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“A balm for the soul”
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When Sue Hoppin was in college, she met the man she was going to marry. "I was attending the University of Denver, and he was at the Air Force Academy," she says. "My dad had also attended the University of Denver and warned me not to date those flyboys from the Springs."

"He didn't say anything about marrying one of them," she says. And so began her life as a military spouse.

The life brings some real advantages, like opportunities to live abroad — her family got to live all around the US, Japan, and Germany — but it also comes with some downsides, like having to put your spouse's career over your own goals.

"Though we choose to marry someone in the military, we had career goals before we got married, and those didn't just disappear."

Career aspirations become more difficult to achieve, and progress comes with lots of starts and stops. After experiencing these unique challenges firsthand, Sue founded an organization to help other military spouses in similar situations.

Sue had gotten a degree in international relations because she wanted to pursue a career in diplomacy, but for fourteen years she wasn't able to make any headway — not until they moved back to the DC area. "Eighteen months later, many rejections later, it became apparent that this was going to be more challenging than I could ever imagine," she says.

Eighteen months is halfway through a typical assignment, and by then, most spouses are looking for their next assignment. "If I couldn't find a job in my own 'hometown' with multiple degrees and a great network, this didn't bode well for other military spouses," she says.

She's not wrong. Military spouses spend most of their lives moving with their partners, which means they're often far from family and other support networks. When they do find a job, they often make less than their civilian counterparts — and they're more likely to experience underemployment or unemployment. In fact, on some deployments, spouses are not even allowed to work.

Before the pandemic, military spouse unemployment was 22%. Since the pandemic, it's expected to rise to 35%.

Sue eventually found a job working at a military-focused nonprofit, and it helped her get the experience she needed to create her own dedicated military spouse program. She wrote a book and started saving up enough money to start the National Military Spouse Network (NMSN), which she founded in 2010 as the first organization of its kind.

"I founded the NMSN to help professional military spouses develop flexible careers they could perform from any location."

"Over the years, the program has expanded to include a free digital magazine, professional development events, drafting annual White Papers and organizing national and local advocacy to address the issues of most concern to the professional military spouse community," she says.

Not only was NMSN's mission important to Sue on a personal level she also saw it as part of something bigger than herself.

"Gone are the days when families can thrive on one salary. Like everyone else, most military families rely on two salaries to make ends meet. If a military spouse wants or needs to work, they should be able to," she says.

"When less than one percent of our population serves in the military," she continues, "we need to be able to not only recruit the best and the brightest but also retain them."

"We lose out as a nation when service members leave the force because their spouse is unable to find employment. We see it as a national security issue."

"The NMSN team has worked tirelessly to jumpstart the discussion and keep the challenges affecting military spouses top of mind. We have elevated the conversation to Congress and the White House," she continues. "I'm so proud of the fact that corporations, the government, and the general public are increasingly interested in the issues affecting military spouses and recognizing the employment roadblocks they unfairly have faced."

"We have collectively made other people care, and in doing so, we elevated the issues of military spouse unemployment to a national and global level," she adds. "In the process, we've also empowered military spouses to advocate for themselves and our community so that military spouse employment issues can continue to remain at the forefront."

Not only has NMSN become a sought-after leader in the military spouse employment space, but Sue has also seen the career she dreamed of materializing for herself. She was recently invited to participate in the public re-launch of Joining Forces, a White House initiative supporting military and veteran families, with First Lady Dr. Jill Biden.

She has also had two of her recommendations for practical solutions introduced into legislation just this year. She was the first in the Air Force community to show leadership the power of social media to reach both their airmen and their military families.

That is why Sue is one of Tory Burch's "Empowered Women" this year. The $5,000 donation will be going to The Madeira School, a school that Sue herself attended when she was in high school because, she says, "the lessons I learned there as a student pretty much set the tone for my personal and professional life. It's so meaningful to know that the donation will go towards making a Madeira education more accessible to those who may not otherwise be able to afford it and providing them with a life-changing opportunity."

Most military children will move one to three times during high school so having a continuous four-year experience at one high school can be an important gift. After traveling for much of her formative years, Sue attended Madeira and found herself "in an environment that fostered confidence and empowerment. As young women, we were expected to have a voice and advocate not just for ourselves, but for those around us."

To learn more about Tory Burch and Upworthy's Empowered Women program visit https://www.toryburch.com/empoweredwomen/. Nominate an inspiring woman in your community today!

