upworthy
Pop Culture

Therapist explains the difference between control and 'boundaries' after alleged Jonah Hill texts

Control can easily be disguised as "boundaries" and the difference between the two is tripping up social media users.

Jonah Hill; Sarah Brady; texts screenshots; boundaries; controlling relationship
commons.wikimedia.org

Therapist explains the difference between control and boundaries

Jonah Hill has been trending on social media platforms after his ex-girlfriend, professional surf instructor Sarah Brady posted screenshots of Hill's texts on social media. The newly exposed texts have people debating whether the texts were boundaries or clearly controlling behavior.

With more people going to therapy and Hill not only admittedly seeking therapy but making a documentary with his therapist, people are becoming well-versed in "therapy speak." But being able to use therapy jargon isn't really the same as understanding what the words mean, which is likely a leading cause of the online debate.

The surfer posted the series of screenshots to her Instagram account, saying in part, "This is a warning to all girls. If your partner is talking to you like this make an exit plan." These texts have caused many armchair therapists confusion as to how a boundary could be considered controlling behavior. No worries though, actual licensed therapists, including myself, are stepping in to explain the difference.

In the screenshot that's causing confusion, there's a list of things Hill allegedly says his girlfriend needs to stop in order for his boundaries to be respected. The list includes things like surfing with men, modeling and posting pictures in a bathing suit, but it also mentions hanging out with "women who are in unstable places and from (her) wild recent past."

The actor ends the alleged text with, "These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. My boundaries with you are based on the ways these actions have hurt our trust."

So what makes this exchange controlling and not "boundaries"? There are a few things, but the first is that boundaries do not attempt to control someone else's behaviors and are not geared at changing the person's way of life. Boundaries are only a measure of what an individual will accept in their own personal life and the actions they themselves will take.

Brady met Hill when she was a professional surf instructor who gave surf lessons to men, modeled and wore bathing suits online. These are things he accepted before they started dating and yet, these are the very things he is saying hurt the trust in their relationship. Jeff Guenther posted to his TikTok account, Therapy Jeff, explaining in detail how Hill was weaponizing therapy jargon to control his now ex-girlfriend.

"In the message Jonah (allegedly) sent to Sarah, he is not setting boundaries that protect his emotional well-being. Instead, he is dictating what behaviors and friendships Sarah is permitted to have...This is not an example of healthy boundary setting. Instead, it reflects an attempt at control,” Guenther says in his video.

@therapyjeff

Jonah Hill was using therapy speak to control his girlfriend. #jonahhill #therapyspeak #therapy #mentalhealth #manipulation

Protecting one's emotional well-being and integrity is the entire point of boundaries, Guenther points out earlier in the post. But Guenther wasn't the only person to point this out. Even Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist who dissects videos of narcissistic and toxic people, explained how the concept of boundaries can be abused.

"I tell this to people all the time that some toxic people will go to therapy and pick up therapy speak like the word 'boundaries' and things like that. But what toxic narcissistic people do is conflate boundaries with control," Hammock says.

While people may be confused about what constitutes a boundary versus control, it should be clear that "setting boundaries" around someone else's career is not what boundaries should be used for.

From Your Site Articles
relationships
Parenting

Millennial dad of 3 unloads on boomer parents over their unreasonable holiday plans

"Yeah, not this time," he said. "I think for the holidays I'm just gonna stay in and relax."

via Canva/Photos
A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

The holidays are supposed to be a time for enjoying special moments with family, but often they become a source of stress. Traveling, navigating familial relationships and tensions, talking politics at the dinner table, and handling the all-encompassing issue of "presents" can wear down even the most patient and even-keeled person. It can be especially challenging for parents with young kids who are expected to travel long distances in the name of "family togetherness."

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate to the frustration of grandparents having unrealistic expectations related to visiting with the kids.

In the satirical video, a husband stages a conversation with his "practically retired" baby boomer dad, in which he explains politely but firmly that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” Together, the mom and dad share funny skits and slices of their life with three little ones.

The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says while absurdist music plays in the background.


