LeVar Burton shares thoughtful reaction to finding out he has a Confederate ancestor

“There’s some conflict roiling inside of me right now, but also oddly enough I feel a pathway opening up…”

Black and white photo of LeVar Burton's great-great-grandfather and closeup of LeVar Burton's face
James Henry Dixon was a North Carolina farmer with a wife and children when he fathered Burton's great-grandmother.Photo credit: LeVar Burton/X (via Finding Your Roots/PBS)

The United States has long been seen as a “melting pot,” a “nation of immigrants,” and a country where people of diverse backgrounds mix and mingle together under the common banner of freedom and liberty.

It’s a bit more complicated than that, though, especially for Black Americans whose ancestors came to the U.S. by force as part of the “peculiar institution” of human chattel slavery. Through the cruel system of buying, selling and breeding human beings for generations, many people’s ancestral knowledge was stolen from them, a historical reality that prompted “Black” with a capital “B” as an ethnic and cultural identifier for people of the African diaspora.

Curiosity about the varied backgrounds of Americans is the basis of “Finding Your Roots,” a PBS series hosted by Harvard professor Henry Gates, Jr. The show has revealed some surprises in some famous people’s DNA, including the beloved “Reading Rainbow” host, LeVar Burton.


Burton sat down with Gates to go over what researchers had found out about his lineage, and what they discovered floored him. Burton said that his mom, who had raised him and his siblings as a single mother from the time he was 11, had never wanted to share anything about her own personal history, so he didn’t know much about his ancestry.

As it turns out, the man who was on record as being Burton’s great-great-grandfather, Louis Sills, was not actually his blood ancestor at all. The man who fathered Mary Sills, Burton’s great-grandmother, was actually a white man named James Henry Dixon.

Burton knew Sills when he was a child and referred to her as “Granny.” He had always been told that Granny had some Native American ancestry, but she was actually half white, her father being a North Carolina farmer who had a wife and children at the time Sills was born.

Not only that, but Dixon had served in the junior reserves for the Confederacy as a teenager, too young to be in active combat when the war broke out in 1861. So not only did Burton have a white direct ancestor but that ancestor was on the side of defending the enslavement of Black people.

“Are you kidding me?” was Burton’s initial response to this news. “Oh my god. I did not see this coming.”

Once the news sunk in, Burton thoughtfully reflected on what it might have meant.

“I often wonder about white men of the period and how they justify to themselves their relations with Black women, especially those in an unbalanced power dynamic,” Burton said. “There has to be a powerful disconnect created emotionally and mentally. So it’s possible in my mind that he could’ve contemplated it and was conflicted at worst, maybe repentant at best. And then there’s the possibility that he didn’t think about it at all.”

Through we don’t know the nature of the sexual relationship between Sills and Dixon, sexual violence was a ubiquitous feature of enslavement in the U.S. and the power dynamic between white and Black people at that raises questions about whether any relations could be viewed as truly consensual. Previous episodes of “Finding Your Roots” has unveiled relationships that defy assumptions one way or the other, so that element of Burton’s family history remains a mystery. However, Dixon fathered at least nine children and had at least 40 grandchildren, meaning Burton likely has white relatives scattered throughout the country.

When Gates asked Burton how this revelation of having a white Confederate great-great-grandfather made him feel, he said, “There’s some conflict roiling inside of me right now, but it, it, it also, oddly enough, I feel, I, I feel a pathway opening up…I believe that as Americans, we need to have this conversation about who we are and how we got here. But yet I see that we’re so polarized politically and racially. We’re not talking to each other. And so I’ve been looking for an entry point to talk to white America.”

“Well, that door just opened,” said Gates.

“Here it is,” responded Burton. “Here it is.”

Some people didn’t understand Burton’s reaction, highlighting the complexity of racial identity and the history of race relations in the U.S. in particular due to the reality of race-based slavery. One of the things people love about “Finding Your Roots” is how it opens up entirely new perspectives in people’s own life stories, which is a very personal thing.

As Burton wrote in response to a commenter on X, “It is one thing to know something on an intellectual level, another matter entirely to be introduced to an emotional truth that is both surprising and wholly unexpected.”

Burton found out a lot more about his ancestry on both sides, including the fact that education and literacy—which Burton has dedicated much of his career to—can be traced back several generations through his father’s side. His father left when he was 11 and he didn’t know anything about his background, but he actually had educators in his family going back to at least 1880.

Though Burton said it was “overwhelming” to find all of this out about his lineage, he also said he was “ecstatic” to learn it.

“Never in a million years would I ever have imagined that you would find information like this for my family,” Burton told Gates.

Watch Burton’s entire ancestry being revealed on “Finding Your Roots,” starting at the 12:00 mark and continuing again at 32:50:

  • Non-Americans share the 13 dead giveaways a tourist is American
    A group of Americans looking at a map. Photo credit: via SoStark/Flickr
    ,

    Non-Americans share the 13 dead giveaways a tourist is American

    “Americans recognize other Americans in most countries because they smile at strangers on the street.”

    It’s wonderful to go on vacation and learn all about other people’s cultures. But when you travel to another country, you also learn a lot about your own. When you’re a fish out of water, it’s easy to see the ways you stand out in a foreign environment. It’s especially noticeable when you’re an American, because your culture is known around the world.

    A big way Americans stand out overseas is through their fashion. Wearing a New York Yankees cap, cargo shorts, and white New Balance sneakers may be camouflage in America, but in Paris, you stick out like peanut butter on a baguette.

    americans, american tourists, americans aborad, americans on holiday, tourists,
    Americans looking at a map. Photo credit: tAlex Bikes/Flickr

    To reveal the many ways Americans stand out while traveling, a Reddit user asked non-Americans a simple question: “Besides their accent, what’s one way you know a tourist is American?” The post received over 18,000 responses. Evidently, there are a lot of ways to spot an American abroad.

