Teens. They often don’t know how their words can hurt. And this is one such case … but with a very happy ending.
Josh Cyganik has worked for Union Pacific Railroad across the street from the house below in Pendelton, Oregon, for years. One day while at work, he heard some mean words coming from nearby.
Image Josh Cyganik, used with permission.
Some snarky teens were commenting on the state of the home…
*dramatic re-enactment*
…all while the owner, Leonard Bullock, was sitting on the porch! I mean. Not cool. Someone send those kids to Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood class please. (I wish this existed.)
As Josh told ABC News, he did not enjoy overhearing this nonsense.
“[The teenagers] said they need to burn it and tear it down and nobody deserves that … I saw Leonard had his head down, and I felt bad for him. After a couple of days, I knew there was something I could do to help.”
Josh had worked across the street, waving as he passed, for around four years, but his first convo with Leonard was right after hearing those teens.
And it went something like, “Mind if I paint your house?”
Leonard, being the good sport that he is, was totally into that. His friend agreed! Kindness given, kindness received badge UNLOCKED!
As Josh told ABC news, Leonard was excited! He “could hardly talk he was so ecstatic.”
With the homeowner’s enthusiastic permission to paint the home, it was time to get some help from the community!
Suddenly, the likes started rolling in. (This is also where I start to like Facebook for being such a great place for communities to come together.)
GIF via Josh Cyganik’s Facebook, used with permission.
That’s what kindness looks like. Everyday kindness.
According to Josh what he did for Leonard is what anyone would do if given the chance: “According to the media, I’m a hero. I’m not a hero. I just heard something that bothered me. Anyone would have done the same thing. Everyone has it in their heart to do things like this.”
In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
While caring for the elderly can be extremely rewarding, it comes with a specific set of challenges that aren’t often discussed. Delivering high-quality care is vital for anyone in this position, but this must come with a level of patience many of us might take for granted.
While visiting my own mother in the senior living home where she resides, I was able to sit down for heart-to-hearts with a few of the caregivers who work for various residents. They opened up in a way I found beautifully vulnerable and surprising. Here are their stories. (At their request, I have changed their names.)
Setting boundaries with families
Caregiver discusses a patient with another family member. / Image via Canva
A woman named Veronica shared that she often feels stuck in the middle of family disputes. “I don’t like it when I’m just trying to do my job and take care of clients and I’ve got 20 people calling me. Sisters, wives, brothers, daughters, sons, and even best friends. Everyone has an opinion. I wish they’d have family meetings and decide what to do without sticking me in the middle.”
Another woman, Anne, added her two cents, saying, “Family dynamics are tricky. I want to respect how hard it is to age on everyone in the family, without feeling like I’m inserting myself in the drama.”
They want to be asked about their day
A caregiver takes a break. / Image via Canva
Anne shares that she sometimes feels invisible. “Sometimes I wish they would ask how things are in my life. What my hopes and wishes are. I would like it if they understood that sometimes I need a day off, or that my body hurts sometimes.”
On a resource site for caregivers, one of the helpful tips is finding the balance between helping others and self-care. This means paying attention to their own mental and physical health needs. “Maintaining your health is crucial for being able to care effectively for your loved one. Take care of your own health by focusing on nutrition, exercise, and sufficient rest. Regular self-care routines can help you stay strong and resilient in the face of caregiving demands.”
Mental Health America also has a few articles dedicated to self-care as a caregiver. “If you cannot remember the last time you slept properly, ate adequately, exercised weekly, or did not feel guilty about taking a sick day, then you’re probably feeling the impacts of caregiving on your mental and physical health. Ask yourself: ‘What could I do to replenish myself?’”
They go on to give tips: “Is there any small action that could improve my life or make me feel more content with my present state? If you’re treating yourself fairly, the answer should be yes. Everyone always has some need that could be better fulfilled—caregivers are no exception.”
Sometimes, especially after a caregiver has worked with a person for more than a month or two, they develop a true bond. While the connection is genuinely satisfying, it can make the loss of that patient even harder.
Mark, who has been working with senior citizens for two decades, explains how devastating the losses can feel. “I worked with a woman named Evelyn for seven years. She passed away at the age of 94. It’s especially hard because when you’re in this business, you might have three clients pass in the span of a few weeks.”
Veronica added, “Sometimes people forget how much we love the elderly we work with.”
These sentiments come back to decompression. Processing just one loss can be difficult. Having to do so for multiple people in a short amount of time takes extra healing time for everyone.
