No, I sincerely doubt that the man in the crowd expected Mayberry to throw down her microphone and jump into his arms. Him saying "marry me" was probably more of a stand-in for "I like your music and respect you as a human being with boundaries!" (OK, maybe not that last bit.)

It's a little more complicated than that.

If you know a bit more about Chvrches' backstory, Mayberry's response makes a lot of sense.

Throughout the band's career, Mayberry has been outspoken against music industry sexism and online harassment.

In 2013, Mayberry posted a screenshot of a message sent to the band's Facebook page that read, "Could you pass this correspondence on to the cute singer, I think we'd make superior love together, and very much would like to take her to dinner." After responding, "No. That's disgusting," Mayberry was told it was a "very puritanical stance" to take.

Her response was simple: "Please stop sending us emails like this." In response, she received a slew of responses containing threats, twisted sexual fantasies, and general disregard for her existence as a human. That month, she penned an opinion piece for The Guardian, "I will not accept online misogyny.”

"But why should women 'deal' with this?"

Her post at The Guardian was a powerful rebuttal to anyone who has ever told her (or any female musician, for that matter) that she should just "deal with" harassment.

"I absolutely accept that in this industry there is comment and criticism. There will always be bad reviews: such is the nature of a free press and free speech. ... What I do not accept, however, is that it is all right for people to make comments ranging from 'a bit sexist but generally harmless' to openly sexually aggressive. That it is something that 'just happens.' Is the casual objectification of women so commonplace that we should all just suck it up, roll over and accept defeat? I hope not. Objectification, whatever its form, is not something anyone should have to 'just deal with.'"

Years later, the harassment continues. But Mayberry isn't giving up.

Earlier this year, Mayberry posted another screenshot of a message sent to one of the band's social media accounts on her personal Instagram page. The message, in which an anonymous voice from the Internet threatens to sexually assault Mayberry with a cheese grater, was posted alongside Mayberry's eloquent response.

"My band is lucky enough to have some of the most awesome, supportive and respectful fans in the world and we are so excited to be in the studio making an album to share with them. Yet, on a daily basis, we still receive communications like this. These people never learn that violence against women is unacceptable. But they also never learn that women will not be shamed and silenced and made to disappear. I am not going anywhere. So bring it on, motherfuckers. Let's see who blinks first."

So, in hindsight, maybe yelling "Marry me!" at Lauren Mayberry wasn't the best idea.

The man may have meant well, but combined with the sexualized messages from other fans and critics alike, it creates an atmosphere of uncomfortable, unwanted comments. It's a lot like street harassment: While the intention might have been to "compliment" someone, the effect can be something so completely different.

Watch Mayberry's showdown with the "Marry me" guy in the video below.

This article originally appeared on 10.05.15

From Your Site Articles

sexism

Family

Dad shares why he joins in on overnight baby shifts even though his wife is on leave

“I have no idea why we are still having this argument.”

@professorneil/TikTok

A father pulling his weight shouldn't be considered "helping."

Yes, we’ve come a long way regarding gender equality. But if there’s any proof that we’ve still got a long way to go, look no further than the attitudes many still have when it comes to parenting roles.

Many still consider a father as “helping out” with a mom’s inherent responsibility when he participates in taking care of children, rather than simply being an equally contributing partner. And if mom is not working, the nuclear family ideal is even more persistent…as it is assumed she is the sole caretaker of the kids with no job to distract her.

All this can make the already difficult early chapters of parenthood next to impossible…and certainly not as enjoyable as they could be for moms who find themselves both partner-less and village-less.

Neil Shyminsky, a college professor and new dad, recently delved into this issue when he explained why he still participates in nighttime feedings—even though he works a full time job and his wife is on parental leave.

Shyminsky’s video was actually a response to another video made by labor equality advocate Paige Turner, who shared that someone called her “crazy” and “selfish” for suggesting a working dad should still wake up early with a new baby to give his wife an occasional break.

@professorneil #stitch with @Paige We’re all working, we’re all tired, and we all have to work in the morning, too #parenting #work #labor ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

“So it's currently 2 a.m. and I'm awake with this little one,” he says in the clip, explaining that he’ll be “on call for another two hours or so” until he switches with his wife, who is currently on parental leave.

As Shyminsky sees it, both parents are still currently working full-time, which makes his participating in overnight activities a no brainer.

“I might have to work a full day on four hours of really awful sleep, but I mean, what's the alternative? That she has to work a full day on none?” he asks.

