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Caroline's condition is one in a million. Without Obamacare, treating it will get harder.

The livelihoods of an estimated 24 million Americans — with real challenges and real families — are at stake with even the smallest of tweaks to the Affordable Care Act. Their stories deserve to be told.

Here are five of those powerful stories that show what's at stake, should the Affordable Care Act be repealed.


Was he seeing his son for the last time?

“Something’s wrong with Noah.” I’ll never forget those words. My wife had said them, holding our rigid son in her arms, as we prepared to head out to the farmer’s market on a Saturday. Our 7-month-old’s lips and hands — so tiny and fragile — had turned blue.

We rushed him to our pediatrician. In the waiting room, Noah had a seizure. They told us to go to the emergency room immediately, so we sped across town. There, he began seizing again. As they were finally taking him to his own room — we’d been waiting 20 minutes for a bed — Noah had the most violent episode yet. They administered emergency meds in the elevator. I remember seeing his eyes roll back in his head. It was horrifying.

Photo courtesy of Geoff Todd.

That was the day Noah was diagnosed with pediatric epilepsy. It came out of nowhere. Everything had been picture-perfect up until then. ICU stays and ambulance trips became increasingly normal, as we struggled to pinpoint which prescriptions would make the seizures stop. I've watched our son on a ventilator, wondering whether or not I was seeing him for the last time.

Things took a big turn for the worse when Noah was 5: I lost my job and the insurance that came with it. I found a new job, fortunately, but the insurance provider denied coverage for Noah. He had "pre-existing conditions," they argued and disqualified him from care.

We began drowning in debt from the medical expenses. We almost lost our home. It felt like every single penny went toward making sure Noah was going to be OK. Should we give him medicine or food? That question haunted us. People say, "Well, you can go out and get a second job," but really, you can't — not when your son requires that level of around-the-clock care. I'm not exaggerating when I say my wife and I haven't taken a vacation together in the past 10 years.

Photo courtesy of Geoff Todd.

In 2011, we found relief: Noah was covered under the Affordable Care Act's Medicaid expansion in Oregon. It felt like coming up for air for the first time in years.

It felt like a chance to exhale.

Now Noah, who turns 10 in August, has the care he needs. Paying for his medications and therapies (kids with autism can need a lot of extra attention) are much more manageable. He’s had two major surgeries too, and I have no idea how we possibly could have footed the bill, had it not been for Obamacare.

— Geoff Todd, as told to Robbie Couch

They lived in fear, wondering if they'd lose their daughter.

Two years ago, my daughter Caroline, 18 months at the time, had a visit to the pediatrician to clear up persistent ear infections. During the checkup, the doctor heard a heart murmur; her heart was enlarged and working too hard. Our pediatrician sent us to a cardiologist who gave Caroline an echo, kind of like a sonogram of the heart. That day, she was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary arterial hypertension. It’s incredibly rare.

Caroline is truly one in a million.

Photo by Collin Ritchie, via Kristi Hammatt.

When Caroline was first diagnosed, we lived in fear, wondering if we’d lose her. We’d celebrate each birthday and milestone like it might be our last.

There’s no cure for Caroline, but there is a life-saving drug that’s reversed many of her symptoms. It’s called Remodulin, and Caroline receives a 24/7 infusion of the drug thanks to a backpack with a small pump inside. And, yes, it’s truly 24/7. She wears the backpack to sleep, to dance class, in the bathtub, even to swim with her friends.

Drugs like Remodulin that treat such rare diseases have little chance to be profitable, which means pharmaceutical companies offer them at exorbitant prices. Caroline’s Remodulin protocol is $200,000 a year. There are no competitors and no generic version. This is our only option.

Luckily, we have health insurance through my husband’s employer. When we tell people we pay a $6,000 deductible, and we meet it on Jan. 1, they nearly pass out. But it beats the $200,000 alternative.

Now, we have hope. We’re confident Caroline will dance in her June recital. We’re confident she’ll start pre-K this fall. And we have a drug, a very expensive drug, to thank. While we don’t have insurance from the marketplace, we are wholly invested in preserving the Affordable Care Act.

Before the ACA was established, many insurance plans had yearly and lifetime caps. If these caps return, our family will likely hit the lifetime limits of a premium plan within four to five years.My husband would have to find a new position and a new insurance carrier, or we would lose everything to save our little girl.

My family stands with every man, woman, or child who has looked a disease in the face and told it, “I WILL WIN!”

