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Bill Gates explains the ‘safest’ age to give a kid a cellphone

Sorry, kids.

Image from YouTube video/ Creative Commons/Attribution 3.0 Unported.

Bill Gates in conversation with The Times of India

Bill Gates sure is strict on how his children use the very technology he helped bring to the masses. In a recent interview with the Mirror, the tech mogul said his children were not allowed to own their own cellphone until the age of 14. "We often set a time after which there is no screen time, and in their case that helps them get to sleep at a reasonable hour," he said. Gates added that the children are not allowed to have cellphones at the table, but are allowed to use them for homework or studying.

The Gates children, now 20, 17 and 14, are all above the minimum age requirement to own a phone, but they are still banned from having any Apple products in the house—thanks to Gates' longtime rivalry with Apple founder Steve Jobs.

smartphones, families, responsible parenting, social media

Bill Gates tasting recycled water.

Image from media.giphy.com.

While the parenting choice may seem harsh, the Gates may be onto something with delaying childhood smartphone ownership. According to the 2016 "Kids & Tech: The Evolution of Today's Digital Natives"report, the average age that a child gets their first smartphone is now 10.3 years.

"I think that age is going to trend even younger, because parents are getting tired of handing their smartphones to their kids," Stacy DeBroff, chief executive of Influence Central, told The New York Times.

James P. Steyer, chief executive of Common Sense Media, a nonprofit organization that reviews content and products for families, additionally told the Times that he too has one strict rule for his children when it comes to cellphones: They get one when they start high school and only when they've proven they have restraint. "No two kids are the same, and there's no magic number," he said. "A kid's age is not as important as his or her own responsibility or maturity level."

PBS Parents also provided a list of questions parents should answer before giving their child their first phone. Check out the entire list below:

How independent are your kids?
Do your children "need" to be in touch for safety reasons—or social ones?
How responsible are they?
Can they get behind the concept of limits for minutes talked and apps downloaded?
Can they be trusted not to text during class, disturb others with their conversations, and to use the text, photo, and video functions responsibly (and not to embarrass or harass others)?
Do they really need a smartphone that is also their music device, a portable movie and game player, and portal to the internet?
Do they need something that gives their location information to their friends—and maybe some strangers, too—as some of the new apps allow?
And do you want to add all the expenses of new data plans? (Try keeping your temper when they announce that their new smartphone got dropped in the toilet...)

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Family

Family health worker has a dire warning for parents who share photos of their kids online

She breaks down the case like a lawyer.

via Ruth Watts (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A mother takes a photo of her child for her Instagram feed.

A recent study by Data Recovery found that 68% of parents admit to making posts and sharing photos about their children, and 73% of people don’t personally know everyone who looks at their page. This can be a big problem. While most parents think that “sharenting” is harmless, some real dangers can happen to children whose photos are shared online.

Should parents post photos of their kids online?

According to NPR, sharing photos of your children could result in them being bullied by other children, or they could have their photos digitally “kidnapped” and used by fake accounts. In some cases, the photos could wind up on child pornography sites.

Ruth Watts (@ruthwattshv on TikTok), a British family health worker, recently posted a viral TikTok about parents who overshare about their kids and she makes a point that everyone should hear. After scrolling through a typical parent's page, anyone can learn more about a child’s life than the parents would ever intend to share.

Watts says that by knowing a child only through social media, she can figure out their full name, date of birth, parents' names, birthday, where they live, the foods they like and dislike, the toys they play with, their diagnosis, the parks where they like to play and so much more.

@ruthwattshv
What’s your opinion on this? Let me know in the comments ❤️ #parenting #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #mumsoftiktok #mumlife #mum #healthvisitor #responsiveparenting #gentleparenting #parentingtips #parentingrules #babytok #babyhacksandtips #gentleparentingtips #wholesomemomcontent #mumcontent #momcontentcreator #healthvisitor

We may not think we’re giving out much information about our children. Still, when you add up all the posts year after year, plus the comments, it would be pretty easy for a predator to learn a lot about a child based solely on social media posts.

“Can you guess how I know this child? I purely know them through watching them on social media,” Watts says in a video with over 500,000 views. “I purely know all of your information because the parents have chosen to share that private, confidential information about their child. And yes, a story here, a story there and upload here and upload there. It all creates a picture. It is a jigsaw that people notice. People pay attention to and the wrong people pay attention to.”