The resource site also notes how important it is to take breaks when needed. “Caregiving can be overwhelming, so taking respite breaks regularly is important. These breaks can help prevent burnout and give you time to recharge. Schedule time for yourself to engage in activities that you enjoy and that help you relax.”
It’s true that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. But it’s our own personal relationship to those 24 hours that greatly determines what that day looks like.
Time is one of those things that is both a constant in our collective reality, and yet highly subjective to the individual. It’s why one person hears “We need to be there 6:30” and translates that to “We need to be out the door in fifteen minutes,” and another person translates it as “Oh, I have plenty of time to change my clothes, walk the dogs, listen to a podcast, and clean out that junk drawer!” And of course, these two individuals will be spouses. It is universal law.
It would seem that—much like how knowing whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between can help you navigate social settings—knowing your MO when it comes to time management can really help make your day flow a lot smoother.
That’s where the four “time personalities” come in.
In an article for Verywell Mind, experts Kristin Anderson, LCSW, and Dr. Ryan Sultan, explained that most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between “very rigid” and “very flexible.” There are, of course, various factors that dictate why we might fall into a certain spot—including neurodiversity, age, and other aspects of our overall personality. But regardless, knowing the gifts and challenges of our go-to time management settings can greatly affect how we “function.”
See which one below seems to resonate the most.
The 4 Time Personalities
1. The Time Optimist
The never-ending mantra, or perhaps the “famous last words,” of this personality is “I’ve got plenty of time!” regardless of what the clock says.
Because of this, Sultan says time optimists “don’t really feel pressure under a time crunch.” They truly believe they can fit multiple tasks into a short amount of time and don’t easily account for potential delays, which leads to chronic tardiness.
“They’re ones who leave for a dinner reservation with just enough time to get there, as long as there’s no traffic and they hit every green light,” said Sultan.
Folks who consider themselves time optimists might benefit from exploring the “double it rule,” which has you automatically double the amount of time you think it’ll take to get somewhere or complete a task.
2. Time Anxious
Unlike time optimists, “time anxious” personalities feel an enormous amount of pressure, assuming “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong (e.g., traffic, delays, getting lost on the way).” Therefore, they attempt to ease this tension by showing up to things incredibly early.
Dealing with time anxiety involves many of the same tools to handle everyday anxiety, such as grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 technique, deep breathing), cognitive restructuring (challenging perfectionism, setting realistic goals), and structured planning (using calendars/apps, setting “worry time”). These strategies help shift focus from the future to the present, reducing the fear of wasted time. And maybe, just maybe, the time anxious can experiment with being fashionably late to low-pressure situations.
3. Time Bender
For time benders, the whole concept of time is merely subjective. Where time optimists overestimate what they can accomplish within a certain amount of time, time benders create entirely different time rules for themselves. “Being 10 minutes late basically counts as on time,” Anderson uses as an example.
These are the curious, creative souls who thrive under pressure and easily lose track of time when they reach a flow state, or bounce from inspiring task to inspiring task.
To help curb time-bending tendencies, a good option could be the “Pomodoro Technique,” which has you working in focused, 25-minute bursts followed by short breaks to maintain high energy and concentration.
“Time blindness” might sound very close to “time optimism” and “time bending,” but the former is associated with an actual inability to perceive the passage of time. That’s why Anderson and Sultan explained that this category is frequently found in those with ADHD or executive function issues.
4. Time Blind
“It’s not that these folks don’t care about being late or making other people wait,” said Anderson. “Without external reminders or cues, it’s easy for them to lose track of how long things take, which makes sticking to a schedule more challenging.”
Sultan added, “Their brains actually have a difficult time registering and processing temporal information, causing impairments in working memory, executive functioning, and temporal discounting.”
Though time blindness might be more deeply ingrained than the other three personalities, there are several proven tools that can help—from simple, tried-and-true methods like visual/audio timers (think hourglasses and analog clocks) to apps designed to help strengthen time estimation. And of course, these tools aren’t exclusively beneficial to those with bona fide time blindness. Optimists and benders can try them out as well.
Once you better understand how you uniquely navigate time, you’re better able to (a) incorporate strategies that help you work within your limitations and (b) give yourself a little grace. Perhaps that last part is most important.
Everywhere you go, there seems to be a constant war between children’s clothing retailers who want to push the boundaries of modesty and parents who push back, saying they are sexualizing children. On top of that, when young girls believe they are supposed to wear clothes that are tight-fitting and revealing, it’s very damaging to their self-esteem and body image. So what is a parent to do?
