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A therapist and a filmmaker merge mental health with movie analysis in 'Cinema Therapy'

A therapist and a filmmaker merge mental health with movie analysis in 'Cinema Therapy'

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright discuss psychology in movies.

"Have you ever heard of Cinema Therapy?" my college-aged daughter asked me one day. I had not. She proceeded to tell me all about this YouTube channel she's hooked on, in which a licensed therapist and a professional filmmaker—who also happen to be best friends—analyze movies together through each of their expert lenses. I was intrigued, so I checked it out.

Each Cinema Therapy video focuses on some psychological aspect of a film and runs approximately 30 to 40 minutes. Filmmaker Alan Seawright talks about the cinematics that lend themselves to emotional storytelling while licensed therapist Jonathan Decker talks about the mental health elements. With video titles like "MEGAMIND and Nice Guy Syndrome," "Ranking the Relationships in LOVE ACTUALLY" and "Psychology of a Hero: HULK and Anger Management," it's easy to see the appeal. Most people who love movies enjoy analyzing the heck out of the characters in them, and having people who actually know what they're talking about do so is too good to pass up.

Seawright and Decker met as roommates in college in 2005 and bonded over their love of cinema. More than a decade later, when Decker pitched the idea of creating Cinema Therapy (Decker describes that initial pitch as "a 'Siskel and Ebert' meets 'Mr. Rogers' kind of thing"), Seawright instantly envisioned what it would look like and why it would work. They were confident they would find an audience for it because of how seamlessly their two fields blend.

"Filmmaking is all about psychology," says Seawright. "Storytelling in general only connects with an audience when you’re able to help people feel something, and how and why people feel things is all about psychology."


Decker agrees. "There's a lot of psychology that goes into screenwriting, or good screenwriting at least," he says. "Creating worthwhile characters requires a knowledge of human thinking, feeling, and motivations."

Decker points out that people have always been drawn to stories, whether written or on stage or on screen, to learn lessons about their own lives. We live vicariously through characters, connecting with them emotionally and investing in their journeys.

"But since their stories are not our stories, we have enough distance for objective insight compared to when we're in the thick of our own problems," Decker says. "I see movies as a tremendous teaching tool for mental health, emotional wellness, and relationship skills."

Seawright and Decker have taken on toxic perfectionism in "Encanto," men's mental health and masculinity in "Fight Club," love versus obsession with Severus Snape's character in "Harry Potter" and more. In one of their more popular videos, they tackled the concept of gaslighting by showing examples of it in Disney's "Tangled."

Seawright and Decker analyze heroes and villains as well as romantic, platonic and familial relationships. And they frequently use characters to talk about mental illnesses and personality disorders, which is brilliant. By exploring real psychological and emotional realities through fictional characters, they can talk about individuals we're all familiar with without breaching anyone's privacy or personal boundaries. Judging by the thousands of comments their videos receive and the discussions that ensue, people love it.

That's not to say the channel hasn't received any hate. People can be fairly fanatical about films and characters they love, and people can also misunderstand or misinterpret things. Plus, let's face it, when you talk about certain emotional or psychological topics, some self-loathing fellow somewhere is going to react negatively.

Seawright gave their "ARAGORN vs. Toxic Masculinity" episode as an example of when some comments got ugly, but also brushed it off as an anomaly. "Unsurprising, but a pretty decent number of dudes calling us soy-boy cucks or some-such," he says. "Pretty funny, honestly."

Both Seawright and Decker say that their fan base overall is incredibly supportive.

"To put yourself out there on the internet is to be criticized and attacked, but it's a very small percentage," says Decker. "Most people are kind and appreciative, disagreeing respectfully when disagreements happen."

"I had no idea that our audience would be as supportive and wonderful as they are," says Seawright. "Not just to us, but to each other! Seriously, our comments section is one of the kindest places you can find on the internet. There are some trolls in there, but it's overwhelmingly loving."

"It’s weird," he jokes. We've all seen what a cesspool the comment section can be, so it's great to see a space where people are nice to one another.

Seawright and Decker have high hopes for what their viewers will take away from their Cinema Therapy experience.

"I want them to get tools to have healthy relationships, to healthily balance self-acceptance with self-improvement, and to know that getting help is a good thing," says Decker. "I also would love for them to gain a new appreciation for film, which is such a layered, stunning art form."

"I hope people will get hope out of it," says Seawright. "The film education I can provide is pretty meager, and isn’t going to be life-changing in any case. But feeling things with me, and learning about why/how you’re feeling things with Jono is a pretty lofty goal, and I think we’re doing an OK job with it."

