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What people of color feel when you say their anger isn't justified.

A few weeks ago, my husband, son, and I were in a minor car accident.

We made it out without any physical injuries, and our car was largely unscathed. The other car, which hit us from behind, had its hood smashed in. We all pulled to the side of the road and tried to figure out what to do. A man who was driving by with a tow truck stopped, as well.

“Should we call the cops and get a report?” the man who hit us asked.

“You can try, but they won’t come. They don’t come out here,” the man with the tow truck replied.

“Let’s just exchange insurance info for now,” my husband suggested — we’d had a long day.

They pulled out pens and paper while I paced next to the scene in an effort to console the frustrated toddler I was carrying.

“There go two cops right there,” the man in the tow truck noted. There were two cop cars stopped at a red light on the other side of the intersection where we had crashed.

“Should I wave him down?” the man who hit us asked.

“You can try if you want. They’re not gonna stop,” said the man in the truck.

The light turned green and the cops started driving toward us.

Both men tried to flag them down. The first officer got closer until his car was directly next to the scene. He looked at us — he saw the curled-up hood of the car, saw the men, saw me, saw my baby. He flippantly fixed his fingers into a peace sign and drove away. The second officer drove by behind him without breaking her gaze from the road. I was baffled.

“What the fuck?” I said to my husband. “Did you just see that shit?”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” he said.

“I told y’all they wouldn’t stop,” said the man with the tow truck. “So do you want me to tow your car to my shop?” he asked, turning back to the man with the damaged car.

I stood silently, in awe. I don’t know how to silence the part of me that is shocked every time my humanity is erased, no matter how many times it happens. I know what to expect, and still, I expect to be regarded with respect and decency. The reality I’d experienced seemed entirely possible in this country’s climate and completely unfathomable, simultaneously.

We eventually got back in the car and drove off. It was then that I noticed myself shaking.

“You OK?” my husband asked, making sure I wasn’t hurt in a way I hadn’t noticed sooner.

“Yeah, but I’m pissed about that officer. It’s infuriating that he not only didn’t stop, but that he went out of his way to make sure we knew he didn’t give a fuck about us. How can you drive past a pregnant woman, her baby, and a beaten-up car, and not stop to check in? Can you imagine if we were all white? If I were a young white mother in need?”

“Yup.”

“And thank God none of us were hurt, but what if we were? What if I had hit my belly, or something was off with Miles? The officer had no way of knowing we didn’t need emergency assistance. Flagging for help implied that we needed it. He decided we didn’t deserve it, or that he didn’t care enough to help us. Miles is 17 months old and he’s just had his first experience with an officer not giving a fuck about his life.”

“Yeah. Wow. Fuck.”

Now, before any of you reply that “not all officers” are like this, I want to say that there shouldn’t be a single officer comfortable enough to behave this way (or worse). The officer didn’t hesitate to do what he did. He knew that under our current system there would be no consequences for disregarding my family’s humanity. And that made me justifiably mad as hell.

I’m mentioning this anecdote because I keep getting comments and emails from white people about my anger, about my bitterness, in regard to racial injustice.

I’m urged to accept the reality that sometimes my children and I are going to experience racism, and to make peace with the life we have. I’m told that it’s merely a matter of perception, that the world isn’t as threatening to me as I perceive it to be, that if I let go of my bitterness, I’d find a better reality for my family and myself.

I don’t buy it. I don’t believe that those comments are made in my best interest, but rather out of a discomfort with their own feeling that they’re on the receiving end of my anger. I think if they reformed their desire to quell my anger into a desire to quell the system that caused it, we’d all be better off.

My anger is functional. My bitterness is rational.

If I am not outraged at the injustices faced by myself, my community, my children, who will be? If no one is outraged at my suffering, who will demand change? Yes, the fire that injustice stirs in me burns me. I suffer a lot of anxiety; I often feel despair; it’s difficult for me to enjoy many things. But my suffering has roots in societal trauma — trauma I am working to heal, work fueled by the same fiery anger that sometimes eats me up.