“I think it’s one thing that the girls’ clothes are very fitted and small, and it’s another that they’re in such direct contrast to what you find on the boys’ side, and those two things send a pretty strong message about what they’re supposed to look like, dressed to be slim and to be fit,” Sharon Choksi, a mom of two and founder of the clothing line, Girls Will Be, told CNN.
Mom spots a revealing dress at Target
The topic came up again recently when Meghan Mayer, a mother of 2 and a 7th-grade school teacher, posted a TikTok video about a dress she saw at Target, which received over 1.6 million views. Meghan was reacting to a smock-style, patterned dress with balloon sleeves that appeared modest at first glance. But after closer examination, it has holes in the waist on both sides, revealing the girl’s midriff and possibly more.
“My oldest daughter and I are at Target, and there’s some cute spring stuff,” Mayer started the video. “I am a little bit more conservative when it comes to my kids’ clothing, so maybe I’m overreacting, but let me know what you think of these dresses.”
She added that the dress may be okay for a 12-year-old but was inappropriate for a 6- or 7-year-old. Mayer asked her followers what they thought of the dress. “Like I said, I know I’m a little bit more conservative. I don’t usually even let my girls wear bikinis, but maybe I’m overreacting, I don’t know. Thoughts?”
For reference, she then showed the dresses’ sizes to indicate they were for kids, then revealed the holes in the sides. “Look at these little slits on the sides of these dresses, right at the hips on all these dresses,” she said. The dress is obviously designed for a young girl to show skin, and it begs the question: Why would she want to, and who is supposed to be looking?
Most people found the dress to be inappropriate
Most people commenting on the video thought the dress was a bit much for such a young girl to wear, and that it was inappropriate for someone that age to expose themselves.
“You’re not overreacting. You’re parenting properly,” Paper Bound Greetings wrote. “No, no. There is no reason for those holes to be there. They should have pockets! Not holes!” Anna wrote. “I think retailers are trying to mature our kids too fast. I agree with mom!” HollyMoore730 commented. “That dress is SO CUTE until you see the slit. Why did they have to ruin it like that?!?”krb15 added.
“All the lady people have been asking for is dresses with pockets. This is the opposite of pockets. Whyyy?” akcrucial wrote.
But some thought that the dress was acceptable, while others thought Mayer was overreacting.
“Unpopular opinion, I think they’re cute,” Dr. Robinson wrote. “When I was a kid in the ‘70s, I wore halter tops and tube tops; they were not seen as big deals. I don’t think this is scandalous,” Kimberly Falkowsi added. “Overreacting. Both my girls have the blue and white, you can’t even tell much. It’s not that big of a hole. The dresses are so cute,” LolitaKHalessi commented.
“Fun fact… you don’t have to buy it, Bethany wrote. “Idk I think it’s cute and that everyone just making it weird when it really isn’t,” Wisdomdeals added. “Nothing wrong with the dress. It’s sold out in my area. Luckily if you don’t like it or think it’s inappropriate, you don’t buy it for your child,” Maddison commented.
Some commenters told Mayer that she should buy the dress and have her daughter wear a shirt beneath it so it doesn’t show skin. However, Mayer believes that it would support Target in making questionable kids’ clothing.
“No, I’m not going to buy it and have them wear a tank top with it, because then that’s showing Target that it’s OK,” she told Today.com. “And over time, the cutout will get bigger and bigger.”
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Once you reach a certain age, you resign yourself to the fact that young people will no longer think you’re cool. And that’s OK. But sometimes it’s nice to remind them how awesome you are (were?) when the opportunity presents itself.
And that was exactly the feat achieved by Gen Xers during a wholesome TikTok trend that instantly transported you right back in the attitude-filled, neon colored post-disco Decade of Decadence, otherwise known as the 80s.
Specifically, it’ took you back to an 80s dance club. In the trend, which peaked around a years ago, kids asked their parents to “dance like it’s the 80s,” as the 1984 track “Smalltown Boy” by the British pop band Bronski Beat played in the background. The song’s high energy tempo mixed with heartbreaking, anguish-ridden lyrics make it a fitting choice to bring us back to the time period.
The TikTok “80s dance challenge”
Parents happily obliged to their kids’ requests to show off their 80s dance moves. Their muscle memory kicked in the minute the tune began to play, and it was a whole vibe.
Check out Tabatha Lynn’s video of her mom, Leanne Lynn, which quickly racked up over 12 million views.
