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family dynamics

Family

This son sent his mom a life-size cutout of himself. She got the last laugh.

Amazing work, mom.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

A collage of Dalton Ross .

Dalton Ross wanted to make sure his family didn't miss him too badly while he was studying abroad in London.

To help them cope, the 22-year-old Tennessee native did what any selfless college student would do...

He sent his mom a life-size cutout of himself.

art, imaginative, artistic, family dynamics

The life-size cutout of Dalton Ross.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

"I thought maybe they'd put it in the living room corner until I got back to remember I exist," he explained about the cutout, which came with a short note: "You're welcome.”

But like any clever mom, Susan Talley couldn't just stash this amazing piece of work away when it arrived about two months ago.

Guess who’s coming to dinner.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

No, no — she had better plans in mind.

Talley decided the cardboard version of her son could be a great companion "while the real one is in Europe." So she brought him along with her to events, like basketball games ...

Can you spot cardboard Dalton in the stands?

Defense! Defense!

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

... trips to the doctor's office ...

doctor visit, hilarious gags, connection

Hello doc.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

... and sub sandwich runs.

sub sandwich, family pranks, photography

One meatball sub please.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

Fake Dalton celebrated Valentine's Day with a fellow inanimate object.

$Valentine\u2019s Day, inanimate object, dating$

The strange and uncomfortable.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

He enjoyed playing with a furry, four-legged friend in the sunshine.

Some complicated fetching.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

And he appreciated a good bedtime story, just like the rest of us.

Reading Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!"

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

The photos of fake Dalton are spreading like wildfire.

Out and about for lunch.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

Without showing her son the photos first, Talley went ahead and uploaded them to Facebook. And after Dalton shared them on Imgur — explaining his mom "seems to be entertaining herself" while he's gone — the story sent the Internet into a buzzy frenzy.

"The attention is crazy," Ross told Upworthy, noting the story has gained so much traction that a restaurant featured in one of the photos, O'Charley's, sent the family a gift card.

"I hope my mom's holding up all right," he said. "It's awesome though.”

Fake Dalton has been hitting the batting cages...

batting cages, unique travel, fun activities

Batter up.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

... taking in some nightlife...

Out on the town.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

... and celebrated Easter with his family.

Easter with the Ross family.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

Although the viral reaction to the photos has been a bit nuts, Ross isn't all that surprised his mom was up for a good laugh.

Out and about.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

"Oh yeah, my mom is very funny," he explained to Upworthy. And it's a good thing, too: Laughter can be a great tool in improving the quality of family dynamics and boosting a loved one's emotional health. (A student studying abroad should especially keep that in mind, considering being away from loved ones and familiarity can be tough.)

"We're a big family of jokesters."

Bravo, mom, for setting the bar very high ahead of April Fools' Day.

Let’s clean it up.

All photos courtesy of Dalton Ross, used with permission.

This article originally appeared on 03.30.16

From Your Site Articles

family

Family

37 years after being thrown out of his house as a teen, his family wants to apologize

He did nothing wrong but took the blame.

via MR Wallpaper and Pexels

A Redditor comes to grips with the family that abandonned him.

Does time really heal all wounds? That’s the big question in a harrowing story posted to Reddit by a 53-year-old man who has had a very challenging life but now just wants to know love.

The story was shared by a user named Fancy-Anywhere-4733, who we’ll refer to in the story as FA for short.

FA’s mother died when he was 12 years old and 2 years later, his father married a woman named Ashley who had two kids, Mark (14) and Emily (12). “I got along with Ashley and Emily really well, but Mark, not so much so. He and I were always getting into arguments and fights,” FA recalls. This rivalry came to a head the next year when both boys fell for the same girl, Lisa, that FA began to date, much to Mark’s annoyance.

Then, there came the lie that would change his life forever.

“One day after my 16th birthday, my stepmom was putting away my laundry and started yelling,” FA recalled. “This was awkward because my girlfriend Lisa was there. We all ran, thinking the worst. When we got to my room, my stepmom was holding several pairs of my sister's underwear and yelling at me why they were in my drawer.”

“I had no answer as I'd never seen them before,” he continued. “Of course, no one believed me. No matter how much protesting I did."

"Then Mark piped up, saying he always caught me staring at his sister, thought it was creepy and caught me once saying I wish I could marry her," he continued. "Obviously lying, but that was all it took. Lisa slapped me and called me a perv and told me we were done and walked out.”

A teen boy is ashamed sitting on a couch.

via Christian Erfurt/Unsplash

FA’s dad grabbed him by the arm and threw him out of the house, screaming that he wouldn't “put his daughter at risk from a perv.” FA cried and screamed that it was all a lie, but no one believed him. “I told him I had nowhere to go and he said that wasn't his problem, then closed the door,” FA wrote.

FA lived on the streets for two years doing “what I had to do” to survive. He admits that therapy later helped him get over the experiences he had to endure to get by. He eventually found a job at a boxing gym a few states away and began training in the sport, which helped him channel his rage.

Eventually, at 35, he met a 20-year-old girl, married her and became a master’s electrician. They have 4 kids and have been happily married for 15 years. With the help of a therapist, he was able to put his old life behind him and embrace his new family with all his heart.

