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Disability

Host of 'Survivor' stuns viewers with respectful gesture toward contestant with a stutter

"I'm so thankful you asked that."

SurvivorCBS/Instagram

It costs nothing to be kind.

Reality TV isn't usually the place you go to see great examples of kindness and empathy. But that's exactly what happened on NBC just the other night in a brief moment of humanity wedged in-between all the usual conniving and backstabbing.

Over 80 million people worldwide live with a stutter. It's more common in childhood and many people will outgrow it as they get older, but millions of adults live with this speech disorder. One of them is a man named Mitch Guerra, who just so happens to be a contestant on the latest season of Survivor. Just his presence on the show is bringing so much awareness to an under-discussed and commonly misunderstood disability.

Survivor host Jeff Probst is getting universal praise for the way he handled an interaction with Guerra in a recent episode.

gif of Survivor host saying, "I'll go tally the votes."Jeff ProbstGiphy

In a clip shared on the official Survivor Instagram account, Probst and Guerra share a short but powerful moment.

"Mitch, I have a question," Probst asks after Guerra finishes a sentence with some difficulty. "When you're struggling, do you want help from someone? Or is part of it to let you finish when you're ready to finish."

The question is natural, honest, and refreshing. A lot of people can relate to the genuine confusion—is it better to fill in the blanks for someone who's struggling to speak, or be patient and let them finish when they're having a hard time?

"The hope is that everyone would just kind of hang in there for me and just give me the opportunity to finish my sentence," Guerra answers. "But I'm so thankful you asked that, because people just naturally want to help others, and sometimes we don't feel comfortable enough asking that. So thank you for that."

"Thank you for teaching us how to do it," Probst says.

For what it's worth, the experts say Guerra is exactly right. Friends and allies of people who stutter should maintain eye contact, avoid suggestions or words of encouragement ("Take your time" is not helpful), and wait patiently for the person to finish speaking rather than trying to finish their sentences for them.

Watch the heartwarming interaction here:

Viewers are applauding Probst for his empathetic curiosity, and appreciating Guerra for representing the stuttering community so well.

Over a million people viewed the Reel on Instagram, and the comment section quickly got emotional:

"Super interesting how in answering that, his speech settled - like just being asked how to help relaxed him so that he wasn’t worrying about finishing. Might be coincidence but lovely to see someone asking"

"As a momma with a child who stutters, I loved seeing this moment. Our kiddo has been stuttering since around age 6, now he’s 17 and still struggles with it. Even after after many years of speech therapy. The one thing we learned is just let them continue to talk and don’t try and help with completing the sentences. Mitch is right, just hang in there and let them finish!"

"I have his same stutter so this really hit home for me. It is SO much better (for me personally) when someone just waits out my stutters with me and stays engaged. There’s been so many times where people try to guess what I want to say (often incorrectly) or seemingly lose interest in what I have to say and it makes me feel so rushed and belittled for something I can’t control. I love Mitch so much and he’s really been helping me get over my fear of applying due to my stutter."

"This has literally been one of the most thought provoking and beautiful moments in recent Survivor history. I never considered how our attempts at wanting to be kind and help someone finish their sentence could make them feel less than. THIS was such a powerful interaction and I’m so grateful he had the opportunity to voice this this. Truly beautiful."

One user pointed out that not only was this a beautiful interaction between two people, but the fact that it occurred in front of such a big audience means the small moment could have a big impact in educating people all over the globe.

"Just like that a bunch of people are now informed how to address a situation like that"

Disabilities tend to make us uncomfortable. Even the most well-meaning people can twist themselves into knots not knowing how best to empathetically approach a situation where another person is struggling, and we might feel like it's rude or inconsiderate to ask. But that fear ultimately holds us back from a deeper understanding of what people are going through and how we can help. Kudos to Probst and Guerra for showing us what an honest and empathetic conversation can and should look like.

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A trans contestant on 'Survivor,' 1 huge mistake, and 7 ways others helped make it right.

Life is messy and complicated, but there are important lessons to be learned.

"There is deception here," Jeff Varner said. Ordinarily, on "Survivor," this would be normal. What he said next, however, wasn't.

"Why haven't you told anyone that you're transgender?" he said, looking at contestant Zeke Smith. Uh-oh.

All GIFs from SurvivorOnCBS/YouTube.

Outing someone as transgender — even if it's for the chance to win $1 million on a reality TV show — is 100% not OK.

Luckily, this story has a (somewhat) happy ending.

Not all trans people are "out" as trans, or might only be open about it to close friends and family. Not every trans person goes around announcing they are trans — especially to millions of people on TV — nor should they feel obligated to.

That said, the idea that trans people who don't disclose being trans to everyone around them are being "deceptive" is an all-too-common trope, and it can have some really nasty consequences.

It was a shame to see Varner champion that idea, but if you look to how the other contestants reacted, it was a perfect demonstration of how to be a good ally to trans people.

[rebelmouse-image 19529336 dam="1" original_size="750x559" caption="All photos from CBS/"Survivor."" expand=1]All photos from CBS/"Survivor."

1. The other contestants jumped in to let Varner know what he did wasn't OK.

When Varner asked why Zeke didn't tell the other contestants he was trans, Zeke was caught off-guard and sat in stunned silence. Thankfully, his fellow contestants spoke up, letting Varner know what he did was wrong.