Watts also adds that when parents share pictures of children online, they put their children in a vulnerable position without asking for their consent. The video inspired over 500 comments, many from parents who thanked her for her brutal honesty and others who shared why they don’t share photos of their children online.

sharenting, parenting, kids online A mother takes a photo of her child for her Instagram feed. via Canva/Photos

“This is exactly why the majority of people have no idea I even have a child. The people that matter will see him grow up in person, not fake friends through a screen,” Mikita Blackmore wrote. “This is why I don’t post my daughter on social media; it’s so scary what people can do these days,” Clara Marie added.

“I always say if you wouldn’t go to the effort of printing the photo and handing it to that person, then they shouldn’t have access to that image,” Soph wrote.

Why shouldn't parents post photos of their kids online?

Watts says she created the video because she has 2 children and feels that kids everywhere deserve a voice. “I feel it’s important to advocate for children who are vulnerable and unable to consent to posting the images. Let alone the parents and children having no understanding of internet risks and security,” she told Upworthy. “How would people feel if I started posting pictures of them without consent? I’m sure they wouldn’t like it. So why is it ok for us to post our children?”

You can follow Watts on Instagram @RuthWattshv.

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Health

Here's the big reason why you're probably feeling bored all the time

There's a strange connection between overstimulation and chronic boredom.

via Canva/Photos

A woman who is very bored.

How can anyone feel bored in a world with social media, streaming movies, TV shows on-demand and the ability to download just about every book in the world? It may sound paradoxical, but according to a study published in Communications Psychology by Katy Y.Y. Tam and Michael Inzlicht, digital media makes us more bored.

Studies show that since 2010, the amount of time people report feeling bored has increased dramatically and the trend has intensified over the years. Interestingly, people began reporting greater levels of boredom shortly after we all started using social media on our new smartphones.

Why am I bored all the time?

According to researchers, here’s what’s happening. Given that we have access to entertainment whenever we like, the bar for what we consider entertaining or stimulating has increased. It’s like when someone is an addict and they keep needing more and more of the same substance to get the high they crave.

Further, when we engage in less stimulating activities, such as reading a book or attending a class, we feel even more bored than before the digital revolution because we have become accustomed to heightened levels of stimulation.

boredom, psychology, social media A woman who is very bored.via Canva/Photos

Another reason flipping through TikTok leaves you feeling bored and listless is that digital media fragments our attention, making it hard to focus on the activity at hand. We quickly switch between videos and activities, our phones pulse and beep with notifications, and texts pop up on the screen, so it’s hard to engage with the content deeply. Also, knowing that we can be distracted at any moment makes it harder to focus. “Digital devices intensify boredom by disrupting attention,” the researchers explain.

“Digital media increases boredom through dividing attention, elevating desired levels of engagement, reducing a sense of meaning, and serving as an ineffective boredom coping strategy,” Tam and Inzlicht argue in their paper.

These findings are supported by a report from the Netherlands’ Radboud University, which recently found that “phone usage wasn't an effective method to alleviate boredom and fatigue and even made these feelings worse in many cases.”

boredom, psychology, social media A man who is very bored.via Canva/Photos

As we pointed out with the Dorito Theory a while back, sometimes experiences that aren’t fulfilling can still be maximally addictive. As we scroll and scroll and scroll, trying to come across something that cures our boredom, it’s time to ask ourselves how we feel after the experience. Did logging in deliver the experience we thought we’d get? Or, did the frantic search for content keep us occupied until the boredom crept in again?

Tam says that we can have more meaningful and less boring experiences with digital media if we find longer-form content that we can immerse ourselves in. However, this may prove more complicated than years ago, as our attention spans are much shorter.

“If people want a more enjoyable experience when watching videos, they can try to stay focused on the content and minimize digital switching. Like paying for a more immersive experience in a movie theater, more enjoyment comes from immersing oneself in online videos rather than swiping through them,” Tam writes.

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Health

Australia takes aim at social media announcing ban for all kids 16 and under

Have they gone too far?

via Canva/Photos

Teens looking at their smartphones.

Over the past few years, a groundswell of parents, educators and lawmakers have been sounding the alarm about social media's dangers to young people. Recently, the calls have become louder after the publication of “The Anxious Generation” by social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, which ties social media to the growing mental health and self-harm crisis affecting young people.

Haidt says that children shouldn’t have access to social media or smartphones until they are 16.

On Thursday, November 7, Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese announced a "world-leading" plan to ban social media for children under 16, even if they already have accounts and parental permission.

Under the proposed legislation, social media companies such as Meta or TikTok would be fined and penalized if they allowed anyone under 16 to use their platforms.

The law wouldn’t penalize any children or their parents for disobeying the law and it's expected to be implemented next year.

