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A patient nominated her for a prestigious nursing award. One problem: She's a doctor.

A male colleague told her it would be more 'humble' to introduce herself by her first name and not the title she'd earned.

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A female doctor was confused for a nurse after taking a male colleague's advice on how to introduce herself.

Years ago, a story went viral about a school kid asked to fill in a blank word containing the letters "u" and "r." The clue? Hospital lady. The kid wrote "surgeon," which was marked incorrect. The answer sheet was looking for nurse. The resulting kerfuffle showed, clear as day, that gender bias still exists almost everywhere. Worse yet, it's still being unintentionally ingrained in our kids from a very young age.

The worksheet in question was from 1997. The story cropped up in 2017. Surely, things have gotten better by now! We've come a long way when it comes to gender bias, discrimination, and, well, pure sexism, right? Right?!

Abbie Cantwell, a doctor from Portland, Oregon, recently shared a story from her hospital that sadly proves otherwise.

nurse, doctor, female doctor, women in medicine, women, sexism, gender bias, discrimination, equal payAbbie Cantwell wouldn't dream of disrespecting nurses. But she's not one.Giphy

In a TikTok video, Dr. Abbie describes getting some questionable advice from a male mentor and colleague at her hospital. He told her it would be more approachable and humble if she introduced herself by her first name (Abbie) instead of by her full title (Dr. Cantwell). Cantwell was hesitant to take the advice but eventually decided to give it a shot. She was vindicated almost immediately.

"I did that one time with a family. I was like 'Hi, I'm Abbie, I'm the doctor in the ICU.' And they legitimately nominated me for a DAISY Award."

A DAISY award is an honor given to nurses who show exceptional patient care and compassion. Anyone in a hospital or healthcare setting can nominate a nurse for their work, including patients and supervisors. It's a great honor and it means Cantwell did a phenomenal job caring for her patient. But, remember, she's a doctor, not a nurse!

"Love, respect, thank you, it's an honor," Cantwell says. "But an incorrect one."

In an effort to take her mentor's advice and seem more humble and approachable, Cantwell had inadvertently made herself "smaller" and stopped demanding the respect she deserved. Watch her tell the whole story here.


@abbiecantwell

Women in stem baby #fyp #residency #medicine #medicalschool

Over a million viewers tuned in. Cantwell's story resonated with medical professionals, and women, everywhere who've had their achievements overlooked.

Commenters had her back, for certain:

"If I had MD behind my name, even my kids would be referring to me as doctor.

"But he would NEVER say that to a male. Babes you worked hard to earn that Doctor title."

"If I had MD behind my name I’d make my own mother call me doctor."

"A senior male attending pulled me aside my first week of intern year and told me to never introduce myself by my first name. He was looking out for me - looking back, I’m so grateful. I had no idea."

"Never do that again. Women docs aren’t making themselves small, for ppl anymore. You are the doctor. We need need to address you as such."

Some argued that Cantwell should look on the bright side:

"Well at least we know you’re great at your job doctor."

Again, Cantwell's story is no shade to nurses, who deserve all the respect in the world. But no one would ever suggest to a male doctor that he be more "humble" by dropping the title he earned through years of school and rigorous training. And that's the problem.

nurse, doctor, female doctor, women in medicine, women, sexism, gender bias, discrimination, equal payConscious and unconscious biases are keeping women out of doctoring. Photo by TopSphere Media on Unsplash

Men currently account for 62% of doctors, with women at 38%. This is despite women earning college degrees and masters degrees at a higher rate than men. So, what gives? An essay in The Guardian cites high levels of burnout from female medical professionals and argues that "medicine continues to systematically disadvantage women physicians at every stage of their careers, causing many to leave." Patients and colleagues alike may be distrustful of female doctors and may not give them the respect and cooperation they deserve, making their experience and job much more difficult than their male counterparts. "And so women in medicine are given advice to make themselves smaller, more palatable, more humble and approachable. And by doing so they undermine themselves."

This phenomenon reflects broader societal biases about women in healthcare," Cantwell told Newsweek. "Addressing it is essential to breaking down barriers and inspiring future generations of women in STEM."

Justin Higuchi/Wikicommons

Lauren Mayberry performing with Chvrches at Hollywood Forever in Los Angeles, 2016



A fan of the Scottish synthpop band Chvrches got a bit more than he bargained for when he yelled to the stage.