Fire builds and it destroys, as does my anger. My anger sparks a fierce determination in me, an urgent commitment to creating change. My anger is a maternal instinct — a fury that charges me to protect my children and to protect myself from the experiences that threaten our emotional and physical well-being.

And even when my anger exists in situations of injustice where it doesn’t fuel anything but my own suffering — where there’s literally nothing I can do to change what’s making me mad — it’s still a perfectly natural reaction to what I’ve experienced. What does shaming me for feeling do?

Your discomfort with witnessing my pain doesn’t give you any right to tell me to feel less.

My anger, my bitterness, and my despair are valid reactions to trauma. Hell no, I don’t want to live in them constantly. It feels like shit. I’ve learned to selectively turn my mind off for the sake of survival. I have to regularly in order to create time and space for joy in my life. But the only functional way to eradicate these reactions is to eradicate the root — all else is a numbing, a demand that I don’t experience the natural human reaction to being dehumanized.

If you don’t know what it feels like to personally experience racial trauma, please stop policing our responses to it.

Listen. Don’t lecture. Practice compassion. Practice reflection without commentary.

If my anger, bitterness, or sorrow makes you uncomfortable, focus on what you can do to help heal the social issues that contribute — and I’ll focus on healing myself.

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Joy

Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Friendship

Best friends, 88 and 92, experience Disneyland for the first time and their joy is contagious

Watch them hopping out of their wheelchairs to dance in New Orleans Square.

Photo courtesy of Disney

June and Ann felt the Disney magic on their first trip to Disneyland.

Good friends can come along at all ages and stages of our lives. While some friendships start early and blossom slowly, others arrive later—sometimes much later—and quickly burst into full bloom.

Ann was nearly 90 years old when she met her bestie, June, and their friendship blossomed instantly. Ann's son, Alonzo, started dating June's daughter, Lauria, three years ago, and the two moms have been inseparable since then. Now 88 and 92, June and Ann do pretty much everything together. "They've known each other almost as long as [Alonzo and I] have been together," says Lauria, "and they've been causing trouble ever since."

 disneyland, disney park, disneyland resort, first trip to disneyland June, Lauria, Alonzo, and Ann enjoying The Happiest Place on Earth.Photo courtesy of Disney

Only good trouble, of course. June tells Upworthy that she and Ann are often told they look alike and they've grown to be more like sisters than just friends. "Our closeness in age allows us to do things together that the younger people wouldn't understand," she says, "like laughing at things we feel are funny or going to dinner, shopping, watching game shows and taking walks together."

And, apparently, hopping out of their wheelchairs to dance to the music in Disneyland's New Orleans Square. June and Ann recently took their first trip to Disneyland and the Disney magic didn't disappoint.

Watch how joyfully these two kicked up their heels with their kids:

 

  June and Ann loved dancing in New Orleans Square.Video courtesy of Disney 

 

"[Experiencing the Disneyland resort] was a wonderful, fun, and exciting experience," Ann tells Upworthy. "It exceeded my expectations and made my first visit to Disneyland a magical experience that I will never forget. I plan on returning for another visit if God is willing."

June says the kindness, patience, and laughter of the cast members stood out to her during their visit. "All the people were so kind to us and I will never forget how warm and happy and inviting they made me feel," she says.

  Disney Perfect Loops GIF  Giphy  

Both of them said their favorite parts were dancing in New Orleans Square and taking a boat ride to see the animals. "We still laugh about all those animals," says June.

Disneyland is celebrating its 70th anniversary in 2025, which means the children who first visited the park the year it opened are now well into retirement. But as we can see from June and Ann's joy, you're never too old to enjoy a little sprinkle of Tinkerbell's magic.

June and Ann's experience with employees—known as cast members—isn't unique. Part of what has made Disneyland such a special place for seven decades is the dedication of the people who work there. Cast members strive to ensure that every guest, no matter their age or how many times they've been to Disneyland, experiences the Disney magic and truly feels they've arrived at The Happiest Place on Earth.

