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How this woman went from amateur yogi to extraordinary studio owner.

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Adrianne "Ajax" Jackson discovered her true passion while pondering her future during a yoga class.

All photos courtesy of Ajax and Magnolia Yoga Studio.

She'd just turned 30, and her week had been a roller coaster.

The first 30 years of her life had been amazing, she recalls thinking, but now she wanted more. "The next 30, for me, felt like that's when I was really going to make my mark in the world," she says.

"I just started having those thoughts that you have in yoga where you're reflecting, and I thought, 'Okay, people say do what you love. I love this yoga.'"

For Ajax, yoga had been a refuge. Then just like that, it became her world.

A class at Magnolia Yoga Studio.

"Right away, I noticed a big impact in my life," she says. "First, it was just [...] I couldn't walk. I was so sore. Like a zombie, I was barely able to walk back to the studio, but I kept going."

Eventually, she learned the postures, and after a while, she began to notice that yoga was helping her sleep better. She had more focus and creativity. It helped her quit smoking. It made it easier for her to deal with the chronic pain in her knees. The practice encouraged her to love her body and gain more confidence.

That's when it hit her ā€” she was going to teach yoga.

She knew she had to share it with everyone. So, for the past decade, she's been spreading her message of peace and good health all over the world.

Ajax's ultimate dream was to run the first black-owned yoga studio in New Orleans. But in order to make that dream a reality, she needed to transform herself from an educator into an entrepreneur. She did that with the help of Propeller.

Magnolia Yoga studio teachers and students.

Propeller is a New Orleans-based nonprofit that helps small business owners and nonprofits take their work to the next level. It's also giving them the opportunity to tackle the city's social and environmental disparities ā€”including racism and sexism ā€” with training in business and leadership.

"Since it launched its first accelerator program in 2011, Propeller has supported 200 ventures," says Catherine Gans, the program's Marketing and Communications Manager. Those ventures have generated over $105 million in revenue and financing and created 460 permanent jobs for New Orleanians.

These businesses are 71 percent owned by women or people of color and have an 89 percent business survival rate ā€” much higher than the nation's average, which is just over 50 percent.

Ajax applied for the program at the urging of one of her clients, Propeller's Executive Director, Andrea Chen.

In her short time at Propeller, Ajax created an employee handbook, implemented payroll systems and put financial tracking tools in place to pay off debts and taxes as quickly as possible. She also made some new hires during the program. Ajax brought on a development director to create partnerships with hotels and hospitals and hired five part-time employees.

"In [Ajax's] final month of the program, MagnoliaYoga's profit margin increased to over 50 percent," says Gans.

And Ajax is still eager to keep learning now that she's a business owner. "There's still more to learn about being a woman in business and in power in America. And I learned more about that with [Propeller]. I'm very grateful for their support."

Magnolia, Ajax's yoga studio, just celebrated its second anniversary. And it's bringing the benefits of yoga to those who previously may have felt unwelcome in studios offering the practice.

Yoga class in the park.

When you think of people who regularly do yoga, you probably imagine a certain type, or maybe you think you need the right yoga pants or an expensive mat to get the most out of the practice. And you've likely noticed that many studios charge a hefty price for their classes.

That's not Ajax's policy.

"My business model is really unique in the sense that we're focused on diversity, inclusivity, and affordability," she says.

That model has created a whole new clientele. Ajax works hard to create a safe place for people who may be interested in getting more in touch with their bodies, no matter their size, shape or background. One of her main goals is to make representation the prevailing theme of her business.

"The average American woman is a size 14. That's the size I am," Ajax says. "That's the size I actually work really hard to maintain. It's the size I represent in the yoga studio. People love it. White, black, otherwise, 'cause it gives them permission to be different in the yoga studio and see that it's okay and you can do it."

Ajax is busting through all the misconceptions of who might be seen in a yoga class.

"It's about 85% black women who make up my membership and clientele," Ajax says. Everyone is welcome, though, and you will always find diversity within her studio.

One of Ajax's proudest accomplishments is bringing yoga to black men in her community. "We've been very fortunate to consistently have at least one black male on staff," she says. A recent 6 a.m. class she taught was comprised mostly of black men. For the studio, this was a reason to celebrate ā€” tangible proof that Ajax is changing the face of yoga.

"We're demystifying this erroneous conception that yoga's only for women, that it's only for thin people, it's only for white women, it's only for people with high incomes," she says. "All of that is untrue."

"All you need to do yoga is an open mind."

Propeller is growing and helping businesses like Magnolia thrive. But they couldn't do that without the support of Capital One.