"Marry me!" an unidentified man yelled out during a pause between songs.

"Pardon?" Chvrches singer Lauren Mayberry responded, prompting the man to shout out, "Marry me! Now!"


performance, crowds, hecklers, musicians

What it looks like to get told off from the stage.

GIFs from advancedfirefly.

But what's the big deal? It's not like he was serious. Well...

No, I sincerely doubt that the man in the crowd expected Mayberry to throw down her microphone and jump into his arms. Him saying "marry me" was probably more of a stand-in for "I like your music and respect you as a human being with boundaries!" (OK, maybe not that last bit.)

It's a little more complicated than that.

If you know a bit more about Chvrches' backstory, Mayberry's response makes a lot of sense.

Throughout the band's career, Mayberry has been outspoken against music industry sexism and online harassment.

In 2013, Mayberry posted a screenshot of a message sent to the band's Facebook page that read, "Could you pass this correspondence on to the cute singer, I think we'd make superior love together, and very much would like to take her to dinner." After responding, "No. That's disgusting," Mayberry was told it was a "very puritanical stance" to take.

Her response was simple: "Please stop sending us emails like this." In response, she received a slew of responses containing threats, twisted sexual fantasies, and general disregard for her existence as a human. That month, she penned an opinion piece for The Guardian, "I will not accept online misogyny.”

"But why should women 'deal' with this?"

Her post at The Guardian was a powerful rebuttal to anyone who has ever told her (or any female musician, for that matter) that she should just "deal with" harassment.

"I absolutely accept that in this industry there is comment and criticism. There will always be bad reviews: such is the nature of a free press and free speech. ... What I do not accept, however, is that it is all right for people to make comments ranging from 'a bit sexist but generally harmless' to openly sexually aggressive. That it is something that 'just happens.' Is the casual objectification of women so commonplace that we should all just suck it up, roll over and accept defeat? I hope not. Objectification, whatever its form, is not something anyone should have to 'just deal with.'"

Years later, the harassment continues. But Mayberry isn't giving up.

Earlier this year, Mayberry posted another screenshot of a message sent to one of the band's social media accounts on her personal Instagram page. The message, in which an anonymous voice from the Internet threatens to sexually assault Mayberry with a cheese grater, was posted alongside Mayberry's eloquent response.

"My band is lucky enough to have some of the most awesome, supportive and respectful fans in the world and we are so excited to be in the studio making an album to share with them. Yet, on a daily basis, we still receive communications like this. These people never learn that violence against women is unacceptable. But they also never learn that women will not be shamed and silenced and made to disappear. I am not going anywhere. So bring it on, motherfuckers. Let's see who blinks first."

So, in hindsight, maybe yelling "Marry me!" at Lauren Mayberry wasn't the best idea.

The man may have meant well, but combined with the sexualized messages from other fans and critics alike, it creates an atmosphere of uncomfortable, unwanted comments. It's a lot like street harassment: While the intention might have been to "compliment" someone, the effect can be something so completely different.

Watch Mayberry's showdown with the "Marry me" guy in the video below.

This article originally appeared on 10.05.15






@professorneil/TikTok

A father pulling his weight shouldn't be considered "helping."

Yes, we’ve come a long way regarding gender equality. But if there’s any proof that we’ve still got a long way to go, look no further than the attitudes many still have when it comes to parenting roles.

Many still consider a father as “helping out” with a mom’s inherent responsibility when he participates in taking care of children, rather than simply being an equally contributing partner. And if mom is not working, the nuclear family ideal is even more persistent…as it is assumed she is the sole caretaker of the kids with no job to distract her.

All this can make the already difficult early chapters of parenthood next to impossible…and certainly not as enjoyable as they could be for moms who find themselves both partner-less and village-less.


Neil Shyminsky, a college professor and new dad, recently delved into this issue when he explained why he still participates in nighttime feedings—even though he works a full time job and his wife is on parental leave.

Shyminsky’s video was actually a response to another video made by labor equality advocate Paige Turner, who shared that someone called her “crazy” and “selfish” for suggesting a working dad should still wake up early with a new baby to give his wife an occasional break.

