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Mental Health

22 people share the most eye-opening things their therapist told them that they've never forgotten

"40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me."

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People share the most impactful things a therapist has said to them.

Good mental health is often achieved with the help of a therapist. Therapists can be an incredible resources for getting additional support during hard times, overcoming challenges, or looking to change patterns. Their words and insights can lead to breakthroughs, realizations, and stick with you for years to come.

So when the question "What's one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?" was asked in a discussion among people who have gone to therapy, many decided to get vulnerable and share the most meaningful things they've been told by a therapist.

These are 22 of the most inspiring, gut-wrenching, and impactful words and pieces of advice that people took away from their therapy sessions that changed their lives.

1. "'Is the relationship you have now, the relationship you'd want for your children?' (to which I had a fast and almost visceral response) and she went on to say 'because this relationship will be the one their subconscious uses as the prime example of what they accept later in life.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

2. "'Be kind to yourself.' 40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me." – ScottishWidow64

3. "You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You can contribute to it, but you are not ultimately responsible for someone else being happy or not." – Shot_Razzmatazz5560

happy, happiness, therapy, counsel, mental healthHappy Duck Dynasty GIF by DefyTVGiphy

4. "'Your thoughts are scarier than the real thing.'" – NewsgramLady

5. "Not everyone is going to like you." – Accomplished-Leg8461

6. "When we are growing and developing, the animal part of our brain that ensures our survival is hard wired to tune into our protectors. Parental disapproval stokes fear of death, basically. That is why I absolutely panic when someone is angry with me. That helped me break that circuit and rewire my brain." – SueBeee

7. "Give yourself permission. When you have a permission slip, it makes it physically easier to do what you need to do for yourself and let go of feelings that get in the way. She literally made me get out sticky notes and write things like: 'I give myself permission to let go of guilt. I give myself permission to have the wedding I want. I give myself permission to not be responsible for my mother.'" – iris_cat1313


Permission, therapy, notes, mental health, therapisttv land permission GIF by YoungerTVGiphy

8. "'Analyzing and researching are also avoidance tactics to avoid feeling.'" – Gallumbits42

9. "I was struggling with trying to 'save' my adult daughter dealing with substance use disorder. I was allowing her to live with me and she wasn’t working or improving. I was reluctant (read codependent) to let her go and kick her out because maybe she’d be homeless. Maybe her life would get worse. After months of this, my therapist looked at me in the eye and said: 'Who made you god? Why do you think you have the power to save her?' And that’s when it hit me. I had no control over the situation. I had to let her go. I kicked her out in 2023. Today she’s doing well. Sober, working and heading back to college. ❤️" – YellowFirestorm

10. "As my ex was gaslighting, insulting me, being an all around terrible person to me saying the most awful things about me to me and the kids my therapist told me, 'You can consider him an unreliable narrator.' That helped me with perspective." – ithinksotoomaybee

11. "After sharing some work updates and just needing a sounding board to see if I was overreacting or not: 'I’m going to take my therapist hat off for one second, that’s absolutely f*cked up, ok hat back on'." – Vrey

therapy, therapist, mental health, counseling, helpHbo Therapy GIF by SuccessionHBOGiphy

12. "After 2 months of marriage counseling my therapist said that things were not going to get better and that my husband was not a diamond in the rough he was a piece of coal and even if he wanted and participated in therapy he was never going to get well in this lifetime." – Puzzleheaded_Gear622

13. "After I broke up with my ex, he said 'Thank god, now you don't need therapy anymore'. Was literally our last session." – Aggravating_Pick_951

14. "Regarding looking for love from certain family members, she said, 'It's like a child going to the pantry looking for food, but they're isn't any. It's okay for that child to keep going back to that same pantry looking for food (even if there isn't any) because they don't know any better. But now that you're grown, you may need to accept that there will never be food in that pantry. You need to look for a different pantry.'" – MikeOxmaul

Empty pantry, advice, therapy, therapist, helpHungry Thanksgiving GIF by Looney TunesGiphy

15. "'So you're an orphan.' (Both parents had died by my age of 46)." – AGPym

16. "That sometimes we feel guilt or anger when the real feeling is helplessness. Sometimes it's easier to feel like we failed instead of realizing we had no power over it at all." – OhNever_Mind

17. "'These are feelings, not facts.'" – SweetSweet_Jane


feelings, facts, therapist, therapy, counselFeelings Feels GIF by WE tvGiphy

18. "'Their intent nor if they are consciously choosing to hurt you is what matters. Are they hurting you? Do you want it to continue? That is what matters.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

19. "'Enabling can sometimes disguise itself as good intentions.'" – naughtytinytina

20. "When discussing past drug use, we talked about how I maintained sobriety throughout both pregnancies. She asked why, nobody forced me to. I said it was the right thing to do. Then she says 'if you can do the right thing for others, why can’t you do it for yourself?' Good question, Casey. Been thinking about that one a lot, even now. It’s helped me work on my self destructive behaviors, helped me prioritize my own needs, and helped me maintain my sobriety now." – Pure_Preference_5773

sobriety, mental health, therapy, therapist, advice, counselSobriety GIF by Lady GagaGiphy

21. "Two things: 'I think it’s time you talk to your doctor'. (my situational depression was progressing to a point of no return, and it was time to be medicated. I went to my doctor that day. My therapist saved my life). 'You’re going to be OK.' She said it so calmly and with such confidence. I believed her. And she was right." – Numerous_Office_4671

22. "'You get to define what "family" means.'" – TrueBelievingMoron

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Treating kids like criminals just makes criminals. Kansas finally gets it.