After creating more than 100 episodes, the duo has no plans of stopping. They're having too much fun and people are enjoying their content. There's also no shortage of movies for them to talk about, and with mental health being such a hot topic, the therapeutic element of what they do adds value to people's lives.

"We exist to counter the negativity out there, to unify, uplift and entertain," says Decker. "We're sharing skills that change lives, and want people to have so much fun that it hardly feels like learning."

Check out one of their biggest hits—and most natural fits—as they examine the psychology, relationships, family dynamics and more in Disney's "Inside Out":

You can follow Cinema Therapy on YouTube and check out the website as well.

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.


How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.

Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay is notorious for having a bit of a temper on his shows “Hell's Kitchen” and “MasterChef.” But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a big heart, too.

Ramsay was being interviewed on the BBC's "The Radio 2 Breakfast Show" in 2022 when kitchen manager Tina Clarke from Edward Peake Middle School in Biggleswade, Bedfordshire, England jokingly called in to ask for help. She said she was "cooking on her own here" because two of her co-workers were out sick.

She had to prepare 300 meals for the students while short-staffed.

"I'm cooking here on my own, I work in a school kitchen and my chef has gone off sick and I have another one off with COVID, and I just wondered if Gordon would help me today and give me a hand?” Clarke asked jokingly.


To her surprise, Ramsay agreed to help. "If I did have the time I would be in Bedfordshire, I promise you in a heartbeat, I can send a chef if you wish?" he asked.

How could Clarke refuse the help of a chef that works with Gordon Ramsay?

Ramsay called a cab and sent over a member of his team, chef Rob Roy Cameron from Ramsay's Lucky Cat restaurant in London, to help. Lucky Cat is in a wealthy neighborhood and is known for Asian-inspired small plates and sushi.

Clarke had no idea that Ramsay would send help so she was a little worried the school administration wouldn’t be too pleased with her inviting a stranger into the kitchen without permission. But she couldn’t have known that Ramsay would say yes to her half-hearted plea.

"When I got a message saying your chef will be with you in an hour, I thought, 'Oh my God, I'm going to have to fess up to the head and I hope she doesn't give me detention or lines,'" she admitted.

However, the headteacher, Miss Linington, said it was fine with her and a jolt of excitement went through the halls of the school. When Cameron arrived, Clarke put him to work immediately making cauliflower cheese. "I'm sure he was terrified by having three menopausal women around him in the kitchen all day," Clarke joked.

Clarke said that the food tasted “amazing” even though Cameron was shocked to learn he couldn’t use any salt. The students were happy about their visitor, too. "The kids were so excited,” Clarke said. "We've never had so many visitors [in the kitchen],” Clarke said.

The next day, Clarke got the chance to personally thank Ramsay on the radio. "It sent a huge buzz around the school. So, thank you," she said through a pretaped message. She also thanked “her loyal staff," Andrea, Mandy, Sharon and Louise.

"Anytime, Tina," Ramsay responded.

Ramsay’s generosity shows that when you have a true love of food and cooking, a kitchen is a kitchen, whether you’re preparing a meal at a 5-star Michelin-rated restaurant or you have hundreds of hungry students to feed.

This article originally appeared on 3.31.22

Modern Families

Do you have a "living room family" or a "bedroom family"?

This 'debate' is all the rage on TikTok. But one is not better than the other.

alexxx1915/TikTok

TikTok user alexxx1915 recently posted a short video with the caption: "I just learned the term 'living room family' and I never understood why my kids never played in their rooms when I always did as a kid."

She briefly shows her kids hanging out in the living room with their pet dog and some toys scattered around the floor, before panning to her own face and giving a sort of sentimental look. The simple, ten-second clip struck a huge nerve with parents, racking up over 25 million views and thousands of heartfelt comments.






@alexxx1915

#livingroomfamily #fypシ

What are "living room families" and "bedroom families"?

This idea has been going around for a while on social media.

Simply put, a living room family is a family that congregates in the living room, or any common space in the household. Kids play in the same space where the adults relax — and things are often messy, as a result. Everyone interacts with each other and spends lots of time together. Bedrooms are reserved mostly for sleeping and dressing.

A bedroom family, on the other hand, is where the kids spend more time in their rooms. They play there, watch TV, and maybe even eat meals. Typically, the main rooms of the house are kept neat and tidy — you won't find a lot of toys scattered about — and family time spent together is more structured and planned ahead rather than casual.

