I Dare You To Sit Through This Whole Video. It's Short. But I Hope You’ll Learn Something New.

A lesson in privilege from a guy who knows he has a lot of it. If you find what he's saying hard to hear, well, that's even more reason to listen.

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Hello Internet, white guy here so I'm pretty sure that means you have to listen. I’m also straight, I'm cis, I'm not poor now, but I used to live in my car. But not just any car, I lived in a Saturn, which I'm pretty sure is made out of plastic and tears.

But I'm doing ok right now and that pretty much means that I'm as privileged as you can get which guarantees that I will not be stop and frisked and that I'm boring as shit. I have issues like we all have issues. I've struggled, I've struggled financially, I've struggled with depression and I've struggled with addiction. I have dad issues and mom issues and friend issues. I don't have many friends to have issues with, but the ones that I do, I have issues with.

Sometimes, like, my cat will sort of give me like this cat sideeye like just kind of squint at me, and I'm pretty sure he's furious and I'm kinda like, "What's up man? Like, you judging me cause I didn't go to college too?" and he's like, "Meow," and I'm like, "Fuck."

But you know who didn't cause any of those problems? Feminists. Women. Vaginas. Gays. Mexicans. Those are struggles, we all have struggles, and they happened to me and that's okay. I've been dumped a lot. This doesn't have to do with misandry, this has to do with either A. I was a shitty boyfriend B. She wanted to move on C. It started off like, really exciting and then sort of morphed into this friendship. And we were both kinda like, "I know what's happening," and then we ended things. And its OK. C'est la vie.

Do men have problems too? Yes. Do custody battles often favor women? Sure. But sometimes, fathers are assholes. Also, if I pushed a tiny human out of my vagina, I might home court advantage as well. Home court... [clears throat] being my vagina. I'm sorry.

Does male rape happen? Yes. Should we talk about it more? Yup. Do I know any feminists who don't care about that issue? No. Does rape culture effect more men than women? No. I can go out jogging at night by myself without fear of being attacked. I don't have to walk to my car using the buddy system with my keys tucked in between my knuckles like a fist-weapon. I don't have to bring my drink to a disgusting bar bathroom covering it with my hands so I don't get poisoned when all I wanted to do was go out for a night with my friends. I can walk down the street without hearing, "Hey! Nice cock!" and if I don't respond to said Shakespearian proposal by getting onto my knees, I'm not called a prude, stuck up, a bitch, or for some weird reason, a lesbian ... because remember ladies, if you don't blow the random guy on the street corner who says, "Nice tits,” you probably like pussy.

In fact, social experiment: Go outside right now and catcall a guy. No one's gonna know what the fuck is going on. Find the most bro-y looking guy you can find – Affliction shirt preferable – and start catcalling the shit outta out of him. Be like "Hey! you got some fine balls!” “Why dontcha jiggle those sweet balls over this way?” “Oh really? You didn't want to hear it? Maybe you shouldn't have worn those khakis.” “Where ya going? Lesbian!”

Did ya do it? Did you catcall a guy? Were people confused? Did you have to run away? Are you home? Are you safe now? I hope you are! And if you're not, I'm sorry.

So men, good guys, "nice guys," does feminism mean that you are a rapist? No. Does you having a penis making you a woman-hating perve-ball? No. There are plenty of guys out there. In fact, if you made it this far in the video without planning on responding in the comment section, “This shit is gay,” you might be one of those good guys.

When women talk about women issues – surprise! – It's not always about you. It's about women and that's OK. So what does being a feminist or an ally mean? Well, to men who are afraid to call themselves feminists, who don't think they're a feminist, or who drank soy milk once and thought by default that made them a feminist, here's what it means: Don't be a dick.

Listen to women. Don't be a dick to women. Easy right? You can own that shit. The only problem that comes with being privileged is occasionally shutting the fuck up, listening to someone else and being like, “Oh, that does suck. How can I help?"

Being paid less sucks. Being blamed for my own assault sucks. Having old white dudes in Congress trying to regulate a body part that they don't see regularly sucks. Being slut-shamed fucking sucks. So say it with me: "I'm a man. I’m not a dick. I don’t hate women. I’m a feminist.”

There may be small errors in this transcript.

Vlog by comedian and friend Jamie Kilstein, who co-hosts the fantastic Citizen Radio podcast. You might recognize Jamie from his two previous appearances on Upworthy talking about rape culture and debating religion.


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