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10 things to learn about dating a blind person.

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Perkins School for the Blind

There are few greater thrills than meeting someone amazing for the first time. So much happens in those first few moments.

Maybe it's their eyes and the way they sparkle in the light. Maybe it's their smile and how it makes the corners of their eyes crinkle in just the right way. Maybe. All you know is that with just one look, something is a little bit different. Just as Ed Sheeran says, everything has changed.

‌A woman looks into a man's eyes. Image via iStock.‌


For people who see, so much of what is felt in those first few moments comes from the way a person looks. But what if we couldn't see them? Would we still feel the same way about them after a first meeting?

It's a real question and one that people who are blind or have low vision get asked a lot. To get a better understanding, we asked a few individuals what they wish sighted people knew about dating them.

1. They may not be able to see you, but first impressions still matter.

"The concept of a first impression in a meeting for us is not quite similar to [what] you are familiar with," says Florian Beijers, a 24-year-old computer science student from the Netherlands. "You can see the style of their clothes, the way they look ... [but] we don’t get these details. There is, of course, someone’s smell, someone’s voice, but they don’t always tell the same story as what you would be seeing ... it takes us a bit longer to actually form an opinion on someone."

Still, if you didn’t make an effort to dress up for the date, if you are uncomfortable, or even if you're uninterested in the date, it is going to show.

"I don’t have to see their facial reactions to tell if they want to get out of there, if they are bored," says Tanja Milojevic, 27, who works in the library at Perkins School for the Blind. "I am also interested in how they look to a point ... [so] when I meet somebody, I give them a hug. The hug shows me what they look like in a sense, and that helps form my impression of them," she adds.

‌Two women hug at a coffee shop. Image via iStock.‌

2. Scent is important.

There's a lot of unseen stuff that folks notice that shapes their attraction to someone new. Smells — the ones we cultivate or the ones we don't even realize we have — are a big part of that.

"Body odor is a big one," says Milojevic. "If they smell like sweat and beer and they didn’t brush their teeth — I am not going to be interested."

3. Sound is too.

Like scent, the sound of a potential partner can go a long way to affecting how attracted a person will be to them. It's more than the timbre of a voice; it's everything from the sound of their breathing to their chewing to what their shoes sound like when they walk. Word choices and volume are key, too.

"Their voice is important to me," Milojevic says. "I pay attention to their conversation skills, but also what their voice sounds like."

‌A couple holds hands over a candlelit dinner. Image via iStock.‌

She continues, noting, "You can definitely tell when you meet somebody whether they put a lot of emotion and emphasis into their voice. I personally like that because I can learn a lot about them as a person [and] I know how they are reacting ... if they put a lot more passion into their voice, it’s easier to read them."

4. Spontaneity is fun, but dating is often easier for blind people when they can plan ahead.

Until Elon Musk and Google replace all cars with perfectly self-driving ones, getting around wide distances will continue to be a bit of a challenge for blind and low vision folks. Many people, blind and sighted, rely on public transportation and the schedules that come with it. Having the time to plan travel in advance is important.

5. Don't write off activities like going to movies or the theater. There are apps and tools for that.

‌A woman leans on her date's shoulder in the movie theater. Image via iStock.‌

Going to the movies or a play are time-honored dating activities. Those don't have to be off-limits because you're dating someone with a visual impairment. Lots of movie theaters are equipped with audio descriptions so that moviegoers can fill in the gaps for scenes without dialogue or narration.

And if you aren’t sure if it’s something a blind or low-vision friend would enjoy — just ask. "Better to not assume, better just to ask," Milojevic says.

6. Open communication is key to any relationship — and asking questions is OK.

Every relationship will eventually fall apart if the people in it don't trust each other enough to talk honestly. So talking and asking questions on a date is one of the best ways to get over any awkwardness.

"If you are unsure about something, just ask — we don’t bite," Beijers says. "People start walking on eggshells when they are around someone with a disability; that is something that you shouldn’t do."

"Asking questions is actually a wonderful way to get conversations going and putting yourself at ease," notes Milojevic. "We don’t get offended easily, for the most part, and sometimes just asking 'Is there something that I should avoid bringing up that might offend you' is helpful and will put them at ease because usually [we] will say no."

‌A man and a woman talk over coffee. Image via iStock.‌

Beijers adds, "When you start a relationship with someone that can see and you cannot yourself, at some point, these things are going to come to light anyway, so you might as well start out knowing what you are comfortable talking about, what you feel comfortable discussing, and what you don’t feel comfortable talking about — this is going to help you grow closer."