Leanne and Tabatha told TODAY that since going viral, the dance became a common “topic of conversation in the family text group.”
There are two factors here that folks really seem to connect with. One: 80s dancing was simple. Just moving to the rhythm, maybe a head bob for some flair or a robot if you’re feeling adventurous. Of course, the 80s had ambitious moves like the worm and the moonwalk, but for the most part it was just about groovin’ to beat.
The 80s was a time of rapid expansion for music. Much of this we have the birth of MTV to thank for, which subsequently dropped music videos, CDs and a vast array of music sub genres straight into the heart of pop culture.
Plus, the 80s brought us the synthesizer, which remains a strangely satisfying sound even in 2024. So while the era might have brought some things that most of us would prefer not to revisit—like acid washed denim and awful, awful hairstyles—some of its gems are truly timeless.
The trend also shows how, even though the weekly outing to a dance hall might be a thing of the past, people inherently want to bust a move. Luckily, there’s no shortage of clubs that cater to someone’s music tastes, no matter the era.
Speaking for 00s teens everywhere…just play the Cha Cha slide and we’ll come a-runnin.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
We’re all probably familiar with the term “mansplaining,” when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing way. Often, this takes the form of a man explaining a subject to a woman who already knows it at an expert level. The female neuroscientist who was told by a man that she should read a research paper she actually wrote comes to mind.
Often, mansplaining can show up in small interactions that minimize or infantilize a woman’s knowledge and expertise. It can be a man spouting off facts because he thinks it makes him seem interesting, or giving unsolicited fitness advice at the gym in a poorly disguised flirting attempt. But sometimes the irony at play is just too much to bear. Frankly, it’s often delicious.
In 2024, some next-level mansplaining was caught in the wild. Georgia Ball, a professional golfer and coach who’s racked up over 3 million likes on TikTok for all her tips and tricks of the sport, was minding her own business while practicing a swing change at the driving range.
People practicing on the driving range.via Canva/Photos
A man tries to give a female PGA pro golf tips
It takes all of two seconds on Google to see that when it comes to incorporating a swing change, golfers need to swing slower, at 50-75% their normal speed…which is what Ball was doing. And this is what prompted some man to insert his “advice.”
In the clip, we hear the man say “What you are doing there … you shouldn’t be doing that.” Exhibiting the patience of a nun, Ball simply tells him that she’s going through a swing change. But her attempts at reason are unfortunately interrupted, multiple times, when the man repeatedly assures her that, since he’s been playing golf for 20 years, he knows what he’s talking about.
He then insists, repeatedly cutting her off, that she’s going too slow on her swing and should be following through. Cue Ball’s incredulous look to the camera.
Watch the whole, cringe-inducing interaction here:
Hoping to appease him, Ball finally gives a hearty swing, writing “I knew I had to make this a good one” on the onscreen text. As the ball sails through the air, the man says, “See how much better that was?” completely taking credit for her swing. Which is hilarious because she didn’t change a thing she was doing.
Poor Ball then tries to tell him that even the “best players in the world” slow down their swing when going through a swing change. And she’d know. Not only is she a golf coach, but she’s also a certified PGA professional. “No, I understand what you’re saying, but I’ve been playing golf for 20 years,” the man repeats. At this point, Ball is just “trying to keep it together.”
A group of people playing golf, via Canva/Photos
People in the comments couldn’t handle the mansplaining
Sure, this guy might not have known who Ball was, but it’s pretty evident that the last thing she needed was this guy’s “advice.” And thus, the “mansplaining” jokes commenced in the comments section.
Here’s a small sampling:
“As a guy, this is the first time I’ve ever seen ‘mansplaining’ happen.”
“The way he took credit for your next swing.”
“But did you consider that he’s been playing golf for 20 years?”
“*implement nothing he says* ‘See how much better that was’ HAHAHAHAH.”
“My hope is that he comes across this video and it keeps him up at night.”
Others couldn’t help but praise Ball for keeping her cool.
“He doesn’t even give you a chance to explain, just forces his opinion and advice onto you. Goon on you for staying calm and polite,” one person wrote. Of course, others felt Ball was being “too nice” to the man. One even exclaimed, “there’s no reason to be so polite!”
Ball told BBC that it wouldn’t be in her nature to shut the man down harshly, even if that’s what he deserved. “I wouldn’t interrupt and say that,” she says. “I suppose it’s just the humble side of me.”
