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Teen parenting expert shares the one phrase to use when your teen brings up a risky topic

Be prepared for the next time your teen brings up sex, drugs or social media drama.

via Dr. Lisa Damour and Canva/Photos

Dr. Lisa Damour and a mother and her teen going through a crisis.

If you are the parent of a teenager, there are a lot of topics they may bring up that are scary to think about, whether it's drugs, sex, social media drama, or whether they can get a nose ring. Every day, something is bound to come up for which you may not be prepared.

That’s why it’s good to have a response in your back pocket; when they bring up a challenging topic out of nowhere, you can respond in a healthy way instead of overreacting. In June 2025 at a panel discussion on Anxious Boys, Lonely Girls at the Aspen Ideas: Health festival, psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour said the best response to an uncomfortable topic is: “Tell me what you think about that.”

Dr. Damour is a psychologist specializing in teens, the author of three New York Times bestsellers, and host of Ask Lisa, a free podcast where she answers parenting questions every week.

teens, social media, teen on phone, parents, upset mom, teen at table, A teenager looking at her smartphone.via Canva/Photos

Tell me what you think about that

Dr. Damour further explained her ideas to Upworthy, noting there are two significant benefits for parents who have this response readily available. “The first value of having a phrase like, ‘Tell me what you think about that,’ is that it lets you collect yourself and let's you buy some time before you have a reaction that you regret,” Dr. Damour told Upworthy. “The second is that it will dictate the conversation you need to have.”

Dr. Damour says that by encouraging your teen to share their feelings on uncomfortable topics, such as their friends taking weed gummies, it dictates the direction you should take. This is in contrast to immediately jumping to conclusions and shutting down the conversation by giving them a lecture on the dangers of drugs before you've heard their opinion.

“So if a teenager then goes on to say, ‘I think it's really weird and I'm worried about the kids who are trying it.’ You're having one conversation. But if they are interested in trying the gummies, it’s another conversation," Dr. Damour noted.

teens, mom and teen son, parenting, modern families, son and mom on couch, talking to teens A mom talks with her teenage son.via Canva/Photos

How to respond when your teen is interested in risky behaviors

Dr. Damour believes that when setting rules for your teen, it is best to avoid basing them on personal morality or opinions, such as “In this house we don’t do drugs” or “I think it’s wrong to go on a date at 14.” These reasons often seem arbitrary to most kids, and they may follow their own desires. Instead, focus on two key issues: safety and the decent treatment of others. So, if they are considering taking weed gummies, let them know that it isn’t safe. Dr. Damour suggests this response: “You have one brain for the rest of your life. All of the science we have says that weed and adolescent brains don't mix. I love you, I care about you. I want you to make choices that are going to keep you safe.”

Parenting teens is an emotional rollercoaster, which is why Damour’s advice is so helpful. It allows parents to have a little extra time to remove some emotion from their reaction, and it enables them and their teens to use their best judgment in an uncomfortable situation. Further, it may be that when a teen floats an awkward topic, there’s a lot more going on than what meets the eye. “It is my sense that when kids are floating touchy topics by their parents, they are watching very carefully to see the reaction because one of the questions they may be asking themselves is, 'What would happen if I told you I was having a problem with this?'” Damour says.

Learn more important advice for parenting teens by subscribing to the free Ask Lisa podcast.

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8 expert-backed tips for relieving your kid's back to school stress.

We reached out to experts to see what advice they'd have for parents who think their kids might be struggling with stress or anxiety. Here is what they had to say.

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Heading back to school can be stressful.

School can be a ton of fun, but for many kids, it can also be a pretty big source of stress and anxiety as well.

A little stress now and then is an unfortunate fact of life, but it seems like kids are more stressed than ever these days. Overwhelming, toxic stress can actually affect how a child's brain grows and develops and can increase the risk for mental health issues later in life.

"The good news is the brain is malleable," said Bruce Compas, a psychologist at Vanderbilt University who completed a major review of childhood coping strategies. Good coping skills can be taught and, once learned, can benefit a child for the rest of their lives, Compas said in a press release.

We reached out to experts to see what advice they'd have for parents who think their kids might be struggling with stress or anxiety. Here is what they had to say:

1. Be specific about what you've noticed about your child's stress level.

When a parent notices their kid is stressed or anxious, it can be tempting to jump to conclusions or get caught up in wondering "what if." "Don't go down the rabbit hole," says Debra Kissen, clinical psychologist and director at Light on Anxiety Treatment Center of Chicago.

Instead, parents should focus on the specific behaviors they've noticed. If your kid suddenly doesn't want to go to parties, for example, approach any potential conversation on that level, then build solutions around the one stressor.

2. Don't just reassure: problem-solve.

"It'll be OK" might seem like three magic words, but kindly reassurances aren't the same permanent fixes, says Jill Emanuele, senior director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. Instead, parents should talk with their kid and try to come up with a solution to whatever's bothering them.

"Help your child to acknowledge the specific worries with a statement like, 'I hear that you are worried about this. How can I help?'" Emanuele says.

Multiple experts, including Compas, echoed this sentiment. In general, it's better for kids to adapt or confront problems rather than avoid or repress their feelings.

3. Plan and practice!

"My one piece of advice: practice!" said Dawn Huebner, a psychologist who's written multiple books for kids and adults, including "Outsmarting Worry."

Don't avoid awkward conversations, says Huebner, and once you've come up with a potential solution, try it out. For example, if your kid is nervous about a new school, you could see if school administrators will let you take a tour before the school year begins. Then follow up in a few days to see how the plan worked.

4. Repeat the serenity prayer.

"Change the things you can, accept the things you can't, and have the wisdom to know the difference between them," Compas says.

There's a lot of good thinking in that old prayer. Not every problem or stressor is going to have an easy solution, and it can get frustrating to continually beat your head on a brick wall. Sometimes the change will need to come from within, whether that's adapting expectations or trying out a different outlook.

5. Don't ignore the bright side.

Tackling the problem and facing your fears is a good idea, but looking at positives can help too, says Amy Przeworski, an associate professor at Case Western Reserve University. School can mean new friends and new adventures. A little encouragement doesn't hurt, either.

"To remind my daughter of just how strong and brave she is, I often put a note in her lunch bag on the first few days of school to tell her that I love her, that I'm proud of her and that I can't wait to hear the amazing things that she has done at school," she says.

6. Try to stay calm and collected yourself.

Kids, especially little ones, can key in on what a parent is feeling. If you yourself are nervous or stressed, your anxiety might rub off on the child.

"What we know is that when my attachment figure, my mommy, my daddy, my grandma who raises me is calm, I feel safer and more sound and ready to learn," says Laura Martin, a mental health specialist at the Verner Center for Early Learning.

7. Remember that you're not alone.

It can feel overwhelming to see your kid struggling, but remember that you don't have to do this alone. There are many resources out there on sites like the Anxiety and Depression Association of America to help parents talk to their kids or find help. Mental health professionals can help too.

8. Finally, don't forget about happiness.

Mark Holder is a researcher at the University of British Columbia. He doesn't study stress or anxiety — his focus is happiness. He says this:

"My advice for children’s well-being, if I am only allowed one piece, is to support your children in nurturing their quality friendships," Holder says. "Whether this is encouraging visits with friends, joining a sports team or hiking club, or volunteering with others, activities that foster meaningful friendships are critical to children’s well-being."

This article originally appeared on 07.28.17


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