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17 small, but significant, lifestyle changes that help people with anxiety.

While it’s easy — and understandable — to roll your eyes when someone offers a “miracle cure” for your anxiety (Yes! I have tried yoga! Thanks for asking!!), it’s also important to acknowledge this truth: There are day-to-day changes you can make that might help you manage your anxiety. We’re not talking about a miracle…

By

Tod Perry

Array
Array – Photo credit: Array

While it’s easy — and understandable — to roll your eyes when someone offers a “miracle cure” for your anxiety (Yes! I have tried yoga! Thanks for asking!!), it’s also important to acknowledge this truth: There are day-to-day changes you can make that might help you manage your anxiety.

We’re not talking about a miracle cure. We’re not saying breathing on a mat will make your problems go away. It’s just important to remember while you’re rolling your eyes that you’re not helpless in this fight.

While something that worked for one person might not work for you, that doesn’t mean nothing works for you — or that daily, destructive anxiety is inevitable.

Of course, that being said, anxiety will still happen, and when it rears its ugly head, it’s not your fault. It doesn’t mean you didn’t “try hard enough.” But for some of us, a slight change or tweak in our routine can at least make the fall a little softer, and the anxiety a bit more manageable.

Making small changes also doesn’t replace seeing a therapist or taking medication, if that’s what you need. It’s just important to know there are options out there.

To find out some small changes people made that made a significant difference in their life with anxiety, our partners at The Mighty reached out to their mental health community.

Here’s what they shared:

1. Making Your Bed Every Morning

“I make my bed in the morning. That way I start my day feeling like I’ve already accomplished something. Also, no matter how bad the day is, I have something nice to come home to.” — Clarissa L.

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2. Keeping Your Phone on Silent

“I keep my phone on silent. I never realized how much anxiety came from sudden phone calls or texts I wasn’t expecting. It doesn’t help that 9/10 times it’s a text that causes me more anxiety/drama/stress.” — Kathryn W

3. Opening Up to Others About Your Anxiety

“Being really open and honest with everyone that I have severe anxiety. When it’s really bad, I’m more open about it rather than hiding. I also draw a little smiley face on my wrist every day and make myself think a happy thought each time I see it!” — Cherokee M.

“Nightly check ins with my boyfriend. It helps to discuss the day and talk about what’s bothering me and the positive and negative things that happened. Helps set me up for sleep. Thank goodness he’s understanding and so patient with me when my anxiety becomes overwhelming for me.” — Monica T.

“I’ve informed people of my anxiety and have told them I need to leave the area for a reason and to please don’t take it personally, and please give me my space.” — Bailey S.

4. Spending Less Time on Social Media/Limiting Screen Time

“Temporary Facebook breaks by uninstalling the app. I can still browse through the mobile site, but it’s more inconvenient and makes me less likely to spend hours on there.” — Randi D.

“I limit my social media. It seemed my anxiety would rise every time I went on, because I was comparing my life to everyone’s highlight reel and it was doing a number on my self-esteem.” — Jen S.

“I try my best not to reach for my phone first thing in the morning. It’s not easy when it’s the alarm going off, but I turn it off and then I reach for my dogs. I try to spend a few minutes cuddling with them before I do anything else, like check my emails or Facebook. Before reality gets a chance to get in, I give my girls a chance to get their love in. They are far more important and loving them sets a better tone for my day.” — Nicole R.

“Having complete days where I switch off. No phone, internet or leaving the house. Ultimate recharge, in my place of security and serenity, without distractions.” — Capri B.

5. Saying “No”

“Being honest and telling people no. Saying ‘maybe’ doesn’t help… I’m telling you no for a reason, respect that and don’t come back at me for it. I’m trying my best, but I have my limits on what I can do. If I can do it I will do it.” — Saige D.