This has been a tough week for many of America's couples.

Photo by Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images.

As President-elect Donald Trump prepares to take over the White House, interracial couples are afraid to go out in public for fear of physical or verbal assault. Gay couples are afraid their marriages might soon be disqualified by the Supreme Court.


But there's another kind of couple also battling fear and resentment right now: Couples where the two partners voted differently. Perhaps it was one for Trump, one for Clinton. Perhaps one member of the partnership didn't vote at all.

Whatever the reason, this new hurdle is threatening to rip many relationships apart.

"I've never seen this before," said Susan Falcon, a couples counselor of 25 years based in New Orleans. "Every four years there's an election, and sometimes the spouses might bicker about it, but I've never seen anything like this."

Some couples are turning to therapy (Falcon said she did, in fact, take on a few new clients this week for this very reason). Some are trying to find their own way through. Others are throwing in the towel altogether.

The question is, how can couples like these put their political differences aside for the sake of their relationship? Or can they at all? Here's what Falcon is telling her clients.

1. First, remember the person you fell in love with.

Photo by Saeed Khan/AFP/Getty Images.

Falcon, who sees an extremely diverse set of clients, said the most common scenario she's faced is a husband who voted for Trump and a wife who voted for Clinton.

"What's happening now is the Hillary spouse is really grieving. And afraid. And angry," she said. "And the Trump spouse feels that that's ridiculous, that that's a huge overreaction."

This fundamental disagreement can lead to the "Hillary spouse" seeing their partner, for the first time, as a racist and a misogynist. They might be this way, but there's also a chance that they aren't. So Falcon says her first and most important job is to get the partners, both of them, to reflect on each other and what made them fall in love in the first place; whether that's taking turns telling the story of their first date or swapping genuine compliments.

"If [she] wants to think Trump is Satan, she can have that," Falcon said. "But I try to get her to remember who she married."

2. Hillary voters: Remind yourself that your spouse is not, in fact, Donald Trump.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

Falcon doubled down on this point. She says it's the key to not just getting past these election results as a couple, but in maintaining a healthy bond throughout the Trump presidency.

"I try to nail that down so that, going forward, everything Trump does will not feel like their partner's responsibility," she said. In other words, despite this being hard to digest: Just because someone voted for Trump doesn't mean they've endorsed all of his future actions.

Election Day and the inauguration after that are only the beginning of a four-year conversation.

3. Trump voters: Now is not the time to gloat. It is the time to comfort your spouse because they are experiencing real grief.

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

To those on the "victorious side," the response to this election may seem melodramatic. But Falcon reminds us that Clinton supporters are actually in a legitimate, and deep, state of mourning.

In fact, Falcon said she actually talks to her clients about the stages of grief. (You know: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.)

"I try to get the Trump spouse to understand the emotions of the Hillary spouse and to assume that she would have been loving and supportive toward them had Hillary won," she said.

4. But to both people, Falcon says listening is key. Really listening.

Here's an exercise you can try:

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

In order to civilly "agree to disagree," you have to properly understand each other's position. Falcon recommends an exercise in which each partner takes turns "interviewing" the other about their views or support for their candidate.

There's just one catch: No arguing.

"The spouse asking the questions, their job is only to listen, take notes, reflect on what they're saying," Falcon said. "I don't let them argue or try to convince their spouse otherwise. I just want them to listen quietly and just leave it at that."

She admits this is a little easier in the presence of a neutral third party, so enlist one if you can.

5. And in the end, remember that, even if it feels like it, this is probably not the actual end of the world.

Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

A Trump presidency may mean really bad things for a lot of people. That much cannot be swept under the rug. But there will also be a lot of good people fighting for what's right. For that reason, at least, the world is not likely to come to an actual end.

"I'm older than a lot of my clients, so I try to give them some perspective," Falcon said. She talked about the first time she voted, when she was a 19-year-old student at Louisiana State University. She had friends who died in the Vietnam War, leading her to protest heavily. So when she watched Richard Nixon win the presidency on a small portable TV, she was devastated.

"I really believed, at 19, that it was the end of the world, but it wasn't," she said. "It wasn't the end of the world."

Getting through a major difference in world views, like the one Trump's election has presented, will take hard work from both partners.

It's not about the Clinton voter "getting over it" or the Trump voter constantly apologizing for the behavior of his candidate. It's about coming together and reuniting over common ground, over the things that made you fall in love in the first place.