@carrerasfam

Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will 'take care of them,'” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes. Most parents eventually realize that visiting with the kids does not equate to getting help with them — no, it means chasing them around frantically yourself until it's time to leave.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

millennials, baby boomers, parenting, dads, moms, babysitting, grandparents, parenting tips, family, love, kidsAll parents feel like this when it comes to spending time with the grands.Giphy

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home. What's especially frustrating is the pressure and expectations. Parents are often guilted for not wanting to pack up the the kids and travel, even though it's not hard to see why they hate it so much.

The video struck a chord with many millennial parents. Nearly 500,000 people watched the clip with hundreds and hundreds pouring in to vent their own similar frustrations.


@carrerasfam

Something needs to change #parenting #parents

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes.

“The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

"My mom asked me to drive 13 hours with our 2 month old…she doesn’t work and has flight points," one mom added.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

"They can never make the trip for us but they can make them trips to Europe and cruises to the Caribbean," another user noted.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

millennials, baby boomers, parenting, dads, moms, babysitting, grandparents, parenting tips, family, love, kidsSee ya next year, grandpaGiphy

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids. In some cases, it's a little more complicated — many baby boomer grandparents are still working and have less time and resources than previous generations did to help with the kids.

"Yeah, not this time," the dad sums up in the video. "I think for the holidays I'm just gonna stay in and relax."

It's a hilarious and relatable video, but ultimately, it's a skit. The power of boomer-grandparent guilt remains undefeated in many households, so the smart money says the Carreras family sucked it up and traveled for the holidays despite their annoyance. Here's hoping that together, we can eventually break the generational curse when our kids become parents one day.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles
millennials
Democracy

Philosophy expert answers the question: Why does it seem like dumb people are always in power?

"Why can't we get a better class of leaders?"

via Canva/Photos

A candidate running for office.

As the old song by The Who goes, “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” It’s a sentiment many of us feel every time a new mayor, governor, or president takes office, and we can’t help but feel that we deserve someone better. In a country with so many brilliant scientists, business people, educators, and public policy experts, why do the least impressive of us seem to rise to power?

Philosophy expert Julian de Medeiros, a popular TikToker and Substack blogger, recently wrestled with this question, and it must have been on a lot of people’s minds because the video received over 4.2 million views. “Why does it seem like so many people in power are so dumb? It's like, why can't we get a better class of leaders?” he asked.

@julianphilosophy

Why do stupid people have so much power? #chomsky #philosophy #psychology #power

Why is it that dumb people are always in power?

Ultimately, de Medeiros believes that power and intellect are often at odds. “I've thought about it a bit more, and I think this is my thesis: that power is inherently anti-intellectual. Because what does intellect do? Intellect questions power. It speaks truth to power. It critiques power. And power doesn't like that,” he says. “And so power has to speak to the lowest common denominator. It dumbs everything down."

"It's an anti-intellectual force. And that's why it seems like those in power are also the dumbest,” he concludes his video. The commenters further expanded on de Medeiros' thesis. “Also, intellectual people question and analyse everything. A leader needs to be invested in their opinion and abide by it,” one wrote. “Because those in power or seek power cares about the power only, so they make the decisions that keep them in power no matter what is the output,” another offered.

politicians, idiots, dumb people, anti-intellectualism, candidate, A candidate who wants your vote.via Canva/Photos

What is anti-intellectualism?

Another reason people who are a few fries short of a Happy Meal are often voted into office is that there is a deep vein of voters who are skeptical of intellectuals. These people tend to be populists who value “common sense” over intellectualism and may see experts or highly educated people as dangerous and out of touch with the common man. So, candidates position themselves against the “intellectuals” by either being their proud, dumb selves or by taking their IQ down a few notches while in public.

Theologian and philosopher Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906—1945) believed that dumb people often ascend to power because evil people have difficulty getting elected. So, they champion someone who may be more charismatic or connected and ride their coattails into power.