Beijers has been with his girlfriend, who is sighted, for more than two years. They met at a friend’s party, and he said they grew close because they had open communication from the beginning. "[If] both parties try not to be awkward with each other, I think you come a lot further and have this chemistry that will grow a lot faster," he says.

7. Don't diminish the relationship between a blind person and their guide dog.

‌A seeing-eye dog. Image via iStock.‌

For a relationship between a person and their service animal to work, they both need to trust each other implicitly. Potential partners need to be comfortable with always having a third (four-legged) wheel around and not distracting the service animal from their important daily duties.

"If they don’t like dogs or they are allergic, I don’t pursue it because it is not going to work out," says Milojevic.

8. They don't need a savior or a servant.

Having a partner who is helpful can be wonderful but not when it comes at the expense of being self-reliant.

In an interview with Tab's View, blind dater Abby described her experiences with an ex-boyfriend who used her condition as an excuse to do everything for her.

"I would ask him to not pick me up  somewhere, because I have a guide dog; I wanted to walk on the pretty days," she said. "He would pick me up anyway, and it just drove me crazy after a while, I would tell him, 'Hey! You can just meet me at home,' or something like that. He sometimes would be okay with it, but it got to a point where he would use my visual impairment to his advantage."

Milojevic also had a particularly bad — and creepy — date with a man who enjoying "helping" just a little too much.

"The person was very interested in the whole process of helping me out, even if I didn’t really need the help, and they liked the fact that traveling around an unfamiliar area, I was depending on them," she recalls. "It was more like they liked having the whole 'dependent/co-dependent thing' going on at that moment, and I don’t know. I didn’t like that. It kind of freaked me out."

"I am capable of doing things myself," she explains. "I don’t want the person to feel like they have to do everything. If I am in a relationship, I want to feel like I’m equal."

9. Blind people date using a lot of the same tools and apps you do — though nothing beats meeting in person.

There are a few specialized dating apps and websites for people who are blind or have low vision, but most don’t offer the same wide pool of potential dates. As a result, more and more people use the same dating websites and apps that everyone uses — or at least the ones that are accessible to screen-readers.

Milojevic says she used to have an online dating profile but that it isn’t her favorite way to meet people. "I had a few experiences on there where it just didn’t go anywhere," she says.

Also, not all parts of dating websites were accessible. "There was a lot on there, a lot of advertisements. And it would freeze up my page, so I got frustrated with it." She prefers meeting people at events or on websites like Meetup, where she can get to know someone face-to-face.

10. Relationships matter because we're people and we matter.

‌A couple walks holding hands by the riverbank. Image via iStock.‌

It's a fact: Not everyone one in the world will seem attractive to everyone else. But all of us, regardless of who we are and what we like, deserve the chance to find love and happiness. Whether you are sighted, blind, or in between, remembering our basic shared humanity is essential.

There are few greater thrills than meeting someone amazing for the first time. So much happens in those first few moments.

Maybe it's their eyes and the way they sparkle in the light. Maybe it's their smile and how it makes the corners of their eyes crinkle in just the right way. Maybe. All you know is that with just one look, something is a little bit different. Just as Ed Sheeran says, everything has changed.

‌A woman looks into a man's eyes. Image via iStock.‌

For people who see, so much of what is felt in those first few moments comes from the way a person looks. But what if we couldn't see them? Would we still feel the same way about them after a first meeting?

It's a real question and one that people who are blind or have low vision get asked a lot. To get a better understanding, we asked a few individuals what they wish sighted people knew about dating them.

1. They may not be able to see you, but first impressions still matter.

"The concept of a first impression in a meeting for us is not quite similar to [what] you are familiar with," says Florian Beijers, a 24-year-old computer science student from the Netherlands. "You can see the style of their clothes, the way they look ... [but] we don’t get these details. There is, of course, someone’s smell, someone’s voice, but they don’t always tell the same story as what you would be seeing ... it takes us a bit longer to actually form an opinion on someone."

Still, if you didn’t make an effort to dress up for the date, if you are uncomfortable, or even if you're uninterested in the date, it is going to show.

"I don’t have to see their facial reactions to tell if they want to get out of there, if they are bored," says Tanja Milojevic, 27, who works in the library at Perkins School for the Blind. "I am also interested in how they look to a point ... [so] when I meet somebody, I give them a hug. The hug shows me what they look like in a sense, and that helps form my impression of them," she adds.

