for a new identity. As Clear would put it, “every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

Let authors like Clear help guide you—and stories like the ones above help inspire you—as you forge a better path for yourself, one small step at a time.


This article originally appeared on 12.8.21

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

Community

Tim Tebow's Night to Shine event celebrated over 100,000 people with special needs

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth," Tebow tells Upworthy.

The Tebow Group

Tim Tebow poses with Night to Shine attendee in Thailand.

The red carpets were rolled out around the world last Friday, February 7th, for a very special celebration of over 100,000 people with special needs at the Tim Tebow Foundation's 11th Annual Night to Shine event. Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow founded Night to Shine in 2015 to center on celebrating, honoring and valuing people with special needs.

Held on one night, always the Friday before Valentine's Day, his Tim Tebow Foundation partners with local churches, providing support and resources to host a cost-free prom honoring individuals living with disability in their local communities. Anyone ages 14 and older is welcome to attend, where attendees enjoy a fun-packed evening that includes: a red carpet with paparazzi, hair and makeup stations, shoeshines, limousine rides, karaoke, gifts, a catered dinner, a Sensory Room, a Respite Room for parents and caregivers, and loads of dancing.

At its founding, Night to Shine was held solely in the United States at 44 different locations. Now in its eleventh year, Night to Shine has grown to 821 host churches in all 50 states—and has continued to expand internationally. This year, 62 countries worldwide hosted Night to Shine celebrations. Tebow celebrated this year's Night to Shine in Thailand and Vietnam, while his wife Together with his wife, Demi-Leigh Tebow, celebrated in her home country of South Africa.

“It was so awesome seeing Night to Shine in new countries this year—and to have the honor of celebrating in Vietnam for the first time!" Tebow tells Upworthy.

red carpet, tim tebow, night to shineRed carpet at Tim Tebow Foundation's Night to Shine.Jensen Sutta

Night to Shine's international presence expanded to several new countries for the 2025 celebration, including:

"What an unforgettable night at Night to Shine in Cape Town!" Demi-Leigh Tebow tells Upworthy. "This event means so much to me for so many reasons. Some of you may know that my little sister, Franje, was born with special needs, and learning about Night to Shine back in 2018 was actually how I met Tim!"

Currently expecting the couple's first child, Demi-Leigh Tebow will be a mom at next year's celebration—something she's eagerly awaiting.

"Since then, I’ve been incredibly blessed to meet countless Kings and Queens from all over the world—each one so valuable and deeply loved by God. But getting to celebrate this night in my home country was incredibly special. My heart is so full and I’m already looking forward to doing it all again next year!” she says.

demi leigh tebow, tim tebow, night to shineDemi -Leigh Tebow at Night to Shine 2024 in South Africa.The Tebow Group

After a night full of partying, Night to Shine concludes with a 'crowning' of the Kings and Queens with crowns and tiaras to signify a declaration of worth and love. "We crown every Night to Shine honored guest the King or Queen because that's how God sees them," Tebow wrote in an Instagram video montage of this year's crowning's.

In another post, he added, "For many, it's the first they've ever felt truly celebrated, especially by someone outside their family. But that's exactly why Night to Shine exists--to remind them that they are God's beloved royalty, seen and cherished by Him every single day."

Tebow's goal is to have Night to Shine in every country. Next year, Night to Shine will be held on Feb. 13, 2026. If you are interest in hosting a Night to Shine event in 2026, you can find more information here.

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth—until the abandoned are embraced, the forgotten are celebrated, the overlooked are seen, and all people experience the radical love of Jesus," Tebow tells Upworthy.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

Parenting

3 things I learned from my kid's ADHD therapy that every parent needs to know

Parent Child Interaction Therapy was the ultimate crash course in parenting a stubborn child.

Unsplash and Evan Porter/Upworthy

Learning more means doing better for everyone.