As he eloquently puts it: “Parenting's work, parenting's labor. Stay-at-home parents work. I have no idea why we are still having this argument. Yeah, I can't figure it out there.”

So many viewers wrote in to praise Shyminsky’s rational take.

“It is exhausting to be the only parent to wake up at night.”

“I never understood the work argument. I still have to stay awake all day to take care of the baby and other kids. I need sleep.”

“Everything you said, and also the way to bond with a baby is by caring for it. That bond is worth some lost sleep.”

Others shared how they incorporated similar strategies.

One person wrote, “My husband and I had a great plan: I would go to bed around 8:00 and he would wake me up to switch around 1:00 or 2:00. We each got 5-6 hours each night. It worked for us!”

Another added, “Yeah we definitely did full night shifts. I’d take one night and husband would take the next. Lifesaver knowing you’d get a night of sleep every other night.”

Shyminsky also told Upworthy that this in no way is considered “helping” his wife, as that implies all things parenting are technically her responsibility and that he’s “assisting” her.

“When I’m not at my job, parenting is a shared and equal responsibility. So I’m not helping with the parenting, I’m sharing in it,” he said.

So true. Parenting is a full-time job…one without pay, and one that you can’t really clock in and out of. It’s downright unrealistic to expect mothers to take it all on by themselves.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

Health

Sweeping UN study finds that 9 out of 10 people worldwide are biased against women

In other words, 9 out of 10 people worldwide—both men and women—are biased against women in vital areas that impact the world in major ways.

Photo by Joe Gardner on Unsplash

As the U.S. ramps into an all-too-familiar presidential election cycle where the only viable candidates left on the ballot are men, the UN announces a study that may—at least partially—explain why.

The Gender Social Norms Index released yesterday by the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) offers a look at gender equality as measured by people's personal gender bias. The data, which was collected from 75 countries covering 81% of the world's population, found that 91% of men and 86% of women show at least one clear bias against women in the areas of politics, economics, education, and physical integrity.

In other words, 9 out of 10 people worldwide—both men and women—are biased against women in vital areas that impact the world in major ways. Splendid.

It would be easy to assume that these numbers are skewed by countries where women are blatantly oppressed, and that is somewhat true. However, a majority was found to hold no gender biases in just six of the 75 countries studied—and no, the U.S. was not among them. Nope, not Canada either.

Andorra, Australia, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, and Sweden were the only countries where a majority of people showed no clear gender bias. (Andorra came out on way on top, with 73% of its population showing no bias—the only country to top 70%. Go Andorra.)

Where did the U.S. and Canada stand? According to the study, 43% of Americans hold no gender bias while Canada clocks in at 48%. Basically, if you're sitting in a stadium full of people as a woman in North America, half of the people you're looking at likely harbor some kind of clear bias against you. Same goes if you're a woman competing in a sport, giving a talk at a conference, or—ahem—running for public office.

Perhaps the most unnerving stats from the report are these:

- About 50% people—both men and women—think men make better political leaders than women

- About 40% of people think men make better business leaders than women

- Close to 50% of men believe that men have more right to a job than women

- About 30% believe that it's justifiable for a man to beat his intimate partner

Ummm, that last one? Holy moly.

two woman sitting on beach sand while facing sunlightPhoto by Briana Tozour on Unsplash

What's just as concerning is that despite decades of progress on women's rights, bias against women is increasing in some countries among both men and women. And this is the case even among some countries that scored well on the index—bias in top-six Sweden, for example, actually increased over the nine years the study covered.

"The share of both women and men worldwide with moderate to intense gender biases grew from 57 percent to 60 percent for women and from 70 percent to 71 percent for men," the report states, adding: "Surveys have shown that younger men may be even less committed to equality than their elders."

That last part is worth repeating. Evidence points to young men being less committed to gender equality than older generations. That is not good news for the future, folks.

Of course, we have made big strides across the globe in terms of increasing access to education, improving healthcare for women, and other areas. But women still don't have a place at most of the decision-making tables, and we obviously still have social norm hurdles to overcome to achieve true gender equality.

"We have come a long way in recent decades to ensure that women have the same access to life's basic needs as men," said Pedro Conceição, head of UNDP's Human Development Report Office. "We have reached parity in primary school enrollment and reduced maternal mortality by 45 percent since the year 1990. But gender gaps are still all too obvious in other areas, particularly those that challenge power relations and are most influential in actually achieving true equality. Today. the fight about gender equality is a story of bias and prejudices."

Results of the study indicate a backlash to the push for gender equality, the report states. Indeed, change is uncomfortable for many people and progress is often a two steps forward, one step back process. For sure, social norms are more complex and challenging to change than laws.