And in the end, Falcon just wants couples to make one simple decision:

"Trump may damage our country," she says. "But it's up to you if you let him damage your marriage."

More

She pledged to be by his side in sickness and in health. She didn’t let him down.

A year ago, a couple faced what they called 'the toughest year of our lives.' But they faced it together, and they’re stronger for it.

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Paramount Pictures Ben Hur

We see people who stay strong in the face of insurmountable odds in movies and shows all the time, but there are heroes all around us.

Challenges are a part of life. But some have bigger and harder hurdles than others. Their inspiring stories remind us that all we are capable of greatness, that we are strong.


"Ben-Hur" hits theaters in the U.S. on Aug. 19. In preparation, Paramount asked viewers to share their moments of triumph over adversity using the hashtag #MyGreatestVictory on social media.  This is one of those stories.

On Aug. 13, 2015, Stephen Connolly hopped on his motorcycle and left for work at 4 a.m.

He’d had a tooth extraction the night before, and his wife, Laura was worried that he wasn’t well enough to head into work, especially since, as a warehouse operative, his job is physically demanding. She asked him to stay home, but he reassured her that he was OK.

‌Image via Dragunsk Usf/Flickr. ‌

Three minutes later, he got into an accident that would turn their world upside down.

Fortunately, Stephen's crash happened right in front of the local police and fire station and was able to receive help immediately.

"Having spoken with 2 police officers who witnessed the full accident it turns out he passed out while driving, slumped forward and accelerated the throttle, the bike lost control and he crashed into a metal bollard and then onto a large tree with the bike coming down on top of him, he was unconscious,” Laura said in an email.

When she got to the hospital, Laura found her husband broken.

Panic set in, but she knew she needed to be strong for him and for their 2-year-old son. And the news wasn’t good. Stephen was alive, but he’d sustained leg and ankle fractures and broken his shoulder and clavicle in seven places.

‌Image via Laura Mcevoy, used with permission. ‌

He was completely bedridden and she’d have to do everything for him.

That realization was hard on both of them. Said Laura, "He tried so hard to be my brave husband but you could see how much pain he was in." Life as they knew it had changed.

Stephen went from being an extremely independent and hardworking man to his wife’s patient. And Laura found herself balancing being a wife, mother, and caregiver.

Laura cared for Stephen 24/7, bathing him, feeding him, dressing him, and learning how to move him without affecting his healing body. And as they faced complication after complication — bones that wouldn’t heal, extra surgeries, blood clots — she didn’t waver. She said, "It was just a natural thing for me to ensure my husband was pain free, clean…" She takes her wedding vows seriously and "in sickness and health," she’d pledged to be by his side.

‌Image via Laura Mcevoy, used with permission. ‌

Laura leaned on her friends, family, and neighbors to get her through the darkest days.

She learned to take everything day by day and appreciate whatever kindness was offered. From friends who took their son for walks, to her mother and mother-in-law who dropped everything to care for her son so that she could care for Stephen, to the neighbors who knew what they were going through and dropped groceries off to show their support — every bit of kindness helped.

And most of all, Laura believed that their love would be the anchor holding them both together through the tough times.

She says that she and Stephen always knew they were meant to be, and one song in particular reminded her of that and gave her comfort. Rebekah Jordan’s "I Will Be Loyal to You":

When you have hard times, and all others

Are gone, I will be there when the troubles come, through sunshine or rain when no help can be found, things may seem hopeless but just look around

I will be there to the end with you, I'll do my best to be faithful and true, through the hardest of days we will choose the right ways,

My commitment I prove

I will be loyal to you







Laura and Stephen on their wedding day, via ELBE Photography. Used with permission.

‌Laura said, “Yes we had bad days, yes we had bad luck, we have had the hardest year of our life, but we have made it through…”

Their love and resilience in the face of Stephen’s accident reminds us of the power of love and — as cliché as it may seem — how fleeting life can be.

Everything can change in a moment. Today, Stephen is back at work. He’s not 100%, but he’s slowly rebuilding his strength. Their relationship is stronger than ever, though there are still challenges ahead. And Stephen never leaves home without kissing his son and his wife goodbye because they know now how quickly things can change and how important it is to show each other as much love as possible — every single day.

We've all had moments when it felt like life knocked us down and stood on us. But somehow, we get through those times.

Share your moments of triumph with Paramount using the #MyGreatestVictory hashtag. You never know who your story will inspire.