Capital One is committed to fostering the economic vitality of communities it serves, including greater New Orleans and Louisiana, by supporting entrepreneurs and small business owners. That commitment manifests in the company's investment in organizations like Propeller that support forward-thinking, socially-minded entrepreneurs who apply their knowledge, skills and energy to address significant challenges affecting people today.

When Propeller was just starting up, Capital One provided the organization with a line of credit when they weren't sure of cash flow. Since 2012, the company has also given Propeller $350,000 towards its Impact Accelerator Program, which provides executive-level mentorship, access to networks and financing, and a focused curriculum to connect local innovators with the sources they need to impact the city and build sustainable businesses.

What's more, the Fortune 500 company provided Propeller with a $126,100 grant for a new Makerspace at Mildred Osborne Charter School in New Orleans. STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) programming helps prepare students for the jobs of today and tomorrow ā€” a focus of Capital One's Future Edge initiative ā€” and the Makerspace at this charter school helps students learn in a more creative, technology-driven way.

But the relationship with Capital One quickly grew into something bigger than just a financial one, explains Executive Director Andrea Chen and Development Manager Kir Selert.

The financial-services company has helped the organization with everything from graphic design for its event flyers to public relations and marketing through associate pro bono and skills-based volunteerism. Capital One has also sent employees to work on projects directly with Propeller's entrepreneurs.

The partnership has allowed Propeller to help even more entrepreneurs like Ajax, leading to more positive change in the New Orleans community.

"The most rewarding part is seeing our entrepreneurs succeed, that entrepreneurs dream beyond what they think is possible for their own companies and for the impact they could have on their community," Chen and Selert note.

For Ajax, the support she's received has been life-changing. She's growing her business, branching out into yoga retreats, and working to bring her practice to incarcerated adults and youth.

Thanks to her connections at the studio ā€” where she instructs lawyers, judges, city officials and activists, among others ā€” previous work with UpRising Yoga and a potential partnership with the Prison Yoga Project, she's creating a program that will bring yoga to prisons sometime next year.

When Ajax looks back on her trajectory, she's overcome by all the positive change she's been able to bring to her community as a socially-minded business owner.

"It's helping me understand my gifts," Ajax says of everything she's learned since working with Propeller. "I've realized I'm a leader, a business leader in particular. And an advocate for people and their health."

"Teaching yoga's fantastic, but I knew to really have an impact, I would have to create my own business and create my own community. It's been a hard-fought battle. We've literally done it one student at a time."

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Stanford researchers find a single question could be the key to changing someone's mind

Curiosity goes a lot further than we might think.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity
Photo credit: Canva

How do you get someone to open their minds to another perspective?

The diversity of humanity means people won't always see eye to eye, and psychology tells us that people tend to double down when their views are challenged. When people are so deeply entrenched in their own perspectives they're refusing to entertain other viewpoints, what do we do?

Frequently, what we do falls into the "understandable but ineffective" category. When we disagree with someone because their opinion is based on falsehoods or inaccurate information, we may try to pound them with facts and statistics. Unfortunately, research shows that generally doesn't work. We might try to find different ways to explain our stance using logic and reasoning, but that rarely makes a dent, either. So often, we're left wondering how on Earth this person arrived at their perspective, especially if they reject facts and logic.

According to Stanford researchers, turning that wondering into an actual question might be the key.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Questions are more effective than facts when it comes to disagreements.Photo credit: Canva

The power of "Tell me more."

Two studies examined how expressing interest in someone's view and asking them to elaborate on why they hold their opinion affected both parties engaged in a debate. They found that asking questions like, "Could you tell me more about that?ā€ and ā€˜ā€˜Why do you think that?" made the other person "view their debate counterpart more positively, behave more open-mindedly, and form more favorable inferences about other proponents of the counterpartā€™s views." Additionally, adding an expression of interest, such as, ā€˜ā€˜But I was interested in what youā€™re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?ā€ not only made the counterpart more open to other viewpoints, but the questioner themselves developed more favorable attitudes toward the opposing viewpoint.

In other words, genuinely striving to understand another person's perspective by being curious and asking them to say more about how they came to their conclusions may help bridge seemingly insurmountable divides.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Asking people to elaborate leads to more open-mindedness.Photo credit: Canva

Stanford isn't alone in these findings. A series of studies at the University of Haifa also found that high-quality listening helped lower people's prejudices, and that when people perceive a listener to be responsive, they tend to be more open-minded. Additionally, the perception that their attitude is the correct and valid one is reduced.

Why curiosity works

In some sense, these results may seem counterintuitive. We may assume that asking someone to elaborate on what they believe and why they believe it might just further entrench them in their views and opinions. But that's not what the research shows.