"Policymakers often focus on the tangible—on laws, policies, spending commitments, public statements and so on," the report states. "This is driven partly by the desire to measure impact and by sheer impatience with the slow pace of change. Yet neglecting the invisible power of norms would miss a deeper understanding of social change."

Social norms also directly impact progress made in all areas. Currently, no country in the world is on track to meet the gender equality goals by Sustainable Development Goal target of 2030. With stats like these, that's not shocking.

Clearly, something to keep in mind as we advocate for gender equality is how to effectively address people's core beliefs about women and equality in general. Legal progress without social progress is shaky at best, and true gender equality won't become reality unless people believe that it should.

It appears we have some serious work ahead of us on that front.

This article originally appeared on 03.06.20

From Your Site Articles

women

Joy

Little girl's rant about why things are 'man-made' is hysterical and on point

She's asking the tough questions.

@desirously.ambitious/Instagram

What CAN'T is be "people-made," though?

Language evolves as humanity evolves. We know this. History has proven it over and over again.

And yet, there’s still so much resistance when certain linguistic changes are tied to gender issues. The introduction of they/them pronouns comes to mind as an example. Many well-meaning, grammar nerds (myself included) bristled at the thought of incorporating this kind of language, even if they fully supported the idea behind the concept.

But when we get too stuck in the weeds of semantics, we miss the opportunity for vital transformative conversations.

Take for instance a video that came out around 2021—and the debate it sparked—when a little girl questioned why things were “man-made,” rather than “people-made.”

In the clip (whose source is undetermined but shared across several platforms) the girl passionately explains to her mother how she heard the term in her social studies class, and how much it irked her, since it seemed to only regard men as creators.

“Aren’t women building the Eiffel Tower or something? Aren’t women allowed to build stuff?!” she exclaims.

She then refers to Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, which stated that “all men are created equal.”

“Aren’t women created equal too? Why don’t they say all people are created equal?!” she prods.

See on Instagram

Down in the comments, people applauded the little girl’s hilarious gusto.

“You go girl. Little genius,” one person wrote.

Another added, “keep that critical thinking cap on, little mama.”

As to be expected, many people also commented on how the little girl’s argument was unjustified, since, linguistically speaking, it is implied that both men and women are included in the word “man.”

“She is missing the point! Man in this sense is a plural word, meaning man and woman,” one person wrote.”

Another added, “I am so over this. Man made = huMAN, woMAN, MAN! The term is already inclusive of all genders. Stop looking for problems where there aren't any. I'm so sick of this nonsense.”

But is it really nonsense? After all, we need only look to our Constitution to know that women have certainly not always been included in language that pertains to “all men.” Or we could look to all the many instances throughout history in which patriarchal values (that is, values which undermine a woman’s inherent and equal worth) silently shaped the way we lived our everyday lives.

Not to mention that this argument denies language’s true nature—to change along with our own levels of awareness. Perhaps the reality is that this little girl is performing her job as a member of the younger generation, by questioning things older generations might take for granted. After all, we don’t create change by not asking uncomfortable questions.

Bottom line: we have not always been an inclusive society. It is reflected in our language. As we collectively continue to become more inclusive, so too will that be reflected in our language. That’s a good thing. It’s a marker of progress. Think of all the energy we spend combating these inevitable changes when we could instead allow them to help us grow as people.

From Your Site Articles

best of humanity

Identity

They liked her because she ‘talked white.’ I bet they didn’t expect this.

"When did talking right equate to me talking white?"

Image from YouTube video.

This is Ernestine Johnson.

Sometimes what people may consider to be a compliment is actually horribly offensive.

This is one of those times.

An incredible woman has the perfect response for someone who says, "You speak so well ... for a black girl."

assets.rebelmouse.io

How would he react?

assets.rebelmouse.io

What?

assets.rebelmouse.io

Ernestine claims to be an average black girl.

assets.rebelmouse.io

But that's not all. Ernestine Johnson is just getting warmed up. She has plenty more to say about what speaking, looking, and acting like an average black girl really means.

And nope, this isn't another lesson in political correctness; it's more about common sense.

She clearly explains it all 42 seconds in the video below:

Oh, and my favorite quote that I'm taking and framing?

This one.