    Here are 13 of the best responses:

    1. They wait to be seated

    “When visiting Paris, my wife and I learned they don’t seat you at restaurants. You just walk in and sit down at an available table. We figured it out after standing around at the entrance a few times. Then we started noticing other American tourists doing the same.”

    2. They start conversations with everyone

    “Saying ‘hi, how are you?’ to the barista, servers, retail workers. My country doesn’t quite have that culture so I find it really sweet.”

    “I’m fascinated with Norway and remember watching a vlog from an American who had moved there. She said one of the biggest differences was the lack of politeness, because people view it as fake. I would love to live somewhere that’s more introverted than the US.”

    “The absolute fearlessness of asking anyone on the street about anything.”

    “This is something i still don’t understand after being in Europe for a few years. Why are people so afraid of other people just like them?”

    “I’ll literally talk to anyone that wants to chat me up, never thought that was uniquely American.”

    americans, american tourists, americans aborad, americans on holiday, tourists,
    Americans filming on a city street. Photo credit: Joseph Tame/Flickr

    3. The smile is a dead giveaway

    “When I went to Italy with a friend, I couldn’t figure out why everyone greeted me in English before I said a word. I don’t wear running shoes outside of the gym, I dress pretty posh, I can’t remember the last time I owned a baseball cap, and I try to have a basic grasp on the local language. How can they tell I’m American? My friend told me, ‘it’s because you’re smiling at them.’”

    “It’s not so much about the fact that Americans smile, it’s how you smile. Nobody here smiles with their teeth. Maybe if they heard a really funny joke or are trying to look happy in a picture, but that’s about it. When I visited America, my family literally spent hours trying to learn how to properly smile with all your teeth showing. I still can’t do it correctly, it looks weird. I remember the first times I saw pictures from a highschool yearbook on the internet. I thought, ‘What is wrong with them? Why are they smiling so much?’ If you smile with your teeth at someone in Europe, it’s either your job, or you’re American.”

    “Americans recognize other Americans in most countries because they smile at strangers on the street.”

    “I live in New York, I don’t understand this smiling thing.”

    Why do Americans smile so much? It’s because they come from a diverse country. A study of 32 different countries found that emotional expressiveness is correlated with diversity. When people are around others from diverse cultures, they are more likely to use a smile to build trust and cooperation.

    4. Americans are very polite

    “Some of yous are way more polite than expected. Whenever I hear someone say ‘ma’am’ I know they’re American. Like one time I was in Lidls and there was an American family asking someone who worked there if they sold ‘cell phones’ and when the woman said they didn’t they were all ‘oh okay, thank you for your time ma’am! Have a great day!’ which is mucb more cheery than the average Scot.”

    “Yes, sir, that’s southern manners.”

    “I’m gonna piggyback the Midwest in here, too. If you just walk away without putting something like this in Kansas, you might as well have slapped them.”

    americans, american tourists, americans aborad, americans on holiday, tourists,
    American tourists. Photo credit: Canva

    5. Americans are friendly

    “Most American tourists I’ve come across are really friendly and talkative. They always seem to be genuinely stoked to be here haha.”

    “Let’s put it this way: in the Eurozone, you can make a day trip of going to another country. For most of the US, getting to literally any other country is a massive ordeal with a huge price tag, so when we get to go, it’s a really special occasion that we have to make the most of because a lot of us have no idea when or if we’ll ever get to do it again.”

    6. They are amazed by old things

    “Girlfriend used to work on a farm and an estate in the U.K. and would often have Americans in awe of the old buildings. One once said ‘some of these buildings are older than my country.’”

    “Reminds me of that old saw ‘Americans think a hundred years is a long time, Europeans think a hundred miles is a long way.’”

    7. They need to find a trash can

    “If you see an American in Japan, they will frantically look for public trash cans. The absence of trash receptacles is something unfounded in the US, and we become confused at the idea of having to hold it for extended periods of time.”

    “EXACTLY!! Im American, went last year and i ended up having half of my backpack filled with trash until i found a trashcan, it didnt help it was mid summer so we would buy drinks from vending machines a lot, not all the vending machines had trashcans.”

    americans, american tourists, americans aborad, americans on holiday, tourists,
    An urban dumpster. Photo credit: Canva

    8. They won’t stop tipping

    “Tipping. Americans will try to tip everyone, even in countries where tipping isn’t a thing/is considered a serious insult.”

    “True. I used to work in a bar in the UK, and American customers would insist on tipping me even after I declined. The relief on their faces when I took the money was hilarious.”

    9. They shop late at night

    “They’re looking for a store open at like 11 pm. Even if in most European countries stores close at like 7-8 pm.”

    “Yeah, I’m italian but live in the US right now. One of my coworkers went to Italy on vacation and she was texting me stuff like ‘there’s no circle k here?’ Lmao.”

    10. Just look at their feet

    “Americans will be wearing sneakers.”

    “Yep. I walked into a museum in Germany, and the woman selling tickets greeted us in English. We were dressed conservatively, and hadn’t said a word, yet she knew. I asked her how, and she said, ‘It’s your shoes.’ Indeed, I was wearing running shoes.”

    Although there is no specific reason why Americans tend to wear sneakers more often than people in other countries, a major factor is car culture. When you don’t walk much, you value comfort and style over everything else. Plus, America is a country based on individuality, which breeds a culture that’s more casual than in other developed countries.

    11. They take off their shoes in the airport

    “I hear that us Americans can easily be spotted in the airport by the fact usually were use to taking off our shoes in TSA.”

    “Dude when we landed in Japan a couple of years ago I started to take my shoes off to go through customs and I’ll never forget, one of the agents there just completely froze and looked at me like I had frogs coming out of my ears. He then motioned for me to put my shoes back on. I was very embarrassed.”

