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Married couple says the '3-Hour Night' hack has totally improved their marriage

“It's been so fun and such...a game changer for how our evenings go.”

@racheleehiggins/TikTok

Want out of a relationship rut? The Three hour night might be the perfect solution.

Almost every long term relationship suffers from a rut eventually. That goes especially for married partners who become parents and have the added responsibility of raising kids. Maintaining a connection is hard enough in this busy, fast-paced world. Top it off with making sure kids are awake, dressed, entertained, well fed, oh yeah, and alive…and you best believe all you have energy for at the end of the day is sitting on the couch barely making it through one episode of your favorite show on Netflix.

And yet, we know how important it is to maintain a connection with our spouses. Many of us just don’t know how to make that happen while juggling a million other things. According to one mom, a “three-hour night” could be just the thing to tick off multiple boxes on the to-do list while rekindling romance at the same time. Talk about the ultimate marriage hack.

bored, couple, marriage hack, man ywaning, concerned woman A couple that has lost their spark.via Canva/Photos

What is the 3-Hour Night marriage hack?

The three-hour night was something that Rachel Higgins and her husband began incorporating into their lives at the beginning of 2024. And so far, “it's been so fun and such...a game changer for how our evenings go,” she says in a clip posted to TikTok.

Before using the three-hour night, the evening would look a bit like this: their daughter would go to bed, they would lounge on the couch, scroll through social media, then fall asleep. Sound familiar?

But with a three-hour night, Higgins and her husband divvy up the time before bed into three sections, each for a different focus.In the first hour, starting around 7 p.m., is what Higgins calls “productive time,” during which the couple sees to any household chores that might need to be done.

“So, start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either ... has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that's productive for the household,” she explains.


@rachelleehiggins

if you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings try this! i saw someone do something similar to this a while ago but can’t remember who! #marriage #1sttimeparents #newyearsgoals

Next, the second hour is geared towards re-establishing a physical or emotional connection in their marriage. The phones go away, and they focus only on enjoying one another.

“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that's gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you're doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how work's going or whatever. So, anything that's gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins says.

Lastly, the final hour of the night is dedicated to anything Higgins and her husband individually want to do, any sort of personal recharge activity. Since this is a judgment-free time, Higgins states that “If you just want to lie on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever, like watch YouTube videos,” it’s totally acceptable.

happy coupe, couple in bed, young married couple, man with beard, smiling woman A happy couple in bed.via Canva/Photos

Higgins’ novel approach definitely interested viewers, who chimed in with their own questions. One major concern was how the heck this could be done every night. But even Higgins admits that she and her husband don’t succeed at having a three-hour night every night—they usually try for about 3-4 times a week. And honestly, even once a week could still probably be beneficial in building intimacy.

"Such a good idea. Good for us empty nesters too! The phone scrolling is outta control!"one commenter wrote. "This is really cool. The housework is equal. The emotional connection is equal and the self care is equal. No room for resentment," another added. "We don’t have kids yet but I love this and want to do it because the nights slip away so fast!!" a commenter added.

Others wondered how to have a three-hour night when things randomly popped up in their schedule, like when kids won’t magically go to sleep promptly at 7pm. Higgins shares that in these cases, they tend to just shorten each phase. The point being: these can and probably should be customizable, even fun, rather than yet another rigid chore.

Plus, a three-hour night (or whatever your version of a three-hour night may be) is a great way to remind yourself just how high a priority your relationship has in your life, no matter what else is going on at the time. Odds are you'll probably find you do have more time for it than you previously thought.

This article originally appeared last year.

True
Cigna 2017

"Caregiving is nothing but confusion when you first start out."

70-year-old Frank Blood, who has been caregiving for his wife, Mary Ann, for almost two decades, adds, "It took me years and years to learn this stuff."

"The biggest challenge was knowing what was important and what wasn't."


Image via Frank Blood, used with permission.

Mary Ann has lived through cancer twice. Most recently, she was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, a lung condition that makes it difficult for her to breathe, as well as vascular dementia, which involves memory loss due to multiple strokes.

The couple has been married for 41 years, and Frank says caregiving for Mary Ann has brought them closer than ever before. He points to one night in particular 10 years ago.

"She had chest pains," he recalls. "We were driving to the hospital and I looked over at her and said, 'You know something? This time I'm scared.' And she said, 'Me too.'"

"I didn't think of it again for about a week probably, but I thought, 'Wow. I've never opened up like that. I've never said anything like that.' And since then, we start telling each other what's in the deepest part of our hearts. ... There was another level to go to."

Image via iStock.