But then, 37 years after being kicked out of the house, he received an email from Emily, his stepsister. Evidently, Mark got drunk one night at the bar and bragged about how he set FA up by planting the underwear in his drawer. Lisa, who is now married to Mark, heard the story and reached out to Emily so she could know the truth.

A woman writing an email.

via Glenn Carstens-Peters/Unsplash

Emily found Mark’s email address and reached out stating that the family wanted to meet up face to face, apologize to him and make up for the lost time. “I'm, however indifferent to the idea,” FA admitted. “Like, I have no ill feelings towards her. She obviously was young and had no real say in the matter. But with lots and lots of therapy, I learned to let go of that hate and anger and to let go of them. As well with all the love I receive from my wife, kids and in-laws, it's all I really need.”

Even though FA wasn’t asking for advice, he got a lot of it in the comments and really appreciated the outside opinions.

A day after posting his story, FA has yet to respond to his family, but he found a suggestion he liked. DaughterofLilith wrote a response for him that reads:

"Thank you for finally believing in me, it only took 30 long years. Because of Mark's and my Father's despicable actions on that day, I lived on the streets for 2 years doing all sorts of desperate things to survive. But now I have a wonderful life, with an amazing family. My wife is my biggest supporter and friend. We have 4 beautiful daughters that no one from my family, especially my Father, will ever know. As a parent, I would never expose my precious children to such vile, hateful and terrible human beings like Mark or my Father. I have learned to move on with my life and heal the wounds that they caused me. I have forgiven them for their reprehensible actions that day but forgiveness does not require me to allow them back into my life. Thank you for informing me of Mark's confession but do not ever reach out to me again. I no longer consider my family of origin as any kind of family at all. I created a new and better one."

“Wow... you've nailed it right on the head,” FA responded. “Outside of indifference to them, this would make a great response. Thanks for taking the time to read and post this well-thought-out comment.”

In the end, posting about his experience on Reddit helped FA better understand a complicated situation. “Didn't really come here for advice, but to share my story, but I think it was wise that you all have,” he wrote. “It has given me an outside perspective.” But, whether he reaches out to his former family or not, seems like a footnote in the story. The great part of FA’s journey is that he learned not only to forgive but to move on from his trauma with an open heart and create a new life with the family of his choice.

From Your Site Articles

family

Family

Did holiday regression turn you into a teenager? Here's how to get yourself back.

Too much time with the family can turn people back into their old selves.

via Ben White/Unsplash

Women experiencing the anguish of the holiday season.

Did you, a reasonable and mature adult, turn into a child around the holidays? You’re not alone and there are ways to feel better and potentially repair any damage caused by the sudden regression.

Perhaps you were at the grocery store with your sibling, going in on the bill for a holiday meal together. One minute, you’re tallying items and the next, you’re arguing about who got more assistance from your parents growing up, and by that, you mean love. If you could stomp across the hall and slam a door in their face, you would, but instead, you have to ride back to your childhood home together in a sensible minivan and return to your spouses and children. Hypothetically, of course.

Or maybe your mom asked you a simple question about her iPhone again, one that you’ve answered a million times, which is easily Google-able, but jeez, why doesn’t she ever listen when you explain? You aren’t her personal Apple Genius.

And if she tells you one more time, there are more cookies in the pantry when you said no thank you and plus, she’s not exactly not the reason you have body image issues to begin with. What is she trying to do? Doesn’t she see how this affects you?

This is normal, apparently. It’s a psychological phenomenon dubbed Holiday Regression.

Around the holidays, the idea is all the sensory cues, from the people you’re around to the smells of home to the feeling of sleeping in your old childhood bedroom, create an environment where it’s incredibly easy to slip back into a younger version of yourself.

“We may have shifted in our adult life because we have new relationships and a new sense of ourselves,” clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone told CNN.com, “but going back for the holidays, being with your parents and sleeping in your old room, that’s what’s going to trigger you and bring back all those old feelings. Not on a conscious level, but it can put you in that frame of mind, and it can put your parents in that frame of mind, too.”

See, it is your parents’ fault!

So, let’s say you lost your cool, and you feel atrocious. Or still angry. What now?

First off, you want to figure out why you reacted the way you did. Is it just holiday stress or more likely, is it old anger or resentment that got triggered?

“We tend to fight with our loved one about the same few things over and over in different forms—content might change, but context rarely does,” clinical psychologist Dr. Jessica L. Dubron told Upworthy.

“I frequently tell patients that people generally stick to their brand and we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration by thinking that something we say or do will magically change them," she continued.

Okay, fair, but what about those hurt feelings you might be left with? Or maybe a feeling of guilt from overreacting?

“For hurt feelings, simply identifying what happened is important. If this is holiday regression, there is power in recognizing that, honoring that, and sharing what happened with someone supportive. If you feel hurt, let yourself feel exactly that. It’s a physical sensation that will subside if you allow yourself to experience it,” Dubron said.

“Guilt is different in that you may benefit from doing something to make amends. You can’t control how the other person will react, so just think of what you need to do to feel like you’ve taken accountability while at the same time being considerate to the person you feel you’ve hurt," Dubron told Upworthy.