— (@)

"Social media is doing harm to our kids and I'm calling time on it," Albanese said Thursday. "I've spoken to thousands of parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles. They, like me, are worried sick about the safety of our kids online, and I want Australian parents and families to know that the government has your back."

"This one's for the mums and dads. Social media is doing harm to our kids and I'm calling time on it," Albanese continued.

The 36Months initiative supports the ban, saying that children are "not yet ready to navigate online social networks safely" until at least 16 and that currently, "excessive social media use is rewiring young brains within a critical window of psychological development, causing an epidemic of mental illness.”

Meta, the company that owns Facebook and Instagram, argues that its current safety controls are enough to provide a safe environment for children on their platforms. "There's a solution that negates many of these concerns and simplifies things immeasurably for parents: parental consent and age verification should happen on the app store. And we think Australia should make it law," the company said in a statement.

— (@)

The bill's detractors say it prevents Australian children from developing the essential skills to navigate the internet and social media. "The online world is a place where children and young people access information, build social and technical skills, connect with family and friends, learn about the world around them and relax and play," said a letter signed by 140 Australian and international experts and delivered to Albanese. "We are concerned that a 'ban' is too blunt an instrument to address risks effectively."

The announcement comes a year after the U.S. Surgeon General's office announced that social media poses a mental health risk to young people.

“The most common question parents ask me is, ‘Is social media safe for my kids’. The answer is that we don't have enough evidence to say it's safe, and in fact, there is growing evidence that social media use is associated with harm to young people’s mental health,” U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy said in a statement. “Children are exposed to harmful content on social media, ranging from violent and sexual content to bullying and harassment. And for too many children, social media use is compromising their sleep and valuable in-person time with family and friends. We are in the middle of a national youth mental health crisis, and I am concerned that social media is an important driver of that crisis – one that we must urgently address.”

A series of new laws have been passed in the U.S. over the last year to provide young people with a safer online experience. However, NetChoice, an advocacy group representing TikTok, Meta and X, has challenged many in court. In July of this year, the U.S. Senate passed the Children and Teens’ Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA 2.0) and the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA) to better protect children and teens online. Together, bills would give parents new tools to protect their kids online and ban targeting online advertising to children under 17. The bill has yet to be passed by the House, but if it does, President Biden says he will sign it into law before he leaves office in January.

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Here's why more people are going 'no contact' with relatives and why it's not a bad thing

The author of "Toxic Positivity" explains the trend.

via Canva/Photos

Siblings are fighting at a family event.

Over the past few years, there has been much talk about people having “no contact” or “low contact” with family members. A large study out of Cornell University found that 27% of adults over 18 have no contact with some family members.

Another study found that 11% of mothers between the ages of 65 and 75 are estranged from at least one adult child.

Clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman attributes the rise in estrangement to the "changing notions of what constitutes harmful, abusive, traumatizing or neglectful behavior," adding that the “bar for qualifying as a trauma today is much lower.”

However, Whitney Goodman, LMFT, has a much simpler explanation for why more people are vocal about going “no contact” with relatives. In a world where people have so many ways of contacting one another, one must set much stricter boundaries than before social media.

Goodman is a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Toxic Positivity,” a guide to helping people own their emotions.

@whitneygoodmanlmft
#estrangement #familyestrangement #nocontact #family

“Decades ago, it was pretty easy to become estranged from a family member,” Goodman says in a video with over 75,000 views. “We didn’t even have to put all these labels on it. People didn’t have to say they were no contact, low-contact, estranged because they could just move to the other side of the country, maybe only talk to that family member once a year or see them on a holiday, and that was easy to maintain.”

Goodman adds that these days, people have so many avenues to contact estranged relatives or keep tabs on their everyday lives that it’s nearly impossible to separate from family members who want to stay in touch. Back in the ‘70s, you could move a few miles away, change your phone number, get a new job and easily slip into anonymity.

But in 2024, you can’t be passive about avoiding family members. You have to make an obvious point of going “no contact” by blocking people on social media and refusing to respond to their attempts to make contact.

“And I think this is why we see estrangement today being something that is so clearly verbalized and dictated and we have a lot of older people saying, ‘Well, we didn’t do that back then. Everyone stayed in touch,’ when, really, you probably had some family members that were actively choosing distance and estrangement, but they weren’t really calling it that because they didn’t have to,” Goodman concludes her video.

The big takeaway is that people probably had no contact with family members back in the day without being fully aware of what was happening. It’d be easy to go extremely low contact and see relatives every few years without anyone thinking anything was wrong.