Finally, much like de Medeiros, Bonhoeffer believes there is a big difference between intellectualism and power. Therefore, once one attains power they are highly lifely to look like a buffoon. It’s as if, “Slogans, catchwords and the like… have taken possession of him. He is under a spell, blinded, misused, and abused in his very being,” Bonhoeffer says.

It’s sad to realize that the very nature of power means that those who hold office, whether we voted for them or not, will probably disappoint us at some point. But the good news from this understanding is that we are freeing ourselves from the constant disappointment of having leaders appear rather dumb. Now, whenever we meet the new boss, we can assume he's just like the old boss and be positively delighted if they wind up slightly smarter.

From Your Site Articles
politicians
Pop Culture

The super interesting reason why people in the past looked so much older than people today

It isn't just the hairstyles.

via Nick Denner/Flickr and Canva/Photos

How are these both high schoolers?

Have you ever looked back at your parents’ high school yearbook and thought that all the 11th graders looked like they were in their early 30s? Whether they were in school in the ‘60s and the kids had horn-rimmed glasses or the ‘80s with feathered hair, they looked at least a decade older than today's high school kids. One wonders if in 30 years, kids look at a yearbook from 2025 and see boys with broccoli cuts and girls with nose rings and they think, “What are they, 35?”

The folks at Bright Side did a deep dive into the phenomenon and found a few reasons why people looked so much older in the past than they do now. It’s a mix of how our minds perceive older fashion and why people age more gracefully in modern times.

Why did people look older in the past?

“Specialists have looked into this phenomenon, and it does have some scientific facts to back it up,” the narrator states. “It's not necessarily that our ancestors looked older; it's more that we appear to look younger. And younger as generations go by, that's because over time humans have improved the way they live their lives in the us alone over the last 200 years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A big reason people looked a lot older when photography became common in the late 1800s is that it happened at a time when we were making tremendous advances in public health. The 1880s to the 1920s were a time of rapid advancement, when we began to understand infectious diseases and how they spread. “We gained access after safer types of foods, and we understand the importance of clean water. Our individual lifestyle choices can impact the way we look,” the video says.

The way we work has also drastically changed how people look. Working in an office for eight hours a day in air conditioning will keep you a lot younger-looking than working all day as a Victorian chimney sweep. Plus, for people who work outside, sunscreen has made it much easier to protect our skin and decrease wrinkles.

Let’s not forget the importance of a straight, white smile. Advances in dental care also help make people look younger.

1970s girls, high school girls, girls in uniforms, old high school photos, nostalgiaA "girl gang" in 1976. via Earthworm/Flickr

Why do people wearing styles from the past appear older?

Finally, there’s the clothes issue, and, yes, this does have a big impact on how we view the age of people from the past. “Our brains are wired to associate old trends with being old,” the video says. “For example, your grandpa might still have the shirt he wore in that 1970s picture, and it's because of that shirt that you retroactively associate that trend with being old, despite the fact that your granddad does look younger in the picture than he looks today. “

girls in school, '60s high school girls, class room, old-school cool,GIrls in class in the 1960s.via Phillips Academy/Flickr

In the end, the fact that people look a lot younger today than they did in the past is a testament to how the quality of life has drastically improved since cameras were first invented. However, that doesn’t mean that fashion has improved at all. You have to admit that your dad with that fly butterfly collar in his 1977 graduation photo looks better than that multi-colored, Machine Gun Kelly-style hoodie you see guys wearing in high schools today.

From Your Site Articles
old photos
Humor

A mom lost her son on a cruise ship. Turns out he was going viral from the karaoke room.

Tyler knew exactly where he was—rounding up aunties with his Keith Sweat performance.

Photo credit: Canva

A mom lost her son on a cruise ship. Turns out he was going viral from the karaoke room.

Cruise ships are often the perfect family vacation. They allow you to go to multiple different locations on a tighter budget while also giving your family a resort experience with all the on ship entertainment and activities. But cruise ships are big. We're talking so large that they make the Titanic look like a tug boat, so, it's fairly easy to get lost on one. This is what one mom, Kim Heyworth, thought happened when her young adult son disappeared from the group for a while.

