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The Kind Of Wedding That Makes You Want To Throw Rice At Your Computer
Man, I really hope I experience this kind of love one day. What these two feel for each other makes me so happy.
10.22.13
Phtoo Credit: https://www.canva.com/photos
An otter, a lion, a golden retriever, a beaver
In the never-ending quest to understand ourselves better, or at least have just one more distraction from whatever it is we should be doing, here comes the animal personality test. And the craziest part is (at least for me), it's kind of accurate.
The truth is, these days anyone can create their own personality tests. (And they do… and I've taken them.) Which Sex and the City character are you? Who is your inner Marvel superhero? What color is your heart? (Carrie, Ant Man, and black respectively.)
But this particular animal archetype quiz, in actuality, is a model developed in the late 90s by Gary Smalley, an author with a psychology background and a PhD in counseling. Co-created by author John Trent, the two wrote a book called The Two Sides of Love: The Secret to Valuing Differences. The idea is to strike a balance between the tender, "soft" side of love and the "hard," more direct side. After taking the quiz provided in the book (and now online), one can find out if their temperament is the lion, the beaver, the otter, or the golden retriever.
Even though it was written as a love-based tool, this personality test is often mentioned in the corporate world as a way to find out how people relate in the workforce. Jasper Rose, a financial recruiting agency, shared the quiz on their website, but notes, "This model should be taken with a pinch of salt. These animal categories describe the natural leaning of your temperament. In other words, they aren’t entirely fixed, as personalities are flexible and change over time, and people are complex." (So something an otter would say.)
Without further ado, the personality test can be taken (among many places) through this Michigan State University worksheet here:
Gary Smalley and John Trent's personality testPhoto Credit: Michigan State University
As with most personality tests, these questions can be tricky, as many times more than one answer will apply. For example, one question asks that you rank what best describes you from the following: "likes authority, enthusiastic, sensitive feelings, likes instructions." Another: "Takes charge, takes risks, loyal, accurate." It's possible to relate to all four statements equally, making this a flawed test.
But if you're in it for a lighthearted look at something that may vaguely describe you, here's a breakdown of the results:
THE LION
A lion roams. Giphy GIF by Savage Kingdom, Nat Geo
These, according to the test, are the natural-born leaders. They are confident, take-charge, strong, and independent. From the Jasper Rose website:
"Strengths: visionary, persistent, practical, productive, initiates change and projects, communicates directly, enjoys being challenged, strong-willed, independent, decisive, leader.
Weaknesses: Insensitive/cold, sarcastic, self-sufficient, impatient, stubborn, overlooks risks, controlling at times, can be too direct."
An educational worksheet on the Community Engaged Learning website (Michigan State University) adds that lions, "are great at initiating communication, but not great at listening." They add their natural desires are "freedom, authority, variety, difficult assignments, opportunity for advancement."
THE OTTER
An otter is surprised. Giphy GIF by Nashville Tour Stop
These are our happy social types. "They are often energetic and enthusiastic, with a tendency to be playful and enjoy humor. Otters are generally creative and enjoy trying new things but may struggle with follow-through. They value relationships and are often empathetic and compassionate towards others."
"Strengths: Outgoing, optimistic, personable, communicator, dreamer, responsive, warm, friendly, talkative, enthusiastic, compassionate.
Weaknesses: Undisciplined, unproductive, exaggerative, egocentric, unstable, struggle with follow-through, impulsive, needs social approval, easily offended."
The Center for Relationship Education adds, "Otters find it easy to be soft on people. It is also easy for them to be soft on problems. Otters need to learn to say ‘No’ and provide the hard-side balance of healthy boundary setting."
THE BEAVER
Beaver enjoying a snack. Giphy GIF by San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance
These are our go-tos for decisive, detail-oriented people who actually enjoy structure and routine. "Beavers tend to be cautious and risk-averse, preferring to follow established procedures rather than taking chances. They are also known for their analytical skills and ability to organize complex information. However, they may struggle with flexibility and creativity, and may sometimes be perceived as overly critical."
"Strengths: Analytical, thorough, decision-maker, deliberate, self-disciplined, industrious, organized, aesthetic, sacrificing.
Weaknesses: Moody, self-centered, touchy, negative, unsociable, critical, revengeful."