True
Modern Love

"Come with me. You’re going to meet the prime minister."

My family and I were sitting in the House of Commons in Ottawa on May 17, 2016, when a member of the Canadian Parliament came to find us. We exchanged surprised looks and quietly rose from our seats, making our way out into the halls of Canada’s most important edifice.

We were there because we’d been invited to witness history that day.


And now, quite unexpectedly, we were about to meet the man at the helm of this historic change: Justin Trudeau.

In order to understand why we were seconds away from this meeting, it’s important to know why we were asked to be there in the first place.

In many ways, my family is a fairly typical one, with two parents, three kids, and a house in the ‘burbs. I’m a writer, and my spouse works in high tech. We throw birthday parties, pay our taxes, cut the lawn, and walk the dogs.

Our family. All images provided by Amanda Jette, used with permission.

If we were ice cream, we’d be vanilla.

Yes, we’re pretty average except for one thing: Two of our family members are transgender.

Just over two years ago, our middle child came out as trans.

Seeing her blossom from a depressed and distressed "boy" into the radiant young lady she is today was the catalyst my partner needed to speak her own truth 18 months later: She is a transgender woman.

My daughter and me.

We had become vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.

While I had no trouble accepting Alexis as my daughter, I questioned whether or not my marriage could survive my spouse’s transition. Could I love her as much as I loved "him"?

As it turns out, I most certainly can. Zoe is beautiful, joyful, and more engaged in life than her male facade ever was. In many ways, she’s an upgraded version of the person I met 23 years ago, making it easy to fall in love all over again. I’m very lucky to have her as my wife.

One thing that made Zoe’s transition easier is Canada’s solid support of same-sex couples. In 2005, we became the fourth country to legalize same-sex marriage.

This has huge implications for families like ours. It meant Zoe could legally transition to female without us losing our rights as a married couple.

But Canada lags behind in transgender rights. As such, we’ve chosen to focus heavily on advocacy, speaking to media, giving talks, and using our voices however and whenever we can. Trans people face increased risk of discrimination, poverty, violence, and suicide. This will only get better if we shine a spotlight on these issues and insist something be done.

In the past, legislation aiming to provide protection to trans folks has been introduced — and thrown out — six times in Canada.

As such, a person’s gender identity and expression are currently not protected under the Canadian Human Rights Act.

In other words, my wife and daughter do not have the same rights as most Canadians. This is unacceptable. Thankfully, it looks like all that is about to change.

On May 17, 2016, the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia, Canada’s newly elected Liberal government introduced another trans rights bill.

The advantage this seventh attempt has over its predecessors is that it’s the first bill of its kind introduced by a seated government, giving it a more significant chance of becoming law. The Liberals invited trans advocates from across the country to come to Ottawa and witness this historic event.

This is how we found ourselves hurriedly walking through parliament for a surprise meeting with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Our family with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Trudeau approached us with a smile in the quiet hallway, shaking each of our hands.

We were thrilled and, admittedly, a little starstruck. He was as kind and sincere in person as I had imagined him to be. It was evident that this day meant a great deal to him, too. After all, his father, former Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau, was instrumental in decriminalizing homosexuality in 1969. The apple did not fall far from the tree.

I thanked Trudeau wholeheartedly for the work his government is doing to support LGBTQ families.

He responded modestly, saying his party was happy to be doing their small part to help a much larger movement.

He then thanked us — us! — for living openly and bravely, saying change can only happen through example. It was one of the best moments we’ve experienced as advocates.

But the day didn’t end with that meaningful meeting. Throughout the day, we met with several other members of Parliament, and even dined in the parliamentary restaurant with our local members of Parliament. We had the pleasure of meeting with and thanking the minister of justice, Jodi Wilson-Raybould, who has been instrumental in making this new bill a reality.

It was a day my children will remember forever; a day when they got to see, firsthand, how much the Canadian government supports families like ours.

Two weeks later, Trudeau raised the pride flag on Parliament Hill for the first time in Canadian history. And when Ottawa locals gathered to remember the victims of Orlando’s terrible massacre, members of his cabinet attended the vigil, exchanging hugs and tears in solidarity.

It has never been more important for governments to rally around the LGBTQ community.

No, laws will not protect everyone from bigotry, but they send a clear signal to those who wish to discriminate against or cause harm to marginalized groups.

I believe everyone deserves to feel safe, regardless of who they are or who they love. It does my heart good to know my government believes this, too.