We knew our now 4-year-old daughter was different very early on in her life. On her first birthday, she had another 1-year-old friend over to play in the backyard (it was COVID times, so there was no big party with all of her daycare friends). The boy, a neighbor of ours, sat and played in the baby pool for a solid hour without moving or making much of a peep. Our daughter, meanwhile, stripped off her swim diaper and spent the entire afternoon wandering around the yard, rolling in grass, swinging sticks around, and generally making mayhem. Making mayhem pretty much became her norm for the next few years. She slept poorly, had multiple meltdowns every day, and was so defiant my wife and I were left completely exasperated and in tears most days.

It wasn’t too long before we started to look into parenting coaching to get a grip on her behavior and regain some sense of normalcy in our lives. The stuff that had worked with our older daughter had been a colossal failure thus far. I loved our parenting coach and her ideas. Talking to her was almost like therapy for us. But her techniques didn’t work either. Then we tried Occupational Therapy. Our daughter loved going because she got to climb around on obstacle courses and play fun games that were meant to work on her vestibular system and help her feel more calm and grounded, but we never saw much of a difference in her.

gif of a a tired man falling to the floorWe were exhausted.Giphy

Finally, we took the plunge and did a full-scale psychiatric evaluation, and the results showed that she had ADHD. It confirmed what we pretty much already knew. We thought we’d be going down the medication road sooner than later, but our doctor actually recommended a specific kind of therapy. It was called PCIT.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy promised to ‘train’ us on how to better interact with our daughter. Great, more parenting coaching, we thought. Another person to tell us that we need to be more consistent, apply more discipline, and yadda yadda yadda. But we didn’t have any other options, so we gave it a try.

In short, and to our complete surprise, PCIT has been a life-changer. When it was described to us as coaching or training, they really weren’t kidding. We spent several sessions in the office with our daughter while literally being observed with a camera and fed lines through a headset! As of this writing, we’ve been practicing the techniques for several months and we’ve seen a big difference. At so many points throughout the therapy, my wife and I agreed that all parents with stubborn kids should go through this program.

Here are just a few of the things we learned that helped us immediately in our daily life with a super defiant, too-smart-for-her-own-good, highly dysregulated kiddo.

1. The magic of 'Special Time'

boy playing with  blocks on white wooden table Photo by Ryan Fields on Unsplash

Our first task in PCIT was to have more positive interactions with our daughter. We spent so much of our time telling her, "No," reprimanding her, arguing, bargaining, negotiating, and punishing that it was making it really hard to take any joy in being her parent.

So, our therapist introduced us to a concept called Special Time. For just five minutes every day, we were instructed to give our daughter our undivided attention and fill her with as much positive energy as possible. There were extremely specific ways that we did this, and, in fact, we even practiced and were measured in the therapy setting on how well we implemented all the techniques! But during Special Time, we play with our daughter one-on-one and let her lead the interaction. Our job is to play along. Meanwhile, we shower her with praise (“Wow, I love how nicely you’re sharing the toys with me!”), touch or speak to her affectionately (“I’m having so much fun playing with you”), imitate the way she played and even echo things she said back to her to let her know she was being heard and listened to. Doing Special Time made a huge difference, almost immediately, in reducing her negative attention seeking behaviors.

And we always feel good at the end of it, which helps offset the stress and frustration of our many conflicts. If you’ve got a kid that sometimes acts out for attention, pre-emptively giving them lots and lots of positive attention might help.

2. The Time Out flow chart

I think a lot of parents can relate when I say that, for years, we found implementing punishments with our daughter to be a disaster most of the time. With a stubborn and dysregulated kid, doing things like taking a toy away or doing 'No Dessert' would almost always cause an explosion, and/or end up hurting us more than it hurt her.

A lot of parenting experts have their own approach to Time Out, but not many of them are clinically validated like the one used in PCIT. When we learned how to do Time Out properly, Time Out became the primary 'punishment' we use. When she doesn't do what we clearly ask her to do, or she breaks a House Rule (like 'No Hitting'), she goes into Time Out. Once she's ready to do the thing we asked, she can come out of Time Out and the conflict is over. She can go right back to playing or having dessert. It’s so much simpler.