"See, the average black girl that I know, the average black girl that I know were Egyptian queens like Hatshepsut and Nitocris who were ruling dynasties and whole armies of men, excuse me while I set fire to this poem on my pen because I am tired. Tired of the stereotypes black girls have fallen into because of American mentality. Oh, but not half as tired as Ella Baker, Diane Nash, Septima Poinsette-Clark. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, Miss Fannie Lou Hamer, Daisy Bates, Anna Arnold Hedgeman, and Dorothy Height are far more tired than I am." — Ernestine Johnson

This article originally appeared on 01.28.15

From Your Site Articles

Pop Culture

Why people hate 'vocal fry' more when a woman has it

Both men and women use it, but we only seem to notice (and judge) when one gender does so.

Photo by Raamin ka on Unsplash

Using a raspy lower register gets noticed or does it?

"Vocal Fry" is a term for the glottal, creaking sound of lower-register speech oscillation.

You know, like that raspy Zooey-Deschanel-type thing where your voice has that little "GuUuUuUuUuUuUuUh" crackle, instead of the smooth, consistent "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuh."

That really didn't help at all, huh?

OK, it's this:

We've noticed women using "vocal fry" for a while now...

A scientific study was reported in a 2011 issue of Science magazine that's generally credited with adding the phrase "vocal fry" into the popular lexicon. Before this point, according to the magazine, apparently vocal fry did not exist, although Britney Spears anachronistically employed it in the first line of her debut single, "Baby One More Time" all the way back in 1998. And she wasn't the only pop star to do so.

celebrity, trending, vocal fry, before 2011

Britney Spears was all about the 'vocal fry' with her debut single, "Baby One More Time."

media.giphy.com

The study from Science purported that women are often different than men (groundbreaking!), and thus, women talked less good with their mouth-sounds. (I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist.) (Please excuse my rolling eyes.)

Specifically, vocal fry was said to be a trend among college-aged women of a certain social standing. "Young students tend to use it when they get together. Maybe this is a social link between members of a group," noted one female researcher.

...but recently it's been recognized that us dudes have been getting in on the action for a while too.

All right, guys! We're finally getting closer to true gender parity! But the question remains: How come no one noticed that men have been using vocal fry for years?

"This American Life" host Ira Glass recently admitted that he uses vocal fry. But in a conversation with Chana Jaffe-Walt (who is not a dude), Glass also admitted that no one notices his vocal fry. And it's not that no one notices — women are criticized for using vocal fry while men have been getting away with it for years.

"I get criticized for a lot of things in the emails to the show," Glass said. "No one has ever pointed this out."

Noted academic and anarcho-syndicalist advocate Noam Chomsky has also been known to employ vocal fry (presumably as a means of dismantling capitalism). Chomsky certainly has his detractors, but none of them seem to take issue with his vocal quality either. And even The Hairpin noted over 6 years ago that male vocal fry has become "a thing."

In reality, associating the vocal fry trend only with women — both in practice and in naming — is a really just another way of trying to define gender roles.

It's certainly interesting to observe the trends in human social interactions in the same way we observe a pack of wild capuchin monkeys. But the way that vocal fry gained traction in popular culture was, well, kind of weird.

After that Science magazine article came out, women were suddenly being judged for the supposedly abrasive way in which they spoke when they used vocal fry, even though both women and men had probably been talking that way since well before 2011.

There are many legitimate reasons — beyond gender — for why a person might develop vocal fry.

The simple truth is that vocal fry is just one way that people talk, regardless of their gender. Some people employ it as a means of being heard, as differentiating their voices from the rest of the masses. Other people really do just talk that way!

And it's another example of the way we treat women like Goldilocks("This one's too sexy, and this one's too prude, and..."). If a woman uses a higher register to speak, then it's classified as ditzy, valley-girl uptalk. If a woman uses her lower register, it's vocal fry. If she speaks in the middle (modal range), her words often get lost entirely.

vocal fry, talking, stereotypes, lower register

Women are often classified just from the way they talk.

media.giphy.com

Maybe, just maybe, we should all try to worry less about the way people speak (or dress or...) and instead try to actually listen to and hear what they're saying.

So vocal fry? Don't vocal fry? Do what you want! Because if our crappy earbud headphones have taught us anything, it's that content matters more than the quality of delivery.

This article originally appeared on 07.28.15

From Your Site Articles

science

Cargill

Women working in Africa’s cocoa farms have received business education programs for 15 years. Here’s how that benefits the entire world.

All images provided by CARE & Cargill

The impact of the CARE and Cargill partnership goes beyond empowering cocoa farmers

True

Cocoa, the key ingredient found in your favorite chocolate bar, has been a highly revered food product throughout human history. It’s been used for religious ceremonies in Peru, royal feasts in England and France, traded as currency for the ancient Mayans. And considering that many of us enjoy chocolate on a regular basis (mochas and candy bars, anyone?) it seems like that love is still going strong even today.