@professorneil #stitch with @Paige We’re all working, we’re all tired, and we all have to work in the morning, too #parenting #work #labor ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

“So it's currently 2 a.m. and I'm awake with this little one,” he says in the clip, explaining that he’ll be “on call for another two hours or so” until he switches with his wife, who is currently on parental leave.

As Shyminsky sees it, both parents are still currently working full-time, which makes his participating in overnight activities a no brainer.

“I might have to work a full day on four hours of really awful sleep, but I mean, what's the alternative? That she has to work a full day on none?” he asks.

As he eloquently puts it: “Parenting's work, parenting's labor. Stay-at-home parents work. I have no idea why we are still having this argument. Yeah, I can't figure it out there.”

So many viewers wrote in to praise Shyminsky’s rational take.

“It is exhausting to be the only parent to wake up at night.”

“I never understood the work argument. I still have to stay awake all day to take care of the baby and other kids. I need sleep.”

“Everything you said, and also the way to bond with a baby is by caring for it. That bond is worth some lost sleep.”

Others shared how they incorporated similar strategies.

One person wrote, “My husband and I had a great plan: I would go to bed around 8:00 and he would wake me up to switch around 1:00 or 2:00. We each got 5-6 hours each night. It worked for us!”

Another added, “Yeah we definitely did full night shifts. I’d take one night and husband would take the next. Lifesaver knowing you’d get a night of sleep every other night.”

Shyminsky also told Upworthy that this in no way is considered “helping” his wife, as that implies all things parenting are technically her responsibility and that he’s “assisting” her.

“When I’m not at my job, parenting is a shared and equal responsibility. So I’m not helping with the parenting, I’m sharing in it,” he said.

So true. Parenting is a full-time job…one without pay, and one that you can’t really clock in and out of. It’s downright unrealistic to expect mothers to take it all on by themselves.

@desirously.ambitious/Instagram

What CAN'T is be "people-made," though?

Language evolves as humanity evolves. We know this. History has proven it over and over again.

And yet, there’s still so much resistance when certain linguistic changes are tied to gender issues. The introduction of they/them pronouns comes to mind as an example. Many well-meaning, grammar nerds (myself included) bristled at the thought of incorporating this kind of language, even if they fully supported the idea behind the concept.

But when we get too stuck in the weeds of semantics, we miss the opportunity for vital transformative conversations.

Take for instance a video that came out around 2021—and the debate it sparked—when a little girl questioned why things were “man-made,” rather than “people-made.”

In the clip (whose source is undetermined but shared across several platforms) the girl passionately explains to her mother how she heard the term in her social studies class, and how much it irked her, since it seemed to only regard men as creators.

“Aren’t women building the Eiffel Tower or something? Aren’t women allowed to build stuff?!” she exclaims.

She then refers to Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, which stated that “all men are created equal.”

“Aren’t women created equal too? Why don’t they say all people are created equal?!” she prods.

Down in the comments, people applauded the little girl’s hilarious gusto.

“You go girl. Little genius,” one person wrote.

Another added, “keep that critical thinking cap on, little mama.”

As to be expected, many people also commented on how the little girl’s argument was unjustified, since, linguistically speaking, it is implied that both men and women are included in the word “man.”

“She is missing the point! Man in this sense is a plural word, meaning man and woman,” one person wrote.”

Another added, “I am so over this. Man made = huMAN, woMAN, MAN! The term is already inclusive of all genders. Stop looking for problems where there aren't any. I'm so sick of this nonsense.”

But is it really nonsense? After all, we need only look to our Constitution to know that women have certainly not always been included in language that pertains to “all men.” Or we could look to all the many instances throughout history in which patriarchal values (that is, values which undermine a woman’s inherent and equal worth) silently shaped the way we lived our everyday lives.

Not to mention that this argument denies language’s true nature—to change along with our own levels of awareness. Perhaps the reality is that this little girl is performing her job as a member of the younger generation, by questioning things older generations might take for granted. After all, we don’t create change by not asking uncomfortable questions.

Bottom line: we have not always been an inclusive society. It is reflected in our language. As we collectively continue to become more inclusive, so too will that be reflected in our language. That’s a good thing. It’s a marker of progress. Think of all the energy we spend combating these inevitable changes when we could instead allow them to help us grow as people.