    12. It’s how Americans dress

    “Baseball caps, University spirit wear, cargo shorts, free t-shirts from events with ads and text all over them, and for the older Americans, they always seem to just kinda stand in the middle of everything looking around.”

    “People may mock Americans for wearing shirts with ads on them but Europeans and their soccer (ahem, football) gear is just as questionable.”

    “As opposed to football jerseys with ads prominently featured on the design that the wearer paid good money for.”

    “For the longest time, I thought that there was a soccer team named Fly Emirates.”

    americans, american tourists, americans aborad, americans on holiday, tourists,
    A peanut butter sandwich. Photo credit: Canva

    13. They’re looking for peanut butter

    “If they buy peanutbutter. It sounds very weird, but everyone who buys peanut butter where I work, turns out to be American.”

    “I was desperately homesick while living in Belfast and had a quiet cry in the grocery store because I wanted it and couldn’t find it. I eventually did, made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and felt better. Not seeing the sun for three months was doing my head in.”

    Interestingly, although Americans are stereotyped as the biggest consumers of peanut butter in the world, it’s actually much more popular in developing nations such as Burkina Faso, Myanmar, and Chad, where it is used as a nutritional supplement and an ingredient in soups and stews.

  • A linguist from Alabama explains the surprising origin story of the Southern word ‘y’all’
    The history of the word "y'all."Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

    Head anywhere in the Southern United States, and you are likely to hear one distinct word: “y’all.” “Y’all,” which combines the words “you” and “all,” may be predominantly used in the South—but not for long.

    Paul E. Reed, a linguist at the University of Alabama who studies Southern American English and Appalachian English, told NPR in 2025 that “it’s expanded much more outside of the South” thanks to Americans under 40. (Add it to the list of Gen Z slang.)

    How “y’all” entered the English vernacular is a fascinating tale. Linguist Danny Hieber, PhD, explained the origin story of “y’all” to his TikTok followers—and it stems from a surprising language.

    @linguisticdiscovery

    What do all y’all think about “y’all”? @Landon If you enjoyed this video, you’ll love the Linguistic Discovery newsletter! Deep dives into how language works, language profiles, explainers of terms/concepts in linguistics, reviews, and more! LinguisticDiscovery.com/newsletter (Also available on Substack or Patreon.) #yall #yalldve #South #Southern #English #dialects #grammar #pronouns #linguistics #language#French#LingTok#LearnOnTikTok

    ♬ original sound – Linguistic Discovery – Danny Hieber, PhD

    A linguist explains the ‘y’all’ backstory

    According to Hieber, present-day English doesn’t have a plural form of the word “you” like other languages. In Old English, there were three forms of “you”:

    • Thou (subject)
    • Thee (object)
    • Thine (possessive)

    Hieber goes on to explain that “you” became singular thanks to French. In French, “you” translated to:

    • Tu (singular)
    • Vous (plural + polite)

    “After the Norman Conquest of England in 1066, French had a huge influence on English,” he said. “So English speakers started borrowing that pattern into English and used ‘you’ to politely address one person.”

    He added that over time, this became the default way to address a single person. Along those same lines, the word “be” also followed suit.

    “It used to be that the verb ‘be’ was conjugated like this,” explained Hieber, with the plural use becoming “are.” “That singular verb got pulled along into the singular too, and now the conjugation of ‘be’ looks like this:”

    • I am / we are
    • Thou art / you are
    • He, she, it is / they are

    However, it created a “gap,” and “English speakers have been trying to settle on a ‘you [plural]’ ever since,” said Hieber. Enter: y’all.

    @genteelandbard

    Where and how did the word “Y’all” begin in the southern United States? #genteelandbard #savannah #storytime #historytok #southerncharm

    ♬ Natural Emotions – Muspace Lofi

    The history of ‘y’all’ in the South

    There are many theories as to how y’all infiltrated American English in the 1700s, per NPR. One theory states that it has British origins, where the words “ye” and “aw” were combined and used in the British Isles. From there, Scots-Irish immigrants brought it to Appalachia in the U.S.

    The other theory is that it originated in West Africa, and when enslaved people were brought from there to the South, it began to spread. After the Great Migration, Black Americans brought the term north with them, expanding its use.

    However, the term “you guys” is still commonly used in most Northern states. There are also many regional variations throughout the country, including “yinz” (used in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) and “youse” (used in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania).

    Americans respond

    Viewers had lots of opinions on Hieber’s video, including how different regions have termed the plural form of “you”—and their thoughts on y’all:

    “Sorry… y’all is singular all y’all is plural.”

    “In the upper Ohio Valley, we also say things like, ‘All yinz guys,’ a sort of amalgamation of Pittsburgh’s ‘yinz’ (we’re an hour away), and the Midwest ‘you guys.’”

    “From CA but living in the south..I just cannot bring myself to say y’all..feels so unnatural.”

    “Washington born and y’all made it into my vocab.”

  • Kobe Bryant explains why failure ‘doesn’t exist’ and to stop fearing it
    Kobe Bryant talks about failure.Photo credit: MykChiz/YouTube

    NBA legend Kobe Bryant was one of the greatest competitors of his generation, and his work ethic was distilled into a single phrase: Mamba Mentality.

    “You wake up every single day to get better today than you were yesterday,” Bryant said in an interview posted on Twitter (X) in 2020. “Doesn’t matter what you are—basketball player, hockey player, golf player, painter, writer… doesn’t matter.”

    It was about dedication to the process, not just the results, and about obsessively preparing and outworking everyone else in the building.

    Bryant described one way he placed process above everything else in a 2015 interview with Jemele Hill during BET’s Genius Talks. She asked Bryant, “How did you become one of those people who doesn’t seem to be afraid of failing?” Bryant flipped the question on its head.