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6. Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques (a.k.a. Jedi Mind Tricks)

“I basically do a Jedi mind trick on myself. (Being a nerd helps with my anxiety too lol.) Here’s how it works: I try to objectively reflect on and assess my day. For example, I’ll think about what happened that day and rate how good the day was. However, I have to be able to provide ‘evidence’ from the day to back up my rating. Since anxiety convinces me I had a crappy day, when I make my day concrete by reflecting on the specific goals I did meet and the specific things I did accomplish and the specific little surprises that were positive, I see it was actually a good day. My attitude towards the day improves. It’s cut down on how often I claim I had a crappy day. I can tell if it was just the anxiety or actually a crappy day. If it was just the anxiety, reflecting has helped me see anxiety was lying and my memory of the day becomes positive. I guess it’s a type of daily gratitude practice. I even have an app that I can use to track how I rated my days so I can see patterns and I can visually see that I actually have more good days than bad ones.” — Jessica R.

7. Starting a Mindfulness Practice

“Yoga and meditation! Mindfulness is really helpful, it helps you stay in the present moment. also focusing on my breathing, deep breaths. They help me stay grounded.” — Eirenne E.

“Gratitude and mindfulness have worked really well and after being repeatedly told in therapy this works, I hesitantly tried it out. And it does work. Anxiety is often so future-focused about what may or may not happen. Mindfulness and gratitude keep you in the moment and help you appreciate what you already have. For example, every morning on my way to work, I have a gratitude mindfulness exercise. I notice the sunrise and appreciate it beauty, different colors, textures, etc. In that moment, I am not worried about work that day or remembering something that didn’t go well the day before. It is just me and the sunrise.” — Alyssa P.

“I’ve taken up meditation. I decided to download a few guided meditation sessions and I now meditate twice a day. My first is a general session in the morning, and at night it’s a session about whatever bothered me throughout the day. It helps a lot.” — Brianna N.

[rebelmouse-image 19346559 dam=1 original_size=”572×287″ caption=”via Sebastien Wiertz / Flickr” expand=1]

8. Writing Down Your Schedule/To-Do List

“I have a daily planner, but I also use a chalkboard wall, sticky notes and an app on my phone to make reminders and notes of encouragement more visible. It’s one of the best things I’ve done to cope with both anxiety and ADHD.” — Kami L.

9. Working Out

“The gym. Mostly on the treadmill or the bikes. Simple but slow workouts. I do it early in the a.m. If I start having an episode, walking or running in place helps.” — Jordan S.

10. Practicing Acceptance

“Accepting this as part of who I am. It allows me to step back when needed, totally guilt-free. Also letting go of how it makes others feel, guilt-free. It doesn’t change the level of anxiety, it only takes away the guilt of having it.” — Kathi F.

11. Cutting Toxic People/Things Out of Your Life

“I dropped all the toxic people in my life. Block. Delete. So simple. I unfollowed all the news and political pages on Twitter and Facebook. Life is so much better being a little selfish and putting my needs first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. As bitchy and heartless as I may sound, I’m actually able to love and care for those who actually care about me better after getting rid of the draining relationships.” — Naoko P.

“Cutting out people who are negative and bring me down not just on social media but I’ve had to tell former friends I’m done. It was hard when there was still so much there, but the constant disappointment was not worth it.”– Allison M.

“I remove all toxic people from my life. And I try to avoid encounters with people like that as often as I can. The biggest change I’ve made is breaking up with the most toxic ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had and getting out of the most toxic relationship I have ever been in. Reminding myself to breathe every day is extremely important. Relax. And to remember that things take time.” — Jessa P.

12. Establishing a Bedtime Routine

“I’ve established a bedtime routine. May sound silly, but after brushing teeth, etc., I wash my hands with a lavender soap. And use a good smell on my hands. Then climb into bed and take a few deep breaths. While repeating my mantra, ‘You are physically, mentally, emotionally safe. The world is not out to get you. Nothing is as bad as it seems.’ It really helps me.” — Niki T.

“I get everything I need for the day ready the night before so I don’t have to think too early in the morning. I also make my bed before I leave in the morning which is great because coming home after a long day to a made bed is fantastic. My room stays neat and clean which helps keep my mind at ease.” — Alexis H.