Dartmouth cognitive scientist Thalia Wheatley studies the role of curiosity in relationships and has found that being curious can help create consensus where there wasn't any before.

ā€œ[Curiosity] really creates common ground across brains, just by virtue of having the intellectual humility to say, ā€˜OK, I thought it was like this, but what do you think?ā€™ And being willing to change your mind,ā€ she said, according to the John Templeton Foundation.

discussion, debate, disagreement, conversation, communication, curiosity Curiosity can help people get closer to consensus. Photo credit: Canva

Of course, there may be certain opinions and perspectives that are too abhorrent or inhumane to entertain with curious questions, so it's not like "tell me more" is always the solution to an intractable divide. But even those with whom we vehemently disagree or those whose views we find offensive may respond to curiosity with more open-mindedness and willingness to change their view than if we simply argue with them. And isn't that the whole point?

Sometimes what's effective doesn't always line up with our emotional reactions to a disagreement, so engaging with curiosity might take some practice. It may also require us to rethink what formats for public discourse are the most impactful. Is ranting in a TikTok video or a tweet conducive to this shift in how we engage others? Is one-on-one or small group, in-person discussion a better forum for curious engagement? These are important things to consider if our goal is not to merely state our case and make our voice heard but to actually help open people's minds and remain open-minded in our own lives as well.

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Child therapist shares 3 principles of 'Shitsuke' that are key to Japanese parenting

"Predictability makes kids happy."

Shitsuke, Japanese parenting, parenting, Japan, discipline. learning
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Parents watch as their child uses a toothbrush.

When it comes to parenting, sometimes the simplest reframing of how you discipline can make all the difference. In a YouTube video, pediatric occupational therapist Emma Hubbard shares a tip she describes as the "Japanese rule that changes everything."

It's a method called "Shitsuke," which she explains literally translates to "discipline." She claims it's the "one simple rule that Japanese parents follow that helps create calm, respectful, and obedient children."

Hubbard makes it clear from the jump that although the word translates to "discipline," it doesn't carry the same meaning it does in Western culture. Instead, it's about getting ahead of behavioral issues rather than responding to them.

"It's really easy to fall into a cycle that looks something like this," she says. "We wait for our kids to act out, then we punish, lecture, or bargain with them. Shitsuke flips this completely."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She goes on to explain that Shitsuke strongly urges parents to nurture their children by modeling good behavior and giving clear, consistent instruction.

"It's based on the belief that children develop good manners and courtesy through instruction and practice, not through punishment or hoping they'll just figure it out," she says. "Instead of constantly putting out fires, Japanese parents prevent them by actively teaching the exact behaviors they want to see."

Hubbard shares three main principles of this method:

1. Model the behavior you want to see

It's actually quite simple. Hubbard explains, "Japanese parents understand that kids are observational learners. If you want a calm child, you must be calm. If you want a respectful child, you must be respectful, especially when you're frustrated. And if you don't want your child to scream when they're angry, then you should also try not to scream when you're angry."

2. Be consistent with clear rules

Studies show that children are less anxious when given clear instructions and predictable routines.

"The truth is, rules don't make children unhappy," Hubbard says. "In fact, having no clear rules is what makes them anxious and stressed. Think about it like this. Imagine if you went to work and your boss never told you what time to arrive, what your job was, or even when team meetings started. You'd be anxious, stressed, and confused all day. And that's exactly how your child feels without clear rules."

In an article for Psychology Today, Jenalee Doom, PhD, points out that "both children's and adults' brains love predictability. We can still get pleasure from unpredictable things like surprises, but in general, we feel safe and secure when we have predictable routines, and we find unpredictability to be highly stressful." She goes on to offer suggestions for helping children feel safe, such as keeping regular bedtimes and having meals together.

3. Learn to reframe "naughty" behavior into a learning experience

This is the game changer for many parents, and what Hubbard calls the most important part of the concept.

"This is the most important part of Shitsuke that completely changes everything," she says. "Instead of just saying 'Don't do that' or 'Stop being naughty,' Shitsuke teaches parents to ask one crucial question: 'What skill does my child need to learn here?'"

The clear genius behind this principle is that it takes mistakes (which are going to happen) and turns them into lessons.

"This shift in thinking changes everything because instead of punishing the behavior you don't want, you start actively teaching the skill that they're missing," she adds. "And that's when you see real, lasting obedience because your child actually knows how to behave well."

children, discipline, shitsuke, Japanese method of learning, lessons A young girl has a tantrum. Photo credit: Vinh Thang on Unsplash

Hubbard's YouTube video has nearly one million views and over one thousand comments, many of which add insightful thoughts to the conversation.