    Bryant didn’t believe in failure

    “Seriously, what does failure mean? It doesn’t exist. It’s a figment of your imagination. What does it mean? I’m serious. I’m trying to think. How can I explain it?” he responded.

    He tried to explain the concept of failure through the opposite idea—perpetual success—which he also didn’t believe exists:

    “So let’s use happy endings then we can relate this to failure, why it’s not existent. Everybody talks about how everybody wants a happy ending, right? Now, let’s go through the reality of it. Let’s look at a fairy tale story. It’s like Snow White. She gets a happy ending. She finds a prince or whatever, she goes along, she lives happily ever after. Well, I call bulls**t on that because two months later, the fact is they had an argument and he’s sleeping on the couch. Right? So the point is, the story continues. … So if you fail on Monday, the only way it’s a failure on Monday is if you decide to not progress from that, right?”

    kobe bryant, bryant 24, mamba mentality, basketball, lakers
    Kobe Bryant. Photo credit: Keith Allison/WikimediaCommons

    Bryant added, “So to me, that’s why failure’s not existent. Because, you know, if I fail today, okay, I’m going to learn something from that failure, and I’m going to try again on Tuesday. I’m going to try again on Wednesday.”

    Later in the interview, he extended this belief across disciplines, noting that even if he never achieved his ultimate dreams on the basketball court, he would take the lessons he learned there and apply them to his next endeavor—for example, business.

    Kobe Bryant at a charity event. Photo credit: Neon Tommy/Wikimedia Commons

    “But, if I don’t take that stuff and apply that someplace else, then that’s failing, which to me is the worst possible thing you could ever have is to stop and to not learn,” Bryant said. 

    The Mamba Mentality has a life of its own

    Bryant’s thoughts on success and failure mirror the oft-repeated wisdom that it’s not the destination but the journey that truly matters. Sure, you’re going to win some games and lose others, but the most important thing is constant improvement, no matter the arena. That’s the Mamba Mentality. Although Bryant may have left us, his drive lives on in everyone he inspired to be their absolute best.

  • ‘To see within’: How the Icelandic concept ‘InnSæi’ can help you make better decisions
    A woman looks out over the crashing water. Photo credit: Canva
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    ‘To see within’: How the Icelandic concept ‘InnSæi’ can help you make better decisions

    InnSæi (pronounced “in-sy-ay”) is an Icelandic philosophical framework for understanding and cultivating intuition.

    Have you ever been in a meeting where something appeared…off, but you couldn’t explain why? That subtle feeling is the Icelandic concept of intuition known as InnSæi (pronounced “in-sy-ay”).

    While many of us dismiss gut feelings as “woo woo,” neuroscience is beginning to prove otherwise. Research from institutions like the Max Planck Institute for Human Development shows that our intuition is very real. Researchers report that intuition results from our unconscious mind processing information much faster than our rational brain. Your body senses subtle clues and patterns you don’t consciously notice, communicating through hunches and that feeling of “just knowing.”

    In our hyperconnected world, we’ve grown distant from this inner wisdom. Notifications ping, feeds scroll endlessly, and information floods in from every direction, taking us far away from InnSæi.

    To do so, it’s worth asking: what if you could reconnect with this lost sense? What if you could tap into this hidden intelligence to make better decisions, lower stress, and handle life’s uncertainties with more confidence?

    This brings us to InnSæi. Let’s explore what it means, why it’s more relevant than ever, and how you can begin cultivating it today.

    The true meaning of InnSæi

    The word InnSæi combines two Icelandic roots: Inn (meaning “inside” or “inward”) and ‌Sæi (to see, also evoking “sær,” meaning “sea”). This beautiful, poetic compound reflects three connected aspects of intuition.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    A person sits in front of the ocean with their back to the camera. Photo credit: Canva

    The sea within

    This refers to the ongoing activity of your unconscious mind: a place of imagination, vision, and quick pattern recognition that works below conscious awareness. Neuroscientist Joel Pearson describes intuition as “the learned, productive use of unconscious information.” Your mind is constantly active, continually connecting ideas, like a steady, ever-moving current. Research shows that our brains begin processing decisions up to seven seconds before we are consciously aware of them.

    To see within

    Self-awareness, also known as metacognition, is like a mirror for your mind, allowing you to clearly observe your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. It helps you differentiate genuine intuition from fears, biases, or wishful thinking that can obscure judgment. Studies show that developing metacognitive skills improves emotional control and boosts decision-making. By turning your focus inward, you can block out the noise and pay attention to what truly matters in your inner world.

    To see from the outside

    This dimension represents an inner compass, or the natural competence to steer life’s uncertainties with inspired confidence. It focuses less on strict rules and more on staying true to your authentic values and deeper intuition. This compass provides clarity, focus, and fortitude, guiding you through the most chaotic times.

    Why intuition is more important than ever

    We live in an era of constant information overload. Today, an average person consumes more data in a single day than someone in the 15th century did in a lifetime. Our attention has become a limited resource, continuously pulled by content algorithms, 24-hour news cycles, and endless virtual distractions.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    Three children play with a tablet. Photo credit: Canva

    This nonstop flow of information can drown out your intuition. It creates a disconnect from your body, your internal signals, and the indicators that could guide you toward the right path. As Icelandic author and intuition expert Hrund Gunnsteinsdóttir notes, “We’ve outsourced our inner expertise.”

    Intuition embodies more than just a desirable trait; it is a key part of innovation, creativity, and effective leadership. A 2017 study found that Nobel laureates see intuition as a key factor in their revolutionary findings. Similarly, business leaders often credit their most successful decisions, especially in uncertain or urgent situations, to their gut instincts.

    Intuition is like a muscle—you can strengthen it through practice.