"Living room families" has become the latest aspirational term on TikTok. Everyone wants to be a living room family!

The implication of being a bedroom family, or having 'room kids', is that perhaps they don't feel safe or comfortable or even allowed to take up room in the rest of the house, or to be around the adults.

"I remember my brother coming round once and he just sat in silence while watching my kids play in livingroom. After a while he looked at me and said 'It's so nice that your kids want to be around you'" one commenter said on alexxx1915's video.

"I thought my kids hated their rooms 🥺 turns out they like me more" said another.

"You broke a generational curse. Good job mama!" said yet another.

There's so much that's great about having a family that lives out in the open — especially if you were raised feeling like you had to hide in your room.

In my own household, we're definitely a living room family. We're around each other constantly, and the house is often a mess because of it. Learning about this term makes me feel a little better that my kids want to be around us and feel comfortable enough to get their 'play mess' all over the living room.

The mess is a sign of the love and comfort we all share together.

But the big twist is that it's also perfectly fine if your kids — and you! — like a little more solitary time.

boy playing with toys on the floorGavyn Alejandro/Unsplash

Being a 'bedroom family' is actually perfectly OK.

There's a similar discourse that took place last year about living room parents vs bedroom parents. The general consensus seemed to be that it was better to be a living room parent, who relaxed out in the open versus taking alone time behind closed doors.

But it really doesn't have to be one or the other, and neither is necessarily better.

Making your kids feel relegated to their room is, obviously, not great. It's not a good thing if they feel like they're not allowed to exist in and play in the rest of the house.

But if they just like hanging out in their room? Nothing wrong with that at all! And same goes for parents.

Alone time is important for parents and kids alike, and everyone needs different amounts of it to thrive.

Kids with certain special needs, like being on the autism spectrum, may be absolutely thrilled to spend lots of time in their rooms, for example.

So are you a living room family or a bedroom family? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, as long as your family loves each other and allows everyone to be exactly who they are.

Popular

In just 40 seconds, Matthew McConaughey made the heartbreaking case for gun safety

"She wore these every day, green Converse with a heart on the right toe."

Twitter/WhiteHouse.gov

Matthew McConaughey speaks at the White House about gun safety.

Maite Rodriguez was only 10 years old when she was senselessly murdered during the mass school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, that made national headlines in the summer of 2022. The Robb Elementary School student was passionate about nature. So much so that every day she wore the same pair of green Converse shoes with a tiny heart etched in ink on the toe of the right shoe.

Those now iconic shoes were the only reliable piece of evidence in identifying her body after Rodriguez was gunned down by the AR-15 style rifle that killed her and 18 of her fellow classmates.

Actor Matthew McConaughey used that horrifying and unforgettable image during an appearance at the White House, where he advocated for gun safety measures in light of the shooting that has rocked his home town of Uvalde and the nation at large. McConaughey's remarks immediately went viral across social media, with a short, 40-second clip amassing more than 7 million views in less than 24 hours. But two years later, the importance of those remarks unfortunately are just as relevant and poignant as the nation continues to grapple with gun violence.

"How can we make the loss of these lives matter?" McConaughey asked. “You could feel the pain, the denial, the disillusion, anger, blame, sadness, loss of lives, dreams halted," he added, when describing his visit to Uvalde after the shooting.

McConaughey's call for action is fairly modest. In an op-ed published in the Austin American-Statesman, the Oscar-winning actor called for commonsense reforms including expanded background checks.

"I believe that responsible, law-abiding Americans have a Second Amendment right, enshrined by our founders, to bear arms," he wrote in the op-ed. "I also believe we have a cultural obligation to take steps toward slowing down the senseless killing of our children. The debate about gun control has delivered nothing but status quo. It’s time we talk about gun responsibility."

But it is this 40-second clip that has spread like wildfire across social media in which a tearful McConaughey asks his wife Camila Alves to hold up the pair of Converse worn by Rodriguez.

"Maite wore green Converse with a heart hand-drawn on the right toe," McConaughey says in the clip, voice cracking with grief, "because they represented her love of nature. Camila's got these shoes, can you show these shoes, please?"

Alves, herself visibly shaken with grief, holds up the shoes with her head held down.

"Wore these every day. Green Converse with a heart on the right toe. Because it was the same green Converse on her feet that turned out to be the only clear evidence that could identify her at the shooting," McConaughey says.

The actor angrily slammed his fist on the White House podium, audibly moaning and muttering, "How about that," as the clip ends.