In honor of its 70th year, Disneyland shared a video highlighting a handful of long-time cast members who have been welcoming guests for decades, including Disney's longest-serving cast member, Henry Ameen—affectionately known as Hank—who first started working at the park in 1958.

@disneyparks

At Disneyland, happiness is generational 🏰✨ Since 1955, more than 300,000 cast members have followed in Walt's footsteps to welcome guests to The Happiest Place on Earth, and we can’t wait for everyone to Celebrate Happy during our 70th anniversary.

Disneyland has earned the loyalty of cast members and guests alike since 1955 by honoring the imaginative child that lives in all of us. June and Ann are a delightful reminder that sharing joy with your favorite people is a big part of what makes Disneyland "The Happiest Place on Earth." Whether you're 9 or 92, friendship combined with a sprinkle of that mysterious Disney magic is the perfect recipe for unforgettable memories.

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FriendshipJoy
Culture

People from other countries share 14 things that instantly tell them someone's American

Have you ever heard of the "American lean"?

via zoetnet/Flickr, Ewen Roberts/Flickr and Tom Hodgkinson/Flickr
Some American tourists enjoying the sights

Americans have a style and personality all their own, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just noticeable when they travel aboard. Americans often stand out because of their outgoing personalities. They are friendly and enjoy having casual conversations with strangers.

This is an endearing trait to a lot of people in more reserved cultures, although it can also come off as a little brash.

An American characteristic that isn’t quite endearing to people in other countries is that they can be rather loud. In Europe, one can always notice the Americans in the restaurant because they can be heard from across the room.

One Reddit user wanted to know the specific ways that Americans stand out when traveling abroad, so they asked the AskReddit subreddit: “What’s an obvious sign that someone is an American?”


 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture It may not be quite this obvious, but Americans do stand out.  Giphy  

The post was popular, receiving nearly 6,000 responses in just 6 days. The most popular ones described how Americans' unique personalities, style of dress, dental hygiene and body language make them easy to spot.

Here are 14 “obvious” signs that someone is an American.

1. Posture

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans slouch and lean.  Giphy  

"Apparently, the CIA trains American agents to not lean on things if they go undercover in foreign countries because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," one user wrote.

"I bet MI6 trains British agents to lean on everything if they go undercover in America because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around," joked another.

Shockingly, this is actually true. The "American lean" is well-documented and, yes, a former CIA chief has said publicly that it's something the agency addresses with its operatives to help them blend in.

2. The date

"MMDDYYYY," a user said.

The way Americans write the date seems normal and commonplace when you're in the US, but around the world, we're practically the only ones who do it that way. Similarly, only a small handful of countries outside of the US use the imperial system of measure.

Writing the date or using feet and inches are a dead giveaway!

3. Distances are different

"Anything under 4 hours is 'close by," someone suggested.

"Everything in Europe is around the corner if you're from the US. I can drive the whole day and not leave my state, but in Europe, I can pass through 4 countries in that same time frame," said another.

The massive geography of the United States has a big affect on how we see distance. It shows up when we travel to other countries that are more densely packed together.

4. They're polite to servers

"In the touristy cafe-restaurant I worked at:

If they asked me for the nicest spot we had

If they asked me my recommendation without seeing the menu first

I would walk to the table, and they would say right away ‘hey, how are you doing?’ This one threw me off a lot at first. Why is this person asking me how I'm doing?? I'm just there to take the order. I got used to it, and I think they found my awkwardness cute.

They would ask my name when I greeted them and took their order.

I'm Northern European.," explained one user.

"It’s under-appreciated just how polite, friendly, and sincere Americans are in general. It blew my mind the first time I came to the US, and I love that my children are growing up with those same values," said another.

You might expect to hear that Americans are rude and entitled when traveling, but that's not necessarily the case! In America, some friendly rapport with your waiter is expected, and Americans tend to be a more outgoing bunch that love to engage. That makes them stand out in European countries, in particular, where restaurant service is meant to be professional and efficient rather than charismatic.