Kansas Senate Bill 367 is a big deal.

Kansas has a major juvenile justice problem on its hands.

With more than 200 centers housing troubled youth across the state, Kansas has an abnormally high rate of young repeat offenders and a high rate of courts removing kids from their homes to stay in such facilities, KMBC 9 News reported. Those two facts could have something to do with one another (which actually makes a lot of sense).

That's why Senate Bill 367 — heralded as "the state’s premier piece of legislation in 2016" — is actually a big deal.


Senate Bill 367 prioritizes treatment and rehabilitation over punishment for many juvenile offenders in hopes it will keep kids from becoming criminals down the road.

Under the law, low-level offenders — kids who aren't considered a threat to public safety — will be less likely to be sentenced to a juvenile center for probation violations, according to The Topeka-Capital Journal. Instead, they'll stay with their families and participate in community programs that provide services like counseling and therapy.

Throughout the next five years, the number of kids sent to out-of-home facilities for their offenses will drop roughly 60%, The Kansas City Star reported. That will save the state about $72 million over that time period — funds that will be redirected toward the community programs.

A detention center for juveniles in France. Photo by Loic Venance/AFP/Getty Images.

"Being smart on crime promotes public safety and the rehabilitation of youthful offenders so that they can become law-abiding citizens," saidGov. Sam Brownback, who signed the bill into law on April 11, 2016. "The legislation aligns our juvenile justice system with what the research shows works best to reduce victimization, keep families strong, and guide youth towards a better path."

Brownback is right — research has shown treatment over incarceration has better long-term effects for individuals and communities alike. So why aren't more states on board?

Detention centers are harmful to kids and make it less likely that kids who spend time there will become successful, stable adults. That affects all of us.

According to a report from the Justice Policy Institute, juvenile detention centers can have "a profoundly negative impact on young people’s mental and physical well-being, their education, and their employment." The nonprofit points out these centers can increase rates of depression and suicide among youth, and reduce their ability to retain a job after leaving.

What's more, juvenile centers — like the larger U.S. justice system — disproportionately harm minorities: Even when they commit the same crimes as their white counterparts, black and brown youth are more likely to be detained.

Photo via iStock.

On the other hand, there's plenty of research suggesting that treatment and rehabilitation services are successful at reducing recidivism, the act of falling back into criminal behavior, for adult and youth offenders alike.

Let's hope more state and federal officials take a hint from Kansas and prioritize the long-term wellbeing of our youth.

"The justice system, and therefore, policymakers, need to focus on the root causes of incarceration and on rehabilitation — not just punishment en masse," prisons reform author Christopher Zoukis wrote for The Huffington Post, noting our "youth can change and learn" before going too far down the wrong path.

"Kansas is taking steps in the right direction."

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This community is battling crime using jail as a last resort. And it's working.

Pauline Nevins considered getting a tattoo of her mother's phone number so the police would be able to identify her body.

It wasn't a normal thought. At least not the normal she desperately wanted to be. But in the throes of addiction, it made perfect sense.

All images via Upworthy/YouTube.

Nevins was addicted to heroin and crack cocaine and had been for over a decade. She'd spent time in jail but couldn't get clean. In November 2014, Nevins was homeless and living on the roof of a building when she was arrested.

Nevins had hit bottom. But a judge offered her a lifesaving opportunity.

He offered her a chance to go to treatment at a rehab facility. Nevins accepted, mostly to get fed and stay warm, but she quickly realized this was her chance to find the fulfillment and consistency she longed for.

Then and there, she made the commitment to save her life.

The judge who helped her get back on track was the Hon. Alex Calabrese, the presiding judge at Red Hook Community Justice Center.

Founded in 2000, the Red Hook Community Justice Center is a community court for civil, family, and criminal cases from Red Hook, a neighborhood in southwest Brooklyn, New York. Cases are heard by a single judge, Calabrese, who operates his courtroom out of an old, remodeled Catholic school.

Calabrese (center) at work in his courtroom.

Red Hook Community Justice Center is different from most courtrooms because jail and prison are no longer the first, last, or only options.

Instead Calabrese works with professionals to offer mental health treatment, drug rehab, community restoration projects (sweeping, painting over graffiti), and even support groups. There are also social workers on staff to help offenders find and access appropriate resources like GED classes and therapy.


This isn't just a job for Calabrese; it's a chance to improve lives and better the community.

"We give people the opportunity to do the work, but they're the ones that have to do the work," Calabrese told Upworthy. "And then I get to see the power of the human spirit in the courtroom because it's amazing how far people can come back and get themselves to a place where they're addressing their needs."

And the center is more than courthouse. It's a hub for community involvement. Residents can access housing resources, take classes and workshops, get information about community service projects, and attend community events.

The Community Justice Center, along with improved transportation and economic and commercial revitalization, have helped Red Hook, a neighborhood once dubbed "the crack capital of America," turn a real corner.

And many former offenders, including Pauline Nevins, have made the most of their second chance.

She completed treatment and became a drug counselor.

And she's stayed close with the judge who got her on the right track.

"Pauline is an amazing person," Calabrese said. "And I've always told her that she's in the best position to tell other people what they need to do, and to understand how difficult it is, because she's been there."

The unlikely friends even took a selfie together.

It sits at her mother's house. The same mother who used to fear every late-night phone call now talks to her daughter all the time — the same mother who beams with pride when she thinks of how far her daughter has come.

Because programs like this don't just save daughters. They save fathers, grandkids, neighbors, friends, families, and entire communities. They give everyone another shot.

See Nevins and Calabrese's story in this inspiring Upworthy Original:

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