I once had a boss that told us, 'If you get fired, you're firing yourself.'

My response? "Can I give myself a raise, then?" Something tells me that particular boss was about as clueless as the main guy in this clip from Australia.

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Notes for non-Aussies:

At 0:55, "superannuation" means retirement funds, 401(k), etc. At 1:22, the "award system" is basically the same as our Fair Labor Standards Act, setting minimum wage, max hours worked per week, etc.