5. The water bottles

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love huge water bottles.  Giphy  

"I was told, 'Americans carry water bottles around like they're worried they'll never have access to clean water ever again," one user said.

"I don't care what anyone says. If you think carrying a water bottle when walking a lot is weird, you're probably slightly dehydrated all the time and are just desensitized to it. You seriously need to drink water frequently if you want to be ideally healthy," said another.

The water bottle fad is uniquely American, for better or worse. Whether it's a Yeti, a Stanley, an Owalla, or something else, you can bet if someone is swinging a massive water bottle wherever they walk, they're an American.

6. Smiling

"I was in Germany this past summer, and I realized smiling at everyone you make eye contact with is very American. When I went to London on the same trip, they seemed less weirded out by it but would awkwardly return the smile. I was taught to always start with a disarming smile. Never realized it was American," said one person.

7. "More ice, please."

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans love tons of ice in their drinks.  Giphy  

"I spent a year in Europe completely iceless to the point I forgot that was a thing. I stopped at a bar in Chicago fresh off the plane and not only did I get free tap water, but water with ice. I instantly felt at home," added one person.

There is a long and fascinating history involving someone called "The Ice King" behind why Americans, and so few other cultures, love to put tons of ice in our drinks. Needless to say, it makes us stand out like a sore thumb when traveling.

8. Personal space

"As an American man, I’ve been told repeatedly by European and Asian friends that we simply take up space (not by being fat) as though we’re entitled to it. Men in other countries apparently don’t claim the same personal space we do," one person offered.

You mean manspreading? Apparently, other cultures don't do that.

9. White teeth

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans value ultra-white teeth.  Giphy  

"It’s even more bizarre that they assume we have braces or bleach our teeth because they’re straight and white. I have naturally straight white teeth. I brush them twice a day so they stay white. I don’t do anything special to them, but I remember being in London and some similar-aged students literally making fun of me for my teeth… it’s true that they don’t naturally look like headstones in an ancient graveyard, but there’s no need to make fun," someone added.

Imagine getting made fun of for having white teeth! For one reason or another, American culture places high value on having extremely white teeth. We all know the old jokes about British teeth, but some findings show that while Americans' teeth may be whiter, Brits may be healthier overall. Something to think about.

10. Casual dress

"My friend went to Germany recently, and what people said about Americans is you can spot them a mile away because they’re the ones wearing pajamas in public. Apparently, in other countries, at least Germany, they dress a little more formally and in less baggy clothes than we do in America," someone added.

Activewear, sweatpants, pajamas — we love to be comfortable! But it does make us a bit obvious when we're out and about in other countries.

11. Baseball hats

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans wear hats... everywhere.  Giphy  

"Baseball cap... even on an infant riding in a pram," a user suggested.

Baseball hats are common in many countries around the world, but most people internationally only wear them outside. If someone's wearing a cap inside or at a restaurant, it's a safe bet that person is American.

12. Shoes

"Americans are shoe snobs (they don’t think they are, but they are). Setting aside wealthier business types, Americans generally wear more on-brand, on-trend, high-quality shoes than others," someone said.

13. They're loud

 american tourists, american culture, americans abroad, americans, USA, tourists, travel, europe, culture Americans' default volume is loud.  Giphy  

"That was my first thought. Americans yell at each other in normal conversation in public. I noticed it years ago in Europe, and now I can’t stand it in the US," another user added.

Now there's an unsurprising revelation! Just like our tendency to take up space, Americans seem to have less awareness of those around them when it comes to conversation volume, as well.

14. Occupation matters

"Immediately asking someone what they do for a living when meeting them. Our jobs and work are our entire identity," one person said.

"I hate that about American culture. I'm an American and recently became a SAHM, so I don't have an answer to 'What do you do for a living?' Half the time, I add the caveat, ‘Oh, my last job was with Apple,’ so that I'm not written off as an unemployed ‘loser.’ But it really is dumb to determine a person's worth by what they do in order to afford food and shelter," added another.