2. They helped educate Varner about why outing someone is wrong.

Outing people can have very real, negative consequences. Trans people are subjected to discrimination and violence based on their gender identity, and in many states it's still legal to fire someone, deny them housing, or ban them from using restrooms because of who they are.

Understandably, many trans people carefully select who they will and won't come out to. It's a decision that should never be left up to someone else, and the other contestants let Varner know.

3. They gave Zeke the chance to speak for himself when he was ready.

"There are people who know [that I'm trans]," said Zeke. "But then I sort of got to a point where I stopped telling people because when people know that about you, that's sort of who you are. There are questions people ask. People want to know about your life. ... It sort of overwhelms everything else that they know about you."

4. They took the opportunity to grow as individuals.

"I'm just thankful that I got to know Zeke for who Zeke is. I've been with him for the last 18 days, and he's super kick-ass," said Sarah. "I'm from the Midwest, and I come from a very conservative background. It's not very diverse when it comes to a lot of gay and lesbian and transgender and things like that. I'm not exposed to it as much as most of these people are. The fact that I can love this guy so much and it doesn't change anything for me makes me realize that I've grown huge as a person."

5. They offered Zeke solidarity, making a unanimous decision to boot Varner off the show.

They didn't even have to vote. Even Varner knew, saying, "I'm ready to go." He took responsibility for his actions. He knew he made a mistake almost immediately and what the consequences would be.

6. Varner offered a heartfelt apology without condition or qualifications, and he's doing the necessary work to atone for his wrongdoing.

People make mistakes, and while we rarely have the opportunity to undo them, we can try to learn from them and make the world a better place. That's what Varner seems to be doing.

In an interview with Parade, Varner owned up to what he did:

"I just pray and hope for his safety. What I did that night was horrible. I opened him up to discrimination and to danger and to crime. Everything horrible. I robbed him of his ability to be. ... There are no excuses for what I did. Not at all."

But beyond that, he used the opportunity to speak out about what's going on in his home state of North Carolina.

"We have to stop as a society discriminating against trans people and minimizing and separating from them. ... We need to lift their voices and help them and not reduce them to body parts and surgeries and things that objectify and dehumanize them. These are wonderful people who are not only trying to live their authentic lives, but thrive. And I think stupid bathroom bills and things like that, especially in the state of North Carolina ... it’s not about bathrooms. It’s about whether trans people have the right to exist in public."

7. As for Zeke, he's trying to make the best of a bad situation. Life's messy, and forgiveness can be a complicated act.

Writing at the Hollywood Reporter, Zeke outlined exactly why what Varner did was wrong.

"In calling me deceptive, Varner invoked one of the most odious stereotypes of transgender people, a stereotype that is often used as an excuse for violence and even murder. ... I don’t believe Varner hates trans people, just as I don’t believe conservative politicians who attack trans people actually care where we use the bathroom. For both, trans people make easy targets for those looking to invoke prejudice in order to win votes."

On whether he forgives Varner:

"But forgiveness does not require friendship. Forgiveness does not require forgetting or excusing his actions. Forgiveness requires hope. Hope that he understands the injury he caused and does not inflict it upon others. Hope that whatever torments his soul will plague him no more. I have hope for Jeff Varner. I just choose to hope from afar, thank you very much."

Out of one horrible act came messy progress.

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'Born This Way' is the reality TV show we all need to see.

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A&E Born This Way

"We have Down syndrome. Don't limit us."

Seven words that say it all.

The opening line for the Season 2 trailer of "Born This Way" is a perfect depiction of the reality TV show that's opening the eyes of millions.

Left to right: Cristina, Steven, Rachel, Sean, Elena, John, Megan. All images via A&E, used with permission.

The hit show from A&E features seven young men and women as they follow their passions and navigate life with Down syndrome.

Whether it's John pursuing his music career or Elena figuring out how to express her feelings, "Born This Way" is an important and refreshing take on reality TV — probably because it actually feels realistic. And it's about time.

1 in 5 Americans have a disability, but you wouldn't know that from the little amount of representation in the media. And when it's there, it's often wrong.

"Born This Way" is working to get it right.


"I don't want the whole society to limit me because I have this," says cast member Megan, who is all sorts of amazing as a motivational speaker, college student, and manager of her own clothing company.

In the show, you also meet Steven, who considers himself the Matt Damon of the crew; Rachel, who works at an insurance company and is out to find love; and Cristina, who hopes to take the next step with her long-term boyfriend by moving in with him.

The show is not only entertaining audiences through a reality TV lens, but it's educating them, too.

Studies show that people with disabilities, including those with Down syndrome, can work successfully, live relatively independently, and be incredibly productive members of society.

With about 400,000 people in the United States living with Down syndrome, "Born This Way" is an intimate and supportive way to help bust some of the misconceptions many have about the syndrome.

Each cast member has their own persona with their own hobbies and obstacles they face during taping. Some focus on their jobs, some on romance, some on living more independently and working on their self-confidence. They are defined beyond their disability.

The show takes you through the good, the bad, and the just plain "whatever" moments. You know: the moments we all have.

"I'm here. I'm alive. I'm human. We have to stick together and be the person we are, because we're all humans," says cast member and music man John.

A show that's moving and helps us understand each other a little better? Yes, please.

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