And if you are someone who looks forward to that sweet chocolate pick-me-up on a regular basis, you likely have the women of West Africa to thank.

Women like Barbara Sika Larweh, a mother of six who works as a cocoa farmer in Larwehkrom, a community located within the Sefwi Wiawso Municipality in the Western North Region of Ghana.

care, cargill Mama Cash now empowers other women to gain independence

Nearly 60% of the world’s cocoa comes from both Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire, where Barbara and other mothers make up over half of the labor force. These female cocoa farmers shoulder the same physical burden as their male counterparts—all while also running households and paying for their children to go to school. And yet, they typically don’t receive equal income. Nor do they have access to the resources that could help them achieve financial independence.

Thankfully, positive changes are taking place. Barbara’s story exemplifies the impact of programs offered by CARE and Cargill, such as Village Savings and Loan Association (VSLA), which are small groups that offer low-interest loans to individuals living in poverty, helping them to build savings without going into devastating debt.

Through these initiatives, women, like Barbara, are equipped with vital knowledge like financial literacy to improve household incomes, sustainable agriculture practices that improve yields, and nutrition education to diversify their family’s diets.

“They came and trained me on the VSLA. I dedicated myself and volunteered so that I would be able to train my people, too,” Barbara explains.

Within the first year of using the programs, Barbara and the people she trained profited—earning her the nickname of “Mama Cash.”

This is no isolated event. In cocoa-growing communities supported by CARE and Cargill programming between 2019-2022, the number of households living below the national poverty line decreased by nearly 32% in Cote d’Ivoire and Ghana - as a direct result of increasing and diversifying income through using these programs.

Like Barbara, who today is an executive member of the Community Development Committee, more than 2.4 million women have used their success as entrepreneurs to transform into leaders and decision-makers within their communities. Whether it’s giving most of their earnings back to their families, reducing child labor, or exponentially increasing overall farm yields, the rippling effect is profound.

The impact of the CARE and Cargill partnership goes beyond empowering cocoa farmers. The joint initiatives have fostered progress on complex global issues related to social justice, such as gender equality, climate change, and food security. By improving access to quality nutrition, water, and hygiene, the joint programs have positively influenced the cocoa communities’ well-being.

Suddenly there’s a lot more to think about the next time you eat a candy bar.

Find out more about the important partnership between CARE and Cargill here.

From Your Site Articles

finance

gender equality

A man in the crowd yelled 'Marry me!' Her response was not exactly what he hoped for.

'Does that work out well for you, sir?'

A fan of the Scottish synthpop band Chvrches got a bit more than he bargained for when he yelled to the stage.

But what's the big deal? It's not like he was serious. Well...

If you know a bit more about Chvrches' backstory, Mayberry's response makes a lot of sense.

"But why should women 'deal' with this?"

Years later, the harassment continues. But Mayberry isn't giving up.

So, in hindsight, maybe yelling "Marry me!" at Lauren Mayberry wasn't the best idea.

Watch Mayberry's showdown with the "Marry me" guy in the video below.

Dad shares why he joins in on overnight baby shifts even though his wife is on leave

“I have no idea why we are still having this argument.”

Sweeping UN study finds that 9 out of 10 people worldwide are biased against women

In other words, 9 out of 10 people worldwide—both men and women—are biased against women in vital areas that impact the world in major ways.

Little girl's rant about why things are 'man-made' is hysterical and on point

She's asking the tough questions.

They liked her because she ‘talked white.’ I bet they didn’t expect this.

"When did talking right equate to me talking white?"

Why people hate 'vocal fry' more when a woman has it

Both men and women use it, but we only seem to notice (and judge) when one gender does so.

We've noticed women using "vocal fry" for a while now...

...but recently it's been recognized that us dudes have been getting in on the action for a while too.

In reality, associating the vocal fry trend only with women — both in practice and in naming — is a really just another way of trying to define gender roles.

There are many legitimate reasons — beyond gender — for why a person might develop vocal fry.

Women working in Africa’s cocoa farms have received business education programs for 15 years. Here’s how that benefits the entire world.

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

5-year-old gave his mom advice for handling nerves. It was both adorable and spot-on.

Two brothers Irish stepdancing to Beyoncé's country hit 'Texas Hold 'Em' is pure delight

Family posts a very chill note to neighbors explaining why their dog is on the roof

Cat owner put a first person camera on their collar and accidentally filled the world with delight