Are male shoppers really that bad?
“If you are not the CEO of DoorDash or Instacart, keep scrolling. This is not for you,” began a clearly frustrated woman, named Sammi, in her TikTok video. Apparently, Sammi had just made a grocery order, and her male shopper had allegedly gotten four out of five items completely wrong—causing her to “beg” for these apps to begin allowing customers to choose the sex of their delivery driver.
“I am begging you to make an update on your app where I can request a female shopper,” she said, going on to share the saga of what baffling mistakes were made.
First, there was the half gallon of store-brand milk she ordered, versus the quarter gallon of Tuscan milk she received, which she found hard to believe the store would be completely out of the item she requested.
There was also the Chopped Caesar Salad Kit she ordered, and got the Ultimate Caesar Salad Kit instead. This she was expecting, since you have to look “slightly harder” at the specific wording on the package, and “a man would never…he would just pick the one he sees first."
Similarly, Sammi requested mozzarella pearls, which require a bit more sleuthing, and got a log of mozzarella instead.
This next one is pretty egregious. Sammi also requested Land O’Lakes Garlic and Herb Butter, and even told the male shopper to refund the item if it wasn’t available rather than finding a replacement. And yet, the shopper still went ahead and replaced it with Land O’Lakes Canola Oil Butter.
Thankfully, the shopper did get the store brand Italian seasoning right. Phew. Plus Sammi did get a refund for her items. But nonetheless, she still thinks customers should be allowed to screen for female shoppers who would be more likely to do the job right. Flustered, she even said, “I just think we should make it to where men cannot be shoppers for Instacart or Doordash but that would be discrimination.”
These lamentations aren’t exactly new. The general consensus via the internet is that male Instacart shoppers tend to be pretty dreadful.
Plenty of folks in the comments of Sammi’s video shared their own terrible experiences.
“A man substituted my ground beef for a watermelon and I’m still confused about it,” said one person.
Another added, “I ordered a 400 gram bag of pistachios and got a 1kg tub of jelly beans.”
A few women even shared the outrageous substitutes they received when ordered menstrual products.
“I ordered tampons & was substituted white mushrooms. I have been telling this story for like 4 years because I am still not over it,” one viewer wrote.
“I one time ordered overnight always pads and ended up with a package of napkins so I unfortunately feel your pain,” another echoed.
On the flip side, many had stories of female shoppers who went above and beyond, paying attention to the little details and putting in a little extra care.
“I had a lady who once asked if I wanted parmesan because it was on sale and she thought it would go well with what else I had ordered,” one person recalled.
Another shared, “I had a woman throw in a get well card (with her own money) because she could tell all the items I was ordering were for being sick: chicken noodle soup ingredients, and a ton of medicines. Elite.”
Still another said, “My last lady shopper messaged me concerned that the grapes didn’t look good and she didn’t want me to have bad ones. Meanwhile the dude brought me expired lunch meat.”
While this situation is certainly frustrating, and many, many women can share stories of even their husbands or boyfriends making headscratching interpretations of a grocery list (or just asking them a million questions over text messages), there might be more to it than that. As Mike Romagnoli, an Instacart shopper in the Toronto, Canada area since 2019, told Huffpost, it might be mostly due to a language barrier—since many are also immigrants.
“I have watched guys at checkout just refund a dozen items they couldn’t find instead of talking to a customer about possible replacements,” Romagnoli shared.
So, yes, maybe there’s a bit of weaponized incompetence (male shoppers feigning ignorance to avoid working “slightly harder”), or maybe this points to how men and women are often different about looking at specific details, or maybe this is a result of society not ingraining grocery shopping skills into boys. But there are also probably other factors at play too. So potentially penalizing good male shoppers perhaps isn’t the most effective solution. But the frustrations are nonetheless valid.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
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Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."