I won’t go back to living in fear. It’s time to fight. I’m considering a House or Senate run as early as 2018. It's not always easy for me to be an advocate like this, but it’s my duty to speak out and support affordable, comprehensive care — not just for my daughter, but for everyone.

— Kristi Hammatt, as told to Erin Canty

She still wonders if she'll get to watch her kids grow up.

Even after two “clean” mammograms and an inconclusive ultrasound, I knew something wasn’t right. Thankfully, my radiologist was persistent. Three days after Christmas, she performed a biopsy. I asked her during the procedure, "Be honest with me. How concerned are you?"

She didn’t hesitate. "I'm very concerned. There is a type of breast cancer called invasive lobular carcinoma. It's sneaky because on mammograms, it just looks like dense breast tissue." She did the biopsy and the next day I got the call — breast cancer.

The active phase of my treatment felt like a lifetime. My tumor was nearly the size of my entire breast. I had 16 rounds of chemotherapy, then underwent a bilateral mastectomy, suffered multiple infections, followed by 33 rounds of radiation. Last fall, I started a six-month course of oral chemotherapy, which I’m about to complete. Soon, I’ll require daily tamoxifen or some type of hormone-blocking therapy for at least the next 10 years to minimize my chances of the cancer coming back.

Photo by Laurie Merges, used with permission.

As scary as cancer is, I was one quick decision away from a very different outcome.

Months before my diagnosis, I was laid off. As a single mom, all three of my children were on the health insurance plan I had through my employer. I was especially concerned how the interruption in care would affect my son. He’s on the autism spectrum, and while he’s considered “high functioning,” I wanted to continue things like his behavioral therapy.

I applied for Medicaid for my kids and learned I was eligible as well — thanks to the Medicaid expansion in Ohio made possible by the Affordable Care Act.While I’ve always been pretty healthy, I signed up as a safety net until I found another job.

That decision literally saved my life. Today, I'm classified as "no evidence of disease." It’s great, but I’m not out of the woods.

When the conversation about repealing the Affordable Care Act began, I was scared out of my mind. I worried about my current treatment; as a cancer survivor, I now have a pre-existing condition. Would I be able to get coverage again? Not to mention my son who has a pre-existing condition with his autism diagnosis. What about his future?

Sometimes I look at my children and wonder if I’ll get to watch them grow up.My fiancee and I are starting a life together. How much time will I have with her? There are so many question marks.

This experience has turned me into an accidental activist. It’s frustrating to hear politicians talk about Medicaid like it’s a bunch of people who are lazy or don’t want to work. In reality, they’re trying to get by and doing the best they can.

— Laurie Merges, as told to Erin Canty

Warning: The following story discusses suicidal thoughts and feelings.

She used to think about jumping on the subway tracks every day.

Photo courtesy of Lydia Makepeace.

It's tough to think about it now, but I had plans to jump onto the subway tracks and end it all.I used the train all the time back in 2009, while I was living in New York City, and the temptation was always there. My therapist would make me sign a contract agreeing not to die by suicide before our next meeting every time I went to see her (just to give you an idea of where I was at).

I live with bipolar disorder and depression. It’s affected basically every aspect of my life: relationships, my grades in school, my ability to find (and keep) a job. I would get everything together, finally feeling as though I’m on top of it, then it’d all come crashing down overnight. My momentum, so to speak, would keep stalling.

I couldn’t get the right health care I needed. My mental illness meant I had a "pre-exiting condition,” after all, and before the Affordable Care Act, it was perfectly legal for insurers to slam their doors in my face because of it. While a charity helped cover some costs for therapy, I was paying out-of-pocket for my meds. It wasn’t cheap.

March 2009 was like living through a perfect storm, in a sense. I’d been recently diagnosed, my meds were actually exacerbating my problems, and I was drained from working two jobs and struggling to survive. I blamed myself for failing to stay in control.

Lydia told her story about living with mental illness on YouTube in January 2017, showing viewers why the Affordable Care Act is important to her.

To save money, I’d skip some days or only buy my prescription when I could afford to. I was still figuring out which medications would work best for me, too, and a mood stabilizer I’d been taking had the opposite effect, making me even more manic. Everything felt so out of control.

I had people who refused to give up on me, though — myself included. I got married around that time to a great guy who cared about getting me help. I eventually gained health care through his employer’s insurance provider. Because of the ACA, they couldn’t deny me care for my pre-existing conditions. I cover co-pays for my medicine, of course, but it’s manageable. If the ACA is repealed, we'll go backward when it comes to mental health care for people like me.

Now, I run my own business. I have the stability to follow through on projects. And I can build on that momentum I mentioned before in a way that wasn't possible pre-ACA.