The educational handout adds that in terms of relationships, "Beavers are good listeners, communicate details, and are usually diplomatic."
THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER
Golden Retriever adorably looks up. Giphy GIF by WoofWaggers
These are our loyal, dependable friends/lovers. "They also tend to avoid conflict and prioritize maintaining harmony in their relationships. However, they may struggle with making decisions and taking action, and may sometimes come across as passive or indifferent."
"Strengths: Calm, supportive, agreeable, easy-going, loyal, dependable, quiet, objective, diplomatic, humorous, values relationships, stable and consistent.
Weaknesses: Selfish, stingy, indirect with others, resists change, procrastinator, unmotivated, lacks initiative, indecisive, fearful, worrier, can be co-dependent."
The Center for Relationship Education notes, "Goldens’ strong tendency toward the soft-side of love can lead to issues of co-dependence and enabling. Goldens need to learn to balance their natural soft-side with some hard-side qualities."
As with most quizzes like these, most of us are a combination of traits not easily put into labeled boxes. If nothing else, it's a creative way to get people thinking about how they interact with one another in a variety of situations. (Which is totally something a golden retriever like me would say.)
Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.
We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.
But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.
Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy
Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."
As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.
"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."
Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.
"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.
- YouTube www.youtube.com
"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."
The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).
"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."
What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.
Want to spend less time on your phone? Try this hack.
Much ado has been made about young people spending inordinate amounts of time on their phones, but in reality, people of all ages and generations struggle with smartphone addiction. We use our phones for everything these days, but the utilitarian use of them can quickly be overshadowed by the dopamine hits we get from social media, games, and other apps that are designed to suck us in over and over.
People can try to limit their screen time, but it's hard when our phones are something we legitimately need to use. It's a slippery slope from checking an email to answering a Facebook message to clicking on a video, and then we're off to the races. We can remove apps or use app blockers, but there's an even simpler solution that many people swear by: grayscale.
This 1-minute phone hack changed my life.Grayscale Mode:We all need to fight back against the phone addiction that is destroying our attention and focus.Grayscale Mode removes the colors to… | Sahil Bloom | 795 comments www.linkedin.com
A simple switch in your phone's accessibility settings changes the phone from full color to grayscale, and for many people, that's all they needed to break the spell their phone had over them. When you open your phone and are met with a black-and-white screen full of apps, it does two things: 1) It reminds you that you're trying to use your phone less, and 2) It makes using your phone a whole lot less interesting.
The boring look is what makes it so effective; the idea is that our brains don't react to a grayscale screen the way they do to a brightly colored one. A 2023 study found that switching your phone to grayscale was "an effective strategy to reduce screen time and improve digital well-being," and people on Reddit have shared how much switching their phone display to grayscale has helped them:
"Recently, I switched my phone screen to grayscale and reduced the refresh rate to 60 Hz. The real surprise came when I looked up from the screen after a few minutes. Everything around me appeared way more vibrant, like in a radioactive way. It was like reality itself was so oversaturated that it felt surreal, almost cartoonish. For the first time in years, I can honestly say the world around me seems far more vivid and interesting than my phone screen." – EngarReddit
Man holding smartphone.via Canva Photos
"Each time I apply grayscale on my phone, I feel less tempted to use it because it's so boring compared to the colors of our world. Our mind is highly influenced by colors (that's why you're more willing to eat a dish that looks vibrant and colorful compared to a shitty mess, even though they have the same taste)." – [deleted]
"Yes! I’ve only had it on for a few hours and everything “looks like 90s” everything is colorful again and normal and feels real like a haze has lifted." – Hot_Necessary_3305
"Yeah, grayscale my phone is the only thing that helped me curb my phone addiction. Now if only I know how to make a shortcut to it. Going all the way to accessibility to change it is a hassle. Sometimes I need to change my phone back for color required task and my eyes will get used to black and white eventually so I have to keep switching it on and off." – American_GrizzlyBear
"My phone automatically switches to grey scale every night at 10pm, helps to discourage scrolling at night." – m333ejm
"Turned it on and instantly found myself less interested in scrolling. I completely get what you mean by the world being more vivid, looking up after staring at a greyscale screen makes the colours jump out at you in the real world. I’ve setup an automation to have greyscale turn off when I open photos & the camera but for now, this is definitely what i’m using going forward." – QuitSplash
So many of us mindlessly scroll. Grayscale can help. Giphy
How to turn on grayscale in your phone settings
The grayscale option is usually under Accessibility settings. Still, how you get there will vary by phone make and model, and any instructions I share here may end up outdated, so a quick Google search for "How to turn on grayscale settings on iPhone/Android" is your best bet for figuring it out.