    Four ways to cultivate your InnSæi

    1. Connect with your gut (5-15 minutes)

    Your body holds subconscious knowledge. When something feels wrong, you might notice tension in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a sense of unease. These bodily signals often happen before you become consciously aware of the issue.

    Try this: Take a few slow, deep breaths. Put one hand on your stomach and notice its movement with each inhale and exhale. Ask yourself what you are sensing—warmth, tension, calm, or unease. Name these feelings silently or out loud. Notice any changes as you breathe and pay attention to what your body is telling you. Do this daily to make the signals more familiar.

    Ask yourself simple, honest questions: How am I feeling today? Is this decision aligned with who I am right now? Notice whether your stomach feels at ease or tense.

    With regular practice, your body’s internal signals grow clearer.

    2. Keep a daily journal (5-15 minutes)

    Stream-of-consciousness journaling is a profoundly effective way to gain mental clarity. Letting thoughts drift freely onto paper without editing or restraint creates mental space. Research shows that handwriting improves clarity and memory more than typing.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    Someone writes in their journal. Photo credit: Canva

    Try this: Set a timer for 5 to 15 minutes and write without stopping. Do not analyze, censor, or judge what you write—just keep the pen moving. If you hit a blank, write “I don’t know what to write” repeatedly until another thought appears. Afterward, briefly review what you wrote and make a note of any emotions or physical sensations you notice.

    Over time, you’ll begin to observe patterns: recurring fears, internal critical voices that aren’t yours, or repetitive thought loops. Building this awareness helps you distinguish between true intuition and mental chatter. As you write, pay attention to your body. Observe physical reactions to your ideas.

    3. Be mindful of what captures your attention

    Your focus is the gateway to intuition. It shapes your inner world and your perception of reality. Yet, we rarely notice what captures our attention during the day.

    Try this: Carry a small notebook throughout your day. When something captures your attention—a phrase, a color, or a strong emotion—immediately write it down, noting the time and place. Keep this up for a week.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    A woman writes in her journal. Photo credit: Canva

    At the end of the week, review your notebook. Select 10 words or phrases that stand out most. Write these in a vertical list on a new page. Spend two minutes simply observing the list—do not analyze. Notice if feelings, ideas, or connections come to mind. Write down any motifs or impressions that arise.

    Paying close attention to your focus uncovers the underlying influences shaping you. This can function as a strong catalyst for creativity.

    4. Cultivate flow (60 minutes)

    Flow is the magical state where you forget about time and self, fully immersed in what you’re doing. Research shows that in states of flow, the brain decreases activity in executive control regions and increases activity in sensory areas, creating space for intuitive insights to surface.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    A woman in a black dress holds a scarf in the wind. Photo credit: Canva

    Try this: Select a task that is meaningful but slightly challenging for you. Set a timer for 60 minutes. Remove all potential distractions (phone, notifications), and consider playing only instrumental music. Focus on the task without stopping to judge or edit. Afterward, take three minutes to note how you felt and any thoughts that came to you during the session.

    Gunnsteinsdóttir used this technique when developing a strategy for her work on InnSæi. She downloaded a template, set a timer, and let her vision flow onto the page. “I didn’t stop to think about what I was writing; I simply allowed what emerged to flow,” she explains. After 60 minutes, she read what she had written and made only minor tweaks.

    After your flow session, reflect in your journal: Did you lose sense of time? What would you do differently next time? Did this state help you access your inner compass?

    Charting your way forward

    In tough times, a strong InnSæi is vital. Trusted intuition anchors you and yields richer guidance.

    Begin with one small new practice: spend five minutes on intentional breathing each morning, or write a journal entry at night thinking about how your body felt that day. Keep a notebook for tracking observations that catch your attention. Schedule one 60-minute flow session each week. Track your progress in your journal and review it weekly to notice changes or patterns.

    curiosity, psychology, styles, mental, health
    A person in a white t-shirt and colorful hat sits in front of the water with their back to the camera. Photo credit: Canva

    With practice, your inner signals grow clearer. Observation becomes sharper, decisions more confident, and you handle uncertainty with ease. Your ever-present intuition is a steady guide. Will you make space to listen?

    Begin now—your inner compass is prepared to guide you.

  • A man at a bar bought a rude stranger a drink and used it as a brilliant lesson about consent
    An uncomfortable woman is approached by a man at a barPhoto credit: Canva

    The situation was familiar enough to be exhausting. A man at a bar had bought a woman a drink. She didn’t want to go home with him. He apparently felt those two things were in conflict.

    “You are not going to come home with me?” he said, audibly frustrated. When she said no, he pushed back: “But I bought you a drink.” She got up and walked away.

    A TikTok user who goes by @tripptokk10 was standing nearby when this happened, already at the bar ordering his own drink. He watched the woman leave, looked at the man still standing there working through his grievance, and made a decision. He ordered two shots.

    “I slide it over to him,” he explained in his TikTok video, posted December 20, 2025. They took the shots together. Then he leaned in and made his point: “So are you going to come home with me or what?”

    The logic was the same. The conclusion was absurd. That was exactly the point.

    In the video, filmed casually at home in a robe and bonnet, he explained what he was responding to: “This one’s for the boys who think buying a woman a drink at the bar means that she should go home with you. No, it doesn’t. She doesn’t know you.”

    A man stares at a woman at a bar.
    A man stares at a woman at a bar. Photo Credit: Canva

    The same creator posted a second video about another night, different bar, same basic dynamic. This time a man had approached one of his female friends, put his hands on her shoulders without asking, and kept going despite her visibly trying to shrug him off. When she tried to walk away, he reached for her hand. The TikTok user stepped in and told him to back off.

    What happened next is the part that stayed with people. The man started apologizing, directing the apology not at the woman he’d been grabbing, but at the guy who’d intervened. “You didn’t do anything to me,” the creator told him. “You were harassing her.”