“I write down all the things I need to do the next day before I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep because I’m less worried about forgetting a responsibility.” — Maisie B.

[rebelmouse-image 19346560 dam=1 original_size=”740×385″ caption=”via Sam Javanrough / Flickr ” expand=1]

13. Journaling

“I keep a journal now to track what was happening when I began to feel myself getting overwhelmed. Inside the cover is a list of grounding techniques. This helps me track my triggers and find ways to cope/avoid those situations.” — Megan K.

14. Finding Something to Do With Your Hands

“I take my crochet with me everywhere I go now. It helps me while I sit and talk to people. Even if I’m not talking to someone, it can help bring a great conversation starter and helps ease my tension, as I keep my hands busy.” — Tatauq M.

15. Cutting Out Caffeine

“I’ve cut the majority of caffeine from my life. I stick to herbal tea, and occasionally will have a green tea or decaf coffee. Since this change, I’ve had significantly fewer panic attacks.” — Ashley S.

“Cut out caffeine and drink more water. I was told by a therapist that it would help and it does. I noticed without the caffeine I don’t feel as anxious. Not only does it help with my anxiety, but I know I’m hydrated.” — Amanda W.

“I quit caffeine! Not having that extra jolt when I get anxious has really helped keep my panic levels lower. Yes, it was hard — but worth it!” — Polly B.

16. Giving Yourself Time in the Morning to Prepare for the Day

“Giving myself enough time in the morning to prepare for the day. It has made a huge difference in being able to have the right mindset before leaving the house.” — Stephanie Q.

“I wake up an hour earlier to get some alone and free time in my home before everyone else wakes up.” — Alicia H.

17. Practicing Gratitude

“Listing three things I’m thankful for every day (no repeats, if I’m thankful for the sun one day then I can’t say that ever again) and going on a walk.” — Crystal G.

“When I think something negative, I have to stop and think of something I am grateful for. Example — I got a flat tire and I would’ve normally been upset, but I remembered I had the foresight to get AAA two years ago because I was scared about something happening. I said thank you to my anxiety because now I was covered. Sounds weird but it works.” — Karri H.

This article was originally published by our partners at The Mighty and was written by Sarah Schuster.

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    Ethan and Scott Pesch are raising money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. – Photo credit: The Pesch Family & St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
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    The Pesch family. Photo credit: The Pesch family (used with permission)

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    Hudson is friends with everyone when he’s at the park

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    “He has always been a really friendly and social child who genuinely believes everyone is—or should be—his friend,” she told People. “We jokingly refer to him as the mayor because he likes to talk to everyone, anywhere we go.”

    A commenter wrote, “His logic he met them, exchanged names, and played w the kids = no longer strangers.”

    “He’s about to be real confused on the rules come Halloween,” another added.

    Another loved his nonchalant nature: “The fact that he’s still tasting every ingredient in the candy while you’re warning him.”

    kids in park, kids on playground, happy kids, playing kids, children at park, kids on bridge
    Kids playing at the park. Photo credit: Canva

    How should parents discuss stranger danger with their children?

    “The phrase ‘stranger danger’ can be misleading. While it’s true that we need to teach our children to be cautious around people they don’t know, the reality is that not all strangers are harmful. Labeling all unfamiliar people as dangerous can create unnecessary fear and confusion,” Nature Therapy, a family therapy practice based in Illinois, wrote on its blog. “Statistically, most child abuse cases involve someone the child already knows. This is where the concept of ‘tricky people’ becomes more effective. It shifts the focus from fearing all strangers to identifying behaviors that are inappropriate or unsafe, regardless of whether the person is a stranger or someone familiar.”

    The debate may have been about the nuances of stranger danger, but it’s also a great example of how open-minded and kind-hearted young kids can be.

    “Children are innocent, hate is taught,” Hall said. “Children see the best in people and never think anyone would do something to harm them, and I wish this were true.”