I found that setting a grayscale display on the iPhone wasn't terribly intuitive, and once I put it in, I realized how annoying it would be to switch back to color if I wanted or needed to. (Sometimes I want to see a photo in color, or I'm looking at a color-coded chart that doesn't work in grayscale.) After a little tutorial from a Gen Zer, I was able to set a toggle shortcut so that if I press the power button quickly three times, the color options pop up so I can switch back and forth quickly.
Most of us can use some hacks to help us break our phone and screen overuse, and the simpler, the better. Try the grayscale trick and see how quickly your brain loses interest. For many, it's nothing short of life-changing.
Working with your hands is medicine for the soul.
Digital fatigue is brutal. It robs us of our focus, productivity, and most importantly, our joy. Thankfully, there is a way to escape the never-ending flurry of notifications, emails, and pings and reclaim our inner peace in a way that’s not only effective but fun as well.
Cue: analog hobbies.
The health benefits of analog hobbies are well-documented. Whether they be artistic pursuits like painting or drawing, which help ease racing thoughts and anxiety, or physical activities like gardening or dancing, which get us more active, or some combination of both, like cooking or woodworking, which enlists both the practical and creative sides of our brains.
During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us found out firsthand just how soothing tech-free hobbies could be. According to one survey, nearly two-thirds of Americans picked up a new hobby during this time. And even though we are more or less back to the regular hustle and bustle of pre-COVID times, the need to unplug is just as important now as ever.
Do any of us still make sourdough? media2.giphy.com
If you’re looking for inspiration for your next low-to-no tech hobby, keep reading.
Recently, a Reddit user shared that they had been “craving a bit of simplicity and a break from screens,” and in the process rediscovered former analog passions like sketching and playing vinyl records.
“Personally, I’ve found that stepping away from tech even for just an hour or two really helps with mental clarity and stress relief," they wrote. "Also, there’s something so satisfying about making something with your hands, right?"
“It made me wonder: what non-tech hobbies have you all picked up or returned to recently?" they added. "Whether it’s knitting, gardening, brewing your own coffee, or something else that doesn’t require a charger or Wifi.”
Boy, did people respond in kind. Be it with classics like cross-stitching, or some out-of-the-box ideas like sending postcards to German princes (more on that later). Many even shared samples of their WIPS (works in progress), which was doubly inspiring.
Take a look at some of our favorites:
“Fused glass is my current hobby. I just enjoy doing it and don't look at my phone for hours when I'm cutting glass. Unfortunately, I do have a lot of cuts on my hands.”
A fused glass bowl. Reddit
“Solo board games. There are tons of different mechanics, difficulties and themes…My favorites are Tiny Epic Dungeons, Nemo’s War, Zombicide Black Plague, Threetale, Grove, Valor and Villainy, Ludwig’s Labyrinth.”
“Aquascaping is such a good break from tech. I have all the time I spend fiddling with rocks and plants, and once that’s done and I stock the tank with fish and shrimp and whatever else, I have a living piece of art that is 100% custom and always changing.”
An example of aquascaping. Reddit
“Volunteering at the animal shelter.”
“Journaling! My thoughts feel so much clearer after writing everything down. :-)”
“I've fallen in love with whittling.”
Whittled Halloween figures. Reddit
“Gardening has probably become the one that’s changed my life the most, it gets me more active, I spend and enjoy hours outside now. It’s taken a big bite out of my grocery bill, it also forces me to cook more. I extend the season by growing cool season crops, keeping a small hydro grow indoors and starting seeds in March. I also vermicompost indoors which is oddly fun and comforting — digging in dirt in the middle of winter and anticipating spring. I find having year round gardening activities helps with SAD and it’s done a ton for my overall mental health and sense of wellbeing.”