Mary Ann isn't able to move on her own, so she relies on Frank to get her ready for the day, take her from room to room, feed her, and make sure she's  comfortable.

Frank also takes all of Mary Ann's vital signs regularly and even keeps a journal with her daily medical history.

In his nearly 20 years of caregiving, Frank has discovered one thing that may seem counterintuitive: Taking care of himself actually helps him give Mary Ann the best possible care.

"When we take care of ourselves," Frank explains, "Everything else about caregiving becomes much more joyful."

As a caregiver, preventively caring for your own health can help head off problems down the road.

Image via iStock.

Now, Frank is doing all he can to spread this positive message — and his learnings — to other caregivers who may be feeling just as lost as he once was.

To do this, he left his job as a sales rep for a construction company and started Caregiver Harbor. "I offer free phone support," explains Frank. "A caregiver can call me up and talk about anything they want." On top of that, he also writes helpful online articles and conducts talks at local libraries and senior centers.

Here are seven of the most valuable things Frank's learned throughout the years about caring for yourself as a full-time caregiver:

1. Get your energy up and running.

Image via iStock.

"I get up really early," Frank says with chuckle. "Between 4:30 and 5:00."

From there, he takes his morning coffee, goes on a leisurely walk, and then hits the treadmill for some aerobic exercise.

2. Exercise the mind too.

"I have to have that quiet time in the morning before I start out," adds Frank.

After he's gotten through his workout, he'll throw in a 15-minute meditation session to get his mind calm and focused on the present.

3. Pay close attention to your nutrition. (You might forget.)

Image via iStock.

This is no doubt one of the hardest parts for Frank. "Since I have to cook and feed my wife," he explains, "either I'm gobbling down food before it gets cold or I don't eat. The challenge is the amount of time to prepare and eat and clean up."

In the past, he'd settle on quick bites, such as cookies and candy, to get by. But since he's prioritized nutrition, he now consumes fresh fruit juices and lots of veggies.

4. Never try to do it alone.

"I don't hesitate to ask for help," says Frank. "If somebody volunteers to help me, I never turn it down."

In particular, don't be afraid to ask for help from your doctor. They're there to help you with your health better than anyone. And a good place to start is by getting to know your four health numbers — blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, and body mass index (BMI).

5. Manage your time to a T.

Image via iStock.

"You just cannot let things happen without some kind of a plan," adds Frank.

Each hour of every day is dedicated to a specific activity — from his morning routine, to taking Mary Ann's vitals, to catching up on some TV with her at the end of the day.

6. Don't feel guilty for taking a little me-time.

In the beginning, "I felt very guilty about not spending all my time with my wife," Frank explains. This is common for caregivers.

Frank explains that it can take a while for a person to develop the confidence to break away once in a while. But as he got more familiar with the nuances of caregiving, he knew that being there for Mary Ann was about way more than physical presence.

7. It's OK to have your own life too.

Image via iStock.

Frank keeps his social life healthy by staying active with his church group; he's also part of the local chamber of commerce and will sometimes volunteer at community events to lend a helping hand.

"I'll sometimes tell my wife, 'No, this is my time. I need it,'" explains Frank. "And I have to walk away. That wasn't possible for a few years."

At the end of the day, giving others the best care possible requires a commitment to caring for yourself.

Not sure where to start? Take a step forward and visit a health care professional for your annual checkup and learn about your health numbers. Once you have a clear picture on how to better care for yourself, you'll be able to care for others.

And if you ever feel a little lost along the way, there are people out there like Frank who are always ready to listen and help in any way they can.

Image via Frank Blood, used with permission.

"I just want to let caregivers know that if I can do it, you can," adds Frank. "And you will be very happy if you just don't try so hard. Let things happen and take good care of yourself."

Learn more about how to take control of your health at Cigna.com/TakeControl.

Melissa McCarthy's "Saturday Night Live" opening monologue  — a tribute to moms on the eve of Mother's Day — was adorable, as she led a smiley, unassuming mom from the audience, a woman named Joan, on a backstage (and hilarious) tour of the SNL studios.

But it was one line during the segment that especially caught the internet's attention.


Actors Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, who wed in 2012, were backstage during McCarthy's opening as part of the sketch.

"I may have been drunk when I invited them," McCarthy told Joan as they passed by the couple. "Don't worry, the Livelys are fine. They can handle it."

Did you catch the bit that had people on Twitter cheering? It was the blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment when McCarthy nonchalantly referred to the couple as "the Livelys" (as opposed to "the Reynolds").

People ... loved it.

Like, really loved it.