There are huge differences in work culture between America and other countries. They're so big and pervasive that they show up not just while we're working, but in the way we interact with others. For example, in Europe it's far less common to be friends with your coworkers. People value the purpose they find in work and the results, but are happy to keep the majority of their life separate from their career.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Science

Experts say America's fast-fashion obsession can be fixed with this 20-outfit wardrobe

Brace yourselves. They suggest only two outfits for festive occasions.

Canva

A woman dives into her messy closet.

How much is too much? This is a question so many of us ask ourselves, especially when we're attempting to de-clutter and scale down. For many, there's no place more baffling than our closets and t-shirt drawers. Letting go can be extremely difficult, but even more challenging? Not constantly adding to our ever-growing piles, especially as fast fashion often makes clothes so inexpensive.

According to sustainability studies researched in the last few years, Americans are buying way too many clothes. (It's not just Americans, of course.)

  Decluttering a closet.   www.youtube.com, Home Reimagined 

In the Hot or Cool Institute fashion report, they find, "Recent trends in fashion consumption are clear: we are consuming more fashion and at a faster rate than ever before, while paying increasingly less for it and weaving a dirty tapestry of social and environmental impacts."

In Vogue's article, "How Many Clothes Do I Need, Exactly?" Emily Chan and Christina Pérez point out (citing the same study) that if we were to keep in accordance with the Paris Agreement, we only need to buy five items of clothing a year. They write, "Since the average American currently buys 53 new items a year, that means that the vast majority of us would need to cut back on the number of clothes we purchase for our yearly wardrobes by at least 90%."

 declutter, closet, clothes, sustainability  A rack of clothing hanging in a closet.   Photo by Ani Rain on Unsplash  

But perhaps this is a bit of old news. The question becomes - what can we DO about it? Chan and Perez state, "With this in mind, the researchers found that a 'sufficient' wardrobe consists of 74 garments and 20 outfits total for those who live in a two-season climate, and 85 garments in total for those who live in a four-season climate."

They cite examples from the study. "They’ve suggested that this modern capsule wardrobe could consist of an average of six outfits for work, three outfits for home wear, three outfits for sports, and two outfits for festive occasions, plus four outdoor jackets and pants or skirts."

Some might cringe just thinking about having only two outfits for festive occasions. How realistic is this for the average person? Luckily Reddit has a few other ideas and it was surprising to find that many of them kept in accordance with climate sustainability.

In the subreddit group r/declutter, someone asks, "How many clothes SHOULD I have?" In part, they write, "I feel like setting # amounts on categories of clothes might help me with these obstacles, so like saying I can only keep 10 short sleeve shirts, 5 pants, or so on.... but I'm not sure what realistic numbers are? Has anyone decluttered in this way before or have any advice that could help me?"

 declutter, messy, closet, sustainability  Hands open up a messy closet.   Giphy Tidy Up GIF 

One person says it should be decided based on your laundry cycle and their proposal is even fewer outfits. They suggest, "Let's assume 7 day laundry cycle, so 10 days worth of clothes. Pull everything out of your closet, pull together the best 10 outfits that are seasonally appropriate for the next 3 to 6 months - essentially what will take you to the next big season change. You can reuse pieces, if they go with multiple items, eg of your 10 outfits, 4 might involve one pair of jeans. Underwear and anything that needs washing after one wear you will need 10 of."

Another Redditor suggests using the hanger method to determine what to keep and what to donate. "Yesterday, I started the turn-around hanger method to see what I actually wear over the course of a year. TBH: I know what I don't wear, but I want to see it for myself. If you keep washing and wearing the same stuff (and the other stuff never gets worn), then that's the focus."

And quite a few swear by The Container Concept, discussed by Dana K. White in her book Decluttering at the Speed of Life.

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

The commenter explains regarding this concept: "Your wardrobe, your dresser - that is the space you have for clothes. So first take everything out and then portion your space up. For example, this is the drawer for socks, this is the section of rail for shirts, and so on. Then for each type of clothing, start putting things back in, based on what you wear most, what you like most, what you need most. Do one round of your top items, then do another round, then another until your drawer/shelf/rail is full. That's it! There's no more space, so the rest has to go."