— Lydia Makepeace, as told to Robbie Couch

Getting a full-time job could potentially bankrupt him.

I have a vascular malformation in my brainstem that bled when I was young. Over time, it slowly affected my ability to walk. Six years ago, just before I was set to finish my graduate program at Yale, I underwent a treatment to try to stall or stop that progression, but ended up completely unable to walk.It wasn't a sudden disability, as I've always been afflicted with it, but until that moment, I'd lived a pretty “normal” life.

Now I have a permanent disability and rely on a wheelchair for mobility. I can't drive, so any time I have to go somewhere, I have to arrange for somebody to help me or I have to go through public transit, which can also be tricky. Each day requires more planning than it used to.

John T. Image used with permission.

I can only can work so many hours in a day, so I have two part-time jobs. I teach at a local university and tutor chemistry out of my home. Neither of my jobs provides benefits, but because of my income, I take part in Medi-Cal, California’s Medicaid program. California is one of the 32 states that expanded Medicaid coverage as part of the Affordable Care Act.

The uncertainty is really scary.

When it comes to the future, I find myself between a rock and a hard place. I would like to seek full-time employment — hopefully with good insurance through my employer. But if the position was temporary (as many teaching positions are) or if my health prevents me from making full-time work, I would be out of a job, off Medicaid, and without health insurance. Without the Affordable Care Act, I may not be able to afford high premiums out in the market. Making too much money or getting a full-time job could potentially bankrupt me.

I wonder if it’s even worth trying to go out and earn more or seek full-time employment. The risk of losing my current coverage is too great. I don’t think the creators of this bill intended to effectively trap someone in poverty with limited options, but that’s what’s happening.

From personal experience, I know health care is never cut-and-dried. But regardless of a person’s situation, no one’s ambition should be limited by the looming threat of an accident, illness, or medical condition. None of us voted for that.

— John T. as told to Erin Canty

Popular

Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.


“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.


Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.

Wellness

Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.


Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
baby's white and black bassinet

Giving birth is one of the sweetest and most transformational life events. But for mothers who deliver angel babies (those who do not make it through delivery or pass shortly after birth), it becomes utterly devastating. To comfort mothers during this heart aching time, a labor and delivery nurse decided to create a comforting gift for grieving mothers to bring home.

"POV: your patient just gained an angel baby 🪽 and you make sure she doesn't go home empty handed," she writes in the video as she cuts baby blankets into the shape of a heart. "So you get to work. Measure out rice the exact birth weight of her angel. And start to make a casing out of her baby blanket."

@thelabornursern

#grief #loss #fetalloss #pregnancy #labordeliverynurses #laboranddelivery #griefandloss #laboranddeliverynurse #nursing #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #nurselife

The camera pans to three bags of dry rice placed on the baby blanket. From there, she begins to sew the blanket that is filled with rice. "Sutures to sew the fabric," she adds, with footage of herself hand-stitching every seam of the blanket. "It's almost ready 🪽 Then we fill the casing with rice, measured to her baby's birth weight so she will always have this to hold onto."

The video ends with a final look at the filled and finished pillow. "Time to give it to her ❤️🪽" she adds.

And the heartfelt gesture received such a positive response from her followers and mothers of angel babies. "as a momma of an angel baby, you are doing so much more than you can ever think by doing this! bless you ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As a mama who left the hospital without my baby, thank you THANK YOU. I felt so alone leaving the hospital, held my belly the entire ride home then walked into a home full of baby stuff and no baby."

And another angel baby mom shared, "As a stillbirth mama, leaving the hospital without my baby was torture. Having something weighted to hold would have brought comfort. You're so sweet for making this!!! 💗💗"

The aching experience was described by another angel mom in the comments. "My son was stillborn earlier this year. One thing I could have never anticipated was how much my arms literally ached to hold him. Our bodies do not understand our baby died, and we instinctually need something to hold. This is such a beautiful gift," she commented.

The TikTok community expressed interest in donating sewing machines to help her, so she shared an informative video with her followers on how they can donate to their local hospitals' labor and delivery units.

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelabornursern/photo/7435010215562480938 [THIS IS COMING UP AS AN ERROR WHEN I TRY TO INSERT?]

In another video update, she shared with her followers that she purchased a portable sewing machine to streamline the sewing process of the blankets. "I ordered a portable sewing machine to keep in my locker! And a few of my coworkers want to get together once a month and premake these for our unit."

TikTok · thelabornursern

TikTok · thelabornursernwww.tiktok.com

9732 likes, 57 comments. “Replying to @Rachel Wagner”

She added, "So many of you wanted to jump in and donate, and that is faith in humanity restored. Thank you to each and every one from the bottom of my heart."