Thankfully, that wasn't the whole story. In turned out that the missing 20-year-old was going viral while his mom was actively looking for him. According to some comments, the missing kid, named Tyler, was supposed to be going to the pool but wasn't there when his family went looking for him. Instead of taking a dip, Tyler Heyworth went on a bit of a side quest after coming across a room full of people dressed up and singing karaoke.

Tyler on cruise; Tyler singing; kid singing on cruise; Tyler on Carnival; cruise ship; karaokeA large neon karaoke sign on the side of a building. Photo by Nikola Đuza on Unsplash

Clearly, Tyler was no longer interested in the pool. His calling suddenly became the stage, a microphone, and a room full of uncles and aunties waiting to be entertained—and entertain he did. Tyler grabbed the mic as a familiar tune filled the room: "Nobody" by R&B artist Keith Sweat. Was he actually going to sing Keith Sweat? He was. He did. And the 20-year-old knew every single word and tone without having to look at the screen. This kid was born an entertainer, clearly.

As soon as he starts singing the first few words, one of the women in the front of the room gets up and walks away before stopping to fan herself. It's clear that nobody in the room thought that song was going to come out of Tyler's mouth, probably because it's a pretty niche song that didn't seem to have much crossover when it was dominating the R&B airwaves.

@crazy_chickenlady03 full video of Tyler singing Keith Sweat Nobody.#carnival #karaoke #nobody #arethafranklin #carnivalcruise ♬ original sound - Kim Heyworth

Before long, Tyler's older brother comes looking for him, but fails to bring his brother back at all. The brother, Timmy, saw what Tyler was doing and decided to join in on the fun, both apparently forgetting they were supposed to be returning to their mother. Timmy dons a pair of sunglasses while rocking a messy bun and grabs the second mic. In time, the duo are grooving to the 2004 hit, "Let Me Love You" by Mario.

While the crowd was thoroughly entertained, their mother was confusedly still searching—now for both of her sons. In the meantime, Tyler was going viral on social media thanks to small snippets from cruise passengers that were quickly being reshared online. Soon, Carnival had reshared a clip and, serendipitously, John Legend did too. Funnily enough, Tyler didn't have his own TikTok at the time, which was a let down for fans looking to follow him. What fans did have, though was Tyler's first name and the name of his cruise ship.

@crazy_chickenlady03 Brothers Timmy and Tyler singing. #karaoke #carnival Paradise @TimmyHeyworth @tyler ♬ original sound - Kim Heyworth

Eventually, word got to Tyler's mom and she found her boys in the middle of their viral moment. Soon, she uploaded two full videos of the performances: one of Tyler singing alone and the other with his brother.

Carnival later reached out to Tyler, sending him a box full of goodies and inviting him back on one of their cruises with a guest. Tyler is good for business.

From Your Site Articles
tyler on carnival

I Googled to see if Maria Von Trapp remarried after Georg died. The result was horrifying.

Having blatantly false information as the top search result is actually a huge problem for us all.

Photo credit: Canva

Google's AI Overview sometimes gets basic facts wrong.

With AI being implemented seemingly everywhere for seemingly everything these days, it wasn't surprising when Google launched its "AI Overview" in the spring of 2024. With messaging like "Generative AI in Search: Let Google do the searching for you" and "Find what you're looking for faster and easier with AI overviews in search results," the expectation is that AI will parse through the search results for you and synopsize the answer.

That sounds great. The problem is, its synopsis is too often entirely wrong. We're not talking just a little misleading or incomplete, but blatantly, factually false. Let me show you an example.

I recently wrote an article about the real-life love story between Maria and Georg Von Trapp, and as part of my research, I found out Georg died 20 years after they married. I hadn't seen anything about Maria remarrying, so I Googled whether she had. Here's what the AI Overview said when I searched last week:

maria von trapp, ai overview results, false information, ai, InternetThis is what Google AI Overview said when I asked how many times Maria Von Trapp had been married. It's wrong.Screenshot via Google

"Maria Von Trapp married twice. First, she married Georg Von Trapp in 1927 and they had 10 children together. After Georg's death, she married Hugh David Campbell in 1954 and had 7 daughters with him. Later, she also married Lynne Peterson in 1969 and had one son and daughter with him."