Dubron explains this could look like having an in-person conversation, which she generally feels offers the best chance for communication and repair, or sending a short message in your chosen form of communication if the intensity is still hot. “Keep the message short, sincere, and unequivocal in the accountability you are taking," she said.

If you’re feeling stuck, says Dubron, the key is to “ask yourself, in a year from now, what would you have wanted you now to do? Most of the time, we ultimately don’t want ourselves to die on the hill of any holiday conflict. Letting go is not usually done in an instant. Like forgiveness, it can take time," Dubron added.

Completely sensible and reasonable. Like you!

From Your Site Articles

psychology

If Bart Simpson and Chris Griffin grew up and went to therapy, they might have a lot to say.

A lot of it would probably be hard to hear.

All images by Panic Volushka, used with permission.

That's the subject of a fascinating — and heartbreaking — new comic by a 25-year-old, Seattle-based artist who writes and draws under the name Panic Volkushka.

Both "Family Guy" and "The Simpsons" often depict over-the-top family violence. Volkushka, a graduate student in counseling and art therapy, told Upworthy that a class he was taking inspired him to imagine how that violence might affect adult versions of the shows' child characters in the real world.

"People [have been] saying, 'Growing up, I couldn’t watch these shows, because that’s what happened to me, and I didn’t understand why I was suddenly expected to laugh at it,'" Volkushka said.

"At the time I was taking a class on systems therapy, which is based on the idea that even if you’re doing therapy with individuals, that they exist within the context of larger systems — their family system, social systems around them — so you have to understand that to understand what’s going on in their life," Volkushka said.

"The behavior that you pick up in your family is so much of the behavior that you take with you for the rest of your life. And for a lot of people, they don’t realize they’re doing that. Sometimes, for therapy, a big part of that is just realizing, ‘Oh, this is why I’m doing this.'"

As someone who once benefitted greatly from — and currently studies — counseling, Volkushka also hopes to highlight the restorative value of therapy.

"I was bullied pretty badly when I was in middle school and ended up going into therapy when I was 13," he said. "And it was really, really helpful, and I had a wonderful therapist."

In casting the therapist, Voshka attempted to contrast "The Simpsons," "Family Guy," and their casual depictions of abuse, with a show which he feels presents a far healthier family dynamic: "King of the Hill."

"Hank really doesn’t understand Bobby," Volkushka said. "There are times Peggy doesn’t understand Bobby. And Hank definitely discourages Bobby from things that he thinks are 'too girly,' or 'not the things that boys should do,' but ultimately, he loves Bobby, and when Hank is trying to discourage Bobby, or doesn’t understand Bobby, the show generally shows Hank as being in the wrong, and even if he doesn’t understand it, usually by the end of the episode, he’s come to some sort of peace with it. Like, 'I don’t understand my son, but he’s still my son.'"

Though he's received a few complaints from fans of the shows, Volkushka said the reaction has been mostly positive.

"I grew up watching 'The Simpsons.' That was, every Sunday, I’d sit down with my parents and watch the latest episode. And I still really love it."

Ultimately, he said, he hopes the comic will prompt people to take a harder look at the way family dynamics are depicted in pop culture, even on shows that as enduring and popular as the ones it explores.

"You can still appreciate it for what it is and criticize it at the same time. I don’t think that’s impossible."

family dynamics

This son sent his mom a life-size cutout of himself. She got the last laugh.

Amazing work, mom.

Dalton Ross wanted to make sure his family didn't miss him too badly while he was studying abroad in London.

Can you spot cardboard Dalton in the stands?

... trips to the doctor's office ...

... and sub sandwich runs.

Fake Dalton celebrated Valentine's Day with a fellow inanimate object.

He enjoyed playing with a furry, four-legged friend in the sunshine.

And he appreciated a good bedtime story, just like the rest of us.

The photos of fake Dalton are spreading like wildfire.

Fake Dalton has been hitting the batting cages...

... taking in some nightlife...

... and celebrated Easter with his family.

Although the viral reaction to the photos has been a bit nuts, Ross isn't all that surprised his mom was up for a good laugh.

37 years after being thrown out of his house as a teen, his family wants to apologize

He did nothing wrong but took the blame.

Did holiday regression turn you into a teenager? Here's how to get yourself back.

Too much time with the family can turn people back into their old selves.

A devastating comic imagines 'The Simpsons' and 'Family Guy' characters as adults.

If Bart Simpson and Chris Griffin grew up and went to therapy, they might have a lot to say.

That's the subject of a fascinating — and heartbreaking — new comic by a 25-year-old, Seattle-based artist who writes and draws under the name Panic Volkushka.

As someone who once benefitted greatly from — and currently studies — counseling, Volkushka also hopes to highlight the restorative value of therapy.

In casting the therapist, Voshka attempted to contrast "The Simpsons," "Family Guy," and their casual depictions of abuse, with a show which he feels presents a far healthier family dynamic: "King of the Hill."

Though he's received a few complaints from fans of the shows, Volkushka said the reaction has been mostly positive.

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