@thelabornursern

Replying to @Mykal it was my first time using this, and you were right Mykal it is a little difficult to use. it threw me for a loop so ill be practicing until I can do it blind folded

"Here's an update on the portable sewing machine that I got. It actually is really hard to use...it will definitely take some practice, but I'll get it," she says in the voiceover.

The kind gesture by this labor and delivery nurse made a deep impact, spurring angel baby moms to share their stories and the real impact her empathy has created.

Men respond with 'I'm fine' for heartbreaking reasons

Society often portrays men as logical creatures who are good problem solvers because they don't have all these emotions that get in the way. It's something that's often wielded as this superpower that men have over their female counterparts. This isn't anything of men's doing, at least not men from the last several generations.

This "logical non-emotional" stereotype was thrust upon them in much the same way as the stereotype that women are "too emotional" and borderline hysterical when things don't go their way. There's no getting around bumping into this general thought process or at least the remnants of it on a near daily basis. Because it's so prevalent in societal norms in much of the western world, men and women subconsciously internalize these things.

But anyone who has raised both genders are aware that boys and girls are equally as emotional, it's just that they start receiving very different messages about that emotionality from a very early age. Starting around preschool age boys begin to hear, "big boys don't cry" while they watch their younger sister or classmate receive comforting and kind words when they begin to cry. When it comes to young girls, they're often given more responsibilities at an earlier age whether it's teachers picking girls more often for "classroom helper" or parents focusing more on their daughter cleaning up after themselves than their sons because "boys are messy."

Toughen Up Pop Tv GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy

Many examples of this exist so before too long it would seem that both genders are getting gendered messaging about themselves and each other. But in recent years there has been a shift in people wanting men to get in touch with their emotions as to not feed into the societal American norm of toxic masculinity. This focus on men's emotional well-being comes on the heels of research showing the harmful effects of enforcing restrictive gender roles. According to United Way, "restrictive gender norms often limit children’s potential and opportunities, affect their self-esteem and mental health, and shape their relationships with peers."

As society shifts to be more flexible with gender norms, men are beginning to not only admit to having feelings other than anger or happiness, but are expressing them. Or at least, they're attempting to express them according to the overwhelming repetitive response to a question posed on Reddit. A user asks, "men, why do you say you're fine when you're not" and the answers were heartbreaking.

Im Fine Episode 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

One person responds with, "Because I think most believe that nobody truly gives a f*ck," which was quickly backed up by others with personal stories.

Another shares, "Honestly, no one really listens. You get about five words in and people decide where they think you’re going with this. Then they talk about that thing instead of what you’re talking about no matter what you say. Its usually easier for me to work through and process things myself than put the effort into fighting to be understood."

"My wife and I are having this problem right now. She finally blew up at me and said I don't talk to her anymore and I told her it's because she doesn't listen. I'll explain my thoughts or intentions in deep detail, but after the first 10 words or so she thinks she totally understands and tunes out everything else. Which ends up being cyclical, because she'll get mad that I didn't tell her something when in fact I did. Just easier to not say anything at all at this point, or keep answers to one subject and 10 words or less," someone chimes in adding to the sentiment of not being heard.

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One man explains the rules he has learned, "My entire life as a man, I've been taught two things. I need to be coming up with solutions to problems. And if I'm not useful, I'm useless. The moment I ask for help or show that I need help with a problem rather than being the one helping with a problem, I am then regarded as the problem. When I am the problem, I'm not useful; see above."

Another reveals expressing emotions results in him comforting others, "Because if I tell you I'm not fine, it inexplicably somehow turns into me trying to comfort and reassure you. No, it's not because of you. No I'm not mad that you thought this was all about you. Well you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sorry you're upset now. Of course I still love you. I'm sorry for upsetting you, honey. No, I promise I'm fine. Everything is perfect."

Men are listening to women and others telling them to open up about their emotions but their seems to be an important component missing. There are therapists that specialize in helping men achieve emotional intelligence and communication of their emotional needs. But it will take further shifting in societal consciousness to recognize when men are being vulnerable with their needs.

This isn't just a men problem, it's a social conditioning problem that needs to be dismantled as one person points out by saying, "ironically sometimes women still subconsciously carry the sexist belief that men should have better control over their emotions." Unlearning something that is ingrained in all aspects of society takes time as does learning to tap into and express feelings that were once equated to weakness. Everyone is learning and giving grace and understanding can go a long way to figuring things out.