“Water coloring bookmarks.”
A water color painted bookmark. Reddit
“I’ve been doing film photography since 1973 and am still at it in my home darkroom.”
“Repairing old electric toy trains. I find myself looking forward to unplugging and taking these things apart to fix or replace a part or two and bring them back to life. The smell of oil, soldering a wire or two, working through a fairly simple mechanical problem - these are the only things keeping me sane these days!”
“Counted cross-stitch work in progress”
A cross-stitched pattern of a goddess-like woman. Reddit
“I have gotten back into writing letters to pen pals but most of them are what I call fictional pen pals. That's where I create a character and that character writes a pen pal letter to another created character. It's a lot of fun and makes me slow down to actually write a letter and I can live a more exciting life through my character.”
“Latte-art for me :)”
Latte art.Reddit
“I write letters to royals and nobles world wide and collect their responses. It makes going to the mailbox a lot of fun! I always send birthday, anniversary, and coronation day greetings. Other times it might be commenting on an event they attended or appearance they made. Other times letters of condolence if they've experienced a recent death of a loved one. You'd be surprised how many respond personally, particularly minor royals or nobles (the German princes have been particularly gracious with their time to write back).”
“Been a woodworker since I was a wee lad. It’s just super relaxing and mentally rewarding to dive into a project… Here's one of my latest…Most of the work was done with muscle powered hand tools…”
A handmade wood cabinet.Reddit
“Making collages from old magazines. It’s somewhat mindless and cheap to get started. People give away free old magazines on Facebook marketplace or you can buy cheap ones on eBay.”
“Making my own stencils from cardboard and using them on my gelli plate. I’m into surface design at the moment.”
A watercolor butterfly.Reddit
“I’m getting back into art welding. Last week, I found myself in a flow state and forgot to eat. I’m also stunned at how encouraging different old dudes have been to me at supply shops. It was not like that 13 years ago when I learned.”
“Knitting socks.”
“Dollhouse miniature modeling.”
“Getting back into pottery. I get into my zen zone when my hands get dirty.”
“After dabbling before, I’m now taking up bookbinding! Despite the latest trend in doing up fancy versions of paperbacks, you can actually start with stuff you have at home and would otherwise throw away. The first book we’re making in my coptic class uses cardboard packaging and regular printer paper.”
“Camping and backpacking are the most fulfilling for me. I enjoy hiking, birding, tying knots, chilling in a hammock, reading, and photography. I get to do all those things in one hobby.”
“Mandolin and tenor guitar.”
“I paint portraits in oils - mostly of family, or pets. Here is my latest piece. It’s a very rewarding hobby and I’ve met some amazing people along the way.”
An oil portrait of a baby. Reddit
“My all-time favourite analog hobbies are dirt biking, snowmobiling, skiing at 2-3 years old, and they certainly do not need WiFi. Why are they such a great escape from the digital world? Cause you literally leave your home, go where theres no cell service, and you only focus on the machine/skis and never the phone while doing them. Perfect, best escape from the digital world.”
“I go on walks looking for 4 leaf clovers and lay them out in a photo album and think of it kind of like art meets meditation meets scavenger hunting.”
Pressed four leaf clovers. Reddit
“Penmanship. Specifically: writing cursive with a fountain pen. I've started collecting some pens, improved my handwriting, started journaling a little, and even ground some of my own nibs.”
“Public lectures, author meet-and-greets, book clubs, meetups in general- local colleges often have special interest groups open to the public, public libraries usually have some event going on, farmer's markets and local festivals frequently have interesting people who love to talk about what they do.”
“I love air dry clay, particularly the brand Das.”
A clay pumpkin.Reddit
“Rockhounding, because it literally gets me out of the house and going places.”
For those wondering, rockhounding is searching for and collecting rocks, minerals, fossils, gems, etc. Some folks get specific on what types of colors or shapes they aim to find. And while rockhounding itself involves no tech, you might need to hop online to make sure you're allowed to take items from the spot you're in.
“I love fishing! It's so peaceful!”
“I danced as a kid and recently got back into it through a dance fitness class. Now I'm choreographing my own dances. It's fun, active, and creative.”
Let this be your sign to carve out some time for joy today, in whatever way feels best. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you for it.