Perhaps worst of all, this kind of behavior is pretty common, especially for female athletes. A fellow female golfer even commented, “So glad you posted this because it is my BIGGEST frustration when I’m at the driving range. Unfortunately, men always feel the need to comment on my swing or want to coach me. Guys take note: Please don’t.”
On the bright side: as annoying as it is that Ball had to endure that (not to mention what it says about the very real b.s. that women in general have to put up with on the regular), she laughed it off and just went on about her life being awesome at what she does. Just like the other smart, capable women of the world. It’s almost like…maybe women don’t need advice, so much as they need
Ball isn’t holding onto any grudges over the incident
“I have a lot of interaction with males and females every single day [on the course]. And I’d say it’s mostly always positive,” she says. “I’m just glad I can look back at it now and laugh about it because the majority of people and golfers are all just out to help each other.”
Even though her time on the golf tee with the mansplainer was uncomfortable, the reaction to her discomfort has been positive. “The reaction has been so positive,” she told the BBC. “All the support, the comments, the messages, it’s just been so good. And I’m just so grateful for everything that’s come through.”
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Written on the receipt in bold red letters: “Learn to TIP. It’s not my job to serve you FOR FREE!”
Carr posted a photo of it to Threads last December, with a caption that summed up his reaction: “On my holiday travels, I stopped and had breakfast. this occurred afterwards. I was gonna leave a cash tip……” He added, “These servers are out of control, a lot of times they blocked their blessings for greed!”
The post has since pulled in 4.5 million views, according to Newsweek, and the comment section became exactly what you’d expect: a full-scale argument about one of the most reliably combustible topics in American public life.
On one side, people who felt the server crossed a line. “If you’re not getting paid by your EMPLOYER, that’s your fault. Tipping is OPTIONAL,” wrote @gaga.looie. @trice_the_bea added, “U.S.A. should start learning how to pay its workers. Tips should be a reward for kind service, not their paycheck.”
On the other, people who felt the server’s frustration was completely understandable given the economic reality behind it. “greed? in U.S. servers get a base salary of $2.13/hour on average,” wrote @lucy.vard. “The majority of the money they make is tips. We can argue that the system is broken, and restaurant owners should pay their employees, and, while valid, it’s a different point. This is how system works, and we shouldn’t punish people for the system’s imperfection.”
Both responses capture something true, which is probably why this post keeps spreading.
The structural reality is that the American tipping system puts servers and customers in an uncomfortable position that neither of them created. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey, 72% of U.S. adults say they are being asked to tip in more places than five years ago. More Americans oppose businesses suggesting tip amounts (40%) than support it (24%). And 77% of diners say the quality of service is their primary factor in deciding how much to tip, which means a server’s income is perpetually attached to variables outside their control.
That pressure is real. So is the frustration of a customer who genuinely intended to leave cash and got a lecture in red ink before he had the chance.
What makes this story harder to resolve than it looks is that the server’s note wasn’t wrong about the economics. It was just aimed at the wrong person. The broken part of the system isn’t the customer who leaves cash instead of a card tip. It’s the system that pays servers $2.13 an hour and asks both parties to sort out the rest between themselves.
@azjohnsons put it plainly in the comments: “Tips are their salary. Not a blessing. They worked and should be paid. Sorry for the frustrated note but I get it.”
This article originally appeared earlier this year.
Handwritten letters were a standard feature of human civilization for centuries, but the art of letter-writing has been lost in the digital age. Gone are the days when you would write down something important, send it off, and wait for a reply that may or may not ever come. Unlike modern-day “ghosting” or being “left…
Handwritten letters were a standard feature of human civilization for centuries, but the art of letter-writing has been lost in the digital age. Gone are the days when you would write down something important, send it off, and wait for a reply that may or may not ever come. Unlike modern-day “ghosting” or being “left on read,” if someone didn’t respond to a letter, it might mean they never even received it.
Such was the case of a letter sent to Tony Trapani in 1959 that his wife never showed him. Tony and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. “She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. “She couldn’t have any. She tried and tried.” Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony’s love for his wife never wavered, and he cherished every moment they spent together.
When Tony was 81 years old, his wife passed away. He undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings, including a mountain of papers stuffed into filing cabinets. Trapani diligently went through every single one.
That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet, hidden for over half a century.
The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She had reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony’s world forever.
“Dear Tony, I bet you are surprised to hear from me after so many years. I was just thinking about you tonight like so many other nights. But I thought I would write you and find out how you are,” the letter reads. “Tony, please don’t be angry or surprised to hear this. I have a little boy. He is five years old now—grey eyes and beautiful black hair. What I am trying to say Tony is he is your son.”