“My uncle lives less than 100 miles from our hometown. Everyone acted like he wasn't estranged, but my mom had to beg him to come to my grandma's deathbed. Over a decade later, I understand him,” Kayla C. wrote in the comments. “I think the biggest difference is in the past when someone moved away, the other party could blame it on them or put a spin on it like, “Oh, she moved for her career, and she’s SO busy!” Kitty added.

TheAlgorithmbroughtmetou added a quote that sums up many people’s families: "That uncle/aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older."

These days, people are talking more openly about estrangement, though families have always dealt with it. Today’s technology means people have to be more blunt about their feelings, but in some ways, that can be a better way of handling problems than spending years being passive-aggressive.

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Health

Doctor explains why he checks a dead patient's Facebook before notifying their parents

Louis M. Profeta MD explains why he looks at the social media accounts of dead patients before talking their parents.

Photo from Tedx Talk on YouTube.

He checks on your Facebook page.

Losing a loved one is easily the worst moment you'll face in your life. But it can also affect the doctors who have to break it to a patient's friends and family. Louis M. Profeta MD, an Emergency Physician at St. Vincent Emergency Physicians in Indianapolis, Indiana, recently took to LinkedIn to share the reason he looks at a patient's Facebook page before telling their parents they've passed.

The post, titled "I'll Look at Your Facebook Profile Before I Tell Your Mother You're Dead," has attracted thousands of likes and comments.

"It kind of keeps me human," Profeta starts. "You see, I'm about to change their lives — your mom and dad, that is. In about five minutes, they will never be the same, they will never be happy again."

"Right now, to be honest, you're just a nameless dead body that feels like a wet bag of newspapers that we have been pounding on, sticking IV lines and tubes and needles in, trying desperately to save you. There's no motion, no life, nothing to tell me you once had dreams or aspirations. I owe it to them to learn just a bit about you before I go in."

"Because right now... all I am is mad at you, for what you did to yourself and what you are about to do to them. I know nothing about you. I owe it to your mom to peek inside of your once-living world.”

Dr. Louis Profeta, health, death, doctors

Dr. Profeta talks his experience with the death of a patient.

Photo from Tedx Talk on YouTube.

Profeta explains that the death of a patient makes him angry:

"Maybe you were texting instead of watching the road, or you were drunk when you should have Ubered. Perhaps you snorted heroin or Xanax for the first time or a line of coke, tried meth or popped a Vicodin at the campus party and did a couple shots.”

"Maybe you just rode your bike without a helmet or didn't heed your parents' warning when they asked you not to hang out with that 'friend,' or to be more cautious when coming to a four-way stop. Maybe you just gave up."

"Maybe it was just your time, but chances are... it wasn't."

personalization, trauma, mental health, social media

The facebook app.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Profeta goes on to explain why he checks a patient's Facebook page:

"So I pick up your faded picture of your driver's license and click on my iPhone, flip to Facebook and search your name. Chances are we'll have one mutual friend somewhere. I know a lot of people.”

"I see you wearing the same necklace and earrings that now sit in a specimen cup on the counter, the same ball cap or jacket that has been split open with trauma scissors and pulled under the backboard, the lining stained with blood. Looks like you were wearing it to the U2 concert. I heard it was great."

"I see your smile, how it should be, the color of eyes when they are filled with life, your time on the beach, blowing out candles, Christmas at Grandma's; oh you have a Maltese, too. I see that. I see you standing with your mom and dad in front of the sign to your college. Good, I'll know exactly who they are when I walk into the room. It makes it that much easier for me, one less question I need to ask.”

"You're kind of lucky that you don't have to see it. Dad screaming your name over and over, mom pulling her hair out, curled up on the floor with her hand over her head as if she's trying to protect herself from unseen blows.”

"I check your Facebook page before I tell them you're dead because it reminds me that I am talking about a person, someone they love — it quiets the voice in my head that is screaming at you right now shouting: 'You mother f--ker, how could you do this to them, to people you are supposed to love!'"

This article originally appeared on June 5, 2019

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It's the side of extreme weight loss rarely seen, but that's why it's needed

Courage and body positivity. This is me.

Image from YouTube video.

An emotional and strong Matt Diaz.

Matt Diaz has worked extremely hard to lose 270 pounds over the past six years.

But his proudest moment came in March 2015 when he decided to film himself with his shirt off to prove an important point about body positivity and self-love.

Matt had lap-band surgery in 2009 at age 16.

Through the course of his weight-loss journey, Matt became passionate about promoting body positivity for people of all shapes and sizes.

weight-loss journey, obesity, social media

Here's Matt at 16 years old and 497 pounds versus recently after his surgery — at 22 years old and 220 pounds.