    The man’s response: “I respect you so much.”

    He described how confused and frustrated he felt in that moment. “Go apologize to her and change your behavior,” he said in the video, “because an apology without changed behavior is just a manipulation tactic.”

    That line hit harder than the shot glass moment for a lot of viewers. The dynamic he was describing, where a man harms a woman and then seeks absolution from another man rather than the person he actually hurt, is one that gets talked about in academic gender studies literature but rarely gets explained so plainly in a 60-second video in a bathrobe.

    Neither incident is complicated. Nobody got arrested, nobody threw a punch, nobody did anything that required a news alert. What spread was simpler than that: one person noticed something wrong, said something proportionate, and kept his head on straight when the whole thing got weird. Apparently that’s still worth talking about.

    This article originally appeared earlier this year.

  • How to live more productively by understanding your distinct ‘time personality’
    A person planning with a calendar (left) and a person running late (right).Photo credit: Canva

    It’s true that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. But it’s our own personal relationship to those 24 hours that greatly determines what that day looks like.

    Time is one of those things that is both a constant in our collective reality, and yet highly subjective to the individual. It’s why one person hears “We need to be there 6:30” and translates that to “We need to be out the door in fifteen minutes,” and another person translates it as “Oh, I have plenty of time to change my clothes, walk the dogs, listen to a podcast, and clean out that junk drawer!” And of course, these two individuals will be spouses. It is universal law. 

    It would seem that—much like how knowing whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between can help you navigate social settings—knowing your MO when it comes to time management can really help make your day flow a lot smoother. 

    That’s where the four “time personalities” come in. 

    In an article for Verywell Mind, experts Kristin Anderson, LCSW, and Dr. Ryan Sultan, explained that most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between “very rigid” and “very flexible.” There are, of course, various factors that dictate why we might fall into a certain spot—including neurodiversity, age, and other aspects of our overall personality. But regardless, knowing the gifts and challenges of our go-to time management settings can greatly affect how we “function.”

    See which one below seems to resonate the most. 

    The 4 Time Personalities

    1. The Time Optimist

      The never-ending mantra, or perhaps the “famous last words,” of this personality is “I’ve got plenty of time!” regardless of what the clock says.

      Because of this, Sultan says time optimists “don’t really feel pressure under a time crunch.” They truly believe they can fit multiple tasks into a short amount of time and don’t easily account for potential delays, which leads to chronic tardiness. 

      “They’re ones who leave for a dinner reservation with just enough time to get there, as long as there’s no traffic and they hit every green light,” said Sultan. 

      Folks who consider themselves time optimists might benefit from exploring the “double it rule,” which has you automatically double the amount of time you think it’ll take to get somewhere or complete a task. 

      2. Time Anxious

      Unlike time optimists, “time anxious” personalities feel an enormous amount of pressure, assuming “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong (e.g., traffic, delays, getting lost on the way).” Therefore, they attempt to ease this tension by showing up to things incredibly early. 

      Dealing with time anxiety involves many of the same tools to handle everyday anxiety, such as grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 technique, deep breathing), cognitive restructuring (challenging perfectionism, setting realistic goals), and structured planning (using calendars/apps, setting “worry time”). These strategies help shift focus from the future to the present, reducing the fear of wasted time. And maybe, just maybe, the time anxious can experiment with being fashionably late to low-pressure situations. 

      3. Time Bender

      For time benders, the whole concept of time is merely subjective. Where time optimists overestimate what they can accomplish within a certain amount of time, time benders create entirely different time rules for themselves. “Being 10 minutes late basically counts as on time,” Anderson uses as an example. 

      These are the curious, creative souls who thrive under pressure and easily lose track of time when they reach a flow state, or bounce from inspiring task to inspiring task.

      To help curb time-bending tendencies, a good option could be the “Pomodoro Technique,” which has you working in focused, 25-minute bursts followed by short breaks to maintain high energy and concentration. 

      “Time blindness” might sound very close to “time optimism” and “time bending,” but the former is associated with an actual inability to perceive the passage of time. That’s why Anderson and Sultan explained that this category is frequently found in those with ADHD or executive function issues.  

      4. Time Blind

      “It’s not that these folks don’t care about being late or making other people wait,” said Anderson. “Without external reminders or cues, it’s easy for them to lose track of how long things take, which makes sticking to a schedule more challenging.”

      Sultan added, “Their brains actually have a difficult time registering and processing temporal information, causing impairments in working memory, executive functioning, and temporal discounting.” 

      Though time blindness might be more deeply ingrained than the other three personalities, there are several proven tools that can help—from simple, tried-and-true methods like visual/audio timers (think hourglasses and analog clocks) to apps designed to help strengthen time estimation. And of course, these tools aren’t exclusively beneficial to those with bona fide time blindness. Optimists and benders can try them out as well. 

      Once you better understand how you uniquely navigate time, you’re better able to (a) incorporate strategies that help you work within your limitations and (b) give yourself a little grace. Perhaps that last part is most important.

    1. Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord
      A man shared how not getting an wedding invite made him end an 10-year friendship. Photo credit: @yonosoyasi5/TikTok
      ,

      Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord

      “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

      As many are in the habit of doing, a man recently took to TikTok to “vent.” His “story time” was about his choice to end a 10-year friendship after not getting invited to said friend’s wedding. It soon became undeniably clear that he wasn’t alone in having an experience like this. 

      In the now-viral clip, the creator, @yonosoyasi5, explained that he understood that weddings are special, expensive moments, and therefore “not everyone can go.” 

      However, he admitted that “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

      This blow ultimately caused @yonosoyasi5 to accept that the friendship as he knew it had come to a close. There was no animosity, but there wasn’t any effort, either. 