Although, when I first saw the flow chart for how Time Out worked, it looked like anything but simple.

a flow chart about how to handle Time Out in PCITIt looks complicated at first, but it's actually simpler and more effective than we thought.Evan Porter/Upworthy

Seeing this flow chart at first was incredibly overwhelming! But with a little practice, it made sense. The first couple times using the Time Out sequence at home were a little rough, but after a little while of being consistent with it, just the threat of it is usually enough to get our daughter back on the right track.

Even if you don't follow the brain-dizzying flow chart above, I think all parents could benefit from learning a consistent Time Out sequence that ends with your child complying every single time without fail. It's tough! Sometimes it takes a while and you have to be a little stubborn yourself in order to see it all the way through to the end, but the investment is worth it.

3. Active Ignoring

This one is a little controversial in some circles but we found it to be an excellent tool to have in our toolbox. Our therapist even told us that if she could teach her patients just one thing, it would be how and when to use Active Ignoring or Selective Attention.

A handout from UC Davis describes this technique as: "We use Selective Attention to deal with behaviors that are minor, irritating, and inappropriate. Ignoring these behaviors is an active way to correct them! You will strategically use the technique to stop specific behaviors," like whining, sulking, screaming, being clingy, lying, and more. The idea is that these behaviors are attention-seeking so any kind of attention only fans the flames and rewards them.

gif of a woman trying to get a man's attentionSometimes being unbothered works.Giphy

When our daughter is fussy, irritated, and whiny, we first try to help her regulate. One of the best ways we learned to do this (again, through PCIT!) is with leading by example. We used to bombard her with calming options. “Want to color? Want a snack? Oh, let’s walk outside! How about a drink of water? What if we put on some music?” And of course she would just say No, No, No!!!! And then we’d wonder why we could never get her to calm down by coloring. It turns out that sometimes what works way better, and is less overwhelming for her, is if we just calmly get out all the supplies and start coloring ourselves. She’ll almost always join in when she’s ready.

But if we just can't shake the grumpiness and whining and tantrums, we'll turn to Active Ignoring. This approach has two big benefits. Number one, it stops the conflict from escalating further. We used to get into these cycles where everything we would try to say or do would just make the tantrums worse to the point they became full-blown nuclear explosions. By just walking away, we were able to nip a lot of those in the bud. Number two, ignoring helps keep us calm. Yes, parents are human beings that get frustrated and angry and upset, too! And when those emotions start to pile up, it makes everything worse. Having the freedom to just turn away or walk away or stop talking has done wonders for our mental health.

Sometimes, some of the techniques we've learned in therapy feel "mean." We're not able to be as flexible and gentle sometimes as we'd like to do, but that's because flexible and gentle is not what our daughter needs most of the time. She needs us to be strong and consistent. That makes us reliable and safe, and it helps keep her regulated. The techniques taught in PCIT won't be right for every kid or every family, but it was right for us.

I was as skeptical going into all of this as anyone, but going through the therapy has allowed us to enjoy being her parents so much more. She's the sweetest kid and one of the funniest people on the planet. She brings so much fun and laughter to our lives, and it's been absolutely amazing to spend less time butting heads with her and more time soaking in her incredible energy.

Image credit: Cinema Therapy/YouTube

Mother Gothel's gaslighting of Rapunzel badly messed with her head.

If you've never been a victim of serious gaslighting, count yourself fortunate. Few experiences are as confusing and disturbing as a narcissist making you doubt your reality, question your judgment, and believe you can't trust your own mind. Gaslighting messes with you psychologically, making you feel more and more dependent on the gaslighter, but all the while what they're doing is giving you their own version of reality.

For a perfect example of what gaslighting looks like, look no further than Mother Gothel, Rapunzel's mom (but not really) in "Tangled." In a popular episode of Cinema Therapy, licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright give examples of how Gothel gaslights Rapunzel throughout the film. Going through a list of 11 red flags of gaslighting from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, they explain how Mother Gothel hits the mark on each one.

Gothel may be an extreme case, but seeing examples from a well-known character helps us to see how these tactics might play out in a relationship in real life. "Her whole strategy is to get Rapunzel to question her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker, and that's exactly what gaslighting does to victims.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Here are 11 tactics gaslighters use and how Mother Gothel exemplifies them.