McConaughey and Alves spent the day on Capitol Hill meeting with lawmakers from both parties. The actor and activist has used his stardom to advocate for middle-ground commonsense solutions to the nation's problems, including gun safety. In both his op-ed and in comments at the White House, McConaughey acknowledged the unique reality of America's Second Amendment and relationship with firearms. Rather than shaming the concept of gun ownership, McConaughey stressed the need for workable solutions and for political leaders to put principle ahead of fundraising and reelection concerns, saying, “We can’t truly be leaders if we are only living for reelection.”

“We need to invest in mental health care. We need safer schools,” McConaughey added. “We need to restrain sensationalized media coverage. We need to restore our family values. We need to restore our American values. And we need responsible gun ownership.”

With the potential for modest but meaningful gun safety legislation making progress in Congress, it's all the more important to have voices like McConaughey's as part of the conversation, to both remind us of the urgency of the moment and that there is a way forward with consensus on bipartisan solutions to a problem that should be a priority for every parent and every voter in the nation.

You can watch McConaughey's full remarks below. And remember, there's a way for us all to come together in a way that both respects gun rights while also ensuring moments like this become part of a history where our differences kept us from coming together to find common sense solutions to challenges that impact the lives of people across this nation of every age, race, gender, background and belief.

This article originally appeared on 6.8.22

Kindness is the best kind of gift.

Charlotte Joy’s eighth birthday was fast approaching. Birthdays are often a source of unbridled joy for kids this age. Sadly, this wasn't the case for Charlotte. At least, not at first.

The young girl from Tennessee had experienced tragedy a few months prior—losing her mother, Jenny Wren, to brain cancer. Knowing a time for celebration would be more important than ever, her older sister, Chloe Sexton, tried to organize a birthday party, sending out invitations to all her classmates. Only one RSVP’d.

In a 2022 interview with Good Morning America, Sexton added that Charlotte had switched schools that year. Sexton made a special effort to “help grow a friend group” for her little sister, offering to arrange playdates for those who couldn’t come due to summer plans. "We sent out the invitations and on the back of the invitations, I made sure to mention, 'If you can't come, please just let us know.’” she told GMA.

Still … nothing.

Devastated, Sexton posted an emotional plea to TikTok onthe day before Charlotte’s birthday.

“For anybody who has a kid that they're raising, if a kid in your child's class gives out birthday invitations, just come. It's like, an hour or two of your life. Please just come," Sexton said through tears. "My little sister turns 8 tomorrow. Her birthday party is going to be this weekend. Our mom died of brain cancer 83 days ago. One—one child from her class RSVP'd. I haven't even told her that. Like why? Why? Her whole class knew what happened.”

@chloebluffcakes Just go to the birthday party youre invited to 🥺 #birthday #grief #kids ♬ original sound - Chloe

Fireworks could be heard in the background, something their mom told Charlotte “were for her” each year on her birthday, until this one. Sexton had been DIYing decorations in the garage by herself, determined to spend every night that week preparing for the party that weekend, no matter how few showed up.

Little did Sexton know that her video would be the very thing to turn their luck around.

Sexton’s TikTok quickly racked up 9.3 million views. And within hours, complete strangers offered to help. That Saturday, Charlotte's birthday was the stuff of legend.

@chloebluffcakes Replying to @chloebluffcakes thank you, from deep in my heart. Thank you alyssa, taylor, abby, cindy, libby and wveryone else who helped make this possible. You didnt just save a little girl from heartbreak, you saved something in me ♥️ #birthdayparty ♬ Paper Birds (3 min) - Jordan Halpern Schwartz

Sexton posted a follow up TikTok showing the amazing turnout. A gorgeous “Encanto'' backdrop (complete with colorful balloon arch) filled the living room. Dozens of children rode a party pony and petted a slew of reptiles. A procession of 30 Jeeps cruised down the street handing out gifts. Charlotte even got her own personalized mini Jeep! Along with many, many other gifts.

As for Charlotte, her smile never stopped.

“It was even more beautiful than I thought it would be!” you can hear her sweet little voice say in the video.

Thanks to the kindness of strangers, Charlotte and her big sis were saved from heartbreak. And though the party may be over, humanity is a gift that keeps on giving. Sexton told GMA that her P.O. box is filled “to the brim everyday” with birthday cards from folks on TikTok. Plus, both Charlotte and Sexton have made some new friends from that magical party.

Great things happen when people show up for others.


This article originally appeared on 7.19.22