       “I wish him the best. I never wish him ill. But to say that I wanna be a part of his life now, it would be very fake. I just don’t care anymore,” he said. 

      Even when confronted by a member of that shared friend group, @yonosoyasi5 was upfront about his stance, saying, “What am I gonna hang out with him for? What’s the objective of me putting energy into this friendship?”

      TikTok reacts

      The video soon got an onslaught of comments from people who had similarly heartbreaking experiences—and developed similar mindsets. 

      “One of my BEST guy friends for 8+ years did not invite me to his wedding. I introduced him to his wife. They went out because of me. I have never been more hurt in my life. I cut off the relationship …and they always try to pull me back closer…I can never pull the knife out of my back.”

      “It’s not actually the wedding invite, it’s finding out the person doesn’t see you as a close friend.”

      “Once you exclude me from important moments, I will exclude you from my entire life.”

      “I think at our age we want to get back what we put into friendships/relationships. You love with your whole heart, so to not have it reciprocated is hurtful. I feel ya.”

      “Crazy…this happened to me…20 years of growing up down the drain.” 

      Lastly, one person even said, “friendship breakups are WORSE than romantic breakups.” 

      woman, alone, grief, breakup, friendship
      Woman sitting alone on a bench overlooking the water.Photo credit: Canva Photos

      Many experts seem to agree with this notion. Or, at the very least, that friendship loss triggers what’s known as “ambiguous grief,” which is the feeling of anguish that comes from losing someone physically while they are psychologically present (e.g., missing person, mental illness, divorce). Our stress responses are triggered, our feel-good chemicals get depleted, our sleep gets disrupted—which is all a science-based way of saying it hurts. Really bad.

      This level of ambiguous grief really depends on what the friendship personally meant to a person. In @yonosoyasi5’s case, it meant a great deal. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these difficult transitions. 

      Coping strategies for friendship loss
      1. Allow yourself to grieve

      Even once you’ve reached acceptance and found other meaningful relationships, waves of yearning for what’s past may still creep up. Allow space for those feelings. They will pass. 

      2. Use it as a learning opportunity

      Without assigning blame, you can get curious about what might have caused the relationship to end. This way, you can set clear friendship intentions moving forward. 

      3. Engage in self-care

      Journal, meditate, reclaim old passions, exercise, and get outdoors. These things tend to help with grief of all kinds. 

      4. Appreciate the support systems you still have

      Taking stock of the good friends that remain in your life can help offset any feelings of loneliness and reinforce a sense of belonging, experts say. 

      Bottom line: cutting someone out of our lives hurts, but that pain might truly be the lesser evil in the long run. May we all have the foresight to know the difference and seek out those who do give us such grace. 

    2. Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie
      Woman on a mission to bring back lost recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie.Photo credit: Canva
      ,

      Woman on a mission to bring back lost Black American recipes has people gasping at vinegar pie

      Most of the recipes were created out of poverty to provide families with a sweet treat.

      People get very creative when it comes to cooking with limited ingredients and no budget. This combination is something people who lived through the Great Depression were very familiar with. It’s also something Black Americans experienced frequently in the 1800s, but time has stolen many of the ingenious recipes. Until now.

      One woman is on a mission to dig up these lost recipes for Black History Month. All February, Sonja Norwood, who runs the social media page for Wick’d Confections and owns Sonja Norwood Custom Cookies, has been baking up long-lost Black American recipes. Though the ingredients have folks scratching their heads, her videos clear things up by sharing each dish’s history.

      @wickdconfections

      Peanuts became a major Southern crop after the Civil War, and at Tuskegee Institute, George Washington Carver helped popularize peanuts as an affordable, soil-restoring crop with hundreds of uses. In Black Southern kitchens, that peanut power turned into breads, cookies, cakes, candy… and survival baking. During the Great Depression and WWII rationing, butter, eggs, and milk were often scarce. Peanut butter became the substitute for fat and protein, and peanut butter bread became a school-lunch staple and family recipe passed down through generations. Serve warm with a nostalgic molasses glaze and you’ll understand why this deserves a comeback 🤎 🥜 Peanut Butter Bread (One-bowl, no eggs, no butter) Ingredients 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour (220 g) ½ cup granulated sugar (100 g) ¼ cup brown sugar (50 g) 1 tbsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1 cup milk (240 ml) ¾ cup creamy peanut butter (190 g) 1 tsp vanilla extract Optional topping: 2 tbsp sugar Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C. Grease a 9×5 loaf pan. 2️⃣ Whisk flour, sugars, baking powder, salt. 3️⃣ Add milk, peanut butter, vanilla. Mix until just combined. 4️⃣ Spread into pan, sprinkle sugar if using. 5️⃣ Bake 50–60 min until toothpick comes out clean. 6️⃣ Cool 15 min, remove, slice. ✨ Molasses Glaze 2 tbsp butter (28 g) 3 tbsp molasses (45 ml) 2 tbsp milk (30 ml) 1 cup powdered sugar (120 g) ¼ tsp vanilla + pinch salt Optional: pinch cinnamon or ginger Melt butter, whisk in molasses + milk until warm. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth. Stir in vanilla and salt. #BlackHistory BlackHistoryn#TikTokLearningCampaignFoodHistorye#VintageRecipes

      ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

      One particular recipe caused the former Food Network contestant to give a disclaimer before tasting it, saying, “Before I try this, we understand that there’s a reason this pie exists, right? It’s genius. Very creative. That does not mean I have to like it.”

      A unique recipe

      Norwood tried her hand at vinegar pie, and just like viewers of the video, the baker was unsure how the dessert would turn out:

      “Vinegar pie, also known as desperation pie, is classified as a pantry or make-do pie. As you can tell, this pie was born out of necessity, when fruit or citrus lemons were hard to come by. Home cooks used what they had on hand. Simple pantry staples to make something sweet, like sugar, eggs, butter, flour, and salt. A lot of people associate vinegar pie with the Great Depression, when fresh fruit was super expensive and scarce, but recipes go back much further. As early as 1855.”