    Keep Reading →
  • She “nagged” her husband about the car seat. Moments later, he called her from a crash.
    A baby strapped into the car seat – Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    She “nagged” her husband about the car seat. Moments later, he called her from a crash.

    She calls it her “annoying nagging mom voice” and it’s a real life-saver.

    Adam Albright-Hanna

    On her first day back at work after maternity leave, Rebecca Tafaro Boyer wasn’t ready to be apart from her 3-month-old. She asked her husband David to send her hourly updates on how baby William was doing without her.

    David was a good sport about it. He texted throughout the day, including a photo of William buckled into his Britax car seat as they headed out to Walgreens. Rebecca looked at the photo and immediately texted back. The straps were too loose. The chest clip was too low. “And because I know my husband,” she later wrote on Facebook, “I’m sure that he laughed at me and rolled his eyes before tightening the car seat and fixing the chest clip.”

    Fifteen minutes later, her phone rang.

    “Honey, we had a car wreck. We are fine, but the car is going to be totaled.”

    Less than three miles from their Memphis home, another driver had pulled into traffic to turn left and David hadn’t had time to stop. He hit the front passenger side door at nearly 50 miles per hour. David ended up on crutches with three shattered bones in his foot and three dislocated toes. The car was a total loss.

    William didn’t even wake up.

    “My precious little bundle of joy was so well restrained in his car seat THAT HE DIDN’T EVEN WAKE UP,” Boyer wrote. “Even with the impact of the two cars, William only received a minor jolt — so insignificant that he was able to continue on with his nap, and then spend the next two hours flirting with nurses in the Le Bonheur ED.”

    Boyer posted the story on Facebook at a friend’s request, expecting it to stay within her circle. She was stunned when it was shared more than 45,000 times. She told TODAY that her goal was simple: car seats save lives, and the difference between a properly secured infant and a loosely buckled one can be the difference between a nap and a tragedy.

    “I truly believe that the reason my family is at home sitting on the couch with a pair of crutches instead of down at the hospital is because of my annoying nagging mom voice,” she wrote.

    When readers identified the Britax BSafe 35 as the seat that protected William, the company reached out to offer a free replacement — once a car seat has been in a crash, it can’t be used again. Boyer and David had already replaced it through insurance, so she asked Britax to donate a seat to the Forrest Spence Fund, a Memphis nonprofit that helps families of critically ill children with everyday needs. Their original seat went to the NICU at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital to be used in car seat safety education for new parents.

    As for David: “My husband says, ‘I’m never going to live this down, am I?’” Boyer said, laughing.

    He is correct.

    This article originally appeared four years ago.

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  • Historian debunks the notion that grief in ‘Hamnet’ was portrayed unrealistically for the time
    Were medieval parents less attached to their children? – Photo credit: Living History by Dr Julia Martins/YouTube
    ,

    Historian debunks the notion that grief in ‘Hamnet’ was portrayed unrealistically for the time

    Knowing you were likely to lose a child didn’t make it any easier.

    Annie Reneau

    The majority of parents today have never known the pain of losing a child. Sadly, that was not the case throughout history. Before the 20th century, many parents could expect one or more of their children to die before reaching adulthood, usually due to infectious disease.

    As in the book it was based on, the film adaptation of Hamnet centers on parental grief. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, there’s a good chance you’ve seen the tear-streaked aftermath of others who have.

    Jessie Buckley’s Oscar-winning performance as a grieving mother wrecked audiences far and wide. Her improvised, guttural scream after her child’s death went straight to the heart. Her calling the scream “ancient” couldn’t feel more accurate.

    @screenplayed

    Jessie Buckley talks about this moment in Hamnet wasn’t in the script. It came up on the day. Buckley is nominated for an Academy Award for her performance. What do you think of the film? 🎥 #hamnet #jessiebuckley #academyawards #oscars #filmtok

    ♬ original sound – Screenplayed

    However, some people have questioned whether the film’s intense portrayal of grief is realistic for the time period. Naturally, we would expect a child’s death to devastate a parent today. But was that the case historically? Did parents mourn the loss of a child as hard or as long when nearly half of children died? Would knowing you were likely to lose a child, or multiple children, make their deaths easier to handle?