Tony Trapani found a letter saying he had a son decades after it was sent. Photo credit: Canva
“Please, Tony if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come and see him,” Shirley wrote in the letter. “Every day he asks me where is his daddy and believe me Tony I can’t even answer him anymore. I would be forever grateful to you if you would just see him. … I’ll close now hoping and praying you will answer. P.S. His name is Samuel Duane.”
Now, Tony faced the fact that he had a son that would be around 60 years old and he set out to find him.
For over a year, Trapani’s sister tried to track down the mysterious Samuel Duane Childress, until she finally contacted his wife, Donna.
Tony and Samuel met in January 2015 and he felt like a new dad. After meeting his father, Samuel said his mother told him she sent the letter, but Tony never responded. “Why my wife didn’t tell me,” said Trapani, “I don’t know. She wanted children. She couldn’t have any. She tried and tried.”
It’s easy to understand why it may have been hard for Trapani’s late wife, Dolly, to pass along that sort of news. Though we’ll never know what exactly must have been in her heart and mind when she hid the letter all those years ago.
“I always asked my mom, I said, ‘Well what does he look like?” Samuel said. “She said, ‘Well, go look in the mirror.”
The two met and caught up on a lifetime of memories with the understanding that they could never change the past. “Just to know him now is so important to me. It’s going to fill that void,” Samuel said.
But just to be sure, Tony took a paternity test to ensure they were father and son. Stunning everyone involved, the test came back negative. Tony was not the father after all.
The news upset Tony and Samuel, but they still had a unique bond. They shared a relationship with Samuel’s mother and both have been on an incredibly wild ride after Tony found the mysterious letter.
“They’re keeping that bond,” Donna said. “That paper doesn’t mean anything to him. That bond has been made—and we’re going to move on from here.”
Tony Trapani passed away in 2017, leaving him just two short years to connect with the man he once believed to be his son. If he’d seen the letter earlier, maybe they would have had more time. But that’s all in the past, and by all accounts, the men treasured the time they got together and the relationship that they did have — even if it was not the one they wished for.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
We spend a third of our lives asleep, and during that time our bodies and minds are restored. But wouldn’t it be great if we could also use that time to think brilliant thoughts that help us when we wake? Imagine if, while you sleep, your mind could solve problems, come up with creative ideas,…
We spend a third of our lives asleep, and during that time our bodies and minds are restored. But wouldn’t it be great if we could also use that time to think brilliant thoughts that help us when we wake? Imagine if, while you sleep, your mind could solve problems, come up with creative ideas, and recall long-forgotten memories.
A new study by neuroscientists at Northwestern University has taken the first step toward making this possible by training people to solve difficult puzzles in their sleep.
The researchers conducted a sleep study with 20 people who had prior experience with lucid dreaming. Participants were given a series of tough brainteasers to work on for three minutes, with each one paired with its own musical soundtrack.
The brainteasers were difficult enough that most went unsolved. As participants went to bed in the lab that night and entered REM sleep, researchers played the soundtracks from the unsolved puzzles to encourage them to dream about them. When participants woke up the next morning, the findings were remarkable.
Sixty percent of the participants had dreams that referenced the specific puzzles they couldn’t solve while awake. Those who dreamed about the unsolved puzzles increased their problem-solving ability from 20% to 40%.
Karen Konkoly, a post-doctoral researcher in Paller’s Cognitive Neuroscience Laboratory, explained the findings in a press release:
“Even without lucidity, one dreamer asked a dream character for help solving the puzzle we were cueing. Another was cued with the ‘trees’ puzzle and woke up dreaming of walking through a forest. Another dreamer was cued with a puzzle about jungles and woke up from a dream in which she was fishing in the jungle, thinking about that puzzle. These were fascinating examples to witness because they showed how dreamers can follow instructions, and dreams can be influenced by sounds during sleep, even without lucidity.”
The study shows incredible potential for using our dreams to solve complex problems and increase creativity.
“My hope is that these findings will help move us towards stronger conclusions about the functions of dreaming,” Konkoly said. “If scientists can definitively say that dreams are important for problem solving, creativity, and emotion regulation, hopefully people will start to take dreams seriously as a priority for mental health and wellbeing.”
Wouldn’t it be incredible if you could tap into the power of your dreams to solve problems or come up with new ideas like the participants did in the laboratory? Even though it may sound too good to be true, there are research-backed ways to learn how to control your dreams. One of the most popular is the MILD (Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams) technique.