Most agree - less is more. It's better for your peace of mind. And more importantly, the planet will thank you.

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Joy

British people and Americans are debating studies that claim it's healthy to tease your friends

"The British have been doing this for millennia."

Canva

A kid gets teased by classmates. Union Jack and American flags.

According to a meme making the rounds on social media, if you playfully mock your friends, you're "300 percent" more likely to be honest, loyal and have deeper bonds with them. But here's the catch. That number seems to have been pulled from thin air, as no one can find an actual source for that statistic.

What IS true, however, is that some researchers do believe that playful teasing can be a good thing. In his article for Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray Ph.D cites psychologist Dacher Keltner who claims teasing is "an intentional provocation accompanied by playful off-record markers that together comment on something relevant to the target."

Gray suggests that teasing amongst the people closest to you can take the form of showing someone you accept them despite their flaws. It can also serve as means to humble one another, encourage positive change and even test the boundaries of the relationship. "Teasing can be a sign of affection, a constructive form of criticism, or a cruel put-down. It can also be a semi-competitive verbal game, in which the players are testing one another’s abilities to keep cool in response to provocation and provide clever responses."

 teasing, playful, joking, friendships An animated girl teases someone.  Giphy  

It's also noted how vital it is that the person on the receiving end of the "tease" understands the assignment. If their perception of the "jokes" is negative, or they're feeling sensitive, (particularly if there are third-party witnesses) the teasing slips quickly into bullying. In the study, "The Role of a Bystander in Targets’ Perceptions of Teasing Among Friends: Are You Really Teasing Me?" researchers Ildo Kim and Nicholas A. Palomares note, "Given the provocation goals involved in teasing, being teased in the presence of a third party could be undesirable to a target. The target’s response can differ depending on who the third party is (e.g., another close friend, an acquaintance, a stranger)."

But what was especially interesting about this false data making the rounds was how differently people responded to it. In particular, Americans and Brits/Aussies seemed to have very different points-of-view, at least on this Instagram thread.

After posting two women citing this stat on the @longevityxlab, the comment section was off to the races.

A handful of people pushed back against the notion, some simply writing, "No." One, (and we can't completely confirm that this person is American) writes, "I really doubt this in most cases. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology that I earned 4 decades ago. Saying hurtful things to one another is just hurtful. I think men pretend to be comfortable with it because it seems 'manly.' There are so many positive things to say to people we love. Maybe these friends are LOYAL to the friends who passively allow them to poke fun at them. I’d like to see the research."

Referring to the naysayers, one writes, "I’m assuming most of the comments are from Americans. In Britain we know this to be true. You only rip the piss out of your closest friends."

This commenter concurs. "Indeed I’m a Brit who lives in Australia. If I’m nice to you we have a problem."

This one gets more specific. "If mates don’t call you a K--b-head or a B-----d at least once when you are in their company, are they even friends?"

Of course, it's not just Brits and Aussies. People from all over the world including those from France, Brazil and Ireland commented that they essentially see playful teasing as their love language, as well. Obviously not ALL, and plenty of Americans take part in ribbing one another.

  Ricky Gervais discusses American vs. British humor.   www.youtube.com  

But what can be confirmed is that many Brits truly enjoy the "insult" play. It's just a thing they often do. In the op-ed "The Difference Between American and British Humour" for Time Magazine, comedian Ricky Gervais writes of his fellow Brits, "We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it’s absolutely necessary. We mercilessly take the piss out of people we like or dislike basically. And ourselves. This is very important. Our brashness and swagger is laden with equal portions of self-deprecation. This is our license to hand it out."

He further assures Americans, "This can sometimes be perceived as nasty if the recipients aren’t used to it. It isn’t. It’s play fighting. It’s almost a sign of affection if we like you, and ego bursting if we don’t. You just have to know which one it is."

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