    The idea that parents hundreds of years ago weren’t as emotionally attached to their kids isn’t new, even in academic circles. Dr. Julia Martins, a historian, explored the debate in a YouTube video titled “Did They Love Their Children? The History of Grief.”

    It began with French historian Philippe Ariès, who published a book in 1960 about childhood through the centuries.

    “Ariès argued that the concept of childhood as a distinct, protected phase of life is a modern invention that only emerged around the 17th century,” Martins said. “Children were understood as mini adults and, from the time they were around seven, they mixed with the adult world. He suggested that, because of the incredibly high infant mortality, parents were forced to be emotionally distant and not get too attached to their children, who might not live to see their first birthday. This indifference would be a defense mechanism. Expecting to lose half the children you had would make you not as emotionally invested in them.”

    In his 1977 book The Family, Sex and Marriage in England 1500–1800, historian Lawrence Stone also posited that colder, more pragmatic family relationships were the norm. In his assessment, the affectionate, loving bonds we associate with family today developed late in our history.

    However, by the 1980s, historians began to question this idea. Martins pointed out that Ariès relied on paintings from the past to draw his conclusions.

    For her 1983 book Forgotten Children, historian Linda Pollock focused her research on diaries and autobiographies from the 16th to 19th centuries. She argued that parents have always had intense love for their children and felt a deep sense of loss when they died.

    Martins’ own examination of the historical record has led her to the same conclusion. The difference, she suggested, lies in how parents coped with the pain of losing a child.

    “We forget how deeply religious early modern Europe was,” Martins said. “Could this indifference be religious resignation, instead of lack of affection? In a world where people understood death as God’s will, parents might console themselves thinking things like ‘The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.’ That doesn’t mean they weren’t grieving, but rather that they were focusing on the child being in heaven and accepting God’s will. Ariès interpreted this as a lack of feeling. But you could argue that this was a coping strategy for deep pain. The grief was real; the cultural script for expressing it was different.”

    And of course, grief is and has always been an individual experience. Even in Hamnet, the parents express their grief differently, despite losing the same child.

    People in the comments on Martins’ video reiterated how historical artifacts demonstrate expressions of parental grief:

    “Sometimes I find myself thinking of the skull of the ancient Greek child with the crown of painted ceramic flowers on her head. Someone loved that child to the point that they couldn’t bear the thought of those flowers wilting.”

    “Whenever I hear the claim that people didn’t grieve their children, I think of the ancient graves we find where children are so carefully prepared for burial, with a toy (obviously made by hand, so carrying a time cost and not quickly replaceable) buried with them. That doesn’t seem like the actions of a parent who doesn’t care.”

    “My favorite example about children always being children are ancient Egyptian ‘hot wheels’: toys shaped like a tiny chariot or wagon with wheels on it, and holes to put a string through… I can’t erase the mental image I got of an ancient Egyptian child thousands of years ago running around lugging A TOY CAR around, forgetting or breaking it and crying to parents, or being happy about getting a new one as a holiday gift, nothing really changed.”

    “Cicero was inconsolable when his daughter Tullia died. Julius Caesar, who had also lost his daughter Julia, his only child, wrote to him to offer sympathy. They had a whole correspondence on grief. Cicero built a temple (lost today) to the memory of his daughter. The idea that parents from the past did not care is ludicrous.”

    “It always felt to me so strange to figure that people in the past ‘wouldn’t care so much’ for their kids because a lot of children died. Two things can be true at the same time. People surely knew that lots of people died in a very early age AND that doesn’t diminish any kind of bond or attachment. Ironically, it’s this theory itself that IS detached (from reality): humans are social creatures!”

    Keep Reading →
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