+
More

A quick trick to boost your empathy for others starts with saying thanks.

A video from YouTuber Anna Akana got me thinking a bit about empathy.

Empathy is one of the most important human values a person can possess — that's even backed by science.

Seriously, thank humanity's collective ability to put ourselves in others' shoes for the fact that our everyday lives (hopefully) don't resemble a YouTube comment thread gone bad.

Studies have shown that people who have high social competency (empathy) scores as children turn out to lead more successful adult lives. In August, I wrote about the effect stress has on our ability to empathize with others.


"I feel your pain." — Cartoon cis dudes shown here. GIF from Chris O'Hara/Vimeo.

But in all this talk about empathy, we tend to gloss over how we can get better at being empathetic in our daily lives. Let's fix that.

One way to up your ability to empathize with others is to take stock of what's happening in your life.

It's really easy to focus on the negative aspects of life and overlook the good. Of course, life's negatives are totally legitimate, and I'm not at all suggesting anyone erase that by appealing to worse problems (i.e., "What are you complaining about? So many others have it so much worse!") because really, 1) how has that ever helped? and 2) it's not a competition.

What I'm suggesting is that you take stock of the good and the bad. Go ahead, give it a try. It might look something like this (these are just examples):

Now, does the good stuff in the right column cancel out the left? Of course not. This is just meant to help you take stock of the complexities of life.

Speaking as someone who lives with sometimes severe bouts of depression and anxiety, this is one of the few "tricks" that's helped stop me from spiraling into a really dark place.

How does this help build empathy? It helps us grasp how our circumstances may differ from someone else's.

A great video from YouTube personality Anna Akana breaks this down in a really fun, creative way. Just as I did in the chart above, Anna goes through some of the positive factors that exist in her life. Most importantly, she gives focus to the positives that simply exist as "luck of the draw" like where she was born and what kind of family she was born into.

Those factors, sometimes referred to as "privileges," help shape the rest of her life — both the positives and negatives.

GIFs via Anna Akana/YouTube.

Once you understand and acknowledge how your life is affected by privilege, you can reverse engineer your way into strangers' shoes.

For a long time, I failed to appreciate the privileges I have, some as simple as being born in the U.S. as opposed to a war-torn country like Syria. It actually wasn't until the early 2000s when I spent time thinking about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that I even considered I had in any way benefited from being born a U.S. citizen.

Had I been born in Syria, Afghanistan, or Iraq, or heck, even somewhere not in the midst of an ongoing conflict like Ireland or Japan, my life would certainly be significantly different. I have pure, unearned luck to thank for that. So in knowing that, and in being thankful for that, I can see where my empathy is lacking, and fix it.

GIFs from Anna Akana/YouTube.

This is why when someone says something like "Oh, we're all just people" or "I don't see color" in response to someone else pointing out sexism or racism, for example, they're kind of missing the point of being empathetic. The fact is that we're not all afforded the same opportunities, and sometimes it really does come down to things like race, gender, or sexual orientation — all beyond our control.

In order to live in a more peaceful world, we need to acknowledge how we're different from one another, so that we can have empathy for one another. And once you've acknowledged these differences, you can use that knowledge for good to help combat discrimination.

Take time to make that list of things in life that have shaped you and that you're truly thankful for. You'll be a better person for it.

For me, that includes being thankful for having a loving family, a middle-class upbringing, never having had to worry about being discriminated against because of the color of my skin, a job I truly enjoy, the good fortune to have been able to afford college, and so much more.

GIF from Anna Akana/YouTube.

I understand that these factors aren't universal. I understand that some of these — like not having to worry about racism, for instance — have led to my life being a bit different than that of a woman of color. Acknowledging these differences is the first step to becoming a more empathetic person.

You can check out Anna's full video below. Best of luck in your quest to becoming a more empathetic human being!

Pop Culture

Tired of 'hacks?' Here are 20 of the best life tips sourced from 21.9 million real people.

All of them are simple and practical. A few might just change your life.

Arjun Mahadevan's life pro tip Twitter thread

Arjun Mahadevan gave the world a gift when he crowdsourced the best “life pro tips” from nearly 22 million people. He shared the top 20 in a Twitter thread that’s got over 619,000 views. Mahadevan sourced the tips from the Life Pro Tips subforum on Reddit, which has been running since 2010.

Mahadevan is the CEO of doolaHQ which he calls the “business-in-a-box” for LLCs.

Mahadevan labeled his advice “20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20,” but they are helpful for everyone regardless of age. They’re useful for anyone who is in a relationship, has a job or wants to stay sane in an aggravating world.