‌Two women hug at a coffee shop. Image via iStock.‌

2. Scent is important.

There's a lot of unseen stuff that folks notice that shapes their attraction to someone new. Smells — the ones we cultivate or the ones we don't even realize we have — are a big part of that.

"Body odor is a big one," says Milojevic. "If they smell like sweat and beer and they didn’t brush their teeth — I am not going to be interested."

3. Sound is too.

Like scent, the sound of a potential partner can go a long way to affecting how attracted a person will be to them. It's more than the timbre of a voice; it's everything from the sound of their breathing to their chewing to what their shoes sound like when they walk. Word choices and volume are key, too.

"Their voice is important to me," Milojevic says. "I pay attention to their conversation skills, but also what their voice sounds like."

‌A couple holds hands over a candlelit dinner. Image via iStock.‌

She continues, noting, "You can definitely tell when you meet somebody whether they put a lot of emotion and emphasis into their voice. I personally like that because I can learn a lot about them as a person [and] I know how they are reacting ... if they put a lot more passion into their voice, it’s easier to read them."

4. Spontaneity is fun, but dating is often easier for blind people when they can plan ahead.

Until Elon Musk and Google replace all cars with perfectly self-driving ones, getting around wide distances will continue to be a bit of a challenge for blind and low vision folks. Many people, blind and sighted, rely on public transportation and the schedules that come with it. Having the time to plan travel in advance is important.

5. Don't write off activities like going to movies or the theater. There are apps and tools for that.

‌A woman leans on her date's shoulder in the movie theater. Image via iStock.‌

Going to the movies or a play are time-honored dating activities. Those don't have to be off-limits because you're dating someone with a visual impairment. Lots of movie theaters are equipped with audio descriptions so that moviegoers can fill in the gaps for scenes without dialogue or narration.

And if you aren’t sure if it’s something a blind or low-vision friend would enjoy — just ask. "Better to not assume, better just to ask," Milojevic says.

6. Open communication is key to any relationship — and asking questions is OK.

Every relationship will eventually fall apart if the people in it don't trust each other enough to talk honestly. So talking and asking questions on a date is one of the best ways to get over any awkwardness.

"If you are unsure about something, just ask — we don’t bite," Beijers says. "People start walking on eggshells when they are around someone with a disability; that is something that you shouldn’t do."

"Asking questions is actually a wonderful way to get conversations going and putting yourself at ease," notes Milojevic. "We don’t get offended easily, for the most part, and sometimes just asking 'Is there something that I should avoid bringing up that might offend you' is helpful and will put them at ease because usually [we] will say no."

‌A man and a woman talk over coffee. Image via iStock.‌

Beijers adds, "When you start a relationship with someone that can see and you cannot yourself, at some point, these things are going to come to light anyway, so you might as well start out knowing what you are comfortable talking about, what you feel comfortable discussing, and what you don’t feel comfortable talking about — this is going to help you grow closer."

Beijers has been with his girlfriend, who is sighted, for more than two years. They met at a friend’s party, and he said they grew close because they had open communication from the beginning. "[If] both parties try not to be awkward with each other, I think you come a lot further and have this chemistry that will grow a lot faster," he says.

7. Don't diminish the relationship between a blind person and their guide dog.

‌A seeing-eye dog. Image via iStock.‌

For a relationship between a person and their service animal to work, they both need to trust each other implicitly. Potential partners need to be comfortable with always having a third (four-legged) wheel around and not distracting the service animal from their important daily duties.

"If they don’t like dogs or they are allergic, I don’t pursue it because it is not going to work out," says Milojevic.

8. They don't need a savior or a servant.

Having a partner who is helpful can be wonderful but not when it comes at the expense of being self-reliant.

In an interview with Tab's View, blind dater Abby described her experiences with an ex-boyfriend who used her condition as an excuse to do everything for her.

"I would ask him to not pick me up  somewhere, because I have a guide dog; I wanted to walk on the pretty days," she said. "He would pick me up anyway, and it just drove me crazy after a while, I would tell him, 'Hey! You can just meet me at home,' or something like that. He sometimes would be okay with it, but it got to a point where he would use my visual impairment to his advantage."

Milojevic also had a particularly bad — and creepy — date with a man who enjoying "helping" just a little too much.