One commenter stressed the importance of being respectful:

"Something I will add: growing up in Japan, polite behavior was acknowledged and positively reinforced by nearly every adult I interacted with. Not just my teachers, but my pediatrician, my neighbors, the old lady who ran the corner tobacco store, my barber, etc. Saying 'good morning!' or 'thank you!' felt fantastic, because here you are a tiny child being respectfully greeted by big adults. As an adult, I now acknowledge kind American children I encounter with comments like 'thank you, that was very considerate' to pass it on, and I see them smile. I do not have children of my own, but I encourage everyone to notice the children who are trying their best and to thank them for it."

Another commenter backs up the claim that children often thrive when they have set rules:

"Rules don't make children unhappy. 100%. As a teacher, they're the ones who expect me to follow the rules and enforce the consequences all the time. Predictability makes kids happy."

This commenter discusses the value of the words parents use:

"Framing of messages are so important. For example, instead of saying, 'Don't forgetā€¦,' rather say, 'please remember.' Or, 'Don't pull the kitty's tail,' instead say, 'Please pet it gently.' Reframe the message from communicating with negatively charged words to positively charged words by telling them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do."

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I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences
Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers/YouTube

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.

The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually getā€”I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warningsā€”we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.

The Never Ending Story Atreyu GIFfrom The Never Ending Story GIFs


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which wasā€¦interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as wellā€”hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

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Comedian Jimmy Carr stopped his comedy show to give an audience member some superb parenting advice

Carr offered a beautifully different way of thinking about "tough love."

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids
Canva Photos & Albin Olsson/Wikimedia Commons

Comedian Jimmy Carr put the jokes aside and delivered a brilliant nugget of parenting advice mid-show.

Jimmy Carr is best known as a comedian, but he also has dyslexia and had extreme trouble reading and writing into his early teen years. Years later, he'd go on to graduate from Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge with degrees in social and political science and first class honors.

It's safe to say that, jokes aside, he's a pretty smart guy. And in Carr's standup routines, he's not afraid to set aside the gags for a few minutes and get serious about topics that he feels deserve proper attention.

At a recent show, Carr was performing crowd workā€”asking questions and bantering with the audienceā€”when an audience member called out a poignant question.

"What's your advice for parents with toddlers?" a woman yelled out.

"Well, I mean, practical advice? You can half-ass it. Get an iPad, a Netflix subscription, and you're off to the...races. They'll be very... happy," he said. The crowd roared with laughter. But Carr wasn't done. "You want serious advice?" he asked the woman.

Seamlessly, he launched into his philosophy on parenting.

"Hard choices now, easy life later," he said to a round of applause from the crowd. "I bet you fucking love your kids, but you've also got to love who they could be. So it's kindness, isn't it? You want to be really kind to your children, but not just kind in the moment. In the moment, what do kids want? They want to watch TV, not read books. They want to eat junk food, not vegetables. If you give in to that, if you're kind in the moment, you've got fat, stupid kids. That's no good. You've got to be a little bit mean in the moment."

He then joked that this clip would become his own "famous last words," so to speak when his own kids get older and reveal what a terrible father he turned out to be.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr taps into a common debate in his performance here: When does gentle parenting become so gentle that it does kids a disservice?

Millennial and even Gen Z parents are "breaking generational cycles of harshness and emotional distance," writes Motherly. Baby Boomers were notoriously distant, often as a result of their own upbringing, and some experts say Millennials have perhaps overcorrected.

Gentle parenting preaches connection over correction and validating a child's feelings frequently. Research generally suggests this is a good approach, but it's a high-wire act that requires careful calibration. Otherwise, as Carr points out, you wind up letting kids do whatever they want in an effort to be kind and avoid hurting their feelingsā€”an approach called permissive parenting. That ultimately doesn't serve them in the long-run.

He doesn't shy away from the fact that being "meaner" is hard, and far easier said than done. It's a good thing to care about your kid's happiness, which is why Carr's reframe of the approach is so brilliant. You're being kind to the person your child will one day be, by being a little bit "meaner" right now.

comedian, comedy, jimmy carr, standup, philosophy, parenting, dads, fatherhood, family, kids Jimmy Carr became a dad in 2019.Albin Olsson/Wikimedia Commons

Carr is often all jokes, but he's been known to get serious when it comes to parenting. Reports say that Carr has one son, Rockefeller, who was born in 2019.

At another recent show, a woman called out wondering how she should deal with the kids who were bullying her 11-year-old son. After several minutes of non-stop, chaotic, ridiculously silly jokes, Carr turned on a dime.