      @wickdconfections

      Navy Bean Pie 🥧✨ A true heritage dessert with deep roots in Black American food culture. This traditional navy bean pie has a smooth, firm custard texture — rich, lightly spiced, and beautifully sliceable without hours of chilling. Simple ingredients, timeless flavor, and a recipe shaped by community and history. 🥧 Classic Navy Bean Pie (9-inch) Texture: traditional • smooth • firm custard • faster set Crust
• 1 (9-inch) pie crust (homemade or store-bought) Filling
• 1½ cups cooked navy beans (300 g) OR 1 (15-oz) can, drained & rinsed
• ¾ cup unsalted butter, melted (170 g)
• 1 cup evaporated milk (240 ml)
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup granulated sugar (200 g)
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour (15 g)
• 1 tbsp cornstarch (8 g)
• 1 tbsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• ½ tsp salt ⭐ If using canned beans (flavor boost)
• Rinse well
• Simmer in fresh water 5–10 minutes
• Drain completely Instructions
1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C
2️⃣ Blend beans until completely smooth and creamy
3️⃣ Whisk butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, spices, flour, and cornstarch
4️⃣ Stir in blended beans until smooth
5️⃣ Pour into crust and smooth top
6️⃣ Bake 45–55 minutes (edges set, center barely jiggles)
7️⃣ Cool 1 hour at room temp, chill 1 hour for clean slices Slice, serve, and enjoy ✨ BlackHiBlackHistorynLearnOnTikTokeBeanPiesFoodHistoryalCooking

      ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

      For the recipe, the custom cookie maker used vanilla, honey, and apple cider vinegar in the runny mixture. At first glance, it’s hard to see how this could turn into a pie meant to be cut and eaten with a fork, as it has the consistency of French toast batter. But once it’s poured into a pie pan and popped into the oven, it begins to look like a pie.

      “Black cooks in the South and the Midwest adapted pantry-based dishes like this into their family food culture,” Norwood shares while mixing ingredients. “So you were going to see this pie at Sunday dinner and on special occasions, and it doesn’t taste the way you think a vinegar pie would taste. The acidity cuts through the sweetness and mimics lemon pie without the fruit.”

      @wickdconfections

      Lost Black American Recipes: Vinegar Pie 🥧 To kick off Black History Month, I’m starting a series honoring lost and forgotten Black American recipes—beginning with vinegar pie. Also known as desperation pie or pantry pie, this dessert was born from necessity. When fruit and citrus were scarce, home cooks used simple pantry staples to create something sweet, comforting, and joyful. Made with sugar, eggs, butter, and a splash of apple cider vinegar, vinegar pie has a flaky crust and a rich custard filling. The vinegar doesn’t make it sour—it adds brightness, mimicking the tang of fruit and balancing the sweetness. It’s a reminder of how Black foodways transform struggle into creativity and care. 🖤 Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie): 4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar. Follow along as we honor Black history through food—one lost recipe at a time. #BlackHistoryMonth #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #BlackFoodHistory #FoodReels

      ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

      Viewers were shocked at how good the pie looked when it was done. Some even plan to give the Black American recipe a try. One person writes, “I[t] looks good and it was way less vinegar than my mind thought lol.”

      Another says, “This looks so good! My grandma is 93 born & raised in Georgia and she swears by this pie & buttermilk pie. She watched this & just kept saying ‘yup, yup’ so I know it’s good.”

      This person appreciates the history: “I appreciated acknowledging that it came out of necessity and that you don’t have to like it. Sometimes people have to make due with what they have and it’s not always what you necessarily want.”

      @wickdconfections

      Lost Black American Recipes: Blackberries & Dumplings 🍇🥟 Blackberries and dumplings is a sweet summertime dish rooted in Black American food culture. When sugar and money were scarce, the land provided. Black families relied on foraging, gathering blackberries that grew freely along fence lines, woods, and roadsides across the South. What began as necessity became tradition — turning simple ingredients into a communal, nourishing meal. Passed down orally and cooked intuitively, this dish was rarely written into cookbooks. Flour stretched what little was available, dumplings absorbed the berry juices, and one pot could feed many for very little. Though we still see cobblers today, blackberries and dumplings remain a largely forgotten seasonal treat — one deeply connected to land, resilience, and care. Blackberries & Dumplings Recipe Blackberry Syrup: 4 cups blackberries 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 tbsp lemon juice Lemon zest Dumplings: 2 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 1½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp nutmeg ¾ cup milk 1 egg 1 tsp vanilla Simmer blackberries with sugar, water, lemon juice, and zest until juicy. Mix dumpling dough until it feels right. Drop spoonfuls into simmering berries, don’t stir, cover and cook 15 minutes. Uncover and simmer 5 more minutes. Serve warm with plenty of syrup. Follow along as I honor Black history through lost recipes — one pot at a time. #BlackHistory #TikTokLearningCampaign #BlackAmericanFood #LostRecipes #FoodHistory

      ♬ original sound – Wick’d Confections

      “This is brilliantly done,” someone else writes. “Showing the ingenuity and innovation of Black folks is beautiful! This video is information and funny! I’m glad you actually liked the pie. Def going to ask my 90 year old granny about this recipe. Thanks for posting this.”

      Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie):

      4 eggs
      ½ cup sugar
      ½ cup brown sugar
      ½ tsp vanilla
      6 tbsp butter, melted
      2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
      2 tbsp honey
      2 tbsp flour
      ¾ tsp salt
      Unbaked 9-inch pie crust

      Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar.

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