"The person was very interested in the whole process of helping me out, even if I didn’t really need the help, and they liked the fact that traveling around an unfamiliar area, I was depending on them," she recalls. "It was more like they liked having the whole 'dependent/co-dependent thing' going on at that moment, and I don’t know. I didn’t like that. It kind of freaked me out."

"I am capable of doing things myself," she explains. "I don’t want the person to feel like they have to do everything. If I am in a relationship, I want to feel like I’m equal."

9. Blind people date using a lot of the same tools and apps you do — though nothing beats meeting in person.

There are a few specialized dating apps and websites for people who are blind or have low vision, but most don’t offer the same wide pool of potential dates. As a result, more and more people use the same dating websites and apps that everyone uses — or at least the ones that are accessible to screen-readers.

Milojevic says she used to have an online dating profile but that it isn’t her favorite way to meet people. "I had a few experiences on there where it just didn’t go anywhere," she says.

Also, not all parts of dating websites were accessible. "There was a lot on there, a lot of advertisements. And it would freeze up my page, so I got frustrated with it." She prefers meeting people at events or on websites like Meetup, where she can get to know someone face-to-face.

10. Relationships matter because we're people and we matter.

‌A couple walks holding hands by the riverbank. Image via iStock.‌

It's a fact: Not everyone one in the world will seem attractive to everyone else. But all of us, regardless of who we are and what we like, deserve the chance to find love and happiness. Whether you are sighted, blind, or in between, remembering our basic shared humanity is essential.

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Three women, three MS journeys: How multiple sclerosis looks different for everyone

Gina, Nathalie and Helga share their reactions to being diagnosed with MS and how they stay informed and positive in the face of ever-changing symptoms.

Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga, Nathalie and Gina all have MS, and their experiences show how differently the disease can manifest.

True

It’s been 155 years since neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot gave the first lecture on a mysterious progressive illness he called “multiple sclerosis.” Since then, we’ve learned a lot. We know MS causes the immune system to attack healthy tissue, including damaging the brain and spinal cord. Resulting symptoms can be debilitating and include fatigue, blurred vision, memory problems and weakness. Huge advancements in our understanding of MS and its underlying causes, as well as treatment advances, have been made in the past few decades, but MS remains a complex and unpredictable reality for the 2.8 million+ people diagnosed around the world.

Ironically, the only real constant for people living with MS is change. There’s no set pattern or standard progression of the disease, so each person’s experience is unique. Some people with MS have mild symptoms that worsen slowly but sometimes improve, while others can have severe symptoms that drastically alter their daily lives.

All people with MS share some things in common, however, such as the need to stay informed on the ever-evolving research, find various lines of support and try to remain hopeful as they continue living with the disease.

To better understand what navigating life with MS really looks like, three women shared their MS stories with us. Their journeys demonstrate how MS can look different for different people and interestingly, how the language used to talk about the disease can greatly impact how people understand their realities.

woman with horse, woman riding horseGina loves riding her horse, Benita.Courtesy of Sanofi

Gina—Hamburg, Germany (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2017)

When her youngest son was 4 months old, Gina started having problems with her eye. She’d soon learn she was experiencing optic neuritis—her first symptom of MS.

“Immediately after the diagnosis, I looked up facts on MS because I didn’t know anything about it,” Gina says. “And as soon as I knew what could really happen with this disease, I actually got scared.”

As her family’s primary income provider, she worried about how MS would impact her ability to work as a writer and editor. Her family was afraid she was going to end up in a wheelchair. However, for now, Gina’s MS is managed well enough that she still works full-time and is able to be active.

“When I tell somebody that I have MS, they often don't believe me the first time because I don't fulfill any stereotypes,” she says.

Overwhelmed by negative perspectives on living with MS, Gina sought support in the online MS community, which she found to be much more positive.

“I think it’s important to use as many positive words as you can when talking about MS.” It’s important to be realistic while also conveying hope, she says. “MS is an insidious disease that can cause many bad symptoms…that can be frightening, and you can't gloss over it, either.”

To give back to the online community that helped her so much, Gina started a blog to share her story and help others trying to learn about their diagnosis.

Though she deals with fatigue and cognitive dysfunction sometimes, Gina stays active swimming, biking, riding horses and playing with her sons, who are now 11 and 6.

Cognitive dysfunction is common in MS, with over half of people affected. It can impact memory, attention, planning, and word-finding. As with many aspects of MS, some people experience mild changes, while others face more challenges.