Something about that didn't add up—and it wasn't just how it said she married twice but then listed three spouses. Maria Von Trapp was born in 1905, so according to the AI Overview, she remarried at 49 years old and had seven more children, and then married again at 64 years old and had another two children. That seems…unlikely.

old woman, elderly, golden girls, women, gifDid Maria Von Trapp have two children in her mid-60s? No. Giphy

So I clicked the link icon on the AI Overview, which took me to the Maria Von Trapp Wikipedia page. On that page, I found a chart where the extra two spouses were listed—but they very clearly weren't hers. Hugh David Campbell was the husband of one of her daughters. Lynn Peterson was the wife of one of her sons.

The fact is that Maria never remarried after Georg died. If I had just run with the AI Overview, I would have gotten it this very basic fact about her life completely wrong. And it's not like it pulled that information from a source that got it wrong. Wikipedia had it right. The AI Overview extrapolated the real information incorrectly.

Ironically, when I Googled "Did Maria Von Trapp remarry after Georg died?" in the middle of writing this article to see if the same result came back, the AI Overview got it right, citing the Upworthy article I wrote. (Yes, I laughed out loud.)

maria von trapp, ai overview results, false information, media, literacyAfter my article was published, the AI Overview cited it while giving the correct answer.Screenshot via Google

This may seem like a lot of fuss over something inconsequential in the big picture, but Maria Von Trapp's marital status is not the only wrong result I've seen in Google's AI Overview. I once searched for the cast of a specific movie and the AI Overview included a famous actor's name that I knew for 100% certain was not in the film. I've asked it for quotes about certain subjects and found quotes that were completely made up.

Are these world-changing questions? No. Does that matter? No.

facts matter, misinformation, disinformation, fact-checking, AIFacts should matter no matter what they are.Giphy GIF by Angie Tribeca

Objective facts are objective facts. If the AI Overview so egregiously messes up the facts about something that's easily verifiable, how can it be relied on for anything else? Since its launch, Google has had to fix major errors, like when it responded to the query "How many Muslim presidents has the U.S. had?" with the very wrong answer that Barack Obama had been our first Muslim president.

Some people have "tricked" Google's AI into giving ridiculous answers by simply asking it ridiculous questions, like "How many rocks should I eat?" but that's a much smaller part of the problem. Most of us have come to rely on basic, normal, run-of-the-mill searches on Google for all kinds of information. Google is, by far, the most used search engine, with 79% of the search engine market share worldwide as of March 2025. The most relied upon search tool should have reliable search results, don't you think?

Even the Google AI Overview itself says it's not reliable:

ai overview results, false information, google reliability, AI, misinformation Google's AI Overview doesn't even trust itself to be accurate.Screenshot via Google

As much as I appreciate how useful Google's search engine has been over the years, launching an AI feature that might just make things up and put them them at the top of the search results feels incredibly irresponsible. And the fact that it still spits out completely (yet unpredictably) false results about objectively factual information over a year later is unforgivable, in my opinion.

We're living in an era where people are divided not only by political ideologies but by our very perceptions of reality. Misinformation has been weaponized more and more over the past decade, and as a result, we often can't even agree on the basic facts much less complex ideas. As the public's trust in expertise, institutions, legacy media, and fact-checking has dwindled, people have turned to alternative sources to get information. Unfortunately, those sources come with varying levels of bias and reliability, and our society and democracy are suffering because of it. Having Google spitting out false search results at random is not helpful on that front.

AI has its place, but this isn't it. My fear is that far too many people assume the AI Overview is correct without double-checking its sources. And if people have to double-check it anyway, the thing is of no real use—just have Google give links to the sources like they used to and end this bizarre experiment with technology that simply isn't ready for its intended use.

From Your Site Articles
technology
Trending Stories