"Speaking as a parent... you cannot helicopter parent. You cannot pave the jungle. You can just teach him to get through it. It's a very tough thing. On the upside, your kid is being bullied. That's terrible, I imagine heartbreaking for you...But at least he's not the bully. Tell him from me, you can't have an easy life and a great character. You can't have both. It'll make him stronger and better and more compassionate in the future," Carr said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Carr's parenting advice videos have gone mega viral across social media and commenters can't believe how skillfully he can transition from jokes to solid gold words of wisdom.

"Jimmy can turn things on a sixpence from humour to compassion. He is a remarkable person."

"Just a brilliant intelligent empathetic chap."

"I do like how Jimmy can flip from the most savage come backs possible into full on philosopher in the most natural way."

"I love how this applies to essentially everything in life. Hard choices now. Easy life later. So simple, so true"

It shouldn't be a surprise that a comedian like Carr has such thoughtful takes on everything from mortality to parenting to life itself and happiness. Comedy is ultimately rooted in fundamental truths about the world. What's special about Carr is how he can turn off the funny filter and deliver that truth in its purest, most potent form when needed.

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Instead of a 'Sweet 16,' mom hosts 'Coming of Age Brunch' with adult mentors for her teen daughter

She calls it a "birthday tradition that will change your teenager's life."

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens
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A group of women raising glasses (left) A happy teen girl (right)

Turning sixteen is considered a milestone. It symbolizes the beginning of the transition from childhood to young adulthood, and the start of new privileges, responsibilities, and identities.

Many families celebrate this new chapter with some kind of ā€œSweet 16ā€ ritual. Depending on oneā€™s culture, it might go by a different name, such as a bar/bat mitzvah (when a boy/girl turns 13 in Jewish culture) or a quinceaƱera,, (when a girl turns 15 in Latin American culture). Each celebration involves slightly different traditions, but generally have the same intention of commemorating a childā€™s newfound maturity.

A mom who posts parenting tips under the handle of @simplyonpurpose recently shared her unique take on a ā€œSweet 16,ā€ which she hails as ā€œa birthday tradition that will change your teenagerā€™s life.ā€

She calls it the ā€œComing of Age Brunch.ā€

Rather than having a birthday party with friends, this mom has her child choose a select group of adult mentors who have played a ā€œspecial partā€ in the childā€™s life. These guests are asked to bring letters conveying, in their own words, ā€œwhat it means to be a strong womanā€ and sharing special praise for the teen.

The reason is simple: ā€œChildren need a village during their adolescent years more than at any other time in their lives,ā€ @simlyonpurpose wrote in her caption. This was a tradition that began with her eldest daughter, who is now 22. Doing it for now the third time, @simplyonpurpose feels confident that ā€œevery teenager needs this- a room full of adults that you admire praising you.ā€

It sounds lovely. Imagine if every girl had this kind of support as they entered an undeniably turbulent stage of life. Sure, maybe the hormonal fluctuations, body image issues, changing friend groups, relationship dramas, and social media challenges would still be there, but perhaps they wouldnā€™t be quite so all-consuming.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen girl getting a hug.Photo credit: Canva

And to be clear, the OP clarified that this was not strictly a girls-only ritual, though she would tweak it slightly for a boy, featuring a ā€œfire pit with roasted hotdogs and marshmallowsā€ and male mentors to share words of wisdom and love.

This is great to hear as well, considering there have been a lot of conversations centered around how a lack of healthy mentors has led many young men to getting ā€œred pilled,ā€ or influenced by misogynistic and radicalized online forums that target lonely or vulnerable boys by offering a sense of belonging.

sweet sixteen, birthday, birthday brunch, coming of age, young adulthood, parenting, parenting tip, parenting teens A teen boy wearing headphones while looking at his phone. Photo credit: Canva

By and large, other parents were totally on board with a ā€œComing of Age Brunch.ā€ Quite a few were excited to try it out for their own teens.

ā€œThis really resonates. šŸ’— I want to do something similar for my daughter as she turns 17," one person wrote.

"Teens donā€™t need more preaching. Instead they need trusted adults who model strong values, healthy boundaries, and long-term thinking. That kind of guidance sticks,ā€ added another.

Another added, ā€œI cannot even think of anything that could possibly be a better gift - you just cemented her village. How incredible!ā€

The proverb ā€œIt takes a villageā€ is an extremely popular saying found in many cultures across the world, but it's lately accompanied with the lament that villages are not so easy to come by in the modern world. Maybe by creating new traditions like this, we are able to reclaim that sense of much-needed community. At the very least, young folks donā€™t have to feel so alone, and that in itself is a great thing.

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