Gina says that while there’s still a lot of education about MS needed, she feels positive about the future of MS because there’s so much research being done.

woman in wheelchair holding medal, woman rowingNathalie is an award-winning rower with multiple international titles.Courtesy of Sanofi

Nathalie — Pennes Mirabeau, France (diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis in 2002)

Nathalie was a teenager and a competitive athlete when she noticed her first symptoms of MS, but it would take four years of “limbo” before she was diagnosed.

“Ultimately, the diagnosis was more of a relief, than a shock,” she says. “Because when you have signs and you don’t know why, it’s worse than knowing, in the end, what you have.”

However, learning more about the disease—and the realities of disease progression—scared her.

“That glimpse of the future was direct and traumatic,” she says. Her neurologist explained that the disease evolves differently for everyone, and her situation might end up being serious or very mild. So, she decided to stop comparing herself to others with MS.

She said to herself, “We’ll see what happens, and you’ll manage it bit by bit.”

By 2005, Nathalie’s MS had progressed to the point of needing a wheelchair. However, that has not dampened her competitive spirit.

Nathalie began her international rowing career in 2009 and has won multiple world titles, including two Paralympic medals—silver in London and bronze in Tokyo. Now, at 42, she still trains 11 times a week. Fatigue can be a problem, and sometimes hard workouts leave her with muscle stiffness and shaking, but she credits her ongoing sports career for helping her feel in tune with her body’s signals.

“Over the years, I’ve learned to listen to my body, letting my body guide when I need to stop and take breaks,” she says.

Nathalie explains that she used to only look backwards because of the initial shock of her diagnosis. In time, she stopped thinking about what she couldn’t do anymore and focused on her future. She now lives in the following mindset: “Even when doors close, don’t miss out on those that open.” Instead of focusing on what she can’t do, she focuses on the opportunities she still has. Right now, this includes her training for the 2024 Paralympic Games in Paris, where she will compete for another rowing medal.

“I only go forward,” she says. “Well, I try, anyway…It’s easy to say, it’s not always easy to do. But that’s what I try to do.”

woman exiting water after swimming, woman with great daneHelga's Great Dane has become a helpful and beloved companion.Courtesy of Sanofi

Helga—Johannesburg, South Africa (diagnosed with relapsing multiple sclerosis in 2010)

When Helga first started having balance issues and numbness in her feet, she chalked it up to her training as a runner. But when the numbness moved to her face, she knew something was wrong. She never guessed it was MS.

“When I was diagnosed, I felt completely overwhelmed and clueless,” Helga says. “I felt that I had nowhere near enough information. I did not know anything about the disease…I had no idea that it was going to be a process of continually monitoring and adjusting your lifestyle.”

In the beginning, Helga’s symptoms developed slowly, and she didn’t appear ill to others. She was even able to run for a few years after her diagnosis, but she couldn’t do marathons anymore, and she began to fall frequently due to balance issues and right-foot dragging. Then her cognition issues became more problematic, especially in her job as a trainer in a printing company.

“My executive function, decision-making and short-term memory were affected to the point that I was eventually medically unfit for work,” she says. She stopped working in 2017.

However, she didn’t stop living life. Even though she could no longer run, she continued to swim competitively. She got a Great Dane puppy and trained him as a service dog to help her walk. She also serves as vice chair of the patient support organization Multiple Sclerosis South Africa, and she advises others who have been diagnosed to join a patient advocacy group as soon as possible to get reliable information and meet others with MS.

Helga says she is “hopeful” about the future of MS. “I must say that I am so grateful that we have all the new medications available, because my life would not be the same if it wasn't for that,” she adds.

Part of how she manages her MS is by looking at the positives.

“If I could tell the world one thing about MS, it would be that MS is an incurable disease of the nervous system, but it's also the greatest teacher of valuing your health, family, friends, and managing change in your life,” she says. “My life is diversified in a way that I never, ever thought it would, and MS has been honestly the greatest teacher.”

Each MS journey is unique – with each person impacted experiencing different struggles, successes, and feelings as they manage this unpredictable disease. But the common thread is clear – there is a critical need for information, support, and hope. We are proud to participate in World MS Day and share these incredible stories of living life while living with MS. To learn more about MS, go to https://www.sanofi.com/why-words-really-matter-when-it-comes-to-multiple-sclerosis.

MAT-GLB-2301642-v1.0-05/2023

This article was sponsored by Sanofi. Participants were compensated when applicable.

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