It took the opening monologue from pretty darn cute to absolutely delightful in seconds.

It was an easy-to-miss moment, but one that clearly struck a chord. Maybe it's time we rethink the outdated expectation that a woman should take her husband's name after marriage?

It seems like the world could use a few more Livelys.

Watch McCarthy's opening below:

It's the story of "the big three," a set of triplets (a biological brother and sister, and their adopted brother), and the two parents, Jack and Rebecca, who shaped their adult lives.

"This Is Us" is the shamefully, unapologetically tear-jerking NBC hit that has millions tuning in every week to ugly-cry together, and it just wrapped its first season.

The show isn't always perfect, but is thoughtful in its portrayal of characters we're not used to seeing — maybe none more so than Jack Pearson, the dutiful and selfless dad of the family.


Milo Ventimiglia plays Jack. Photo by NBCUniversal Media, LLC.

"This Is Us" — though good at sprinkling in humor here and there — is not a comedy. Jack is not obligated to be funny, which likely is part of the reason he's been spared from becoming the buffoonish dad we're used to seeing in TV and movies.

It's not just that (and the fact his mustache/beard are #goals) that makes Jack such a compelling character. There are (at least) five things that make Jack a pretty damn good model of masculinity in an age where being a blustering, blathering "alpha male" can get you pretty far.

By the way, no spoilers for the season finale here. (But if you don't already know that Jack does not live to grow old with Rebecca, where have you even been for the last three months?)

1. He doesn't apologize for showing a full range of human emotions.

When we first meet Jack in the series' pilot episode, he is a man in total control. When he and a pregnant Rebecca arrive at the hospital, the babies on their way, the doctor warns them the risks during delivery will be high.

"We're walking out of this hospital with three healthy babies and a healthy wife," Jack reassures the doctor while also supporting Rebecca during contractions.

Unfortunately, the third baby, a little boy, is stillborn. When Jack gets the news, he breaks down in tears in the waiting room, before ultimately deciding to bring home Randall, an abandoned baby being treated at the same hospital.

It's not the last time we see Jack's emotional vulnerability. Because, you know what? It's OK for dudes to cry.

2. He's fiercely loyal to his family.

Yes, Jack is the main breadwinner for the family, but it's not what makes him a man. It's dedication that goes far beyond just working long hours.

For example, there’s a secretary at work constantly batting her eyes at him, and in one episode, she finally makes a move. He turns her down with ease, and frankly, the show doesn't make a big deal of it. Jack doesn’t get any hero points for remaining faithful, as he shouldn’t. Jack proves real men can be complex beings with morals and values that aren't based around sex.

It also becomes clear later in the series Jack was the one who pushed for marriage and children with Rebecca, a nice change of pace from the commitment-allergic men we're used to seeing on TV.

"To me, you are every part my son." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube.

3. He's a great, great, great dad.

A lot of TV dads love their kids and will show it through goofy hijinks, roughhousing, or gruffly bonding over sports. But not Jack. He handles the tough stuff too.

Like who could forget the time he stayed up all night sewing Madonna gloves for his daughter's birthday party and, when things didn't go as planned, tried to cheer her up by asking her to teach him how to "vogue"?

In one of his best moments, though, Jack realizes he as a white man can't be the only role model in his black son's life, so he takes him to an all-black karate class where he can learn how to face the difficulties that come with being a man of color.

4. He's a true romantic.

TV and movies are rife with dunderheaded men forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, scrambling around to cover their tracks with thoughtless, last-minute gestures. Not Jack. In one episode, he rents his and Rebecca's now-vacant first apartment for a night, fills it with candles and champagne, and challenges the both of them to never forget the things they love about each other.

He constantly finds time and energy to make his wife (and his kids, for that matter) feel special, loved, and appreciated.

Doesn't get much more manly than that.

"Rebecca, you have changed the way I think about love." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube

5. Despite all of these things, Jack is a flawed man.

Throughout much of the series, Jack seems perfect. Rebecca even describes him as a "superhero" more than once.

But Jack battles with a drinking problem. Later, he has trouble reigning in his jealousy of another man in Rebecca's life. He occasionally crumbles under the weight of being the family’s rock.

Through it all, Jack needs his wife, and he knows it. In these moments, it's Rebecca who picks him up and helps him be a better man.

Because no matter how "manly" you are, no one can do it all alone.

"From now on, I'm going to be an 11 [out of 10] for you, baby." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube.

We know Jack dies before his kids are grown, but with the show's jump-around timeline, let's hope he shows up plenty in season two.

After all, he still has a lot more to teach us dudes about what it really means to be a man.