Keep ReadingShow less
Science

Fascinating video shows how an orangutan mom learned to nurse from a breastfeeding zookeeper

Zoe had been orphaned at a young age and hadn't developed her maternal instincts.

Metro Richmond Zoo/Youtube

Just two new moms helping each other.

Whitlee Turner, a zookeeper for the Metro Richmond Zoo in Virginia, was given a unique task—teach an orangutan to breastfeed.

Turner’s pupil, Zoe, had been orphaned at a young age, and without guidance presumably hadn’t learned any maternal instincts. Zoe’s first baby had to be hand-raised after she was unable to nurse, so when baby #2 came around, the zoo was determined to reach a different outcome.

That’s why they called on Turner, who had coincidentally also become a new mom. Thinking Zoe could be taught by example—a strategy that’s proven successful in the past—Turner was asked to bring her newborn son, Caleb, in to give a demonstration.

Turner agreed wholeheartedly.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

People are loving Drew Barrymore's live reaction to her first perimenopause hot flash

“I don’t know that I have ever heard a celebrity talk about a hot flash in the moment. Thank you for being so real."

The Drew Barrymore Show/Youtube

Drew Barrymore getting a quick assist from Jennifer Aniston

It feels safe to say that many, if not most people hail Drew Barrymore as the “Queen of Candid.” She can seemingly talk to absolutely anyone about anything in a way that’s consistently warm and authentic.

That even goes for when she experiences her first hot flash in front of a live television audience, apparently.

While speaking with guests Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler on her talk show, Barrymore abruptly appears flustered, fanning herself and removing her jacket.

Without missing a beat, she says, “I am so hot, I think I'm having my first perimenopause hot flashes.”
Keep ReadingShow less

A subway station at 59th street in New York City.

New Yorkers may seem like a brash, uncaring bunch to the uninitiated. But when you get to know the people and the city, you’ll probably realize that they are “kind, but not nice,” as opposed to how many describe people on the West Coast as “nice, but not kind.”

A great example of New Yorkers looking out for one another happened on Reddit’s AskNYC subforum earlier this month. AskNYC is where New Yorkers consult one another on various topics, such as where to get cheap rent, subway shortcuts, and places to volunteer.

It all started when a Redditor named Andy, 21, who is autistic, reached out for help in a post titled, “Please help, where do I wait.” On the forum he goes by the name GalacticBambi. Andy is a native New Yorker who moved away at a young age. His father passed away two years ago, so he came back to the Big Apple to see his cousin and learn more about his father.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Basketball referee has an emotional reunion with the player who saved his life on the court

Not many people survive a "widow maker," but thanks to the player's quick actions, this ref lived to call another game.

Basketball referee reunites with player who saved his life.

There are some things people are never quite prepared to experience, and a heart attack is high on that list. Semi-pro basketball referee John Sculli found himself on the receiving end of an unexpected heart attack, right in the middle of reffing a game.

Sculli was keenly watching the game between Toledo Glass City and the Jamestown Jackals when he went from following the players down the court to sprawled out on the ground. He was quickly surrounded by other referees, but his fall got the attention of Myles Copeland, who recognized Sculli was unresponsive and immediately began CPR.

"I had never witnessed someone just collapse, but I knew what had to be done," Copeland told CBS.

Turns out Copeland wasn't just a basketball player, he was also a firefighter, and his quick actions saved Sculli's life. Doctors told the referee and his fiancé, Donna, that he had a "widow maker" heart attack, which is often fatal. So when the two men got a chance to reconnect with Donna in tow, emotions ran high and CBS caught it on video.

Keep ReadingShow less

No more cleaning mattresses. Mom has a hack for stomach bugs.

Whether you have kids or plan to have kids in the future, you should know that you're going to clean up someone else's bodily fluids and waste. It's just a fact of caring for small children. In fact, you can almost guarantee that you're going to clean up vomit that exits a tiny person's body with more force than you knew possible. Is it fun? No. Does it help that kids are cute and just want cuddles when they're not feeling well? Absolutely.

There are all kinds of tips and tricks to make your little ones feel better during cootie season, which can sometimes feel year-round. Some people swear by homeopathic preventions and remedies while others stock up on vitamin C. But outside of Pedialyte popsicles and keeping a bucket nearby hoping for the best, there's not really a trick to surviving the dreaded stomach bug.

Except, maybe there is. A mom who runs the TikTok account @lovedthishatedthat may have just cracked the code to surviving those long nights when your kid has a stomach bug: an inflatable bed.

Keep ReadingShow less