1. Telling blatant lies.

From the get go, we see Mother Gothel telling Rapunzel things that are just objectively not true. For example, she greatly exaggerates the dangers of the outside world in the song "Mother Knows Best."

"Mother Gothel is constantly lying to Rapunzel, telling her she's worthless, telling her she can't do things, belittling her, making her feel like less than, like she won't be able to survive outside," says Seawright.

2. Denying that they lie, even if you have proof.

Gothel tells Rapunzel that she'll be able to leave the tower once she's old enough, smart enough, mature enough, but every time Rapunzel tries to bring it up, she puts her off. Ultimately, though, Gothel pronounces, "You are not leaving this tower, ever!" And Rapunzel isn't allowed to argue.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

"They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits," writes Sarkis." They attack the very foundation of your being." Decker demonstrates how in "Mother Knows Best" Mother Gothel decimates Rapunzel's looks, intelligence, character—basically everything about her. Look how she describes Rapunzel in the song: "Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy…gullible, naive, positively grubby, ditzy and a bit vague…plus, I believe, gettin' kind of chubby."

4. They wear you down over time.

Rapunzel has spent her entire life in a tower with no one to talk to but Mother Gothel, being fed nothing but Gothel's version of reality. "So no wonder when she actually leaves the tower she goes a little bonkers and questions her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker.

5. Their actions don't match their words.

Mother Gothel regularly tells Rapunzel that she loves her the most. "But what she actually means is 'I love controlling you the most,'" says Seawright. "She won't let her be reunited with her real family, and she keeps her from experiencing real love."

6. They use positive reinforcement to confuse you.

Few people would stay with a person who mistreated them all the time, so gaslighters mix it up with praise and love bombs. "The very person who is attacking you, just ripping into your identity, is now the person who's praising you, building you up. And it's confusing as heck." Mother Gothel will butter up and praise Rapunzel when it serves her, and then turn around and berate her.

7. They know that confusion weakens people.

"Our natural tendency is to try to find a person that makes us feel the most stable," says Seawright. "And in this case when it's the gaslighter, you're pretty much out of luck." He uses the example of when Rapunzel wants to go see the lanterns, not knowing what they are, and Mother Gothel says she's just talking about the stars. That and the "Mother Knows Best" song are meant to confuse and make her feel like she can't trust her own judgment so that she remains completely reliant upon Gothel.

8. They project.

Seawright points out that when she's denigrating Rapunzel in "Mother Knows Best," it's actually concerns about herself that she's just projecting onto Rapunzel. Gaslighters will often accuse you of things they are doing, which makes you feel like you need to defend yourself even if you didn't do anything wrong.

9. They try to turn people against you.

Mother Gothel didn't have direct access to Flynn Rider, so she couldn't really try to turn him against Rapunzel. Instead, she sweet-talked and convinced the Stabbington Brothers to help her with her diabolical plan to get Rapunzel back into her grip. She may not have gotten to Flynn, but she made Rapunzel believe that he had turned against her, which is good enough.

10. They paint you or others as crazy.

Sarkis calls this a gaslighter's "master technique." If they can get you to question your own sanity, it's less likely that others will believe you. Mother Gothel is constantly telling Rapunzel that she can't trust her own mind. ("Rapunzel, that's demented," she says dismissively when Rapunzel thinks Flynn likes her, which he does.)

11. They say everyone else is lying.

A gaslighter will tell you that people are talking about you or show you a text taken out of context to make it appear that other people can't be trusted and make you believe that no one is on your side but them. "They tell you, 'everyone else is a liar,'" says Seawright. "It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the correct information, which of course, isn’t correct information at all."

Thankfully, Rapunzel starts to figure out what Mother Gothel is doing when she makes it seem like Flynn has betrayed her.

Unfortunately, recovering from an entire childhood of narcissist gaslighting takes more time than the end of a Disney film to recover from, but such is the limitation of a children's film. Decker concludes the episode by sharing tips for dealing with gaslighting in real life, though—definitely worth checking out.

Find more analysis of movies, characters, and mental health on the Cinema Therapy channel on YouTube.